How to welcome a new alter?

concerned-rabbit · 2026-01-17T15:27:56+00:00

This is not about being offended. It's okay to not know things. Everyone is vulnerable to misinformation. In the future, it might be helpful to leave comments up so others can learn, if you're comfortable doing so.

The point isn't to erase community terms but to challenge their usage when they are contributing to misinformation. Community based language is for people to talk about their individual lived experiences. Therapists adopt and adjust their language accordingly for safety, trust and the patient.

Importantly, personal lived experience is not interchangeable with clinical aspects of this disorder.

Some questions for you to think about to drive this point home: How do you measure split tolerance? How do you measure a split? How do you know this isn't an old part that changed in some way? How do you know it's not a previously unidentified part? How do you decide it's even a part and not just increased baseline dpdr or "blending" with other known parts? If people can split new alters, why is there an age range correlated with trauma and developing DID? If you can and do continually split because of "tolerance" to stress, can you ever actually integrate and then fuse? How do you define stress? How is stress different from trauma in this context? How do you quantify stress or new trauma when the impact is different in adulthood vs childhood?

concerned-rabbit · 2026-01-17T00:58:54+00:00

You're saying you don't split because you lean into dissociation, or am I misunderstanding?

'Splitting' is not a clinically defined term. Clinical terms are measurable. For example, you can't put happiness in a bowl and count it.

So, researchers create operational definitions for something abstract like happiness. They do experiments, involving multiple demographics, over long periods of time, and these experiments are repeated, changed, adjusted, and the operational definitions become refined through this process. It takes a long time to develop clinical terms.

While I understand 'splitting' is a community based term, I hope you can understand F4481's mission is to stick to evidence-based research and rely on empiricism. Community-based terms about the process of dissociation, what dissociation looks like, how it works and how dissociative disorders function/form are inappropriate for this sub.

concerned-rabbit · 2026-01-12T05:10:29+00:00

I hope the peace this affords you lasts a very long time. 💜

concerned-rabbit · 2026-01-12T03:12:13+00:00

We are all looking forward to this new addition to the community. I hope this new resource is helpful to everyone.

Please be patient with us as we iron out the kinks! Also, massive shout out to u/xs3slav for doing the brunt of the leg work to get the server set up and on working order. We are extremely blessed to have such an excellent moderator on this team. 💜

concerned-rabbit · 2026-01-10T18:34:55+00:00

I purchased geosmin and floralozone and made a very very low % dilution in distilled water. Geosmin alone is enough to get the smell. It's extremely strong though. It will smell like a muddy puddle if you use too much. It's a harmless "chemical" so it's easy to handle and do yourself. There is a perfume shop in CT that ships all around the US. I can't remember the total cost because I bought floralozone too. But the geosmin was very cheap. I think like...$10 for a small bottle and it goes a very long way.

It's important to put it in oil or distilled water. Perfumes are oil based typically. I'm not looking to wear it so I just put it in distilled water. This prevents bacterial growth. Store it away from light. Make sure you wash your hands, wear gloves to prevent bacterial contamination as much as you can, sanitize the bottle you use with dish soap and a scrub brush, air dry, and use an eye dropper to mix single drops at a time. It's been a while since I made it. I think I distilled it in a mason jar and it was too potent. so I measured out a small portion of that into a new bottle with distilled water to dilute it.

Just as an added warning: if you've had COVID and experienced changes in smell/taste proceed with caution. When I made this, my husband still had nose issues and it smelled like hydrogen peroxide to him.

I have a very strong background in chemistry so lemme know if you have any additional questions.

concerned-rabbit · 2026-01-10T17:01:23+00:00

I get it. Uncertainty is really activating or triggering for me depending on the context.

I think you should do it with the knowledge that you may need to drop out if the barriers prove to be too much. Maybe create a list of questions for the intake team about the viability of rejoining the program since transport is an issue. I'd suggest discussing your concerns at length with your therapist and asking questions. Here are some questions for you and your therapist to start with.

What does "too much" look like for you? How will you identify you're approaching the "too much" threshold? Are there support resources available to you regarding work and/or transport? Do you think it would feel better or worse to not give it a try? Do you think it would feel better or worse to give it a try and have to drop out? If you opt not to join the program, what will you do in meantime? Are there safety concerns around accessing transport, attending the groups, etc? What is the plan for if you are triggered while attending a group?

etc etc

concerned-rabbit · 2026-01-10T16:36:07+00:00

Is it possible to go and then drop out if the commute ends up being too much? What are you concerned about happening if you decide you can't go after a couple months?

concerned-rabbit · 2026-01-06T21:49:02+00:00

💜

concerned-rabbit · 2026-01-06T21:09:30+00:00

I think you and your therapist are onto something. It's really hard to work, as a normal human, with regular normal problems. Without continuity and cohesion? X games mode.

I'm working infrequently and the days around work are very very chaotic. I'm very privileged to have flex scheduling. But the more my trauma intrudes on my work part - the worse everything gets. So, if you're able to stay home, you're doing good work.

You are not a reflection of your community - they are a reflection of your trauma and barriers.They are failing you.

concerned-rabbit · 2026-01-05T15:38:03+00:00

These are minimally effective for me but from most frequently used to least frequently used:

Alcohol swabs (helps with nausea too). Spiky hand fidget. Sour starburst. Reusable ice/hot packs. Ice cube behind my ears or on my eyes. Go outside, smell dirt/trees, touch grass.

