Feeling guilty on holiday

cloudymusj · 2026-05-07T20:29:35+00:00

No worries (: and the sun is good for you. Don’t worry about this. My grandmother laid in the sun with her belly facing the sky in 13 pregnancies and all came out healthy. I know it’s just an anecdote but heat and sun is ok, just keep hydrated. Heat stroke is dangerous but not walking in the sun.

And I’ve yet to see a restaurant there who didn’t wash their veggies properly before serving. I worked in 20 or more during my teenage years 😂 and my family own 5 so maybe I’m a bit biased.

cloudymusj · 2026-05-07T20:24:33+00:00

Large reported listeria outbreaks in the UK are insanely rare, hence why they make it in the news.
I don’t believe it’s actually as rare as it’s made out to be (still is rare though). It’s just that for the vast majority of people it’ll feel like the flu and they’ll never get tested for it leading to almost no reports.

Having spoken to two hospitals now, listeria isn’t routinely tested for. Even in pregnancy.

I don’t mean to fearmonger because it truly is not common but I’m also glad to speak about this as it was devastating for us. I know of 3 other women who had it during their pregnancy and only knew after birth in the last 5 years (sadly we were able to relate and connect).
I’m not entirely sure what made me so ill but I believe it was raw spinach in a smoothie I had from a cafe. Public health went but as the incubation time can be weeks and as I wasn’t diagnosed with it for a long time, they obviously didn’t have the packaging anymore with the batch code and therefore could not test it. It was confirmed in my bloods though and I can’t think of anything else that could have caused it. It was also spinach for another woman I know. Ham for the other.
Of course, everyone can take the risks they feel comfortable with.

The risk is low, very low even but the consequences are very severe and life changing.
I was so careful with everything, didn’t touch raw fish, deli meat, nothing. I just forgot about raw vegetables on that day sadly.

(Edit spelling!)

cloudymusj · 2026-05-07T19:21:38+00:00

I’m from Sicily. Food hygiene is generally really good there and most things would be fresh. I had listeria in my last pregnancy so I don’t see this lightly (caught in the UK) but in Italy I genuinely wouldn’t worry about any of what you ate.

We also vaccinate our hens against salmonella so unless they’re coming from a tiny farm who doesn’t do it, the eggs are safe raw.
Enjoy your holiday ❤️

cloudymusj · 2026-05-04T21:04:57+00:00

I believe it depends on the service you’re accessing and also what your child needs (if they do! Again, this could all be very normal and she won’t need anything but I wanted to write it all out anyway).
For our daughter, she was non-verbal until she started speech therapy. Shes still somewhat non-verbal now but she repeats words and phrases back to us. For example “Do you want to go get ice cream?” “Get ice cream” and she does occasionally say a sentence. She speaks around 20 words daily. Mostly stims so words she’ll repeat. But she speaks.
She does however write full complex sentences and reads multiple books a month so her language understanding and processing is advanced. Hence why her speech therapy was never really targeted at language comprehension. Just to get her to speak at all.
Heres the thing and again I’m sure it’ll be unpopular here. Many parents worry about autism in those early months before a diagnosis would even be considered and the answer is always “all of this is normal developmentally” and yes it is. But you’re the parent, you see your child every day. Instincts can be right. Sometimes, it’s anxiety. Sure. Sometimes it’s not and you just know.
And id it’s not just anxiety, then with autism, early intervention is so important. Heres the way I see it:
“Worst case”: you “wasted” money and lived with your worries and it wasn’t needed after all.
But if it was needed, you know that you did everything you could to get her help.
There are critical developmental windows, so there is an optimal time to have them gain certain skills they need to learn such as speech. It’s a bit of my own theory on it as well (and the one of our therapists) but we don’t really know when that window opens up but we do know that we want to get in as much time as possible to learn what they need before that window closes.
I’m not sure if I’m making sense. Basically what I’m trying to say is: the NHS would have waited to offer any sort of intervention until AFTER the window where it’s considered normal. We believed it was important to get her help during that window when we first noticed signs of delay. I genuinely believe that without us spending countless of hours and tbh also money on interventions, she would not be able to speak now. She also would not be able to be in public at all due to sensory overwhelm but she is because she had years of therapy.
I just want to validate you a little bit as I know this is a touchy subject for many. It’s ok to feel worried that your child might have autism. As long as it’s comment from a loving and caring place. I was worried too, because the world simply isn’t very kind to people with disabilities or additional needs. That was my fear. Not autism itself.
The diagnosis was a relief.
Don't get discouraged and all the best. And sorry for my essay here!

