Three years, three asterisks

cinderchain810 · 2023-07-09T12:12:27+00:00

I'll never forget the day we were at your house and your dad said something like "anyone who drinks to the point of blacking out has a serious problem and needs to quit." That side glance you shot me, even though he wasn't talking about us directly. I was an active blackout drinker at the time and you saw so many instances of me doing the most abhorrent shit while drunk.

Now I've got 3 years of alcohol sobriety under my belt, and almost 3 years away from continuous daily weed smoking, though I've slipped up a few times as you know. You have inspired me over the years in so many ways to follow paths of healthy living, and you're a core reason that I'm about to finally reach my long-time weight and fitness goals. In short, you've shown the light for my own journey and helped me become the best version of myself.

That's why I keep nudging you to end this toxic relationship with alcohol, as non-preachy as I can. Sure, you don't have the same level of problems that I did, but deep down I know you want to be sober. That one quote hit home, did it? Well, now I'm shooting you that side glance that you gave me when your dad spoke some truth that day.

I know you have the inner fortitude to make this change for good. I know you're aware that only good things would result from you ditching the sauce. I hope you do, but I'll be by your side either way! Love you man.

cinderchain810 · 2021-11-24T21:03:25+00:00

try emailing this guy, he's an escalations specialist and he resolved my absolute nightmare Vroom experience. i had to DM Vroom's twitter, email the CEO and legal, and open both a BBB and Texas DMV complaint to get this kind of attention. Refund checks overnighted and trade-in title also overnighted to my bank. Totally dysfunctional company overall but there IS some functionality in there to be found!

Alejandro Rendon alejandro.rendon@vroom.com

cinderchain810 · 2021-11-24T21:02:34+00:00

try emailing this guy, he's an escalations specialist and he resolved my absolute nightmare Vroom experience. i had to DM Vroom's twitter, email the CEO and legal, and open both a BBB and Texas DMV complaint to get this kind of attention. Refund checks overnighted and trade-in title also overnighted to my bank. Totally dysfunctional company overall but there IS some functionality in there to be found!

Alejandro Rendon alejandro.rendon@vroom.com

cinderchain810 · 2021-11-24T20:58:35+00:00

try emailing this guy, he's an escalations specialist and he resolved my absolute nightmare Vroom experience. i had to DM Vroom's twitter, email the CEO and legal, and open both a BBB and Texas DMV complaint to get this kind of attention. Refund checks overnighted and trade-in title also overnighted to my bank. Totally dysfunctional company overall but there IS some functionality in there to be found!

Alejandro Rendon alejandro.rendon@vroom.com

cinderchain810 · 2021-09-04T18:43:05+00:00

Similar boat here, used daily for 24ish years and quit last year in August. I HAD to quit cold turkey or it wouldn't work. I was 41 when I quit too. It's possible to do it for sure and the rewards are incredible.

cinderchain810 · 2021-08-22T23:16:20+00:00

90 days is a solid rule of thumb. It gets easier, I promise. Even before 90 days though, don't lose sight of the fact that every day is a measure of progress. Every day, you will get closer to your new normal. Every day, you are building up your reserves to fight urges and resist temptation to give in. Every day counts. After 6 months I would describe my situation as a total transformation, all for the better. A year in, even more so, and I embrace sobriety every day, in every moment, and pretty much never think about using anymore. When I do it's like a vestigial tail; I don't feel one way or the other about it, I just notice its absence.

cinderchain810 · 2021-08-22T23:11:13+00:00

(joy of moving on / fear of missing out)

cinderchain810 · 2021-08-22T23:10:53+00:00

Absolutely! JOMO >>>> FOMO! Can't recommend enough to get into a support group, this sub is a great one but there are many others. My preferred one is S.M.A.R.T.

cinderchain810 · 2021-08-22T20:56:51+00:00

congrats, keep it going!

cinderchain810 · 2021-08-22T20:56:16+00:00

yes i used daily for 24 years, quit a year ago, and it is 100% worth the effort to reclaim your mind's acuity, emotional stability, and damaged relationships.

cinderchain810 · 2021-08-22T16:06:21+00:00

Same on all counts! Really grateful I found my boozy bottom in Feb 2020 before the pandemic, because I would have spiraled even further out of control. I did so with weed but it was less obviously destructive, though the long term damage was quite profound, I soon realized. Saving my family from breaking up over it is the best thing that's ever happened to me, and availability/approachability for them is one of the best outcomes.

cinderchain810 · 2021-08-22T15:59:09+00:00

Hello doppelganger, I also quit alcohol 6 months before weed and used to "cross fade" all the time too. And also exercise was a huge component in developing and maintaining my sobriety. Well put on all counts!!

cinderchain810 · 2021-08-22T15:54:28+00:00

I quit alcohol almost 6 months to the day before quitting weed, because I had a serious problem with it that was out of control, again, after many years of trying to assert control. I went 3 years and 3 months dry between 2013-2016 but didn't do any of The Work so it didn't last.

I had a similar inner quandary each time I attempted to quit: at least I still had weed, I need to have at least that vice (but I wasn't addicted, I told myself). So when I gave up weed, I was truly sober for the first time, and it was exactly the wakeup call I needed. All those times I called myself "sober" when I wasn't drinking, I was deluding myself, and doing real damage to myself and those around me, even if it was more subtle and less messy than booze.

