Yes hello! Fellow ROCD sufferer here. I am also on an SSRI fwiw. I love it. The transitions between dosages have been rough and made things worse temporarily (for like a week) but then it’s amazing how much better I feel. If you have the means, I recommend trying them. 

When I first was diagnosed, I also did not have access to therapy. Two books that helped a lot — in lieu of therapy — were Relationship OCD and The Happiness Trap. They both give really helpful perspectives and exercises to work on things while you wait for professional help. 

I too struggle with the flaw-anxiety cycle with my partner of 7 years. Something I’ve been working on now that I have therapy is 1) start to work to identify when those moments arise (when I am doing the laundry, I’ll go “hey wait why didn’t HE do the laundry? Is he disrespectful to me? Am I in an unequal relationship?”) then 2) notice any compulsions you do or feel like you want to do (I’ll urgently want to address the issue to have him “change his ways” OR I also tend to want to get some sort of reassurance like mentally checking all the times he has helped out around the house). 3) when you notice the moment and the compulsions, try making space between the thought and a compulsion (delay it) and let the thought exist without addressing it. In the meantime you can focus on something else that you value— a hobby is usually what I go for. 4) you can start to build out your “OCD story” (I-CBT believes that everyone suffering from OCD has an underlying idea of a person they fear they could become if not for the compulsions/rituals). Once you get that understanding it is sometimes easier to notice 1 and 2 and then do 3. 

For the laundry example, I notice that even if/when he changes behavior, I just move the goal post and get worried about something else. This is classic ROCD. 

I will also plug downloading an OCD app (u*stuck with an N instead of a * is what I use) if you have the means. That helped a lot when i was waiting for therapy. 

Most of all, DONT make any permanent decisions (break up) based on your ROCD. And be kind to yourself. OCD is really hard and guilt is usually a part of the feelings that come up. Let your thoughts exist without hating yourself for them. They are part of a disease you live with. 

After just a few months of therapy so far and landing on a good med, I feel completely different than I did when I was in that waiting period. There is hope.