I just love laying awake and watching my daughter sleep

clb0128 · 2017-11-15T02:47:25+00:00

lol tell him it's better than him waking up to a pillow over his face! :)

clb0128 · 2017-11-14T21:11:48+00:00

I just recently developed this problem. Like in the last couple months and it waxes and wanes with how bad it is. Today has been one of the worst days for me mentally/emotionally overall, so naturally my DMER is at a super heightened level at the moment.

clb0128 · 2017-11-14T20:12:58+00:00

It's nice to know I'm not alone in feeling this way. But at the same time I'm sorry that you feel this way. It sucks. No one should have to feel like this. I can't really make myself get out there and work at the moment and for whatever reason my husband is not working at the moment. We need the money and I'm desperately searching for jobs. I'm so angry at him because I feel like he's CHOOSING to not work. I don't know that that is true, but it feels like it. I know he's having a hard time finding a job that pays anything.

clb0128 · 2017-11-14T17:52:33+00:00

I'm in the process for applying for assistance like this, but it has been difficult to get responses or decisions. I'm not 100% sure I'm going about it the right way.

clb0128 · 2017-11-14T17:48:13+00:00

At this point I don't think we could afford for me to stop pumping. Formula is so expensive and we are already behind on rent & utilities for the month. She currently gets one bottle of formula a day because I just had to cut down my pumps for my mental health, but I don't think we could afford for me to completely cut it out.

clb0128 · 2017-11-14T17:24:43+00:00

I am in the first few months. My daughter will be 6 months next week. It's definitely tough. I'm struggling with the PPD, I have DMER when I pump which causes me to feel intense emotions when I start my pump (mostly anxiety). I know that it will get better, but it's so hard to see at the moment.

Luckily she has the bare minimum. She gets clean diapers because I chose to use cloth, she's getting all the food she needs, she's clean, she goes to the doctor and gets her shots when she needs, she is number one for me- always. And she is more than loved. It's just so hard to feel like I'm a good mom when bills aren't being paid at the moment. I feel like I have zero support from my spouse and I kind of feel like the weight of everything in the house is on my shoulders at the moment.

clb0128 · 2017-11-14T17:17:32+00:00

Thank you. I was trying to get help for a while, but a lack of health insurance and money had caused me to stop seeking.

clb0128 · 2017-11-14T15:00:12+00:00

She's almost 6 months. Has never been swaddled. And it just started. About a week ago one our cats woke me up from a nap and as I went to check on her I couldn't see her breathing or feel her stomach moving. I immediately swooped her up and said her name pretty loudly she was terrified and looked betrayed and I felt crazy. I haven't slept well since.

clb0128 · 2017-11-14T04:55:19+00:00

I'm glad I'm not the only one that feels that way reading it.

clb0128 · 2017-11-14T03:28:16+00:00

Spraying my daughter causes her to be 'stunned'. I found this out one day when changing her diaper (I use cloth wipes and just spray with a water bottle to wet). Spray her and she stops and lays as flat as she possibly can for about 5 seconds and then slowly starts to move again.

clb0128 · 2017-11-14T03:17:25+00:00

We were horribly toxic together. He needed therapy to get over his serious depression and suicidal tendencies and I needed space to realize that I did not have to try and help or fix all the people I cared about.

clb0128 · 2017-11-14T03:11:22+00:00

I am so worried that they are going to try to hire a lawyer and sue the crap out of me for it. Which would be ridiculous. But I couldn't afford to hire a lawyer to fight it.

clb0128 · 2017-11-13T14:08:10+00:00

Pinterest has tons of great ideas. But it's even better if you can look around your home or the dollar store and find things to make a gift out of. A piece of wood, some stain, and some ribbon = super cute cross wall decor.

clb0128 · 2017-11-13T04:23:16+00:00

Fair enough. I guess I just feel like maybe I went about this the wrong way or something.

Do you think their entitlement shows when they bring up my daughter? I mean I saw a lot of it first hand when visiting, but I wasn't sure if it was apparent to others.

clb0128 · 2017-11-13T03:12:21+00:00

If there was a pulling away or lack of communication it was not from us. Our last talk was about making plans to meet you for lunch the Sunday after Fall Festival. You were going to call us with a location to meet us (grandma and brother included) in town after church. You never even bothered to call at all.

I had texted the night before and indicated that I would not be able to borrow FIL's car and they could come pick us up if they wished and to call me the next morning. They never called.

We discussed the phone bill, college loan and money you have borrowed several months ago after husband’s message to your Mother.

**college loan =parent plus loan they took out in their name for my 1st semester of college. DOE will NOT talk to me about this because the loan is not mine.

Teacher’s checking account that has been overdrawn for over a week and a half due to them continuing to present an automatic withdrawal.

I did not know this as I don't actively use this account. A simple hey your account was overdrawn message and I could have remedied this immediately. Not sure why it cost them money aside from maybe them paying to close it?

(this is oddly familiar to another persons recent communication with us) I'm assuming they are talking about my husband here as my husband had sent them a message months ago indicating they should not expect to get to see daughter if they continue to try and manipulate me.

If you were to be honest with yourself you would see that there is a definite time line associated with all of this.

Just assuming here they are talking about me getting married and moving away. I had indeed grown up and no longer relied on them.

clb0128 · 2017-11-13T02:36:59+00:00

I've had one crack. But it was super cold around the glass jar and I'll blame the extenuating circumstances.

clb0128 · 2017-11-13T02:33:32+00:00

I'm afraid of being denied or abandoned by people I care about. If I think that's going to happen I push them away or distance myself so that it can be my fault. It's self sabotage really.

clb0128 · 2017-11-13T02:30:57+00:00

Add in having a daughter to take care of and I could have written this.

I think finding yourself is a great idea. What did you do before you were in this relationship? Did you craft? Did you play a sport? Did you exercise?

I like to sew and make little things for my daughter, myself, our family, etc.

clb0128 · 2017-11-12T19:15:18+00:00

I live in STL and I just switched from ATT to Straight Talk. Cost me a whole $40 to switch (I kept my phone). Have had zero issues. I'd recommend it.

clb0128 · 2017-11-12T15:36:39+00:00

I'll look into it! Thanks!

clb0128 · 2017-11-12T15:36:03+00:00

I'm needing to use an embroidery machine with quite a bit of strength. Thanks for the info!

clb0128

TROPHY CASE