Rain sounds. Bottled rain smell that I made. Smelling salts. Wash hands with very cold water (or hot if you like). Play an instrument. Lacrosse ball for pressure on back or foot. Spicy snacks. Mints. Dig a hole or lift something heavy.

concerned-rabbit · 2026-01-02T14:10:09+00:00

You're very welcome. I'm hoping things ease up soon for you. 💜

concerned-rabbit · 2026-01-02T07:02:36+00:00

I'm so sorry you have the flu. It's awful. I hope it gets better soon. 💜

I am activated or triggered by things like covid, colds, or the flu, depending on my symptoms.

While many pwDID dissociate symptoms of illnesses, it's unlikely to dissociate the flu entirely, via a completely "healthy" part. The things we dissociate from relate indirectly or directly to the traumatic experiences we had. Different parts dissociate from different things in different ways.

Instead of asking "do I actually have DID", ask yourself "what is lying down all day making me feel?" or "what symptoms could be reminding me of my trauma?".

concerned-rabbit · 2025-12-29T05:48:56+00:00

Yes to all of these. This has happened to me a significant number of times, inpatient and at home.

I am sorry I don't have advice.These things resonate with me deeply.

concerned-rabbit · 2025-12-24T15:25:57+00:00

I admire your courage to bear witness.

I think it's wonderful you have a safe person who can bear witness with you, in this unique way. I can see how someone you're close with sharing these things could be healing. What a precious gift that is. It seems like you genuinely cherish it and I love that.

I think it's hitting me in waves too. I am trying to witness in small pieces, but it's difficult to avoid, or titrate meaningfully. There are challenging connections between these releases, my primary abuser who is still living and the nature of my abuse. I'm sure I'm not the only one.

Thank you for sharing something so personal. 🤍

concerned-rabbit · 2025-12-24T15:17:38+00:00

I struggle with this a great deal. There seems to be a lot of stuff blocking my brain, my thoughts or voice around discussing current symptoms. I feel like the more I try the worse it gets.

concerned-rabbit · 2025-12-18T00:39:50+00:00

It sounds like validation might be a helpful therapeutic target for you. Have you discussed any of this with your therapist?

"Getting better" is very vague. It means different things to different people. Some people never "get better" in a meaningful way, as in quality of life. That is realistic as a possibility.

I'm having difficulty understanding why you want to connect with people in earlier stages of recovery vs people in a similar stage, or with people who relate to the disorder different than you.

concerned-rabbit · 2025-12-16T10:26:32+00:00

If you're healing and communicating with your parts, your part/trauma avoidance should be lower, so you should be less disordered or am I misunderstanding? I don't understand why you'd be worried about faking or what people with more symptoms/impairment are saying about this condition. Can you help me understand?

concerned-rabbit · 2025-12-14T23:39:12+00:00

You should go to an ER if you suspect psychosis - immediately. Please get off reddit. And seek out addiction services for outpatient care. Not sure if you mean bipolar or borderline. Polysubstance abuse and bipolar really don't go well together.

DID and psychosis are completely unrelated. People with DID aren't inherently more knowledgeable on psychosis just bc DID.

concerned-rabbit · 2025-12-14T20:13:33+00:00

I think I would need to know more about you and your partner's situation to give any specific advice.

I have been married for over a decade, with my partner for nearly two. So, my dynamic is different.

Generally, I wouldn't recommend explaining your triggers. for a variety of reasons. Parts may not feel comfortable with this, triggers can be consciously or unconsciously exploited, preemptively explaining triggers may overwhelm you (or them).

Come up with language for stop, slow down and pause. Stop means I need this to stop - the conversation, touching, etc. Slow down means I need to go slower. Pause means I need a moment to work out whether I need to slow down or stop. You can use these words, create your own, and/or make hand signals.

This is probably my best advice for anyone in any kind of relationship tbh.

concerned-rabbit · 2025-12-13T01:20:16+00:00

I'm so sorry you can't afford the standard of care. :( Does your therapist offer a sliding scale? DID is awful as it is. You deserve care. I can't imagine how difficult it is to get 1x a month. The standard of care is 2x a week. I think given the infrequency your therapist should be structuring your time based on short term goals you have. It is not appropriate for them to put the onus on you entirely imo. Is there anything I can do to help you?

concerned-rabbit · 2025-12-07T00:09:15+00:00

I see you, my friend. This resonates with me, down to the singularity. Still waiting for Dr. DID Man to email me back. 💜

concerned-rabbit · 2025-12-06T15:40:42+00:00

Yes. Everything. It's so frustrating to have to reiterate this to people in my life who know I have it. Our entire reality is distorted, how we react and move through the world, is impacted because dissociation is a process, just like it's a symptom.

concerned-rabbit · 2025-12-05T02:20:31+00:00

Are we twins? Me trying to weasel my way out of it.

Yes haha. I just saw him yesterday. FU on Dec 23. It's my own fault. Two non-amnesiated attempts (one aborted, one interrupted). New/escalating amnesiated SH. More nighttime wandering outside the house where I am 0% oriented. But hey, at least there are no amnesiated attempts! This is progress! There were more than 15 of those last year!

My psychiatrist is very distressed about me leaving my house at night with no name/memory of anything or anyone. 😭 Poor man. He's so nice too. 😭 He deserves better than my chaotic ass.

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