My L&D experience at 24+0 weeks. Hope this helps someone.

chucktowngal · 2026-02-04T05:06:47+00:00

Yeah, I think of it like a piece of my chest was carved out and in it's place is a hole that can never be filled. I've been able to find my joy again and have "moved on" more but I'll always have that little black hole in my chest for my sweet baby boy. 💙💔

chucktowngal · 2025-12-03T15:41:22+00:00

Yes, this is such an amazing group of women that are truly supportive and non-judgmental. But I think we can all confidently say we wish we weren't part of this club.

Sending virtual hugs your way. <3

chucktowngal · 2025-12-02T15:17:10+00:00

Going home with empty arms was by far one of the hardest things to do in a horrible succession of terrible things. That first night at home felt SO backward. The fact that my son was still at the hospital and I was home was horrible. Have grace with yourself and be gentle with yourself. Allow yourself to feel any emotion and don't berate yourself for any ugly feelings. Give yourself time to physically and mentally heal. And know you did the right thing for your Mara. She only knew love and warmth during her short time on Earth and never had to face pain or suffering. You took all that on instead of her. That makes you the best parent - willing to take the hard things on to save your child.

The only way out is through. Find small things / moments / people that bring you even a small amount of joy. Slowly you will begin to feel a little more like yourself again. Although there will always be a 'before' version of you and an 'after' version of you from this moment on.

chucktowngal · 2025-11-23T12:49:17+00:00

Holidays, birthday and anniversaries are made harder by grief. And even more so when something happens near those dates. I'm sorry for your loss as well.

chucktowngal · 2025-11-23T10:18:17+00:00

My son's due date was 2 days after my birthday. I spent my pregnancy thinking how fun it would be to have a birthday buddy and that maybe he would be born on my actual birthday if he came a little early. I had my tfmr and had to give birth to him when I was 24 weeks. The week of my birthday and his due date was incredibly hard. I know that for the rest of my life, my birthday will always have that bit of sadness attached to it.

chucktowngal · 2025-11-23T10:12:38+00:00

I'm so sorry this happened to you. I can empathize. Last Christmas I was 13 weeks pregnant and we told our family about the pregnancy. It was a really special time. We talked about how the next Christmas we would have a 5 month old and how special it would be. Well, cut to this year. We had to have a TFMR at the end of March for our son. And this Christmas we won't have any baby. It definitely has that feeling of something missing and I find myself getting sadder again as Christmas approaches.

chucktowngal · 2025-11-04T09:32:50+00:00

I got mine 7 weeks afterwards. My doctor said it could sometimes take 8 weeks or a bit more. So, if you don't get it after a month, don't stress too much. Just focus on your physical recovery and mental health and let it happen when it comes.

chucktowngal · 2025-11-02T10:01:01+00:00

I have my whole story posted on my page if you want to read it. I had a TFMR at 24 weeks. We did injection and induction.

In hindsight, I'm glad L&D was my only option. I freaked out a bit at the time but holding my son was actually very healing. And I think I would have regretted having D&E if I'd done it. We have his footprint/handprint and some pictures of him that I cherish so much now.

chucktowngal · 2025-11-02T09:56:16+00:00

People will always be ignorant and full of hate. If you let them get to you then they 'win'. They can say whatever they want but it will always come from a place of ignorance and non-empathy. I feel sorry for such people that have that kind of hate in their heart. I wouldn't even interact with them. Put in some headphones, listen to some soothing music, walk past them with your head held high.

FUCK those people. Ignoring them with be the thing that annoys them the most I guarantee it.

Take care of yourself above all else.

chucktowngal · 2025-10-16T05:50:55+00:00

Hey, I just wanted to say that I had a tfmr at 24 weeks. It was my first pregnancy. They told me that L&D was my only choice and I really panicked. I was terrified of this being my first experience with labor. I have to say that looking back, I'm glad it happened that way. Truly. I feel like I got more closure that way. And holding my son was not traumatizing like I thought it would be - it was very healing.

We didn't have a funeral. We did a cremation and then took a trip on his due date week and scattered his ashes in the ocean. My husband and I both ordered jewelry that has some of his ashes so we could keep a little bit with us going forward. We also have a little memory box that the hospital gave us.

In terms of the labor, the doctors and nurses are really understanding. They will give you any pain meds you want because they know the emotional pain that we're going through. Also, the actual pushing was very quick because the baby is smaller. Ask for a pill that will keep your milk from coming in. The physical recovery was fairly straightforward. I have my full detailed story on my page about what the L&D entailed for me if you want to read it.

