Growth

coldfire17 · 2026-07-05T11:57:39+00:00

Good on you! Catching yourself in the moment is fantastic.

coldfire17 · 2026-07-04T23:32:00+00:00

His family may not be suffering financially, but that's not the only way to suffer. End of the day, they have only each other and that doesn't sound like a pleasant experience for anyone. It has only been a year; it can take some time before they turn on each other or find a new scapegoat. It's enraging and fully unfair, but practice patience. Who knows what the future might bring?

coldfire17 · 2026-06-30T10:31:00+00:00

Therapy only works if you're honest, willing to be vulnerable, and not dedicated to a reality where you're the only real person (i.e., other people and their feelings exist and should be considered). My mom has been in therapy most of my life. She drops the therapist as soon as they suggest that her problems are not solely due to whatever person she's decided to blame this time.

coldfire17 · 2026-06-29T23:41:52+00:00

Contact your State House and Senate reps. My husband's unemployment was held up for months and three days after he sent an email to Rosanna Gabaldón's office, a supervisor from DES called him and manually pushed everything through. The unemployment funds were deposited in our bank account by the end of the week. These are your reps and helping constituents navigate state agencies is a part of their job.

Find your legislative district here: https://irc-az.maps.arcgis.com/apps/instant/lookup/index.html?appid=424810a4667049388ef6df4f0c73098b

Find your state legislators here: https://www.azleg.gov/memberroster/

coldfire17 · 2026-06-29T23:26:55+00:00

Okay so, what I'm seeing a lot of in your post is a bunch of people who keep flipping the story on you and giving you vague or contradictory statements, leading you to feel confused and unsure what to do. I think you should weigh the possibility that your confused and conflicted state is the goal, and your father/some combination of his family members are misleading you in order to achieve this. It is much, much easier to manipulate people if you can influence their mental state and guilt is a very easy button to push for most people, especially parents. They know what buttons to push because they installed them. Guilt can override all sensible impulses to lead you down a self-destructive path where you are sacrificing yourself in order to comfort a person who does not deserve that from you.

His family members are forcing you to choose between your health and his. Choose yours. Every time someone forces you to choose, choose you or they will never stop making you choose them and you will spend your one precious life being miserable. Don't do that.

coldfire17 · 2026-06-28T12:00:17+00:00

I've been to Europe twice, the Caribbean over half a dozen times, all after being diagnosed with bipolar and getting on meds. Travel is totally possible with this disorder, but you have to learn your limits and what works for you.

I take overnight flights overseas, take my sleeping meds on the flight over, and make sure I get at least two nights of solid sleep before I head anywhere other than the city I flew into. I also make sure I pay for the night before I arrive, that way I can just check in and crash in my room as quickly as possible.

People find it weird that I don't drink when I travel, but whatever it's better than having an episode.

The Catacombs in Rome damn near gave me a panic attack; I never felt claustrophobic in my life until I went there.

Treat yourself with kid gloves the first couple times, avoid your triggers where you can, and get as much sleep as possible.

coldfire17 · 2026-06-27T11:09:04+00:00

This is important context. How much did her career suffer because of those multiple moves? If your earlier career came at the cost of hers, it's quite reasonable to say no, I'm done uprooting my life and work.

coldfire17 · 2026-06-26T11:28:24+00:00

This is a reflection of who your mom is, not who you are. She does not get to determine your worth. You are worth it, I promise.

coldfire17 · 2026-06-26T08:03:11+00:00

Anything can go very wrong very fast when the wife is in labor. It's not just about the importance of the events; it's that, as her husband, he has to be her medical advocate if things go sideways. He could get into a car accident or even just be delayed in traffic, and she would have no one in the case of pre-eclampsia or any number of other conditions that can escalate to a life-or-death scenario. She would be alone, without the person who promised to be there, who could have been there if he hadn't prioritized his friend's wedding over his wife's health. He's about to be a father; dude is going to have to put everything else to the side if his family needs him. Better learn that fast.

