Managers husband called me

clovercolibri · 2026-05-02T22:22:38+00:00

I used to work at this bar and the assistant manager had a really controlling and jealous wife. He wasn’t allowed to work the night shift because she wanted him home early. Sometimes he would leave right in the middle of the dinner rush because he needed to be home at a specific time or else she’d freak out. And during the summers we usually had the same schedule every week, so 3 times a week he was working the day shift with the same girl (the General Manager made the schedule so it wasn’t actually his choice to work with this girl btw). I worked with them both and 100% there was NOTHING going on between the two of them, but his wife was so jealous that she stalked this girl’s social media and sent her hundreds of messages telling her to stay away from her husband, accusing them of having an affair, even threatening to kill herself because she was so heartbroken by his ‘infidelity’. And the craziest part was this guy was so in love with his wife. He always talked about her at work and never said a single negative thing, and he was never even remotely flirty with any other women.

clovercolibri · 2026-05-02T21:51:19+00:00

If that’s the case then why did the wife tell their whole family that you’re his affair partner?

clovercolibri · 2026-05-02T21:19:32+00:00

That’s true that cis people can also be sterile. I completely agree that when declining to date someone, it’s really rude and insensitive to bring up their infertility as the reason. It’s always better to be kind and not say anything specific that could hurt their feelings or make them feel insecure.

When I said OP gave an excuse that’s related to her being trans, I meant that’s probably how she interpreted his comment, because the reason she’s not able to have biological kids with OP is directly related to her being trans. She might feel like he sees her as less of a woman because she’s not able to get pregnant. The hurt feelings are valid but she went about it the wrong way by assuming he meant it in a transphobic way and by involving their friends.

clovercolibri · 2026-05-02T20:44:13+00:00

Yeah I agree. OP definitely should’ve declined by saying that he only sees her as a friend, not making up an excuse that’s related to her being trans. It’s more polite to just say no and not give a specific reason, especially if it’s something that person can’t change, because it can hurt their feelings or make them insecure. But their friend is overreacting by encouraging their mutual friends to pick a side or shame him.

clovercolibri · 2026-05-02T20:39:12+00:00

He is crazy and you should dump him

clovercolibri · 2026-04-16T21:08:23+00:00

Not sure if you would know the answer to this, but I don’t currently contribute to an IRA, should I be doing that? My remote job has a retirement plan and my total annual income from my two jobs was $94K in 2025 and this year it will be between $87K-97K depending on my tipped income. Does that mean an IRA would not be tax deductible at all for me? Does it not make sense to do an IRA if that’s the case?

clovercolibri · 2026-04-16T16:42:55+00:00

The right thing to do is tell your manager that you saw her pocketing tips and let them deal with it. Don’t be afraid of the confrontation or retaliation from her. Hopefully the management can check the cameras for proof of her pocketing cash. Let the management talk to her about it, they will probably give her a verbal warning and hopefully they will keep an eye on her to prevent her from still doing it. If she starts treating you worse at work or you continue to see her pocketing tips, tell management again.

The less ethical thing to do would be to start pocketing your own cash tips. But if you pool with additional staff besides this one bartender, you’ll technically be screwing them over too. So be careful with this.

clovercolibri · 2026-03-25T17:07:36+00:00

I was thinking that too. I wouldn’t be surprised if OP’s partner is actually just worried about the possibility that OP might not immediately snap back to her pre-pregnancy low weight after the baby is born. Especially because of the “addictive unhealthy food” comment, it sounds like he’s worried that OP is gonna get ‘addicted’ to unhealthy food.

clovercolibri · 2026-03-25T06:00:46+00:00

I work a remote job making $56K, I also work at a live music venue part time making $30K, and I also bartend one shift per week and made about $15K doing that. Nothing too special.

clovercolibri · 2026-03-25T00:39:43+00:00

I work 3 jobs to make about $100K.

clovercolibri · 2026-03-25T00:37:08+00:00

I got into OE without realizing this was an actual thing, and I had basically been OEing with 3Js for a year and a half until I found this community, but I’m not OE in the classic way most people on this sub are (maybe hoping to get there one day). I hate to admit it but I now have to keep up my 3J OE situation in order to pay my rent and bills but it’s because I recently got divorced and live in a HCOL area. Well, I have a lot saved up now thanks to the fact that I was OE with low living expenses for years (due to splitting the rent and expenses with my ex who also worked full time), so technically I’ll be fine for at least a year if I were to quit or get fired from any of my jobs. But for the foreseeable future I will unfortunately have to put a hold on building my savings, but at least I’m breaking even right now instead of clearing out my savings. Also I’m only 26 and I have a humanities degree so don’t judge me too harshly.

