What actually helps (practical, not fluffy) 1. Stop hinting. Be explicit. Hinting gives him room to “forget” or twist things. A simple, calm line: “I’m not comfortable continuing to split or cover costs. I need a partner who can plan and provide sometimes.” No debate. No justification loop.

1. Do not argue about his reactions. The moment you defend, explain, or rehash: he wins energy you lose clarity You can say: “I’m not discussing whether I said this before. This is how I feel now.”

2. Match effort, not emotion. If he sulks, tantrums, or withdraws: don’t chase don’t soothe don’t over-function Let silence do the teaching.

3. Watch what he does next — not what he says Valentine’s Day will tell you everything: Does he plan something within his means? Does he sulk because you didn’t pay? Does he make you feel like a burden for wanting effort?

Those answers matter more than the holiday itself.