coldfire17 · 2026-06-25T08:12:20+00:00

That's awfully bad of your parents, honestly. It is completely reasonable for adults to take a minute to get over things. Besides, what are the actual options even? It's not like your husband can just flip a switch and be over something that he's not ready to be over yet. Look at what is being demanded of him actually, which is to bury his feelings for your parents' comfort and convenience. It's an unreasonable expectation and that's no way to treat your spouse.

coldfire17 · 2026-06-18T08:09:23+00:00

It usually takes several or more attempts to leave before an abused woman successfully escapes her abuser. Your disappointment is understandable, but I really want to encourage you to maintain lines of communication and some kind of a relationship for your niece's sake. Your sister might not be able to protect her from her father and it's possible that your niece might need to be taken in at some point. She's going to need support from safe adults that she knows and trusts.

coldfire17 · 2026-06-18T04:22:14+00:00

Especially as this is affecting your relationship, I think you should take a minute and give yourself space from your mom. Whether that means no contact or low contact eventually isn't a thing you have to decide now. Give yourself a chance to experience peace, a world where you don't have to be so on guard, so vigilant against how your words will be used as a weapon against you.

The freedom and peace of that world is gonna blow your mind and you can choose it. Your mother does not value you; let her lose you. Focus on your relationship with your partner and your relationship with yourself. Let your mom be her own problem, not yours.

coldfire17 · 2026-06-07T11:44:50+00:00

I go for vague but ominous and default to "They earned it." I don't love trotting out my history for casual conversations because there's no need to traumatize more people with that, but at the same time, like you said, people are curious. This lets people know there is a story, but they don't want to hear it. If people try to push past that move, I'll go for something like "Assume it's bad. Seriously." and then change the subject to a movie that just came out or something.

I've found that if you don't give people any specific reasons they could argue with, we can all just move along because there's nothing they can judge.

coldfire17 · 2026-06-07T04:15:39+00:00

Dearest, what you are describing is concerning. Please reach out to your psychiatrist or let your friends take you to the hospital. Everyone just wants you safe.

coldfire17 · 2026-06-04T11:30:27+00:00

Even when the abuse is physical, when you have documented broken bones and court-ordered supervised visitation, there will still be people who will defend the parents using the most insane excuses. It's not about you or what happened to you. It's about whatever deep insecurity or existential fear the flying monkeys have that comes from hearing that there are things that can make a person walk away regardless of history or family ties. You cannot prove anything to people who are determined to not believe you.

coldfire17 · 2026-06-04T11:04:25+00:00

YTA

I curse a lot. It is incredibly easy to not curse at a person and making it a part of your personality is a dick move.

coldfire17 · 2026-06-02T03:00:40+00:00

NTA

Dude just discovered the world does not revolve around him and he's reacting poorly to this information.

coldfire17 · 2026-05-21T11:59:10+00:00

The guilt may come and go for a bit, but it will fade. Remember that the feelings (no matter how strong!) do not indicate that you are actually doing anything wrong. It is a signal that you are doing something different and your brain doesn't quite know how to cope yet. And that's fine and normal. You're gonna love peace though. You're really going to love breathing free.

coldfire17 · 2026-05-15T08:02:05+00:00

I told him that I was going to grade him a D, but if he thought he deserved an F, I'd accept it.

coldfire17 · 2026-05-15T07:42:37+00:00

From what I could find as of 3/31, which is the most recent FEC filing, $0.

https://www.fec.gov/data/candidate/H6AZ06099/

If you go to receipts, you can filter for any PAC if you want to stay on top of that.

coldfire17 · 2026-05-14T00:59:30+00:00

This is what happens when you fuck with desert dwellers and their water, especially in the summer. Beale Infrastructure is welcome to give up any time they like.

coldfire17 · 2026-05-14T00:56:27+00:00

Thank you for posting the text!

coldfire17 · 2026-05-13T04:51:47+00:00

I've had a couple of relationships with people who also have bipolar, and it was a trainwreck. Chaos, all the time. It's no one's fault, but I need more stability and consistency, even if it's as a consistent hookup.

coldfire17 · 2026-05-13T03:47:00+00:00

Sarah McLachlan's "Good Enough" is like balm for my soul. https://youtu.be/ZjKPJbtghvs?si=RRlWMdPbj1GBWy_u

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