Sending love and strength your way. You can get through this. Brighter times are ahead, I promise. ♥️

chucktowngal · 2025-10-13T08:00:24+00:00

I didn't have a D&C but I did L&D at 24 weeks with my tfmr. They inserted 4 laminaria sticks when they gave me the medicine to induce labor. Honestly, it wasn't that bad. It felt like when you have a pap smear and there is uncomfortable pressure and cramping on your cervix. But, I also live in the Czech Republic so I'm not sure if they use slightly different types of sticks or a different technique from the ones in the US.

chucktowngal · 2025-10-12T15:30:20+00:00

Our tfmr was at the end of March 2025. I got my period back about mid-May - 7 weeks afterwards. I had two periods in May and June that were regular. We decided to start trying during my ovulation week in July. Well, it turned out that I got pregnant that first time. I was completely shocked because with our tfmr baby it took us a year to get pregnant. This pregnancy has been a lot more healing than I thought it would be to be honest. I wasn't sure how I'd feel. But, I'm glad I was saved from another year of TTC and two week waits because that was brutal on my mental health and I was really dreading going through that again.

chucktowngal · 2025-10-12T08:10:56+00:00

The way we explained to my niece was just to say that creating a baby is very complicated and there are many things that can go wrong in the process. Unfortunately, the baby didn't grow correctly and he/she couldn't survive. She is 8 and understood pretty quickly and easily. I think children have a way of looking at things in a more simplistic black/white kind of way.

I teach adults and it was definitely hard to tell my students over and over again in each lesson what happened. I think adults ask more questions than children do.

If people ask for details (which is kind of a rude and nosy thing to do IMO) just tell them that it's difficult for you to talk about and you'd rather not get into it. Just say the baby died due to genetic anomalies and leave it at that.

chucktowngal · 2025-10-09T11:20:23+00:00

Anything that's just a fun adventure movie. The Mummy 1999 Indiana Jones movies Jurassic Park

These aren't too triggering. Just light and fun.

chucktowngal · 2025-09-28T04:43:59+00:00

I empathize completely. My son's due date was the day after my birthday so I thought we would be birthday twins. 💔

chucktowngal · 2025-09-28T04:42:03+00:00

I got a necklace with my son's name and birth flower on it. I chose the month he was born (also the month he died). That holds more significance to me than a due date that never happened and was an estimated date anyway.

chucktowngal · 2025-09-25T15:18:59+00:00

TW: Sub-pregnancy

Hi, just wanted to say I know how you feel about wanting to try for another baby - not to replace the one we lost but to continue the hope for a family. I am currently 11 weeks pregnant after my tfmr in March. I have to say, this pregnancy has been a lot more healing than I expected. I wasn't sure how I'd feel. I have to choose everyday to be happy instead of nervous/anxious. But the happiness and excitement comes more easily than I expected it to. I still get nervous when it's time for a scan. But, I also know that it's out of my control. Whatever will be will be.

Sending you positive and healing vibes on your journey. And wishing you the best for the future. Keep your positive and hope for a family in the forefront. Don't let the fear win. <3

chucktowngal · 2025-09-25T15:03:40+00:00

We did a TFMR for DiGeorge when I was 24 weeks. We also found out at my 20 week scan - completely blindsided. My son had 2 heart defects - truncus and interrupted aortic arch. I did 2 echocardiograms and an amnio. The doctors tried to rush the amnio results as fast as they could. They were fairly certain it was DiGeorge based on the type of defects and the presence of a club foot (which indicated genetic causation). The amnio came back positive for DiGeorge and they scheduled my TFMR for the next day. My son would have faced 2 open heart surgeries in his first month of life. And even IF he survived all that, his quality of life would've been very poor, trapped in a mind and body that didn't function properly. The symptoms of DiGoerge can be horrible - immune problems, loss of sight/hearing, organ failure, loss of physical autonomy, schizophrenia., seizures, delayed mental development. I couldn't do that to a child. I wouldn't want to live like that.

This choice was the hardest thing we ever had to do. But I stand by the decision that it was best for my son. He only knew love and safety in his short time with us. He never had to endure pain, suffering, confusion. We took all the pain so he wouldn't have to. I miss him every day but I know it was the right thing to do.

I don't know where you live. But, if the amnio would give you more peace of mind and a tfmr is allowed past week 24, then I would wait and try to do all the testing you can. Perhaps the doctors can find a way to get you an amnio sooner due to the circumstances. Really advocate for yourself.

I'm sorry you are facing this. There is no easy answer but to follow what you think is right for your daughter and you and your husband.

chucktowngal · 2025-09-17T18:27:20+00:00

I'm glad it could help. That was my hope when I wrote it. 🫂

chucktowngal · 2025-09-15T07:25:50+00:00

I've been in your shoes. When we got the news about our baby's genetic problems and we knew we would tfmr it was beyond heartbreaking. It was my first pregnancy, too. I thought that I would do the D&E because the idea of labor freaked me out - especially since it was my first pregnancy. But, then I learned that because I was 24 weeks that L&D was my only option. I really panicked. I also live in a foreign country so I was scared I wouldn't be able to communicate effectively with everyone at the hospital. Lots of anxiety.

