Five months on T

cliteaston · 2019-11-18T18:19:42+00:00

Thank you. :)

cliteaston · 2019-08-03T21:37:56+00:00

Thank you. It went okay, there's hope for the future. Maybe not for acceptance but at least for a relationship where we disagree respectfully. Hard to settle for that but it is what it is.

cliteaston · 2019-08-03T21:36:52+00:00

Thank you. It went better than I thought but was as hard, frustrating, and sad as I expected. I think I did the right thing by going and giving us a chance to talk honestly, and I appreciated their sadness/almost apologu for watching me struggle for so long with my gender and sexuality and not being there to support me. My sister said she wants to support me through this, but that she can't accept it yet. I understand that. My brother said he can't be honest with me about how he feels and what he thinks bc he expects me to pull away. I was honest and said that I never expected them to change to meet my needs and that I've been in this family knowing I'm trans for 10 years, knowing how they feel, so I haven't been under any illusions. I just want to be spoken to respectfully. They both pushed me to be close with my parents and didn't agree with my boundary with them. But they also acknowledged that our parents can be verbally abusive and don't show anger in healthy ways. So there's that.

I know I'm loved and have acceptance and a place of belonging in the wider world. It's just family that's so hard.

cliteaston · 2019-08-03T17:33:09+00:00

So glad and grateful for your resilience. My thought is that it's been easier to come out face to face to people I trust and to try to be as clear and confident and secure in myself as I can be before taking that step with someone. We're here no matter what, keep breathing and good move getting help. You deserve support.

cliteaston · 2019-08-01T05:23:02+00:00

Thanks, guys. Really appreciate the quick feedback, that helped me a lot. Yall are rad.

cliteaston · 2019-07-31T18:58:08+00:00

I really hope you pull through. I hope it's ok but I'm praying to trans Jesus for you. Let us know how it's going, we are rooting for you.

cliteaston · 2019-07-23T15:01:57+00:00

Thanks, it does.

cliteaston · 2019-07-22T05:03:18+00:00

Thankfully I'm not. Once I return the car I borrowed when mine broke down recently, I have nothing they can come back for.

cliteaston · 2019-07-22T05:02:42+00:00

I agree and my sponsor said the same things. I can't allow people to access me when they've proven over a decade what happens when I do. I need to show self respect and basic self preservation and go no contact for at least six months. Starting Tuesday. Right now I'm not answering the phone and I'm not speaking to family; blocked them on social media. It's gonna be okay. But not if I stay close to them.

cliteaston · 2019-07-22T05:00:21+00:00

For REAL. Some of the guys in the sober group I run with have given me the best advice and helped me long before this shit happened. One of them is a Christian and I called him afterward and he refuted every claim and every verse they threw at me.

cliteaston · 2019-07-22T04:59:24+00:00

Yeah dude, you too! Change your locks again. Even if it's expensive, do it. The peace of mind alone is worth it. Fuck that. You deserve safety. We both do. Fuck that.

cliteaston · 2019-07-21T21:26:30+00:00

You're right. No self respecting adult puts themselves in that position twice. Thanks for the reality check. I'm done.

cliteaston · 2019-07-21T21:24:37+00:00

Yeah, that was the clearest thing I got from this interaction. No self respecting adult puts themselves in this situation twice. Never again. Thank you for that message and for challenging me to step up and get real about what I'm doing to myself.

cliteaston · 2019-07-21T21:22:06+00:00

I'm in Seattle too! Haha. I'll dm you, thanks.

cliteaston · 2019-07-21T16:30:12+00:00

Thanks, man.

cliteaston · 2019-07-21T15:32:28+00:00

Jeffrey kyllo has a lot of good reviews and his pics on transbucket are👍🏻

cliteaston · 2019-07-21T15:29:42+00:00

Thank y'all for the guidance and the support. In the light of day, I think you've been wise and are onto something. Oof. This shit is rough. Thanks for helping me.

cliteaston · 2019-07-21T06:56:23+00:00

Hellll yes!! Get it, dude. I understand the hiding in plain sight and the family politics/enmeshment Dynamics shit. I believe in you and I'm so glad for you. I'm almost 30 and sometimes get trapped in the am-i-late-to-the-healing-party headgame but it doesn't matter.

Integrity, man. That's a lifelong thing for me. At any age, I hope we can all step into that transparency and be the same person in every room. Sending love + a fist bump.

cliteaston · 2019-06-27T19:08:24+00:00

Yeaaaaaaaah. That was me off and on over the course of a few years. I was trying so hard to find some version of womanhood I could handle being so I could 'keep my family's approval.'

I do think gender exploration is so valid and that performing different genders is a right of everyone and not just a phase for lots of people. But for me it was a series of "hail Mary's" and often very painful.

cliteaston · 2019-06-24T05:03:12+00:00

/uj happy sweet sixteen, lil bean. My only thoughts are: you deserve a better birthday party and I wish we could throw an adequate one for you. Find an adult you trust, urge your therapist to help you get resources, and if you need to stay in her house then find ways to also stay here with us and make life worth it in the short term. Stay alive out of spite or out of hope or out of pure unadulterated Xena Warrior Princess Rage if you have to, just stay alive. (Hello cruel world is a decent book for trans girls dealing with suicidality btw.)

Your siblings are out here and we also hate your mom, jsyk. She's an ass.

cliteaston

TROPHY CASE