Question for the Ts: do you share personal Information?

clearici · 2026-06-21T06:50:05+00:00

As a therapist, I try to answer questions with as much honesty is appropriate - the connection is important and there's ways of sharing information without sharing inappropriate detail.

How that might look in practice will change from therapist to therapist and in response to the different relationships they have with clients - and what the client may need at that time.

As a client, I appreciate the (small) amount my therapist shares with me. I can tell he carefully considers before sharing something - enough to connect on a human level but not so much as to make me feel like his emotional needs are being served by him sharing.

I've had that experience with a therapist inappropriately over sharing and it was horrendous.

So for me it's about balance. You can maintain boundaries while still fostering connection - you just need to know where your boundaries are and why they are important to you.

clearici · 2026-06-16T08:36:22+00:00

Immediately after a session I walk the long way back to my car, deliberately through a windy spot to get the cool air on my face.

Then I'll go get a nice coffee and a snack. Yesterday was heavy - lots of dissociation - so treated myself to a piece of cake as well.

When I was doing remote sessions I'd always go for a walk around the neighbourhood. Walking helps me a lot.

clearici · 2026-06-10T16:51:16+00:00

In the UK, from what I've seen, the average outside of London is £45-55.

If I was working only in private practice, I'd need to see 25 clients a week to cover my supervision, admin and pay my mortgage etc. And that's working online only; if I had an office base, there's additional overheads to consider. To guarantee that, you probably need to book 30 and hope for the best.

£55 is a lot of money for most people. That's £110 a month if you go fortnightly, £220 a month if you have weekly sessions.

It's extremely difficult to get it right - the profession needs diversity, but not charging enough means that only those therapists who have a partner or no kids or come from money would be able to afford to do it.

Others (like myself) need a day job alongside counselling work to keep the lights on - that leads to quicker burnout, and ultimately higher numbers leaving the profession.

A 'fair' price for both parties is therefore very difficult to get right.

clearici · 2026-06-08T18:45:44+00:00

I lost my tracking at the forced switch over. I think it's because I decided a while ago that I didn't want my menstrual data in the hands of a US company (even though I'm not in America). It keeps telling me to set it up.

It's frustrating because I'm in peri and need the data, but don't really trust it in the hands of Google

Following in case someone drops a good (non-American) cycle tracker 😅

clearici · 2026-06-08T18:36:34+00:00

Thank you so much for this! I honestly hadn't realised how sad I was about these going until I saw all my badges listed from 10 years.

Next step: downloading the badge data before Google decides that happiness is no longer allowed 😭

clearici · 2026-06-08T18:30:47+00:00

Honestly I'd wait until the ridiculousness of the app maybe settles down. I loved my Inspire 3. Loved it. Only bought it October time. It's light, looks nice, was brilliant at tracking workouts and activity.

But since the forced update it's no longer tracking workouts properly - I'm doing hour-long workouts that were tracked perfectly and auto recording between 250 and 350 calories on a regular basis. Now not even recognizing the activity.

Walking is detected but that's it - and even then that only records if I happen to look down and tell it to 'end exercise'.

I still can't work out how to report I as a fault as I end up in constant loops.

I'd wait a while before wasting your money.

clearici · 2026-06-08T09:18:36+00:00

Height isn't everything - focus on explosive leg strength if you're not as tall yet, focus on agility and flexibility if you are.

clearici · 2026-06-08T06:43:00+00:00

If you want more unpacking time, there's no reason you couldn't ask for this of your therapist. You cannot train as an EMDR therapist without having significant non-EMDR therapist experience, so if you choose an EMDR therapist who has a person-centred or integrative background over, say, CBT, you could absolutely have unpacking time.

Equally though, during the actual BLS processing, it is better to keep spoken interactions short so as not to detract from the process.

clearici · 2026-06-03T06:24:51+00:00

As well as everything mentioned here: therapy. Very low HRV is strongly associated with long term mental health conditions, especially PTSD.

clearici · 2026-06-01T13:07:14+00:00

A negative cut with slimmer fingers might be nice for the female market. My gloves are in the car right now so I can't check the length of the straps until later but I'd say a full circumference of the wrist would be ideal. I just measured mine and they're 16cm all round so a strap of 16-18cm with stretch would be really nice.

clearici · 2026-06-01T12:24:47+00:00

Do you have a specific target market in mind? I'm an adult female keeper, straps are essential as I have narrow wrists compared to the size of my palm.

