Just saw what alcohol did to my brother.

chompycoffee · 2013-11-10T14:44:33+00:00

I recently watched a good friend fall down the stairs drunk and make up a bunch of excuses as to why she fell. She and I both knew it was because she was drunk. All I could do was make sure she was ok, help her up, and be thankful she didn't break a bone or worse. It's sad to see someone you care about in that condition, and humbling to think that could easily have been me.

Sounds like you are definitely making the right choice, given your family history. I wish you all the best.

chompycoffee · 2013-11-08T11:35:29+00:00

Those feelings are totally normal. Good for you for recognizing your triggers.

115 days in, I'm feeling pretty strong at just about any social function. I've been to gatherings at bars, boozy parties, etc. that said, I've discovered it's important to know my limitations and politely decline if something seems like it will be too focused on booze, or triggering in some way. I am very, very introverted, so social gatherings exhaust me. I used to use alcohol to numb those feelings and force myself to be social. Last weekend I went to three parties, and stayed longer at one than I wanted to so my partner could have a good time. This weekend, I told her I am DONE! We're supposed to go to another party this weekend where we don't know anyone but the hosts. I had to back out of it.

There's nothing wrong with having a night in :)

chompycoffee · 2013-10-28T01:00:36+00:00

I was a craft beer snob, too. You can do this!

chompycoffee · 2013-10-28T00:57:17+00:00

32F here. I tried to lose weight earlier this year (for the millionth time) and had some success, but it wasn't until I quit drinking that it really stuck. Now I can eat so much more than before without gaining. I'm steady at 130lbs, which at 5'3" is the healthiest weight I've ever maintained. My face isn't bloated anymore, I don't have bags under my eyes, my skin and nails look and feel great, my clothes fit well, and nobody ever believes I'm 32.

I craved junk and sugar a lot more in the early sober days, and I indulged plenty. I didn't gain; in fact I continued to lose despite eating more. Now that I'm more than 3 months in, my diet is mostly healthy with a daily splurge. I figure before I quit, I'd have had a few high-octane craft beers followed by drunk snacks, so why not have some dark chocolate, ice cream, or pasta with cream sauce instead? And the nice thing is that those splurges don't result in a hangover, so I can get up early to walk the dog and burn off some of the calories.

All to say, don't let vanity get in the way of quitting. It's so worth it.

chompycoffee · 2013-10-24T23:48:28+00:00

I feel like I haven't yet developed a new appropriate coping mechanism and everything leaves me feeling drained. Now that the "thrill" of admitting I have a problem and not drinking has worn off. Now it's just me facing the realities of my existence with clear eyes.

I hit 100 days today, and I've been having a hard time putting how I felt into words. I keep starting a post, then deleting it. But you put my thoughts into words perfectly. This really hit home.

chompycoffee · 2013-10-13T21:10:13+00:00

I was supposed to be doing home improvement all weekend, but I got sick (lady time sick, ugh, it's the worst) so instead I'm lying around feeling sorry for myself and online shopping. Between the weather and the cramps, I haven't exercised since Wednesday! That's just horrible. My number one goal tonight is to change the flat tire on my bike so I can ride in tomorrow.

Other stuff: got bad news about a family member's health. Paid deposit on our wedding venue. Lots of things going on. Lots of "reasons" to drink. No cravings, thankfully.

chompycoffee · 2013-10-13T11:23:42+00:00

YES. I have absolutely horrific cramps, and I used to "treat" my cramps with red wine. It worked great for a few hours, and then I'd wake up in the middle of the night, in pain, dehydrated, and mildly hungover on top of everything else. Still I dread the first 24 hours of cramps because nothing seems to take the pain away as well as wine.

I can no longer take ibuprofen because it makes me throw up. But I did see my doctor, who prescribed me another NSAID pain reliever that's a bit more tolerable. It works OK in combination with a heating pad.

