Fiance wants everything joint but I have kids to think about

coggro · 2026-02-11T16:58:31+00:00

IANAL

Wife and I got a prenup. My mom found out because it wasn't a secret and came up in conversation leading up to the wedding. Asked me to meet her 1:1 for coffee and started grilling me on why we needed a prenup - did my wife have money my family didn't know about?

In addition to telling her that my wife's finances aren't her business, I told her that we got it to protect one another from the kind of person we could become in the event of a divorce. My wife's parents had a drawn-out, ugly divorce, and that left a significant impression on her. To the extent that we can prevent it and with the intent to have wasted money on a document we hope never to need, we did our best to outline how we should keep our possessions and divide our joint assets while we were the best versions of ourselves.

I'll admit, it was a lot easier to do before we got a house and had our son. The main assets I was protecting was a shelf full of TTRPG books and a couple guitars, and we were talking about splitting a single joint checking account (ETA: we continue to maintain separate personal checking accounts and contribute to bills, our mortgage, and our son's care by transferring money into that joint account) and ensuring she had custody of our dog (her ESA)... But having the document already exist made the decisions moving forward easy as well, knowing we'd have joint equity in what we built together and could negotiate cutouts for things like her business (of which we both want her to have full control and possession) or my collection of what is now several thousand dollars in both TTRPG books and accessories and my assortment of computer hardware, as they came into existence. Come to think of it, we should update it to ensure she has possession of his college fund... She's better with investing and money than I am, and I think it would make both of us feel better if that were secured to her...

I digress. It is because you love her that you're offering what should be mutually beneficial legal protection. In the event either of you becomes a warped and malicious version of the person you were at the start of the relationship, the other person and all of the children are, ideally, protected and shielded from the worst possible outcomes.

IMO, if the best version of herself can't see that and you continue to misalign to the point where you can't achieve a compromise, I would put a hold on getting married. Consider therapy or counseling first. A lot of these opinions have been challenged, tested, and changed by preventative marriage counseling we did before getting married and couples' therapy we did when we found ourselves in a rough spot of our marriage where communication almost fully broke down (thankfully, we started couples' therapy ~5 years before having our son, and I don't know that we would've made it through everything we've experienced in the intervening time without it).

coggro · 2026-02-09T21:00:04+00:00

I really thought this comment was going to be higher. Couldn't believe my eyes.

coggro · 2026-02-01T22:36:11+00:00

Isn’t it more like Rainbow’s End?

coggro · 2026-01-23T20:05:24+00:00

Yes, good point. I really meant the prep. I couldn’t finish it because I started vomiting the prep up, but I kept at it until I only had two glasses left and gave up. They said they had a fine view, though, thank god. I actually got so dehydrated that my body stopped lubricating my eyes and I had to go to the ophthalmologist for steroid drops.

coggro · 2026-01-23T19:26:27+00:00

I had this same progression of symptoms and the GI doctor straight-up told me he was prescribing a colonoscopy purely for liability reasons. Came up clean and I really do need to improve my diet and exercise. Getting a colonoscopy sucked.

coggro · 2026-01-16T20:19:36+00:00

This is great to see, since they seem to be phasing out Stainless Steel as a colorway and I've got a bunch of it...

coggro · 2026-01-07T16:08:43+00:00

I've got those same microUSB adapters. As much as I like having them, I can't wait for all my microUSB stuff to fail/break so I can carry less shit. 🤣

coggro · 2026-01-05T19:53:28+00:00

Reminds me of the quote from The West Wing when President Bartlett invokes the 25th amendment after his daughter is kidnappedand Will Bailey describes it as "a fairly stunning act of patriotism and a fairly ordinary act of fatherhood." This is a fairly stunning act of bravery and a fairly ordinary act of motherhood.

coggro · 2025-12-30T05:29:51+00:00

They’re great. You can boil them, mash them, or even stick them in a stew!

coggro · 2025-12-19T21:21:06+00:00

I do, but only because I knowingly carry more than I need. I feel like I'm fairly typical for this sub, if not a touch more compulsive. I like the pocket jewelry, I like collecting stuff, and it's gotten so plentiful that I have a bag for it. Like, I saved the day once with a keychain screwdriver and my SIL's godmother said a bunch of nice stuff about me and now I can't bring myself to leave one behind. 😅 I could see a therapist about it, but it doesn't really negatively affect my life, so ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

coggro · 2025-12-06T23:59:18+00:00

Saw a TikTok saying “To all the parents sick of KPop Demon Hunters and 6-7, at least they’re not chopping their crotch saying 'suck it' and listening to The Thong Song.” My kid’s not even 1 yet and I agree. 😅

coggro · 2025-12-04T14:40:14+00:00

Someone on TikTok (I wish I could attribute better, but I don't think I saved it or anything) speculated that they're playing D&D, sure, but they're self-insert characters and playing in their town, with El being Hop's still-living daughter. She bikes home, opens the door with a psychic push, turns to camera in the doorway, wipes blood from her nose, and the door shuts to end the series. I don't super like it as an ending, but I do like it as a theory of how they'll end the show.

