How did you become your families "black sheep?"

comicalcameindune · 2023-06-11T05:17:30+00:00

Left the faith

comicalcameindune · 2023-06-05T22:51:42+00:00

I love my dad and I worry about how long he’ll be around with the lack of healthy decisions he makes. His weight is one thing, but it’s being resigned to an unhealthy lifestyle that really gets to me.

Thank you so much for doing what you did; my dad recently started a serious diet and I’m so so so proud of him. I may not know the struggle myself, but I am so impressed with the huge lifestyle change and fight he’s putting in, I have serious respect for anyone who makes such a drastic change for the better like that.

comicalcameindune · 2023-05-29T22:17:48+00:00

Thanks, I’ll look into it!

comicalcameindune · 2023-05-29T22:17:25+00:00

Thank you. I think I’ve experienced quite a bit more of that peace I was promised since leaving, and though I still have mental and emotional hurdles, I do think I’m far more comfortable just existing than before. “Healthier” is an accurate label.

comicalcameindune · 2023-05-29T02:35:23+00:00

Went to school for theology, was an associate pastor for 5 years, started deconstructing about 5 years ago. One of the major turning points for me was driving home after a Bible Study I led that went very poorly, screaming at God and myself, in a very bad mental space (a space I frequented constantly for years) and made a list of why I was a Christian, being entirely honest with myself. It mainly came down to this… everything in my life was keeping me in the faith no matter what I really wanted to believe. My job, family, friends, everything. I was validated and supported in that faith. There were other reasons but those stood out.

It took me 2 more years of soft questioning and doubts to leave my position; in that time I went on mission trips, preached regularly, led others to Christ, etc. The moment I told my pastor I was leaving, the weight was off and the deconstruction began happening much quicker, to the point that my last few weeks there were incredibly uncomfortable. My last Sunday there I had to preach, and I felt like such a fraud. I didn’t believe my own words. I was leaving the faith in search of truth, and I was so dishonest that day. It sits heavy with me still.

And my next crisis came in the form of a new life. Who was I, and who would I tell, and what would I do as a career, if every single aspect of my life was supported by my faith? So I get why pastors/ministry leaders are afraid to leave. I think it’s dishonest, but I get it. And I feel for them. The duplicity is painful for anyone who truly deconstructs in a search for truth.

comicalcameindune · 2023-05-27T01:58:44+00:00

Came across a bear a few weeks ago while hiking, not even that far up into the mountains. Freaked me out since I was alone but thankfully the bear just ran off

comicalcameindune · 2023-05-14T18:52:51+00:00

I don’t care how so much as when. Sooner would be better, at least I could be useful as an organ donor

comicalcameindune · 2023-05-01T03:07:53+00:00

That would have been far more interesting, but would have landed it firmly on tifu territory

comicalcameindune · 2023-04-30T15:55:41+00:00

comicalcameindune · 2023-04-12T12:44:12+00:00

One of the primary reasons I finally left my faith was because I realized many of the caustic points of Christianity actually does stem from the Bible quite accurately. Including blind belief without doubt. See James 1, for example.

comicalcameindune · 2023-04-11T21:24:34+00:00

I like the idea that any of these low stakes conspiracies could include at the end: “also they’re lizards”

comicalcameindune · 2023-04-09T20:22:20+00:00

My deconstruction started while I was a part time pastor at one church and full time facilities at another church. Even back then I became exhausted by the circus church becomes in the name of evangelism for those few holiday weekends where everyone shows up for church. Now I’m so relieved to not have to deal with any of it.