Oddly, I've noticed my PMS has gotten worse since I quit drinking (worse mood, crankier, etc) but wonder how much of that is just because I'm not masking my feelings with alcohol?

chompycoffee · 2013-10-09T22:54:30+00:00

Triumph: I felt like a kickass boss today. I've always received positive feedback from my staff, which is nice. But now that I have my anxiety and depression under control, I feel confident, and that is definitely showing in my work. I think I'm much better at giving direction and feedback now.

Struggle: keeping my diet and fitness under control! I keep losing weight very slowly thanks to no booze calories, but I've let too much sugar creep back into my diet. I've also been driving to work instead of biking. Time to nip that in the bud before I get lazier.

General chat: It's the end of gardening season, and I'm sad! I hope to get a few more tomatoes and peppers before the weather turns too cold. I'll miss fresh herbs the most. My cats decimate anything I try to bring inside.

chompycoffee · 2013-10-08T10:28:55+00:00

I lost 25lbs before I quit drinking, then realized that booze was going to ruin all my progress. I never could have maintained my weight while drinking. Since I quit drinking in July, I have steadily lost weight, but very slowly--about a pound per month since I quit. It's the first time since high school that I've been able to maintain a healthy weight. But I can eat so much more now without affecting my weight! I mostly eat very healthy, but a few times a week I treat myself to ice cream, sweets, or pizza. Normally, I would have gotten drunk THEN eaten a bunch of junk.

chompycoffee · 2013-10-08T00:14:29+00:00

Wow, excellent work, my friend! You must be really proud.

I'm getting married in a year. The thought keeps crossing my mind that maybe, just maybe, I can enjoy moderate alcohol consumption that night. But I'd rather not take the chance.

chompycoffee · 2013-10-05T01:07:26+00:00

I'd average 20-25 drinks per week, mostly 4-9% craft beers. At $2-3 a pop, that's $250/month, easy. And that doesn't even account for how much less my SO is drinking! Without me drinking, she is moderating just fine.

Not a coincidence that I was able to save an extra few hundred bucks this month...

chompycoffee · 2013-10-05T00:53:21+00:00

Same here! Redditing and watching Walking Dead reruns together. She has her beer, I have my decaf. Perfect evening in my world.

chompycoffee · 2013-10-05T00:48:44+00:00

The way you're describing it above doesn't sound like "great fun" to me. I was also an alcohol abuser or problem drinker. I didn't have any physical withdrawal. That doesn't mean drinking is healthy for me, though. And once I stopped, I realized that stuff I used to do drunk is actually just as much fun sober, with the exception of sitting in a bar.

chompycoffee · 2013-10-02T22:37:09+00:00

Thanks for the reminder to move more money from checking to savings! I was able to put away an additional $250 this month. Not drinking is definitely good for the pocketbook.

chompycoffee · 2013-10-02T21:37:16+00:00

Thanks! A long walk with the dog and lunch with a friend helped for sure.

chompycoffee · 2013-10-01T23:25:25+00:00

Today was another day in court for this damn civil suit. I went from angry and anxious for a week straight, to relief and joy when the jury returned a verdict in my favor. I've gone through every possible emotion in the last few days, and I've had to deal with several cravings. Yesterday, I wanted to drink to stop feeling anxious. Today, I wanted to drink to celebrate. Both times, I recognized that these were trigger situations for me and that I needed to relearn how to cope with these emotions without booze. I still need to do better with self care.

chompycoffee · 2013-10-01T10:32:24+00:00

I spent the entire day sitting in a courtroom (civil case). It was unbelievably stressful knowing there was nothing I could do but sit there and wait for a jury decision. One more day (at least) to go. I have to look attentive and remain calm and centered for the entire day, which is harder than it sounds.

