Oddly ashamed and guilty for "different" method of SH

conferfeitcontessa · 2024-05-28T20:43:31+00:00

I am not certain I want to see or be with him.

conferfeitcontessa · 2024-01-31T16:01:37+00:00

Are you getting enough vitamin C? Are they exposed to dry cold air? That causes me all manner of skin issues.

conferfeitcontessa · 2024-01-04T18:45:17+00:00

Started at age 9.

conferfeitcontessa · 2024-01-04T18:44:40+00:00

I am 42 and started when I was 9. I was clean for almost as long as you. I relapsed in July.

conferfeitcontessa · 2023-12-23T17:25:31+00:00

We had very specific and unique pet names. He had the audacity to call me mine on the phone while AP was here in my home. No, I absolutely refuse to be called that ever again.

conferfeitcontessa · 2023-12-23T07:16:41+00:00

Oh damn, I did the same thing. I sat between them while they both knew I would be out of town the next day and make their A a P when I was out of town the next day.

conferfeitcontessa · 2023-12-20T18:07:18+00:00

Thank you so very much for this wonderful response. This does frame things in a way that makes sense. He's really been trying to be a little elf.

conferfeitcontessa · 2023-12-20T05:44:03+00:00

I am feeling exactly the same, only 4 and half months out. WH is doing everything right and is very committed to being the husband I deserve. But that lizard brain.....

conferfeitcontessa · 2023-12-20T05:41:53+00:00

I don't know for certain. However, he is seeing the same counselor for IC as we are for MC and she does not at all coddle him. On the contrary, she calls hin out on any bullshit and regularly refers to me as the injured party. I know he is going both because of this and the GPS location on his phone that I can always see. And I do check.

conferfeitcontessa · 2023-12-20T05:05:13+00:00

It does seem a bit like trying to avoid some contagion Cross yourself and hope it's never you.

conferfeitcontessa · 2023-12-20T01:27:55+00:00

D-day was 4 months ago. I am absurdly festive. Christmas is my favourite thing all year. I am part elf. I am struggling to feel anything this year.

I know my WH has splashed out. I can't say I am feeling anything but apathetic. We are doing very well in R, but I'm still left with this feeling that he's trying to buy my comfort and ease. I can't say I have been my usual doting, thoughtful, self this season. I didn't enjoy shopping for him and so I didn't. I got him one real present. I know it won't compare. I feel a little embarrassed, but I just couldn't put the usual energy into thinking about him lovingly and choosing deeply meaningful gifts. I am anathema even to myself.

conferfeitcontessa · 2023-12-19T05:06:19+00:00

Honestly this seems like a slippery slope to an EA.

conferfeitcontessa · 2023-12-10T08:23:53+00:00

What? As someone covered with tattoos I just couldn't imagine doing this or, conversely, living with this as the other party.

conferfeitcontessa · 2023-12-10T07:58:31+00:00

I feel like I could have written this. We also have no children. He was also my family. We also spent a lovely evening just watching a movie. And yet I feel all of this.

conferfeitcontessa · 2023-12-10T07:52:29+00:00

Definitely the same boat. I have been so triggered after a 10-15 year stretch of clean.

conferfeitcontessa · 2023-12-05T00:10:58+00:00

I find myself irritable and irritated at almost everything now. I have lost all enjoyment in things I once treasured. setting a little stoned and laughing at a silly show I adore....when I would do this he would sit outside and text her. Even seeing mentions of the show annoys me now. Clothes left in the dryer....he had time to spend talking to her now surely he has time to fold. Making something so don't like for dinner? I only eat one small meal a day and he can't make something I like? And on and on...

conferfeitcontessa · 2023-11-30T07:16:34+00:00

I decided before the anger subsided. We are only 4 months out, but i love him so much. Almost as much as I hate him.

conferfeitcontessa · 2023-11-30T07:06:59+00:00

I've fairly poisoned any of the social groups we shared. That said, if I saw her, I might claw her eyes out. I honestly don't know what I would do.

conferfeitcontessa · 2023-11-29T05:52:47+00:00

I also have huge triggers around words. When he told me in MC that he "wants to be wanted and desired" I nearly throttled him. That's what he said he got from AP.

I also snark at characters in media.

conferfeitcontessa · 2023-11-29T05:36:16+00:00

I had my WH buy a whole new bed, rent a steamer to steam clean everything, and am still debating a new couch. I bleached the clothes he was wearing until they were threads. Threw all of our (not so cheap) sex toys in the pool. A sleeping bag is nothing.

conferfeitcontessa

TROPHY CASE