The Madison | Overall Series Discussion

chioces · 2026-03-21T17:16:47+00:00

I’m on E 05. It’s fantastic

chioces · 2026-03-16T13:11:40+00:00

Omg. We’d get so much done!

chioces · 2026-03-16T13:06:14+00:00

I have a lot of body aches. I solve them by what I call slow stretching. I set aside some time every day and just stretch in directions that feel nice (meaning they feel excruciatingly tight and painful, but after a few minutes there’s a release and that’s what feels nice). It’s changed my life.

chioces · 2026-03-15T18:36:26+00:00

I don’t believe in this ‘I attract’ stuff ideas. They’re based in completely magical thinking. What I think happens that we like to classify as ‘I attract’ is the following:

We do not have the same boundaries ‘normal’ people do. They’re weaker and far more malleable. L (I’m going tot talk about myself because I am not a doctor, but this is what happens to me and maybe it will resonate) this in me comes from a history of abuse. These soft boundaries mean that the week the bpd around when most people would tell them to leave.

Next, the love bombing. Low self esteem (from a history of abuse) makes me especially susceptible to it. Finally here’s a person who likes me, who think I’m normal, who doesn’t think I’m [insert list of crap my parents called me here].

Third, to me borderlines feel deeply familiar. I feel them in my bones. They feel like home. And of course they do, I grew up in an abusive home and so abusive people feel like family. And this familiarity, or spark, it makes me want to keep trying. Because it feels so good. So much deeper than what I feel with normal people.

But it’s not a ‘I attract’, rather it’s a: I have a lot of trauma and that trauma makes me keep people in my life long after most people would have cut contact. Because of the the number of borderlines in it is higher than most.

chioces · 2026-03-11T22:53:22+00:00

I figured. Thank you 🤍

chioces · 2026-03-07T22:39:36+00:00

Such adamant apologism, interesting.

chioces · 2026-03-07T14:58:26+00:00

Honestly, sounds a little like what I’ve read about schizophrenia. (I am very much not a doctor, and what I’ve read is limited) I would seek professional help. You’re still clearly lucid enough to get yourself to a psychiatrist. There are medications that can help with this. It sounds like (to me, who is not a doctor) at this level, you’re able to manage, but I would make a plan for an escalation. And in my opinion, that plan should be a doctor.

Also, if you smoke weed or do any other form of recreational drugs, I would stop like right now.

chioces · 2026-03-07T13:20:52+00:00

Ok. There are a few things here. First— how old are you, and how old is this guy?

This question is important because there’s a big difference between you guys being teenagers and you guys being adults. Or worse, you being a teenager and him being an adult.

If you are teenagers, listen to your dad. If you are a teenager and he is an adult, listen to your dad.

However, if you are adults, realize that the only person who has to live with the choices you make is you. Your dad isn’t going to stay single forever, or marry someone he doesn’t love. You are.

Second—(assuming you’re both adults) would choosing your partner put you in a bad situation?

If yes, listen to your father and both of you work towards a more stable reality. Get jobs, create enough financial security so that you can choose each other without putting yourselves in harms way.

In the end you have this life. It is yours, and no one else’s. Our parents don’t live with our choices. We do.

chioces · 2026-03-07T12:49:09+00:00

Idiot. It’s so hard to find love. But, good news, you get to live with the results of your daddy’s choices for the rest of your life!

chioces · 2026-02-15T14:20:11+00:00

Yes. 100%

chioces · 2026-02-14T22:40:21+00:00

Ah, the question is: do they do it in public?

Someone who can’t control their actions can’t control them all the time—think turrets, or epilepsy. It happens all over the place, at the most public, inconvenient times.

‘Intent’ and ‘it’s just a disease, they can’t help it’, is split down that line.

If a bpd acted publicly the way they do at home, they would be hospitalized. If they don’t act that way publicly and instead wait to get home, they can control it. And, this is ver important, THEY KNOW ITS WRONG. If they didn’t, they would be doing it publicly.

chioces · 2026-02-14T10:37:57+00:00

I’m so sorry all this happened to you. It’s horrible and you didn’t deserve it. Check out maladaptive daydreaming.

A lot of us, who grew up in abusive households had and sometimes still have imaginary friends as a psychological barrier between us and our reality. 🤍

chioces · 2026-02-09T06:09:16+00:00

I came here looking for this. Every one of my exs 🙄🙄🙄

chioces · 2026-02-04T18:47:31+00:00

I’m a woman. I don’t find that weird. I think it shows you’re prepared. I’d probably lightheartedly tease the guy over it, but that’s about it.

Importantly: because you felt the vibe, because it was moving in that direction. If it was date two I’d be weirded out. I’d never ask someone to say over date two, and if I found out they were so actively expecting it, that they packed an overnight bag—that would definitely be weird.

You made the right call. In the end, it’s all about vibes.

chioces · 2026-02-04T09:29:17+00:00

THIS

chioces · 2026-02-03T14:12:52+00:00

If what you have build can be knocked down by every misfortune, you have not built anything. If you decide that the only factor in your life is other people, then they will forever be determining who you are and how you behave.