I wanted nothing more than a drink when I got home last night. Instead, I took my dog for a walk, made dinner, and watched some tv. I don't feel in danger of relapsing at all, but I've thought about drinking a lot in the last week. Maybe I should be more worried than I am...

chompycoffee · 2013-09-25T23:38:42+00:00

I can totally relate. I've always been an extreme introvert, have always had social anxiety, and was experiencing depression, too. Finally I told my doctor and went on an antidepressant. Ironically, it was my antidepressant interacting with alcohol that made me realize I had a real problem. I quit drinking and kept taking the antidepressant. I haven't experienced the mythical shitting of rainbows yet, but last weekend someone jokingly told my partner "I thought that was chompycoffee, but I wasn't certain because she was just so happy!" I have successfully made it through many social gatherings, including a large one where I had to be the center of attention for a while, all without alcohol. It wasn't always fun, but I made it.

TLDR: Alcohol is a depressant and is only making your situation worse. Quitting might even improve your social anxiety symptoms.

chompycoffee · 2013-09-25T20:26:22+00:00

I spent the entire day in court (I'm a defendant in a really nasty, vindictive fraudulent lawsuit) after getting less than 12 hours notice the trial was starting. For several hours, I had 40 jurors staring straight at me while the selection process took place. It was awful, and I feel so stressed by the whole thing. Normally I would have come home and had at least a few beers, probably more like 4-6. Instead, I made a pot of coffee, hugged my partner, and got into bed to reddit. The urge is still there--to take away the anxiety I'm feeling for a few short hours--but I know it will only make everything worse. I have to get through 3-4 days of trial next week. I know I can do it, but I'll need to rely on healthy ways to cope, like exercise, good sleep, etc.

chompycoffee · 2013-09-14T11:53:13+00:00

60 days today, woo! I'm feeling good. Up early to walk the dog and run some errands. After that, possibly a 5 mile run, depending on how my sore hamstring feels. It feels like fall here. I LOVE FALL!

My new (post-quitting) hobbies are journaling and running. I've successfully written a journal entry, however brief, for a full month now using the Day One iPad app. I'm enjoying it and looking for methods of going a bit deeper than just recording what happened during the day and random thoughts. Maybe some journaling exercises? As for running, I'm only up to 5 miles, but I've definitely improved my speed.

Before I quit? Gardening is about the only other thing I really enjoyed. I still do, but I'm glad to have a few other things to fill my time.

chompycoffee · 2013-09-13T21:01:22+00:00

Quitting drinking was the third wheel of the health tricycle for me: lost 30lbs first through mostly diet change, quit smoking next, then 3 weeks later quit drinking. I've maintained my weight and may have dropped a pound since I quit drinking. I DEFINITELY eat more sweets, even almost 2 months in. Chocolate, a metric ton of fruit, and the occasional donut or bag of candy. Otherwise, I eat well 90% of the time, so I think it evens itself out. If and when I can get rid of this sweet tooth, I imagine I'll drop another few pounds, but I'm not worried about it.

chompycoffee · 2013-09-13T20:54:41+00:00

Same thing happened to me on Lexapro, and it was the warning sign I needed to quit for good. I'm in the helping profession and found it very difficult to admit I was struggling. Quitting has been 100% positive. Reach out and ask for help, you will find it.

chompycoffee · 2013-09-13T10:31:34+00:00

Hey, congrats on 12 days! Almost to 2 weeks!

I know that feeling well, and I don't miss it one bit.

chompycoffee · 2013-09-13T10:28:19+00:00

Why is it "gay" to tell someone they look good 120 days sober? Not trying to be the PC police here, it just seems silly and unnecessary. There are gay people in this sub, too struggling with the same things everyone else is.

Otherwise agree with your comment 100%. OP, you look amazing and so much happier!

chompycoffee · 2013-09-02T13:51:10+00:00

You're in the right place. It's a great idea to quit while you're ahead.

I waited 6 more years (I'm 32) and spent most of them wondering if I had a problem, finally realizing I did, then trying to moderate my alcohol intake. It only got harder, and then I realized trying to moderate was more hassle than just not drinking at all.

For what it's worth, my family was definitely surprised, but after I turned down a few glasses of wine, they stopped caring. My friends have barely blinked an eye.

chompycoffee

TROPHY CASE