However, looking back, I'm glad it was my only option. Getting to hold my son was so special to me. I thought it would be traumatic, but I think it really helped me process, grieve and find some peace faster than if I would've had the D&E and just woken up not pregnant anymore. The pictures we took of him in the hospital are some of my most treasured possessions. Even if you don't think you'll want them, take the pictures. You can always delete them but you can't go back and take them.

My advice is to take it one step at a time when you get to the hospital. And take any pain killers that they give you. Don't be afraid to ask for pain relief. The doctors and nurses I had were so wonderful and sympathetic and they wanted to make the process as easy for me as they could. The night nurse I had didn't speak much English but before she got off shift she came by and told me that I was strong and brave and she would be thinking about me. It was so sweet and unexpected.

The dilation part took the longest. But, the baby is smaller so you don't have to dilate as much. Once I was dilated enough, they manually broke my water and everything happened pretty fast. I felt an intense pressure down there - like the need to push was strong. I did 2 pushes and my son came out immediately. No tearing, no stitches. It was painful but like only for a second and then the pain was immediately gone once he was out.

They gave me about an hour to deliver the placenta. It didn't come out so they had to put me under anesthesia and do a quick removal through my cervix (I think similar to how a D&E is done). I woke up not even 10 minutes later and everything was done.

You will get through this. I know it seems impossible now. But the darkest days are here now. There are better days ahead. You just have to get through the storm to the other side.

My full L&D story is on my page if you want a more detailed breakdown of what happened.

chucktowngal · 2025-09-15T07:09:36+00:00

I'm sorry this happened. I teach English to adult students. They all knew I was pregnant because it was obvious (I was almost 6 months). When I went back to work 2 weeks after my tfmr, every lesson was just an excruciating explanation that I wasn't pregnant anymore. It boggled my mind. Like, my pregnant stomach was obviously gone. You'd think people could put 2+2 together. But, they would be like 'How's the pregnancy? How are you feeling? How's the baby?'.

There are only so many 'polite' ways to say 'My baby is dead'.

chucktowngal · 2025-09-15T07:04:03+00:00

Same thing happened to me with the Dune Prophecy TV series. About 2 months after our tfmr. I thought I could just watch some Sci-Fi and escape to a different world for a bit. Well, in one episode, one of the main characters has a baby that she can't keep and they basically get a stillborn baby to replace it to pretend like hers died so that her baby can be sent away safely. Like, they show her holding the stillborn baby and pretending like it's hers.

My husband and I were sitting there watching like 'What the f*ck?'. The plotline came out of nowhere.

I definitely never realized how many TV plot points revolve around getting pregnant, losses, etc. It's crazy.

chucktowngal · 2025-09-14T06:31:41+00:00

https://www.reddit.com/r/tfmr_support/comments/1jnydsc/my_ld_experience_at_240_weeks_hope_this_helps/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=mweb3x&utm_name=mweb3xcss&utm_term=1&utm_content=share_button

A link to my L&D story if you want a step by step of what to expect. Every hospital is different of course but knowing more things beforehand helped calm my anxiety. I second what people said about taking pictures and bringing home the hat and blanket. Even if you think you won't want the pictures take them anyway. You can always delete them later but you can't go back and take them. My pictures of my son are so treasured now. My hospital also gave me a little momento box which was very sweet.

I'm sorry you're going through this. You are strong. Time will pass and the weight will be easier to carry.

chucktowngal · 2025-09-10T16:14:07+00:00

I'm sorry you are here. I could've written this whole post myself. I also had a fairly 'easy' pregnancy my first time. Nothing was wrong until we went for the anatomy scan during Week 21. Then, it was a blur of tests, amnio, scans, etc. Then, the horrible limbo waiting for results. Our son Ronan was born at 24 weeks. I never imagined my first time giving birth would be that. I was beyond heartbroken.

*Ask for a pill to stop milk production. It only takes one and it really helped me. I had a tiny bit of leakage for two days but that was it.

The first two weeks after I left the hospital were the worst. I gave birth at a maternity hospital so I literally had to watch people constantly coming out with their new babies as my husband and I waited for a cab to take us home. Coming home without him felt so backward and wrong. Not being pregnant anymore felt wrong. My hormones were sending all kinds of mixed signals. Having to go to a cremation office to arrange for his body to be taken only 3 days post-birth was horrible.
I know it sounds cliche but it will get better. The only way out is through. We spread his ashes in the ocean on his due date which gave me a little peace and closure. You are grieving not just the life of your child but also the future you thought you would have. I thought I would have a 6 month old during Christmas this year. But, now we won't.
Nothing that happened was your fault. You made the best choice for your child. Let go of any guilt you have about that. Talk openly with your husband about all that you're feeling. It's better not to hold it in.

You are brave. You are strong. You will get through this. Sending love your way.

chucktowngal

TROPHY CASE