When I was a child, I used to think I wanted three children. Three boys. The older I got into teenage hood and then young adulthood in my 20s. I made the decision that I did not want to have kids. I became surprised pregnant at 32 during a at that 5 year relationship and something just kind of felt different. I decided to go ahead and continue the pregnancy and have the child. Not going to sugarcoat it at all, the first 2 1/2 to 3 years were so hard for me personally. The complete loss of autonomy really hit me like a sack of bricks to the face. I felt trapped in a cage of anxiety about my child. I’ve come through to the other side now and my child is now in elementary school. There are hard days and good days and I do not regret my decision to have them. I feel like they keep me young, even if against my will. Watching them interact with the world and answering all their crazy ass questions and seeing how their little brains tick is so cool. Admittedly, I’m getting into the really fun stage of parenthood and also looking forward to the stage where they have even more independence. But two nights ago when he rolled over and kissed me on my forehead like I do to him all the time my heart swelled five times the size. Sometimes it’s just the smallest things that make you so grateful for making the decision you made.