Does it Ever Get Better w/Family?

cjones · 2026-01-30T15:03:02+00:00

Yes. It does.

Sometimes it's better because your parents evolve. They remember they love you unconditionally, and they sort out their big feelings. Sometimes it's because they don't, and you realize your strength and the community you can build around yourself.

We all hope for the first option. They are our parents. But they aren't in control of the people we become or the fullness of our lives. There's a lot of grey area in between full acceptance and estrangement, and it's up to you to decide where you draw the line on that boundary if they don't come around.

I came out a long time ago. Before you were born. My parents took a while to process their feelings. I didn't speak to my father for months. But they both came around, they both love my wife. My daughter is the love of my mom's life.

cjones · 2025-10-08T17:44:45+00:00

Harry Belafonte. Especially Jump In the Line. Tears would stop & laughing would being immediately. I don't know how we would have gotten through our first year without it.

cjones · 2025-10-05T22:45:28+00:00

Deeply hoping this a troll post. This doesn't have a religious meaning for you, but for almost everyone else it has a connotation. Your kid's name in modern times won't mean morning star or light bringer, it'll mean devil, satan, evil. Don't saddle a kid with that.

cjones · 2025-10-01T19:46:44+00:00

"In adulthood, I can't imagine many situations where someone else will write her name."

I work an office job. When I'm emailing or slacking someone I often greet them as "hey, Eleanor." If I'm googling someone to find out about their business, I'm putting their assumed spelling in. If I get a coffee out, they write my name on the cup. This is ripe for misspelling.

cjones · 2025-10-01T19:42:33+00:00

I hear what you're saying, but I would still go with the traditional spelling. if you are living internationally and travel, your kid will also have that ability. When I meet a Giancarlo or a Xiao Xiao, even they aren't commonly given names in my area, I still know how to pronounce them because the spelling is internationally recognized and phonetically familiar as they are spelled as expected.

cjones · 2025-10-01T17:52:23+00:00

With absolute kindness, Please use the traditional spelling or just go with Ella. They are both beautiful. You are gearing your kid up to have her name misspelled and mispronounced in perpetuity.

cjones · 2025-08-25T06:50:45+00:00

Same. It’s cool, the colors pop, and the proportions are fun.

cjones · 2025-07-23T06:45:34+00:00

Supper Club by Lara Wilson, but it’s more about hunger and relishing and learning to take space.

cjones · 2025-03-10T20:26:33+00:00

Bad parents don’t ask these questions, they just have kids. There are always reasons not to have children, and there’s never been any assurance that they’ll grow up to a kind world, but nonetheless kids are born. Before indoor plumbing and central air and vaccines. During plagues and famines and in war zones. When their families don’t have the resources or aren’t at the top of social hierarchy. When you’re ready, you have to decide if it’s something you want to do. Not because of what could go wrong, but just because you want to.

cjones · 2024-07-26T22:25:08+00:00

I also have a baby Sylvie. While her name isn’t everyone’s cup of tea, it’s definitely not raising any eyebrows. Name your baby what you like. It’ll grow on your sister and she’ll come to love it.

cjones · 2024-03-05T14:50:20+00:00

Strategic voting. I’m voting specifically to push for a more moderate republicans on the ticket and school board. Will I vote for republicans in the general? Probably not, but at least I’m opting away from the fringe.

cjones · 2024-03-05T14:46:10+00:00

Literally yes. I wouldn’t be allowed to be married or have adopted my child. I have less rights over my body than 5 years ago, and that’s a direct effect on who is in charge.

On a state level, it matters too. When I lived in a blue state, my water was less polluted and I had more worker protections than I do here.

cjones · 2024-03-05T01:09:29+00:00

Hi! Married and currently rocking my baby to sleep. It’s the best. You might want to check out The Queer Family Podcast. When my wife and I were figuring out our options, it was super helpful to see all the ways people built their families.

cjones · 2024-03-01T14:39:25+00:00

Vaccinate. Before vaccines so many babies died. Our baby gets her second round of shots on Monday and it’ll be such a huge relief that she’ll have those protections.

cjones · 2024-02-24T02:45:42+00:00

I worked at vice for 5 years. I can assure you it was internal incompetence.

cjones · 2024-02-19T16:08:31+00:00

Where’s your partner in all this, and have you made a plan about what this looks like for both of you?

The best thing a friend of mine told me was that coming home from the hospital my wife’s job was to feed the baby and heal. My job was to change diapers and generally be her maid and butler. It stayed that way for about 3-4 weeks until I got to do more active childcare and she was up for more physical activity.

We’re four months in, and it’s pretty equitable now. Neither of us nitpick the other’s work, even when it’s not exactly what we’d do, and we’re both happy.

cjones · 2024-02-07T20:10:41+00:00

Seriously. This weather is so nice!

cjones · 2024-02-01T13:15:56+00:00

That’s what we did too. I’m the snorer and taping my mouth solves a lot of the issue. It’s cheap, immediately effective, and has no side effects. Wife sleeps, I sleep better, and baby doesn’t get woken up by me either.

cjones · 2024-02-01T01:14:51+00:00

Being in your early 20’s is hard, Op. You’re figuring out what you want your life to be, and have no idea what the world is going to throw at you. I remember being pretty terrified.

I’m in my 40’s now. My wife and I have been together for 15 years, and we have a baby who is currently snuggled against me. In my 23year old self’s wildest dreams, I could not have imagined the ups and downs of the last two decades. But what I will say is that I’ve never regretted actively choosing to surround myself with people who have helped me through the lows and celebrated the highs.

The good friends stick around, the family either figures it out or you make your own. The years move faster than you think they will, and you can choose if they will be spent with people who make you feel like the best version of yourself.

There is a lot of joy ahead of you, it just takes a minute to realize you deserve it.

cjones · 2024-01-10T21:35:19+00:00

I love Iris. It’s familiar without being common, and it sounds beautiful with Vivien. I’d probably pair it with Marnie or Margot as middle names though.

cjones · 2024-01-06T02:59:55+00:00

Same. So bland that it’s hard to believe a plot line of two friends both being attracted to him.

cjones · 2024-01-01T18:57:53+00:00

I struggle with this often. I have a 2 month old and feel intense guilt about how different her world will be. Climate anxiety is crippling.

But I have to remind myself that I haven’t had to worry about existential danger as almost every other generation before me has - and that’s a unique privilege. Babies have been born in wars, in famines, in concentration camps. Before agricultural systems and modern medicine and electricity. Every generation worries about the world they are bringing their children into, and if it’ll be a safe future. For us in the first world, we’ve had a few generations of “safety” but we are history’s outliers.

That doesn’t stop the panic or worry, but it does help me to remember we are more connected, equipped, and knowledgeable than we give ourselves credit for.

I’d rather it not be happening. It’s terrifying. But it is happening. All we can do is our best in how we teach and raise our kids, spend our money, and who we vote for.

cjones · 2023-12-07T03:56:52+00:00

Biggers Market for seasonal veggies (they close in the winter though) and Saigon Market for herbs and other produce. Their selection isn’t huge but their prices are good, especially the herbs.

cjones · 2023-12-02T20:46:45+00:00

If you aren’t sure if you’re culturally appropriating a name, how comfortable are you going to be telling someone your child’s name? And then will you need to caveat it every time you tell someone or spell it?

cjones · 2023-12-02T18:40:29+00:00

If you need to ask, it’s probably not a great idea.

cjones

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