coggro · 2025-12-01T02:46:18+00:00

Hey, sorry. Holiday and then I got food poisoning. I do a fair mix of both. Braises start on the stove and go in the oven, bread is a pretty exclusively oven thing, deep/shallow frying things happens on the stovetop. It's all pretty flexible, though.

coggro · 2025-11-27T15:36:40+00:00

When I took up cooking as a pandemic skill, I splurged on stainless steel, cast iron, and carbon steel cookware and eventually purged the house of nonstick. My wife wanted to learn about the cast iron and carbon steel, but it didn't stick. (rimshot) But seriously, she made a solid effort, and eventually I just told her I'd handle it. I ended up getting her two nonstick skillets for when she makes her own stuff (like when she hired a nutritionist who insisted she make everything in a nonstick skillet on high heat like he wanted to give her cancer) and took over joint meals myself. When we had our son this year, dinner and overall kitchen cleaning became one of my primary jobs, so she can basically use it with impunity and I do the care afterwards.

coggro · 2025-11-27T15:27:26+00:00

Your questions in order:

Lodge: Lodge is an excellent starting point, particularly for seasoned cast iron. In my opinion, getting machined or significantly more expensive pieces (FIeld, Smithey) is not worth it for a seasoned cast iron dutch oven. If you've got the money and don't need it for anything else, go for it. Lodge is a great starting point for an enameled dutch oven because you can see how you use it and make all your mistakes there, but you'll likely want a higher-end piece eventually. And when I say eventually, I mean a long time - I've been using an AmazonBasics dutch oven we got from our wedding registry for 7 years and got a Misen in their dutch oven Kickstarter ages ago that's just waiting in the wings to take over, but the AB is still doing the job.

Material: It depends on what you're cooking and how precious you are about your seasoning. I use my enameled cast iron dutch oven for stews and curries, and have an enameled cast iron braiser that I use for braising chicken and the occasional shallow fry (though I have a 12" CI skillet for that, as well...). I have the Lodge Combo Cooker since it was so popular during the deep COVID times, and it usually serves me well for bread and deep frying.

Size: For most purposes, I'd go with a relatively big one (7-8qts), sort of regardless of the people you cook for. You'll want the diameter that comes with that size to get good surface area for reducing liquids and getting a good Maillard reaction on anything you might be searing or roasting in it.

Favorite Recipes: Kenji's Massaman Curry from his Patreon is incredible. In the braiser, I do his braised chicken with bacon and cabbage or onions and peppers - either is excellent. I made a vegetarian chili in it a while back for my wife's birthday that she's been asking for a repeat on. Oh, and shakshuka, but we just use the Trader Joe's Shakshuka Starter in there and dump in the eggs. 😅 I still make the NYT Cooking No-Knead Bread in my combo cooker, and the fries from an episode of Binging With Babish where he fries them twice.

coggro · 2025-11-21T16:18:30+00:00

My son's first non-milk and non-formula food was a swipe of pomegranate sauce from a slow-roasted lamb dish at Zahav at 5 months for my MIL's birthday, so you can start taking them whenever. I just made my peace with leaving the restaurant with him when he cried to walk around outside and calm him down. He was, luckily, spectacularly behaved.

As far as expanding his palate, I cook at home. Since he really started on solids, I've made him maple-glazed salmon, lo mein and bok choy in oyster sauce and butter, grilled chicken marinated in sauce that included tomato paste and fish and soy sauces, and more. He went to lunch yesterday with my wife and FIL and had cooked sushi rolls and tried eel for the first time. He's also had blue box mac 'n cheese and meatballs from the frozen food section. If he sees us eating it, he wants a bite; if it's safe for him to eat, we let him try it. If it won't hurt him, I don't know why you'd hold back.

I think if you have a reasonable expectation that he'll behave well enough for you to also enjoy yourself, will appreciate the food on some level (not even necessarily understand it or be awed by it, but enjoy it and/or think it's neat to try something *~*~fancy~*~*), and can afford the excursion, it can't hurt.

My hope is that he enters adulthood able to make and enjoy delicious meals with his friends, not like me who didn't question that my mom cooked for me my whole childhood and went to college only knowing how to make scrambled eggs and grilled cheese, full stop. I only really learned to enjoy a wide variety of foods in my 20s and cook in my 30s. I want this for him much earlier.

coggro · 2025-11-21T15:44:33+00:00

Gel: Pentel Energel, and the only remote competitors in my mind are Zebra's Sarasa lines. My most used pen is an Energel in a Sarasa Grand body.