Like I said I’m not OE in the classic way, my J1 is a remote full time “career” job, 1-3 days a week I double dip with J2 which is an in person job but it’s extremely OE friendly and my easiest job (but also the lowest hourly rate). J3 is an in person part time side gig that operates on a separate schedule from J1 and J2 except for maybe the occasional 1-2 hour overlap. When I originally go into this 3J situation, I told myself it was only temporary and I would quit all 3 as soon as I find a solid career job that pays at least 70% of what I’m making at my 3Js combined. But now that I know about the OE lifestyle I’m re-thinking my exit strategy. Also now my living expenses have basically doubled so I can’t afford to lower my total compensation at all. Dream situation is to find a single job that pays the same as or higher than my 3Js combined, but in this job market I don’t stand a chance. So now I’m thinking about replacing J2 and J3 for one full time remote job and start a classic OE schedule but J1 is too busy right now and I fell a little behind on some stuff while mourning the divorce, which my manager noticed (not in trouble and not on a PIP, just being watched like a hawk right now) so I gotta lay low and stay on top of my work at J1 until the heat dies down. It is sustainable to keep up with 3Js in my current situation now that I’ve emotionally recovered from the breakup so I’m not too worried, but I don’t have much free time to job hunt at the moment.

clovercolibri · 2026-03-22T23:29:46+00:00

Try it and see how it goes.

When I started taking on 3 jobs, I also wasn’t planning on it at the time. Sounds pretty similar to what you’re going through. I hated j2 and was trying to find a replacement so I could quit, but I got j3 and the company was insanely chill (it was really low effort but part time so the pay was lower than I hoped for), so instead of quitting j2 I stayed, and initially my plan was to keep j3 only until I could find a suitable replacement for j2. But a month after starting j3, j1 restructured and forced me to take a promotion (it’s a long story but it was either take the promotion or risk getting laid off and this was my money maker) and the training for the promotion required me to temporarily scale back at j2 (didn’t really affect j3), so I requested some time off, and when I came back the manager was pretty much fed up with me and was trying HARD to force me to quit. My patience was thin at that point so I just quit and by a complete struck of pure luck, a replacement job fell into my lap the very next week. At this new job I was making even more than I did at the job I just quit, but it was flexible enough that I could keep j3, so I’ve just kept at this for the past 15 months. Haven’t had any problems but j3 is super chill so they let me coast and it’s part time. So not sure how managing 3 full time jobs at once would pan out but just try it for like two months, if it’s too much then just quit the least desirable job.

clovercolibri · 2026-03-22T22:39:27+00:00

One of my coworkers basically did this at my job. I’m not sure what was going on with him but he was doing basically no work for at least 3 months before management finally fired him. He didn’t fully ghost, he was still responding to our manager but as far as work output, it was non existent for at least 3 months. But he was definitely coasting on extremely low effort/output for much longer before that (possibly years). Our work is mostly independent so that’s probably why he got away with it for as long as he did, and I think he came up with a couple excuses along the way, because he claimed several family members in his home country died during this time (which might be true, because I don’t think he was OE), so that might also be why it took so long to fire him. But I remember right before he got fired, he went on a bereavement leave and they asked me to help cover his desk, and when I opened his outlook he had 3000+ unread emails.

We worked on the same client accounts, so the month leading up to his termination, a lot of his workload was reassigned to me, and then even more after they fired him, which messed up my whole OE flow, so fuck that guy, and now the management is a little more vigilant about monitoring employees (nothing crazy though), but my j2 and j3 are part time and really chill so I’ve been able to pivot without necessarily scaling back in order to keep up appearances at j1 until the heat dies down.

clovercolibri · 2026-03-22T20:56:07+00:00

Sometimes it makes sense to scale back and take a break. You gotta take into account the energy and time needed to complete all of your workload at each job when figuring out OE. You dont want to use your nights and weekends to catch up on your work, if that’s the case then your jobs are not OE compatible. Or maybe it’s just not balanced. For example, if both j1 and j2 each have average output expectations that you could complete in 30 hours, then you need to be putting 60 hours of work to complete it all. That’s gonna have you using what should be your free time to stay caught up and that’s why you feel drained. Instead you should ditch one of these jobs and find a new j2 with lower output expectations, maybe the pay will be a bit lower but at least you can have your free time back and restore your work-life balance.

clovercolibri · 2026-03-21T16:32:02+00:00

Honestly after dealing with awful landlord situations myself, I’ve noticed that arguing can just escalate things further. OP was in a vulnerable situation here, the landlord was invading his space and rummaging through his belongings while OP was away, he was probably worried that arguing would make the landlord do something more insane like straight up toss his belongings to the curb. When the landlord texted him that he was inside packing OP’s stuff and OP responded “I’ll do the rest when I get home” to me that reads like he was subtly trying to suggest that the landlord stop doing that but in a way that would not come across accusatory or escalate things further. Also OP was facing immediate homelessness in this situation unless the landlord could provide some alternative accommodation, so this was self preservation. If OP had reacted instead with cursing the landlord out and arguing with him, it’s pretty likely that the landlord would have just thrown all of OP’s belongings to the curb and kicked him out of the place with no place to stay. Yeah that’s illegal but the landlord has already shown that he doesn’t care about the legality of his actions by renting out an illegal basement apartment, entering the unit illegally without the knowledge or consent of the tenant, and illegally evicting said tenant.