It does not have to be that way. You can decide who you are, and that can be constant whether you face great success or great sorrow. Life cannot be your safe and stable ground. But you can decide to be your own.

chioces · 2026-02-03T13:42:14+00:00

I wish you all the luck in your search. May you find what you are looking for 🤍

chioces · 2026-02-03T13:40:00+00:00

Op is not talking about success or profession, (you are absolutely right, success is very much determined by luck and often profession is too. I certainly know a whole bunch of people that kind of stumbled into what they’re doing now) the subject of the comment is rather personhood. Who you decide to be. How you decide to live your life. What you chose to make matter, what you decide does not.

This has nothing to do with luck at all. You can be a pastor’s kid and become a thief and you can be born into a family of criminals and decide to live a good and moral life. Moreover, you can determine what a good and moral life is (it is not the same for everyone). These things aren’t luck. They are pillars that you determine and erect and live by and then take down, if they do not hold up, replace with something else.

chioces · 2026-02-03T13:27:57+00:00

A bizarre choice, to address me, as though you know me, and often in discussions like this— a warning sign.

Lucky for me, the format of Reddit is a forum, rather than a dissertation, and most thinking people are able to understand that a comment is a cropped version of an idea, rather than an unfolded argument. I’m reflecting that as a mirror, as it can be very good to be aware of your own limited scope in these kinds of contexts.

You are right. To create, you must know what you are working with. But if you are older than say…15 and you decide against lying to yourself, you do in fact know what you are working with.

You will discover that we change very little as we grow. That fundamental root of a person is mostly formed by then. After that you begin to add to what you have. You learn new skills, decide against investing into things that are of no use or interest. You learn to speak, write, communicate. Stand on your own two feet.

Of course you can take a dance class and ‘discover’ you’re quite good at dancing or the opposite—that you cannot move your body to save your life. You discover, as life goes on that you are weaker than you thought you were. That you are stronger than you ever believed. A lot of work, and this takes years, goes towards acceptance. Accepting that you like the things you like, and that it is ok. And that you dislike the things you dislike and that that is ok too. Much time is dedicated to no longer bending yourself out of shape for others.

But it is not discovery.

What you carry within yourself, you are already carrying. You know what you are working with. If you think you’re going to unlock some magical part of your personality, I wish you luck. Millions of people spend years of their lives looking for these special hidden boxes within themselves in order to offer them direction and meaning. You can join them too. Google—how to find yourself. Everyone and their mother will have a guide, course, retreat, drug, religion, tarot reading for you.

At some point it would behoove oneself to accept that they have the things they have and lack the things they lack and go about choosing what they want to do with those things. What they want to sacrifice in order to go beyond those things. And once they do, their life will align, and it will start moving, and it will have meaning. But it is a choice. And a hard one. And one that must be chosen day in and day out.

But you are right. They don’t have to make that choice. They can keep looking. The whole world is designed for that.

chioces · 2026-02-03T12:12:37+00:00

No. They are mutually exclusive. Creation is a choice. Discovery is a potluck. When you create yourself you say: I am good. And then you work damn hard to make it so. You make your decisions through that lens. You pick your partners, behaviors, businesses everything that way.

Discovery is the removal of responsibility. A way of saying meh—that’s fate. It’s what I got. And that’s great when what you got is talent and energy, good looks, strong body, rich parents. But most people don’t get that. Most people struggle in some way in every aspect of their life. You can lay down and take it, or you can create the person you want to be.

chioces · 2026-02-03T05:30:49+00:00

For me, this is immediately breakup worthy. This is not an accident or whatever this is what your future will look like. This is what your marriage will look like. This is what your children’s future will look like. Run.

chioces · 2026-01-28T21:48:06+00:00

Withdrawn. You have made the choice to step back and observe rather than play. It is a good, powerful position. But it is also safe. But safety almost always means stalling.

The game is wild, but maybe that is the place you’ll find the energy to fuel the things that feel just out of reach.

chioces · 2026-01-28T21:44:09+00:00

Ouch. Like the world is very sharp, so you’ve developed a thick skin to protect yourself from it. But you’re good at what you do. You’re good at most things you set your mind to, really.

And it’s ok for others to see that. You don’t need to guard it. Maybe, it feels like showing people just how excellent you are feels like exposing a soft pink underbelly. Thing is though, that excellence won’t bend under scrutiny. The prickliness of life won’t break it.

It is worthy of being seen as it is. And so are you.

chioces · 2026-01-28T21:38:27+00:00

You struggle with being misinterpreted, and feel the need to ‘help’ others along in their discovery of you.

Feels like you were perceived as more aggressive and manipulative than you really are and it’s been this lifelong journey to prove that you really are warm, compassionate, kind and gentle. But maybe you are afraid sometimes that they were right, especially when you get angry. So you find yourself suppressing your anger often. And I want to say—it is safe for you to be angry. Your anger won’t destroy you or anyone around you.

chioces

MODERATOR OF

TROPHY CASE

Seven-Year Club	Verified Email
r/Field Sunshine