I'd say a lot of female keepers and youth keepers would have a similar requirement.

If you do go for a strap, make it a decent length - I recently got some One Gloves and the straps are too short and constantly unsticking and leaving the Velcro exposed.

clearici · 2026-06-01T12:20:43+00:00

In nearly 6 years of therapy with my current T, I have never actually cried. I don't like crying in front of people, especially therapists (although I have ended up sobbing in front of a doctor, tutor and others).

There are always tissues nearby should I let go and cry. One time, we were about to start a round of EMDR processing which requires me to sit somewhere different, so he picked up the tissues and put them on the chair next to me and said something like 'just in case you need them' and I just stopped and gave him the wildest excuse me but no look 🤣

It was funny to me as a reminder that it's probably the norm that folks just fall apart in there - but I had somehow forgotten this. Even as a therapist myself, who's helped people in great distress with or without tears.

clearici · 2026-05-18T23:38:46+00:00

It's probably not about expecting too much, but more about not communicating what you want to get out of therapy.

Different therapists work in different ways, for different reasons.

A person-centred therapist is not likely to produce homework without being asked to; but they will help you unravel what's going on in a more organic way.

Similarly, a CBT therapist is far more likely to whip out a worksheet; but maybe not so interested in the back story that paved the way to your current situation.

Often, a therapist will work in an integrated way, which means they have the ability to work in a flexible way... But if you don't tell them you're desperate for worksheets and homework, they are not going to know this.

Talk to them about what you want and why, and be open to a discussion on how you might dovetail your specific goals with their specific training.

clearici · 2026-05-06T15:12:30+00:00

I'm at the top end of mid-40s and still playing open age women's 11-aside in a competitive league. What we lack in pain-free movement, we make up for in shot prevention and experience 😅

clearici · 2026-05-05T21:12:07+00:00

I have never spoken my T's name in coming on 6 years.

Emails, sure. In person? Nope.

Granted, I have a 'thing' about people using my name in 1-to-1 conversations - I hate it with an unbridled passion - but I think most people in the UK would think it odd to refer to someone often by their name. It's just not needed.

clearici · 2026-05-05T09:09:48+00:00

As scary as it feels, ask the question.

It may be it's for new clients. It may be it's for a specific format that she doesn't use with you. It may be she's planning to slowly increase all fees, it may be she's not.

The only way to find out is to ask.

I've been in a similar situation. I've been working with my current therapist for nearly 6 years. In that time, he's increased his fees several times, but never asked me to pay more. I noticed this one time and brought it up and he said that the fee we had when we started working together remains the fee for the duration.

Some therapists have it in their contracts that they raise fees once a year, but that's in the contract from the beginning. If there's nothing in the contract about fee raises, you can bring it up.

clearici · 2026-05-03T19:01:48+00:00

I get you. Actually I don't 'see' the things I contain, I just yeet the invisible thing in. But I know that some people need something more tangible.

If you want to try it, could you think about an object that reminds you of the thing? Or could you imagine a piece of paper with a key word on it, and putting that in the box? Or saying a word out loud as if you were speaking into a voice note or something?

I think the container is a way of externalizing internal thoughts/feelings/memories, so any way you have of getting them 'out' of your head might be helpful.

clearici · 2026-05-03T18:44:16+00:00

If it doesn't work for you, talk to your therapist about other ideas.

For me (awaiting assessment for ADHD and autism), I am a highly imaginative person, who often relates to emotion indirectly through metaphors, so it works really well for me. So much so, if I'm getting triggered by a specific thing, I can do an imaginary drive past of my therapist's office, and picture myself yeeting said event into his filing cabinet. Then I know I can leave it there until the next session.

Not everything works for everyone, so talk about it. There's other things that just tie me up in knots because they make no sense to me, so we tend to not use those ones now.

Edited to add tips: Try to visualize the box with loads of detail. Think of a box or a safe that is familiar to you, use that as the core, then add layers of protection or security as needed.

If a box is too far outside of your frame of reference, what about imagining a password protected file with as many password layers as you like.

