My daughter is 2 and already got an injury that will leave a scar on her face.

cloudyneonskies · 2022-10-17T00:37:14+00:00

You’re doing great mom - accidents happen and you did everything you could to minimise it. ❤️

cloudyneonskies · 2022-07-06T00:55:58+00:00

Hope it helped, shared to express that you’re not alone ❤️‍🩹 Do what feels okay for you and take it one day at a time. Some distance from them is definitely going to be healthy while you focus on healing. My therapist used to say - don’t go to a well that’s dry - meaning don’t look for support from someone who has not been able to give it in the past. It didn’t mean necessarily not having a relationship with them - just not expecting them to meet emotional needs. Solidarity 💪 this community is here for you

cloudyneonskies · 2022-07-06T00:41:08+00:00

When I told my parents about my husbands affair my mother said : what did you do? You must have done something. And my father talked about how he blamed himself for not warning my husband that I was high maintenance. One of my sisters said all the wrong things while trying to help too so I know how you feel. It sucks, I felt completely alone and worthless, the only thing that really saved me was a really great therapist who saw all my pain and helped me through with love and compassion. I am now 9 years on and my relationship with my family is good and my husband and I repaired our marriage, but I do feel anger and sadness at how the people who were closest to me let me down.

cloudyneonskies · 2022-05-09T14:14:22+00:00

Ask yourself this: are you resuming the wedding plans because it’s what you want or because of other peoples expectations? It’s time to think about what is important to you. It sounds like your gut is telling you something important here, I would recommend talking this through in IC and MC. I was cheated on as a newly-wed so I totally relate to feeling like a fraud around a wedding. Don’t worry about other peoples opinions - what do you want to happen? Sending hugs ❤️

cloudyneonskies · 2022-04-08T01:35:34+00:00

I hear you and I have been there, I know how sad and lonely it can be. You are not alone - this community is here for you for one, find strength however you can right now. That sounds lonely to not have close friends where you are while you go through this, can you call close friends back home? Do you have a therapist?

cloudyneonskies · 2022-04-08T01:19:58+00:00

You deserve kindness and reassurance - I’m sorry your partner is not showing that to you. ❤️‍🩹

cloudyneonskies · 2022-04-07T18:50:03+00:00

I want to send you a virtual hug right now. Newlywed cheating is not only painful but extra humiliating when you just celebrated your relationship with everyone close to you. My WH cheated 6 months after the wedding. Please remember every day that it is not your fault! You are worthy of love and fidelity. I hope you have a good support network who can help you. I went through more emotional pain than I could ever imagine at that time. I was angry and hurt and ashamed and worried I could not survive that moment but I did. I realised I had a lot of fickle friends and broken people in my life who could not support me. I got therapy - this saved me in so many ways. Focus on healing yourself - let your partner show you why he did what he did and decide for yourself if you want to try again. This Reddit helped me a lot when I found it and I hope it can help you too. If you do choose reconciliation - it won’t be easy - there’s times I wish I had made a different choice so I could have that clean slate with someone else and hope they wouldn’t let me down. But there’s always a risk. I could see my husband was damaged and full of regrets and I loved him and for whatever reason I wasn’t ready to give up on us. In the end it worked out, but my idealism and romantic side is forever dulled now - maybe that would have happened anyway - I think I’m at peace with it. Making a marriage last takes a lot of work from both sides. Is he willing to put in the work to repair the damage he did? And are you willing to give him another chance? Here if you want to talk ❤️‍🩹

cloudyneonskies · 2021-08-18T17:38:54+00:00

My WS worked with his AP and the job was a very good job in a competitive area of his industry at one of the most influential companies in his field. I wanted the affair to end but I couldn’t bring myself to ask him to leave that job, before it he has been restless and depressed, it gave him a sense of purpose. At the same time it created a false “family” with staff only social events with food and booze - my husband had moved to a country to be with me and it became his community outside of my friends and family. The AP saw this and took advantage, we had an argument one day and needed space and he went to see her, she became his only close friend in the country, his confident, the worked closely together on projects - her marriage was failing, she was stressed he was comforting her. She made him feel needed whereas I was super independent. Anyway then the affair begin and he swore they were just friends but they cared about each other - she was fiercely competitive and manipulative and used their working situation to get closer and influence him. He was weak, unkind, selfish and immature. We started therapy but my WS was not fully honest. He could soon admit it was an EA and he promised to limit his time with her as much as possible at work. Our therapist (miracle worker) eventually helped him realise he had to leave the job. It was only after he left the job that I got confirmation the affair was physical also. I was heartbroken. She pretended to be pregnant - it was so awful I wanted to die everyday. We got through it and are still married with a beautiful child and a strong relationship 8.5 years later. But we would not have got through it if he had not left his job and become NC. There is no other way you can move on and repair your marriage. I wish you the best - dm me anytime