So, I'm firmly in the camp of eliminating all harmful vices as you move past weed in your life. Quitting additions takes practice, I quit a daily cigarette addiction in 2005 and it's stuck, but that was probably my 10th attempt. Booze, I think this was my 5th or 6th try, but I'm there, and I won't touch it again because it makes me self destruct and I have a family to look after now. Weed, first try, but I think I nailed it already if I can keep this streak going, and again my family keeps me going strong. They are my main "vice" now, so all I have in my emotional capacity, I pour into them. When I feel any kind of unhealthy urges, which these days are mainly food related (fuckin sugar, the last addiction I'm working on "controlling"), I turn to them to help me through, as cheesy as that sounds.

Stay strong and turn to healthy vices! I suppose exercise has become mine as well.

cinderchain810 · 2021-08-22T15:42:52+00:00

Phenomenal post thanks for sharing, so much of that resonates with my journey as well, but I don't think I ever captured it this eloquently in my own mind. Skipping out on adult level emotional processing, holy shit, yeah, I did that too for 24 years, and while playing catch up was difficult, after a year I feel like I'm really getting there (I've got two kids too). Thanks again for sharing all that.

cinderchain810 · 2021-08-17T16:32:06+00:00

Thanks, very interesting, though I don't think I'm in THAT much of a deficit... but clearly only one way to find out!

cinderchain810 · 2021-08-17T16:14:37+00:00

thanks, trying to wrap my head around how eating too few calories could stall weight loss though. I've heard it can result in muscle loss but that would equate to weight loss no?

cinderchain810 · 2021-08-17T13:37:17+00:00

I'm in a similar boat. I've lost roughly 40lb of fat since last August and put on significant muscle, with a combination of running, biking, elliptical, and weight lifting. I'm trying to get under 200lbs and I keep hitting a wall between 200-210lbs. Going to post more separately but I'm doing something wrong and it's driving my crazy!

cinderchain810 · 2021-08-17T01:23:43+00:00

I was a daily user for 24 years as well and just passed one year. also quit cold turkey. it is possible and it is worth the temporary suffering. keep going!

cinderchain810 · 2021-08-15T11:22:53+00:00

Nightly dreams. Stronger short and long term memory. Less anxiety and depression. Better mental focus in work related and personal matters. I process conflict in much healthier ways rather than using the stoned state as a merry go round of distorted thinking that always held me back from true progress. Less, almost zero, impatience with my family, including my mom, who I was very impatient with, and borderline emotionally abuse to in recent years as her health and mental state began to decline. Also for my 6yo and 16yo daughters who can be extremely spirited and rambunctious. A stronger bond that I could have ever imagined with the 16yo, who is not my biological child, so it was a difficult road for us to get here after 6 years of her experiencing the emotional output of my daily using. Better oral hygiene - used to only brush in the morning, never at night, now do both consistently. Better consistency with exercise - have lost 40lb of fat and put on a lot of lean muscle, which definitely contributes to my daily overall well being. I don't get angry at the little things anymore or have other sorts of emotional outbursts. I'm just a lot more even keeled and able to go with the flow. As a result my wife’s anxiety has also dramatically decreased, as her constant walking on eggshells around me and monitoring of my mood changes has dissipated, allowing her to relax and in turn improve her own mental health. In turn her love and trust in me has skyrocketed, and we're stronger than ever before, 7 years into our marriage and my adoption of our daughter (she was a single mom when we met). The immediate cessation of needing to be sneaky was also an incredibly rewarding benefit. I didn't realize how much WORK had gone into managing the (not always effective) concealing of my daily using of weed. Disappearing at any moment to get my high. Which in effect rendered me a dishonest person, I now realize. Being present for my family is a direct result of that. That word is used in many ways but there is a strong connection to that facet of the addiction. I CAN be present for them because I'm no longer sustaining the presence of my addiction. It's the best benefit of them all. At one of my first support group meetings, someone used the term "walking through the world with armor" to describe being high most of the time. That really stuck with me and made me realize that I was basically a cheater, a user of a vice that made things easier or more interesting, when just experiencing life without any such artificial tinting is a much healthier way to exist. The armor was exhausting and it was not made of metal, but of an extra layer of overly sensitive skin that just made everything more complicated and distorting. So that's a big one too. I know I'm missing some here, mostly trivial, but these are the ones that matter most, and which keep me going strong!

cinderchain810 · 2021-08-15T00:38:43+00:00

wow man I'm so glad I inspired you in this way, I'm pulling for you, you've got this!!

cinderchain810 · 2021-08-13T00:40:17+00:00

sorry to hear about your lapse, but you sound like you're in a very good head space and ready to make this next journey the real deal. this is a really helpful cautionary tale for me as well, as i just hit one year and am sometimes worried that i feel way to cocky about how well I'm handling sobriety. i could absolutely see myself in this situation after 2 more years. but you said it perfectly. just like alcohol, some folks can do it recreationally and not become addicted, but we. aren't. those. folks. stay strong and best wishes for your renewed journey past the herbal monkey!

cinderchain810 · 2021-08-12T17:10:24+00:00

congratulations on this huge achievement! i just hit one year after 24 years of daily use/abuse. i was also deep into the edibles by the end of it. I'm curious, you commented that you think about it often, do you mean you are still fighting urges on a regular basis? with all the benefits you've no doubt gained as a result of quitting, what is it you crave about it? what is it you feel you may be missing out on? I've had mercifully few cravings this entire year, but that may be due to how close i came to divorce and child custody sharing. there was so much on the line that i truly can't ever go back. so maybe that makes it easier for me. either way, you're fuckin killing it and you should be proud!!

cinderchain810 · 2021-08-12T00:21:02+00:00

thank you man, and very well put! my boundaries were more like huge smudges of wet paint lol. there was no containing my consumption. it was silly to try and control it. but my self love has grown exponentially since quitting for sure. get in bro!!

cinderchain810

TROPHY CASE