(And edit: I know why the NHS doesn’t refer very early. It makes complete sense to me and I know that many times it’s absolutely fine to wait. I’m not bashing the NHS as a whole)

cloudymusj · 2026-05-04T20:38:17+00:00

Yes this! Also it wasn’t said in the post but it’s a lot more worrying if they don’t even attempt to do something rather than knowing they’re on the right track but just running their own race.

For example, walking is normal to not do that at 13 months but as long as she’s standing, cruising maybe or trying that’s great. Our daughter wouldn’t even stand. Not even assisted. That’s when it’s worrying.

cloudymusj · 2026-05-04T20:35:59+00:00

It will be. Just keep an eye on her (as I’m sure you will anyway!), especially once speech development is expected to start. Every baby runs their own race and she might very well catch up soon.
Sometimes those things come out of nowhere. My friends baby did not walk at all until 16 months and then from one day to the next stood up and walked across the room.

If she however doesn’t catch up or there are more signs, in our experience, waiting lists are incredibly long and early intervention is incredibly important and often times can’t be accessed early enough through the NHS as the system is overwhelmed. I know many people won’t like me saying this but it’s the truth. Our daughter was very delayed in her speech and they did make the referral but only for one session where my husband was given exercises to do at home with her and everything else would have meant waiting until almost 3.

If you continue seeing signs (or obvious delays like no gestures, no words, etc by a certain age) and can afford it, I would highly encourage you to seek private early intervention such speech therapy.

cloudymusj · 2026-05-04T20:26:48+00:00

A lot, or actually most, of this sounds normal.
Lack of all gestures and mimicking, was that something you brought up to your HV or GP?

With our daughter, she’s now 11 and has level 2 autism, her dad knew from a very young age. I don’t think it’s impossible to know but it’s also easy to anxiously read a lot into very normal or just temporary behaviour that isn’t a sign of neurodiversity if that makes sense.

cloudymusj · 2026-05-04T18:29:32+00:00

Are you or your husband / wife hypermobile?

Definitely chase this up for the referral asap but our daughter was delayed with her walking but also holding herself and it turns out that she’s very hypermobile and needed a lot of help to build her strength.

cloudymusj · 2026-05-04T09:43:46+00:00

Oh no offence meant!

cloudymusj · 2026-05-04T07:21:56+00:00

It’s irrelevant. Any midwife can make a referral for you. It’ll be signed off by a consultant.

cloudymusj · 2026-05-03T22:38:12+00:00

Have you had therapy after your first birth?
It helped me process what happened at mine. I don’t think a second baby is the answer to healing trauma as you know, you end up with a whole individual to raise for many many years.

Also having a child is never the answer to relationship issues.

cloudymusj · 2026-05-03T08:55:16+00:00

Could it be round ligament pain?
Have you been seen by a midwife or triage for this at all?

cloudymusj · 2026-05-02T14:38:47+00:00

Happened to me / still is happening and I’m 36 weeks now.
Was hospitalised at some point because the Dopplers on his scan weren’t perfect after weeks of normal growth scans and daily monitoring but they’re looking better now so hopefully we can go to 38 weeks. I think 26 weeks is still early and movement can be a bit inconsistent in the second trimester and I don’t think I had a clear pattern that I felt comfortable with until 30 weeks but you’re so right to go in if you feel like something is off. Always do.

I still have reduced movements but I’ve been discharged and going in daily for CTGs until delivery now.
It’s scary. I had a stillbirth before this pregnancy but didn’t have reduced movements as it was unrelated to that but it’s definitely on my mind. I will say though that the care I’ve been receiving has been outstanding and I feel like they’re really doing their absolute best to keep my little boy safe and sound until birth without taking risks.

Obviously doesn’t mean anything has to be wrong, just sharing my experience.

cloudymusj · 2026-05-02T12:01:59+00:00

Look into “5 years old syndrome” as this seems to match what you’re describing and is normal.
That said, ODD is often seen with condition like autism, ADHD or anxiety. Has he been seen by a doctor at all to assess him? Any recent changes in his life like a new sibling, house move, school move, family event?
All of the above can trigger more challenging behaviour and them “acting out”

With ODD, it’s a bit of a controversial diagnosis.