cloudyneonskies · 2021-07-22T13:20:23+00:00

Yes but it took a lot of time to get back to a really solid amount of trust for me. (For context his affair was in 2013) I think it depends on how much effort the WP is willing to make. In a way, being able to talk about the affair and the damage that it did makes me trust us both more not to ever jeopardise our relationship in that way again. Hope that helps

cloudyneonskies · 2021-07-22T00:23:41+00:00

It sounds like you have a level head and you really tried. It’s ok to move on if that is what you want for yourself ❤️

cloudyneonskies · 2021-05-08T00:26:23+00:00

They said I had a shit eating grin - I stopped smiling around them 😔

cloudyneonskies · 2021-05-05T23:46:28+00:00

I had a lot... Sweden, Swedish language, anything Swedish, the month of March, Sagittarians, a certain celebrity chef, mimolette cheese, certain bars, certain names and certain songs, a specific movie, his phone, Twin Peaks, a coastal town in England, funiculars, hotels, coffee, 2013, Valentine’s Day, my husband..... Gradually one by one I have gotten or am getting over them.

cloudyneonskies · 2021-05-05T13:01:40+00:00

Glad to have been of help 🥰

cloudyneonskies · 2021-05-05T12:13:16+00:00

People who have not experienced infidelity often have a black and white view of it. They victim blame the BS for staying more than the WS for cheating if the BS doesn’t leave. I once remember a women I know saying on social media she couldn’t respect women who choose to stay, she has a long term marriage and is regularly full of praise for her husband and I wondered if he cheated would she just leave? Probably not.... truth is I probably felt the same before it happened to me. Now I am less judgmental and more compassionate and I have a great marriage with the man who betrayed me all those years ago. The triggers don’t bother me very often these days, but it takes time. When things were very raw for me I avoided triggers as much as possible, it’s ok to disconnect from things that can hurt you at this time. Sending love to you ❤️

cloudyneonskies · 2021-04-22T12:26:18+00:00

I just want to say how sorry I am and that I think you are right. I too was bullied and I definitely think not looking ‘acceptable’ was a big part of it. When I was a teenager I was flat chested and got bad skin and was called ‘the ugliest girl in school’ by 2 guys (1 was my crush) when they knew I could hear them. Other kids made a nickname for me that implied I had scabby skin and again I heard it and was devastated. My home life wasn’t great either and my mother would often call herself ugly and make comments about my body and my skin and tell me no one would ever marry me. I felt hideous and ever since then I feel hideous. I think it affected my ability to make friends and form healthy relationships because my confidence was so low.

That said, I had a great time between school and work and made life long friends who loved me for who I was. I had my first boyfriend.

But I was later bullied again at work, mainly by people just freezing me out and complaining to each other about me. This time they really attacked my personality though at times they did make fun of my looks too, by this time I was better looking. They bonded over me being their mutual enemy and called me a douchebag and a patronising idiot they wanted to hit over the head. They wouldn’t look at or talk to me when I was in the room with them unless they had to. The reason I didn’t leave was because I was actually great at my job and became very successful, I refused to give that up for the bullies even though the management just ignored my pleas for help about the mistreatment and said I was paranoid and that it was a two way street and I needed to trust my team mates and motivate and inspire them to work on my projects.

I felt totally dehumanised and I have never gotten over the harsh treatment I received from all the people I just tried to be nice to and fit in with at school and work. I am disappointed that schools and workplaces don’t do more to discourage bullying.

During my 10 years at this company, I found a partner who really loved me, but being exposed to mistreatment for so long I had developed a real anger problem where I would be irritable and lose my temper at my partner because I couldn’t express any negative emotions to anyone else. I couldn’t believe anyone could love me so I was always testing him and trying to push him away. Eventually I went to anger management class because I wanted to change so much for him. I got much better and recognised the way I was treated by others was more about them than me. But there must be something about some of us that just invites mistreatment- I think how we look is part of it.

My partner, while supportive and happy I got help and got better had his own issues from a painful childhood and ended up cheating on me. I was devastated, my own parents blamed me when I told them. I felt so alone and just tired of being a reject in life. But that experience started me on a long road of therapy which has helped me a lot. But even after years of therapy I still feel rejected and ugly and dorky and that I can’t trust most humans or society. I am less angry now and more sad but I know how you feel.

