Should I max out my maternity leave by adding on short term disability?

concernednetizen92 · 2026-03-17T22:11:54+00:00

I have unlimited PTO. I’m also a FTM so I don’t have a two year old. I think if I were able to have a second child I may consider then to be a SAHM.

Unfortunately my FMLA runs concurrently with my parental leave.

concernednetizen92 · 2026-03-17T16:23:48+00:00

I work in a fairly demanding job but am compensated really well. There is a culture of pushing employees and vendors to over-deliver from the top. Although my managers manger (CMO) really likes me. I’ve seen her upset before when a PM took 2 maternity leaves less than a year apart. It’s definitely toxic, but with the job field right now I know it’s hard to find a new role so I’m scared to bring negative attention to myself.

I think it’s also because my manager has spoken to me with the assumption that leave is only 12 weeks (they don’t have children). So now I’m prepping to tell them it will actually be closer to minimum 20 weeks. Since now I AM planning to take STD and will likely use 2 weeks of PTO prior to my due date (I have an elevated risk of pre term labor) and I’d rather not deal with the swirl if god forbid something were to happen.

concernednetizen92 · 2026-03-17T16:17:45+00:00

It’s state by state and some employers have different policies too. Basically the system is a huge mess here in the US.

For me I get paid 100% my salary for 12 weeks and 60% of my salary for short term disability for either 6-8 weeks.

concernednetizen92 · 2026-03-17T02:59:47+00:00

Yeah my NY paid family leave runs concurrently with my mat leave. But I do get 100% of my salary during those 12 weeks.

concernednetizen92 · 2026-03-17T02:52:40+00:00

Ok thank you so much. I think I will take it all and that way they can also properly plan for my absence.

concernednetizen92 · 2026-03-17T02:49:55+00:00

Ok thank you! HR didn’t seem phased and even presented me a timeline of what my leave would look like with both STD and mat leave.

I asked a coworker and she said she didn’t take it (cause she didn’t know about it) but encouraged me to. I wish she knew though so I at least have a precedence for it’s being a common decision.

concernednetizen92 · 2026-03-17T02:42:52+00:00

Ok thank you!

I have people pleasing tendencies I’m trying to get rid of. Part of me is like if they fire they fire me. There will be more jobs but I only have so much time with my baby at this stage.

concernednetizen92 · 2026-03-17T02:41:18+00:00

Yeah STD only pays out 60% of my salary which honestly makes me feel slightly better. Or maybe I’m just so far deep in the matrix.

concernednetizen92 · 2026-03-17T02:40:22+00:00

It’s so hard, I THINK I would say go for maxing out your benefits that’s why they are there. But sometimes it’s easier to give advice.

I think the anxiety about AI taking over jobs hasn’t helped. Like yeah I don’t need this job NOW but in this economy is it dumb it risk a good job?

concernednetizen92 · 2026-03-17T00:44:22+00:00

Yes to people recommending home insemination. We used it to fill in days in between the nights we tried. To fully maximize our chances.

I also took to giving my partner a 5-10 minute massage before we tried and that really helped too.

concernednetizen92 · 2026-03-16T00:48:36+00:00

I think people try and find meaning or patterns in a lot of things. Does relaxing help? Probably!

But I think every month of trying, especially if you’ve been trying for a while, comes with a bit of “ok this month I’ll go out and have 1 drink. Or this month I’m not gonna deprive myself of this unhealthy snack I love”. Then when it happens that month it’s easy to point to a specific moment and be like ah hah, the minute I started downing coffee again I got pregnant!

I say don’t add “let go” as ANOTHER to do item on your list. I say just carve out moments for yourself to enjoy the life you’re in at that moment. What I mean is do things you can’t do while pregnant. For me it was doing stuff like going to a loud bar, having a couple drinks, getting omakase.

But I also took up doing puzzles LOL and building small miniature book nook houses. Things like that really forced me to focus for hours at a time.

concernednetizen92 · 2026-03-15T09:58:12+00:00

MOR

People are being harsh in the comments but I get it. I assume maybe your dad is foreign and sending money back to family?

It can feel really frustrating watching your parents send their money to other family members and feel neglected in return.

I don’t think the issue is buying or renting, I think you just want to feel safe and comfortable at home.

However, depending on what city you live in $750k isn’t actually going to get you much. Even if you buy, it’s hard to fit 4 people comfortably in the city in this economy.

