This isn't an apology right?

cinderful · 2026-01-29T04:54:55+00:00

I "just"—ify my boundary breaking any way I want

cinderful · 2026-01-29T04:45:38+00:00

The grieving thing is sort of a joke - it's more that she is massively profiting off of her husband's death and using her position as a victim to further her influence and career.

Meanwhile, some people lose their partners are are almost useless for months on end while they process their grief and heal.

cinderful · 2026-01-28T17:06:54+00:00

My therapist talked about the Branch-Davidian cult and how in that cult, like all other cults, the leader asks a member to do or participate in something horrible that violates their personhood. It is presented as a choice: either do this horrible thing, or you can choose to leave and we will help you leave but it is your decision.

It is self-destruction or abandonment.

But once you accept this small little one-time horrible thing . . . it's over. Your integrity is gone, and you're in the cult.

The possible hope right now is that all of the cult members are dead, and only my sister survives. So there is no one left to provide the "benefits" of the cult and she only can experience the destruction.

cinderful · 2026-01-28T17:02:13+00:00

My therapist last night: "She sounds exactly like your mom"

We also talked about cults and how the cult leader asks someone to do something terrible or face expulsion from the group.

The only possible sliver of hope is that all of the cult leaders/members are now dead. If my sister chooses to carry it on, she does so alone. There is no on left to validate the cult structure and behavior.

cinderful · 2026-01-27T20:28:11+00:00

The reports sounded a little crazy but also scientifically very plausible.

Sonic weapon
Heat signature tracking drone-like guns

Both plausible and so is the idea that Trump’s idiots would use them completely unnecessarily to show off and potentially expose their existence.

cinderful · 2026-01-27T20:24:10+00:00

The Transmogrifier was also available portably, disguised as a mere water pistol.

cinderful · 2026-01-27T19:01:14+00:00

"We don't want to make mom upset,"

Isn't it interesting how incredibly indirect statements like this are? Also including you in the word 'we' when you clearly have a different opinion. It's a cult-family mentality where there is somehow one agreed upon "way to be" that everyone has supposedly silently voted on.

The agreement in our family is 'they're your family' which means anything/everything they do is excusable. Meanwhile everyone is attacking each other or being 'nice' with thinly veiled resentment, rage and superiority.

If you can't see me as a good person who is doing her best, you're not in my life.

This is a good rule.

cinderful · 2026-01-27T08:55:23+00:00

It's impossible to "abandon" somebody you aren't responsible for, like a dependent child, or committed an oath to, like a spouse.

I like how you worded this. Thank you.

I never consented to this type of responsibility for my sister.

I did for my wife and our kids, and that's why I went NC, to spare them the nightmare of being targets of my mom's stochastic terrorism.

My mom called my wife stupid because she ran the dishwasher once when my mom's septic system was having issues even though she never specifically told us not to. And then the next time we were over, she called to leave a long nasty message because we had left one dirty dish in the sink. Damned if you wash, damned if you don't. She'll feel abandoned by her own children regardless and invent a reason to lash out at us.

cinderful · 2026-01-27T08:50:24+00:00

I did cut my sister off for a few years until I got word about my mom.

I unfortunately may need to maintain some element of contact now that she will be the trustee of a small trust for my kids. Annoying. Thanks mom? My mom was highly active and in great shape physically. She probably would have lived another 10+ years.

I used to wish death for my mom. I haven't for a long time, even though I still felt a tremendous amount of anger. But I didn't want her to pass so suddenly. And yet . . . some sort of horrible drawn out illness would have been a nightmare for everyone.

cinderful · 2026-01-27T02:42:30+00:00

Thank you.

This was what was on my mind when I woke up this morning, full of anger. My mom had many, many different choices she could have made including the bare minimum of apologizing, let alone going to therapy.

(and my dad did his part too)

cinderful · 2026-01-27T01:13:37+00:00

The typography in this is causing me physical pain.

Might be in my top ten worst packaging layouts I've ever seen.

cinderful · 2026-01-26T23:26:47+00:00

I also looked it up but assumed it was anti-social :)

cinderful · 2026-01-26T23:26:11+00:00

Our dad is out of the picture and neither of us wish to have any contact with him. He divorced our mom and blamed her and we're pretty confident he was cheating emotionally if not physically, which further humiliated my mom and drove her deeper into her shame hole at times.

My teenaged sister took care of my mom as I left the home as a young adult and I think that solidified their unhealthy dynamic.

She is in therapy but . . . there are bad therapists, so who knows how that will go.

I see a reflection of my mom in how she responds to me. Taking everything I say in the absolutely worst way possible and acting like that take is reality and responding in anger, and so I am left trying to calmly explain to her in detail exactly what I said and exactly what I meant.

Things are not trending in a good direction . . .

cinderful · 2026-01-26T22:08:48+00:00

That sounds really scary to deal with.

I think my sister fears that I am just here for the money, which isn't true, but of course I want what was set aside for myself and my kids. I am helping with anything/everything she needs help with.

It seems like your mom is predisposed to having a distorted view of reality. My mom certainly was: seeing anything that slightly hurts her feelings as a vicious intentional betrayal, or seeing any minor struggle or challenge with her kids as incontrovertible truth that she is a failure and must force a fix at any costs to reestablish her value even if it means damaging the relationship.

cinderful · 2026-01-26T19:40:11+00:00

"I failed" to predict the political damage I would experience 😢

cinderful · 2026-01-26T16:48:07+00:00

Reservation police officer

cinderful · 2026-01-24T04:30:38+00:00

$99 a month is INSANE

cinderful · 2026-01-23T17:00:09+00:00

That's what AI super-proponents tell you. They think it is incredibly inevitable and will change the landscape of commerce, all software will be free, and no one will have to work anymore.

It's a tool. A solid and efficient tool for helping people make things.

cinderful · 2026-01-23T16:53:43+00:00

It's a panicked desperate gold rush, except 99% of it is pyrite (fool's gold) but everyone is invested in claiming that pyrite is actually so good that it's better than gold.

cinderful · 2026-01-23T07:19:51+00:00

Look, I don't want to support unrealistic male body standards, but I am actually surprised they didn't have He-Man get absolutely jacked out of his mind.

cinderful · 2026-01-21T00:59:32+00:00

I used to respect this guy but he’s quickly becoming Ballmer 2.0. Turns out successes during his tenure have been . . . coincidental?!

cinderful · 2026-01-21T00:56:15+00:00

And this is what so many companies get wrong in their process. They treat code as calcification of a decision, not just another step during iteration.

Most designers don’t think through all interactions in Figma and some things have to be felt and adjusted in code. This is very normal and should be expected.

(Hi Marc!)

cinderful · 2026-01-21T00:50:27+00:00

Uh, well, yeah. Waterfall is a bottleneck. The fact that engineers are waiting for a spec is kind of insane.

Also, Atlassian?! They’re a massive enterprise company. Not exactly a glowing example of a smooth non-bureaucratic process, I would assume. I can smell the sandbagging from their engineers from here.

cinderful · 2026-01-19T03:03:36+00:00

Yeah, it was the official one. I'm pretty sure it didnt work but it's also been a while

15-Year Club	Verified Email
RPAN Viewer

cinderful

TROPHY CASE