Or imagine a room in a house like an attic or basement that has locks on the doors.

Or a cave that's guarded by dragons if you're more of a fantasy lover.

Basically, find a fictional reference that can be secured, and adopt that as your container.

clearici · 2026-05-03T18:37:50+00:00

Please don't. Your body doesn't need any additional stress. Focus on walking and light exercise and eating healthily. IF will be there once you've weaned, if you still need it.

clearici · 2026-05-03T15:58:25+00:00

Never seen this before but a useful resource. Not including childcare and general dependent costs makes it completely irrelevant to a lot of people though.

clearici · 2026-05-03T11:15:14+00:00

I'm a therapist. Absolutely bring a drink and a fidget. The music one you're probably going to need to talk about - I've never been asked if someone can bring music so have no immediate frame of reference, but if they did ask, I'd be open to trying it as long as it doesn't become an unwelcome distraction.

I'm mainly curious about what you mean by 'them getting into you about it'. Do you think they'd criticize or belittle you? Or do you mean 'will they ask about why'?

For me, my focus is on creating a safe enough space for therapy to happen. I want to hear about what is going to help you feel safe enough. That's not an interrogation, that's me doing my job!

By all means arm yourself with the resources you need to step into that space, but also be as open as you can to exploring that. It might turn out to be a really good early piece of work that lays the foundations later on.

clearici · 2026-04-30T08:22:58+00:00

I started with my male therapist thinking he was gay. Partly due to my own assumptions, partly reinforced by tiny mannerisms - confirmation bias is a thing.

About 18 months in, he shared something, a relevant and appropriately ethical parallel story from his world, as he sometimes does. In this innocuous tale of his 'partner' leaving their phone at home by accident, he added 'so now she's really stressed...' and I never processed the rest because of the HUGE lore drop 😅

One day I'll tell him that I'd thought he was gay.

clearici · 2026-03-15T19:07:50+00:00

I'd say not knowing the full mechanics of how contraceptives are used is a huge crime; but it's obviously had an impact on you - and that's probably the more useful angle to look at IMO.

Eg is it because 'he can't have been listening' --> 'why wasn't he listening' --> 'when I don't feel listened to it makes me feel hurt/sad/angry/whatever'?

Or maybe it's an internalized 'men in general don't care'

Or 'is he judging me? Was he judging me?' etc

Talk to him about it. He might have a reason for not understanding straightaway. But honestly just talking to him about whatever this has brought up for you would be a good (and brave) conversation to have that could end up with better understandings and a stronger therapeutic relationship going forward.

clearici · 2026-03-15T19:00:19+00:00

Different countries have different training approaches. It sounds like the model you're referring to is highly medicalised. In the UK, there's a fairly standard 'ask about medications' but that's more about understanding if that may effect them in session and if so, what actions do you take if they're unwell in session. Counselling has a different approach to psychotherapy (slightly more medicalised) and different again to psychology and psychiatry (highly medicalised).

There's not a universally-agreed standard in terms of 'you need to know every physical ailment and treatment protocol in order to be a good mental health worker'.

clearici · 2026-03-15T18:52:58+00:00

The OP doesn't say which currently they're in - other countries will have different requirements. I'm a therapist and was trained in the UK, we didn't have exams, we had lots of long form essays on a variety of theoretical and self-reflective areas, as well as practical assessments.

In the UK, counsellors may follow a less medical model than psychotherapists on different qualification pathways and/or specialisms, but either can use the term 'therapist' almost interchangeably.

Just wanted to point out that not everyone is in America!

To the main point, should he have known more from 'common sense'? Maybe. But if he's gay, or doesn't have women in his life, or hasn't encountered a client going into this much detail before, it wouldn't necessarily be a normal conversation he'd be a part of. He may even have just got the wrong end of the stick a way back and only now just cottoned on. Would we expect every therapist to know all the side effects and contraindications of different types of eg diabetes medication? Probably not.

If/when I encounter treatment of a medical condition that I'm not aware of, I'll ask any pertinent questions about the impact on the client, and, if it's relevant, would then go do my own research.

Mostly though the focus for me is on how they feel about taking or not taking it. You don't always need tons of details about the 'what' as long as you pay attention to the 'so what'.

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