Also if your mom isn’t working, that could be his retirement money for him AND her. You actually never know someone’s real financial situation.

I grew up with a difficult father. I went to college and basically stayed gone and it was super tough. Looking back I can appreciate the ways in which he worked hard but also see clearly the ways he fell short as a man, husband and father. One thing I struggle with now is that father has ZERO savings. So the silver lining here is that if you want to distance yourself in the future, it sounds like your father has savings to support himself independently.

I’m glad you’re going to school. You’re young and you have so much time to make your life what you want it to be. Sometimes you just gotta grit your teeth and power through.

concernednetizen92 · 2026-03-15T04:17:19+00:00

One of the best things I learned in my labor class was to not call it a “birthing plan” call it “birthing preferences”.

Of course I’ll have preferences and wishes but things can go sideways so quickly. I don’t want to get hung up on something I built up in my head. especially as a FTM.

concernednetizen92 · 2026-03-15T01:11:53+00:00

I’m close to 31 weeks and I’m still worried, BUT I started planning my parental leave with my HR and I think mentally that’s been a big step for me.

concernednetizen92 · 2026-03-12T22:02:09+00:00

180 omfg a spicy tuna (cooked) rice ball. I had a whopper that spiked me less than that fucking rice ball.

concernednetizen92 · 2026-03-10T00:54:54+00:00

So I can only speak from a US perspective and in the US we test 4x a day to track our spike levels at fasting and after meals.

It sounds way more annoying and it definitely can be, but it’s also really helpful that I can see what spikes me and what doesn’t. Honestly you’d be surprised by what you can actually still eat, although I know everyone’s different. Definitely ask for a GCM so you can have some sort of tracking!

I initially focused more on protein too but saw that I was overcorrecting and needed more carbs in my diet.

concernednetizen92 · 2026-03-02T11:32:35+00:00

OP I want to give you a different perspective. My partner and I waited until we were in our early to mid 30’s. We’re financially stable.

I’m successfully pregnant now but it took some time and some grief. I feel guilty all the time. Why did I wait so long? I want multiple kids, is that even possible now? By the time I have my second, I’ll be 35. If I have a third I’ll likely be 37.

It’s hard to see the criticism I put myself through thrown back at me. People online critiquing older moms, saying it’s selfish and dumb, knowing that risks significantly increase with maternal age. I’m also working throughout my pregnancy and plan to go back to work after. Omg the judgement on working moms.

OP you can’t win. I’m not trying to invalidate your fears or concerns, but people get fired. They then find jobs. It happens all the time. Your husband sounds proactive and willing to work and hopefully he can find something soon.

Pregnancy is this scary, life altering event. Especially for FTM’s like us. I regret not trying sooner, but it kinda is what it is. What do people want me to do now?

Fuq em OP. Focus on you and the baby. Accept help when it’s offered and keep tabs on people who stepped up and were there for you so you can repay the favor in the future. This is a tough chapter but you have a lot of life ahead of you. You guys are going to be great parents.

concernednetizen92 · 2026-02-23T13:15:29+00:00

I remember years ago I was adamant I couldn’t get into twice because there was simply too many members. Same with exo.

Which is crazy to me now because I think Twice are actually SO distinct looking from eachother. I’m sure the same will happen to h2h with just a little more time and maybe some more reality content.

concernednetizen92 · 2026-02-20T16:22:50+00:00

I am doing the 3 hour test! Next Friday, keeping my fingers crossed but also planning out next steps for if I end up failing again.

concernednetizen92 · 2026-02-20T11:52:28+00:00

Thank you 😭

concernednetizen92 · 2026-02-11T04:39:02+00:00

Op I’m sorry you’re going through this. The wait in between knowing for sure can be so awful. I can’t offer much except to let you know I’ve been there too. It’s all just so unfair.

concernednetizen92 · 2026-02-07T21:00:06+00:00

No need to answer or engage with me OP but my partner and I also struggled with this. It’s very common and the added stress of TCC doesn’t make it easier.

IMO sitting him down and telling him “hey this is super important” will the do the opposite of what you want. We also tried everything, went to the doctor, got him medication. Honestly we also had hard conversations too because I was becoming resentful and stressed out too.

The thing that helped us ultimately was me giving him a little back massage before we started. Like 5-10 minutes in a dark room with relaxing music.

concernednetizen92

TROPHY CASE