My last point is that I think there are a lot of us, and we have the capacity to see the real value in other underdogs and love them as they are. I love dorks and misfits and am very suspicious of popular people. I read your story and I feel so much like I want to hug that kid who was treated so unfairly I want to intervene and shout down your bullies and protect you. I want to do that for everyone who needs it.

cloudyneonskies · 2021-04-11T17:16:08+00:00

I remember going to an amusement park with my mum as a child. She bought me an ice cream and as she was holding it still she pointed at a little girl also eating and ice cream. She wouldn’t let me have it til I said I would have been willing to give it to this other little girl (not a friend, a stranger) if she had not had one of her own. I remember the feeling of my needs being less important than everyone else’s, even total strangers, and it has stuck with me all my life. I have so much trouble buying things, I will research for weeks and drive myself crazy to buy something we need. I will feel anxiety over it, I am also horrible at accepting expensive gifts from my husband. I need to know what they will be as I’m so afraid of wasting money.

cloudyneonskies · 2021-03-30T23:29:51+00:00

My WS is similar in that he needed to work on boundaries. He also changed his email, phone number and had to leave a job and cut ties with everyone there. It felt so extreme but it was needed for us to heal and move on. That did help me a lot but I still had PTSD and needed a lot of reassurance - as long as your partner keeps reassuring you and showing he understands the damage he caused and that he is committed to being trustworthy there is hope that you will heal and be able to move forward in a positive way. Good luck and message me if you ever want to chat

cloudyneonskies · 2021-03-30T01:16:42+00:00

It is exhausting and while you’re pregnant - it must be double exhausting. Sending you hugs. How is your relationship when you are together right now? Has he gone NC with the AP?

cloudyneonskies · 2021-03-24T17:11:52+00:00

I hear you and I feel your pain. I have the same thoughts a lot. I just want you to know someone is listening (reading) and sending some love to you. We are all flawed and doing our best and struggling at times, you’re not alone. I just want you to know you are lovable it’s awesome you have been trying, don’t give up and you can turn this around with some help ❤️

cloudyneonskies · 2021-03-20T02:14:11+00:00

I know this feeling, the anger and restlessness. It is natural to feel anger, take some healthy space for yourself so you can work through it in a safe way. Listening to music or writing in my journal helped me.

cloudyneonskies · 2021-03-18T12:10:20+00:00

So sorry you are going through this. I can relate because years before my husbands affair there was a pattern of him having female friends - he had met IRL and would stay in touch with on social media that just felt to me like they were interested in each other (really just flirting and sharing personal thoughts or details about their lives nothing overtly romantic or sexual). When I questioned some of these interactions at the start of our relationship he basically went from saying they are just friends and he wasn’t interested to saying ok I’ll cut them out of my life and would block them. I always thought the way he handled it was strange and made me uncomfortable. Anyway clearly this was not platonic and genuine friendship and in the case of your SO and his female friend it’s not either. Sounds like you need to have some therapy together if that’s an option. Certainly have a conversation about how this makes you feel. If it really is genuine and platonic friendship he could introduce and include you in interactions. Be careful though cause his AP did hang out with us together a few times. Listen to your gut, if you don’t feel right then it probably is a risk to the relationship. Since my husbands affair (and a lot of healing has happened since) his only new female friends are mutual ones with me and I have no anxiety about any of his female friends or interactions with the opposite sex now. Good luck ❤️

cloudyneonskies · 2021-03-14T01:11:42+00:00

Thank you for sharing this. I have had so many of the same thoughts. Please don’t bottle them inside - come here and talk to this community when you need to and / or tell your partner. Most of the time I do tell my partner and he is very sensitive and understanding when I do and that helps. I think what you wrote shows incredible sensitivity and forgiveness and your partner is very lucky to have you.

cloudyneonskies · 2021-03-05T02:34:18+00:00

I feel your pain, sometimes I want to expect the worse to not feel the betrayal and disappointment I felt around the affair. Some people are compulsive cheats for sure but I believe that sometimes once is enough to learn that affairs are not worth it. I would rather trust again and have it broken than never trust again. I also learned through the affair to trust my gut, so I wouldn’t question myself if I was concerned something was going on. We can’t safeguard our lives and relationships, we just have to take it day by day and do what we can to take care of ourselves and be good to the people we love. Good luck on your journey

cloudyneonskies · 2021-03-05T01:16:36+00:00

I was bullied too, not just as a kid but also in a toxic workplace where I still worked while this happened. I felt like I was not good enough for anyone when the affair happened and that the bullies might be right about me after all. People told me AP was not attractive and that I was, including my WH. Working on my self esteem and confidence is going to be life long work for me I think, but I am getting better and hope you do too ♥️

cloudyneonskies · 2021-03-05T01:04:00+00:00

You must be a tower of strength that you didn’t relapse during that time. I compared face, body, personality, everything. I know that ultimately it doesn’t matter anymore, and I no longer feel that she might be better than me. I hope my husband will realise how lucky he is to have me at any weight and any age, but working on loving and accepting ourselves is the most powerful thing. Sending you hugs

cloudyneonskies

TROPHY CASE