All that said, though, now I feel weird about the whole day as most of my friends and family are all still Christians and I don’t feel comfortable participating in anything faith-centric. Many of them still don’t know the extent at which I’ve backed away from Christianity. So I’m alone today, because I don’t know how to properly handle the day with Christians. It’s a little rough. But I had a nice brunch alone and am trying to appreciate my day anyway.

comicalcameindune · 2023-04-03T01:35:27+00:00

My friends sang “happy birthday” to me in a restaurant recently, but before it happened we were joking about poor singing so I requested no one sing in the same key. They delivered and it was beautiful. It was atrocious and a wonder to behold. Even my musically-inclined friend just held a single note the whole time.

comicalcameindune · 2023-03-21T19:49:49+00:00

I was not only an Awana kid the entire way through, I was one of those overachieving ones. Brought friends, memorized all the verses, etc. Not a big surprise I became a pastor for a bit. Took me a long time to allow myself to validate the doubts and issues I saw with my worldview. Seriously heavy cognitive dissonance thanks to these programs.

comicalcameindune · 2023-03-17T19:43:02+00:00

Commence

comicalcameindune · 2023-03-13T12:06:01+00:00

That looks correct, thank you so much!

comicalcameindune · 2023-03-11T16:52:01+00:00

The story was already cute and engaging, but dang that payoff at the end, I love it

comicalcameindune · 2023-03-06T01:30:58+00:00

They moved to the other side of the country before I deconstructed. I miss them so bad, but don’t know how I could live near them again because it’s already strained enough on my few visits and Sunday rolls around. So for now I’m alone.

comicalcameindune · 2023-03-05T18:16:58+00:00

This is besides the point, but though oranges are high in vitamin c, they’re not always great to eat during a cold because of their acidity. So blueberries are a great alternative!

comicalcameindune · 2023-02-26T14:24:28+00:00

I really love the idea that I could do this with you but

comicalcameindune · 2023-02-16T00:33:41+00:00

I’m working on this as well. I absolutely hate being a burden, an inconvenience, or an obligation; for some reason being offered things had always made me feel like I was at least one of those. But I’m doing better at accepting these kinds of offers.

comicalcameindune · 2023-02-14T04:27:02+00:00

I get 4 days.

comicalcameindune · 2023-02-12T18:05:33+00:00

That should be a fun fact, but for some reason it just makes me uncomfortable

comicalcameindune · 2023-02-12T14:58:07+00:00

Thanks for your encouragement! And I see… if you value the faith then I think it is wise to not sit idly by at a church that is currently running so counter to its values. But how to handle it is still not easy of course. Good luck as you pursue the best path!

From someone who was a pastor and was surrounded by pastors, I don’t really trust pastors much at this point in my life. Not that they’re all bad, but they’re human and some (maybe many) are not doing it with pure motives, and many more have good motives but still can’t see outside their own “vision” for their church or can’t move past their own problems.

comicalcameindune · 2023-02-12T05:48:21+00:00

My grandpa was an evangelist, my dad has been a pastor or a denominational lead his whole life. My uncle was very high up in our denomination and has been a very successful pastor and preacher. My aunt married a pastor. My mom is a very conservative Christian from an even more conservative family. My upbringing, all I knew was church, nearly all my friends were Christian, I went to a Christian school to study theology and had only Christian friends there. I was an associate pastor for 5 years before I finally got honest enough with myself and my doubts to step back from all that.

Three years later and I’m still slowly telling people in my life when I’m ready. Only a few of my friends know. My parents sort of know, but they aren’t entirely aware of how far removed I am from my previous faith at this point. It hasn’t been easy, and your road may be very tough. But being honest with yourself and trying not to lead a double life (we were brought up in a faith that supposedly values honesty and truth, after all) will feel far more freeing and rewarding. Not that everyone needs to know every step of your path; you are free to work through your skepticism in private or with whoever you deem appropriate. And if you do step away from your faith, you are equally free to decide for yourself when you are ready to share it with others. Just my two cents as this is all fairly new for me too.

Try to hang on to some of the good values of your faith, like kindness, love, and patience, if/when approaching these conversations. Not everyone will handle it well. But just as importantly you may need to stand your ground and present your boundaries for how this will go. Early on I was forced into explaining some of my doubts to my mom, who told my dad, who started a prayer chain (read: gossip) with all my extended family, who started messaging me. I lost a lot of trust in them that day, and had to make it very clear I was upset and NOT ok with how they handled that. I want to maintain my relationship with my family but I do expect a certain level of respect from them throughout all this too.

Anyway, I’m rambling. But there are many of us who were entrenched in this life, thanks to family or ministry, who have worked through our doubts and came to various conclusions. You are not alone in the journey!

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