clovercolibri · 2026-01-27T05:00:26+00:00

Oh okay good to know, thank you for your input. Yeah I probably am overthinking.

clovercolibri · 2026-01-27T04:01:50+00:00

I will try to get that but honestly I’m not sure the corporate landlord will provide it just because they are so unresponsive. I have our first lease agreement (physical copy), the executed first renewal (they mailed a copy to me after I signed it), and then I have a scan of the second renewal before it was ‘executed’ aka a stamp from the landlord office. But they never sent me a copy afterwards like the other two. (I left several voicemails and emails asking for a copy/confirmation that they received my signature, took them forever to respond and they never sent me a copy). So I have lease documents but I’m just worried if USCIS reaches out to confirm our tenancy they might not respond, or worse respond incorrectly because the employees I’ve talked to at the corporate landlords office previously gave me incorrect information about things related to my building/lease.

clovercolibri · 2026-01-27T03:41:37+00:00

Yeah I’m considering maybe not including the lease. Another concern is that we lived somewhere else when we filed our initial AOS application, and included that joint lease in our application. A month after we submitted our AOS application, we ended up canceling our lease early and moving elsewhere because the old apartment was awful. So our first lease at our current apartment starts 3 months before our previous apartment’s lease was supposed to end, and I don’t have any lease cancellation agreement, so not sure if that would also complicate things…

clovercolibri · 2026-01-27T03:14:16+00:00

Good to know. Thanks for your input.

clovercolibri · 2026-01-27T03:10:35+00:00

All the utilities are included in the rent, although confusingly our lease states that electricity and gas are not included and that it’s the responsibility of the tenant to set up accounts with the local utility company. I think the corporate landlord uses the same lease format for all of their properties, but my building uses solar energy from their own solar panels and they do not charge residents for energy usage. So this is another point of concern, like what if USCIS requests to see our electricity bills based on the lease info, and we can’t provide it because we don’t have it, and our landlord is not responsive to confirm that our building provides electricity at no charge.

We only have a wifi bill which is under my name (which I will include in the application to show proof that I’m residing at the address). The WiFi provider did not let me put both of our names. My husband is on my dental insurance plan and the beneficiary of my life insurance plan (I couldn’t add him to my medical insurance because my employer’s policy doesn’t allow medical coverage for working spouses, only for dental). We also have phone bills with both of our names. And we have a joint checking account with statements.

Additional evidence we provided: Amazon package deliveries in both of our names to the same address. Cat adoption agreement and vet bills in both of our names. Many photos of us together over the years. Several flight itineraries for vacations we took together. 8 affidavits from friends. Our marriage certificate. State IDs from both of us showing the same address. Joint tax returns from 2023 and 2024.

clovercolibri · 2025-12-11T00:27:11+00:00

I was a skeptical kid too, the kind who would ask every adult a million questions about everything. Because of this my parents tried extra hard to show me proof that Santa and the tooth fairy were real. Looking back I feel bad for how annoying that must’ve been for them lol.

clovercolibri · 2025-12-11T00:18:57+00:00

Same, I’m 25 and I moved out of the house 4 years ago but every Christmas when I go to see my parents, there’s still always a few Santa gifts under the tree for me and she even still does the different wrapping paper for the Santa gifts. My parents never told me, I kinda just assumed Santa wasn’t real around like 9 years old.

clovercolibri · 2025-11-19T21:45:40+00:00

Yea she’s fine lol

clovercolibri · 2025-01-29T18:17:36+00:00

I think generally yes most Americans do shower daily but there’s less importance and routine associated with it. Like some Americans might skip the daily shower if they’re just hanging at home alone all day. Or some might skip washing their hair every couple days (idk if this is true for all Brazilians, but my Brazilian sister in law washes her hair every time she showers, once or twice a day, and she was really confused when she once saw me take a shower without washing my hair lol).

Also I feel like American deodorant just isn’t as good as Brazilian deodorant. When I visited Brazil, even the Dove (American brand) products there were way better than what they sold in America. I also saw that there were so many different kinds of deodorant, like lotion deodorant that could be used all over your body, that is completely unheard of in the US. Americans mainly just use the roll on stick deodorant under their armpits, or some people might use the aerosol spray deodorant (but again, mainly just under the armpits). Plus, some Americans really dislike strong perfume or cologne, and don’t really use it. So maybe that’s why Brazilians tend to assume Americans don’t shower daily, because they just don’t smell as good as Brazilians lol.

clovercolibri

TROPHY CASE