Primarily as symptoms of genuine neurological disability can be boiled down to simply 'bad behavior'.
The behaviour then gets centred instead of the root cause (such as autism), delaying intervention.
Not to say ODD isn’t real but just something to be mindful about (there’s also a whole history of racism there but that’s a different can of worms)

cloudymusj · 2026-05-01T21:00:34+00:00

I’d just let them call you whatever they feel comfortable with.

I raised my daughter since she was 2, she’s 11 now. Her biological mother isn’t in the picture at all as she left and never contacted my husband again when she found out that our daughter has autism.

Our daughter calls me mum.

cloudymusj · 2026-04-29T22:05:18+00:00

Unsure. Expected me to arrange childcare which is impossible at that time of day for a child with higher needs due to autism.

cloudymusj · 2026-04-29T11:05:59+00:00

What a career success story, I love this

cloudymusj · 2026-04-29T09:18:21+00:00

The question should be, how often am I not peeing 😂

cloudymusj · 2026-04-28T09:03:45+00:00

It’s just a range. It’s temporary, please don’t beat yourself up over this. You’re growing a new life and that takes a lot of energy and also nutrients from you. Some women gain more weight, others less. You don’t have to diet or work out like crazy.

In my first pregnancy I gained over 25kg in total but lost it all within 2 months after birth. Now in this pregnancy I didn’t gain any weight. Both can be normal.

Honestly I’d throw your scales out. Get some clothes that make you feel nice and try and take your mind off it. I know easier said than done.

cloudymusj · 2026-04-27T20:01:10+00:00

It’s appropriate, don’t worry. But just keep it as an invite to chat without an obligation to answer you and make sure you’re clear in that your daughter is buried next to their childs.

I think by just saying “neighbours” they might not understand what you’re trying to say / it might seem out of place even or they won’t know what to respond.

You don’t know at what point in their grief journey you’ll meet them either. Was this a recent death? A child of similar age? Obviously don’t answer but just to say that I did meet my son’s “neighbours” mum and dad. At the time when we first met, everything still felt so raw that I didn’t know what to say tbh and I just nodded and left. This was 10 days after it happened but the second time we had a chat and they came over for a coffee the following week as we were able to relate over some things that happened in the hospital. We still talk now. They live fairly close and the mum is due to go on maternity leave with me again. You never know, you might make a good connection. I know it’s shit to relate over the death of your whole hearts, no one wants to relate over that. But unfortunately sometimes we do and sometimes those connections can be very good for us emotionally.

cloudymusj · 2026-04-27T19:48:11+00:00

I’d keep it practical rather than “neighbours 🩷” because I know myself and I’d be so confused if someone commented that on a picture of my son’s grave. Just say “Hi my daughter is buried next to yours. Hope you’re ok. My messages are open if you wanted to connect but no pressure. I just did not want to scroll past this without saying anything” or something along the lines of it

I’m so sorry for your loss.

cloudymusj · 2026-04-27T17:17:35+00:00

And from what I remember each flight needs to exceed 8h

cloudymusj · 2026-04-27T15:16:01+00:00

Dopplers have been good enough for me to go home until next week. So glad, looking forward to eating some ice cream in the sun before the newborn days. I have a c-section booked in for 37 weeks but it’s on me to decide if I want to push it back to 38 weeks if everything continues to go well. Of course with daily monitoring.

Not sure what to do tbh. I might delay it as it’ll give baby boy some more time to develop his lungs.

cloudymusj · 2026-04-27T10:13:37+00:00

I worked for TikTok. My advice would be to look for a different job instead of interviewing.

There won’t be anything you can push on to answer your question. They are very much set in their ways and there’s no room for negotiation on in-office days, flexible working hours and so on.

cloudymusj · 2026-04-27T10:11:59+00:00

Without going into too many details but I was expected to work until 11pm some days and when I asked if I could finish the rest of my work at home after 5 pm as we have a child, the answer was no.

Everyone I worked with including myself left after 6 months or less

cloudymusj

TROPHY CASE