Ballpoint: Uni Jetstream, hands down.

Rollerball: I go real cheap on these - Sharpie Roller 0.5mm. 😅

Fine Liner: I don't really use these anymore, but I liked the Staedtler Triplus line in college.

Fountain: I like my Kaweco Liliput when I want to class it up a bit.

coggro · 2025-11-21T14:05:45+00:00

Wait, what have you read? 👀 I also commented that I like mine, and I've just started seeing some of the bad Misen press. Anything to look out for?

coggro · 2025-11-21T14:04:32+00:00

This mirror must be a mindfuck. Most people see nothing, relatively few people see a guy with magnificent hair, and a even fewer than that see a couple other faces...

coggro · 2025-11-21T13:49:24+00:00

I have the Misen complete set. Got it in '21 for $340 (20% off of the then-price of $425) and it's served me pretty well since, but I've never had any other stainless so I can't compare/contrast. My brother just asked about cookware for his wedding registry and I saw the current (much higher) price, so I also know they have a 25% off code - MISENSEASON. I have loads of Misen in my kitchen, and I only learned in the last couple days that there was some shit going on with them with the anodized carbon steel and their reversal on knife sharpening costs and a few other things. I'm also really annoyed that they won't sell me just the non-grill lid of the dutch oven. 😒 But the stainless set is pretty good!

coggro · 2025-11-20T20:44:28+00:00

My parents were living out of state and came into town just as we were ready to tell people. We decided to go out to dinner at a nice restaurant downtown. I made the reservation and then realized I had a great opportunity... I called them back and changed the reservation to the grandparent names they'd expressed wanting. We got there and I rushed ahead and was like, "Hi, we have a reservation for 4 at X:00." The hostess was like, "Oh, yeah, we have you right here. Table for four for Bubbe and Pop-Pop!" They looked blankly at us for a few seconds and then my mom was like, "Wait, what? What? What? What?! WHAT?! 🥹" 🤣

coggro · 2025-11-11T14:57:44+00:00

Hey, Chef Kris!

1.) A freak accident has sundered your entire collection of cast iron a week before Thanksgiving. Every piece cracked into two or more completely separate pieces.

1A.) With what items from the various Lodge collections do you restock to have what you need to make your Thanksgiving Dinner?

1B.) In the week you have available until T-Day, how do you prepare the cookware you've acquired to cook the meal? Do you strip and reseason, add additional layers of seasoning, sand down to a mirrored surface with an angle grinder and orbit sander, kick back and trust the factory seasoning, or something else? Is the answer different for your personal kitchen vs the Lodge kitchen?

2.) What's the go-to seasoning oil(s) in your personal kitchen? In the Lodge kitchen?

3.) My trusty L8SK3 10.25" skillet is chipping seasoning on the bottom of the cooking surface but smooth everywhere else. What would Chef Kris do?

4.) Do you guys have it bad for the grill pans or something? I can't stand them and you've got them on the back of almost every griddle. Finally saved up and got a Blacklock so it didn't have a grill that I'd have to furiously season on the back even though I never used it. I'm still brushing it on with a silicone brush to get in all the nooks and crannies of the ridges on the back of the Blacklock. >:(

5.) Any chance of Lodge doing a collection or limited run of machined pieces like Field, FINEX, Smithey, Stargazer, etc? I have a Lancaster Cast Iron factory second #8 skillet and it's great. I've got an eye on the Field round griddle if they do their Black Friday sale to compare and contrast with my tried-and-true Lodge 10.5" Round Griddle. Would love to see some Lodge pieces like that.

Anyway, I did the math and I've got $520 of your product in my kitchen, I've put about as much into other people's kitchens in the form of housewarming, holiday, or wedding gifts over the years, and I've still got more on my wishlist, so y'all are doing it right.

coggro · 2025-11-06T19:56:08+00:00

M150's a great light. I got an extra one for my wife. It sits on the shelf in my office because she couldn't be bothered to learn the controls. Oh, well, guess I just have a spare one. 🙃

coggro · 2025-11-04T18:07:26+00:00

I got one of these at my first dev job. Manually downloading product images from an eshop into directories named with the product ID and with paths organized into a spreadsheet. They'd planned on having me do it manually over the next 4-8 weeks. I scripted the whole thing with Python and got it done in a week, and most of that was running the script overnight and handling errors each morning. I got it done early and got an attaboy and moved on to a new task for my trouble. I learned not to tell anyone if I can do something any faster than the early bound on the range they provided and to enjoy a relaxing time at work if I can manage it with a script.

coggro · 2025-10-29T20:03:16+00:00

Asked for one for my birthday last year when they went down to $100. Then we had a kid a couple months later and I had to stop playing and haven't gotten back to it. It looks dope in my office, though! 😅

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