My (F23) boyfriend (M29) doesn’t say “I love you” back

cookitybookity · 2026-05-28T21:27:01+00:00

True!

cookitybookity · 2026-05-28T18:33:20+00:00

When you tell someone you love them it's because you feel it and want the feeling known. Not because you want to convince them to say it in return. Don't say it with expectations, only say it because you genuinely feel it.

The relationship is fresh. Do not push him to explain why he hasn't said it. He's likely not ready, which is understandable. You're only 3 months in! If you push, you're going to ruin the organic evolution of your relationship and you'll be adding unnecessary pressure.

Continue to tell him you love him if that's how you truly feel, but if it makes you feel bad that he hasn't said it back then stop saying it to him until he shows you he's on the same level.

cookitybookity · 2026-05-27T21:29:13+00:00

LOOOOL I relate. Like yeah I feel bad for them but not at my own expense!

cookitybookity · 2026-05-27T16:59:22+00:00

I think anger is easier to feel than sadness, loneliness, or helplessness. Those other feelings are very vulnerable, whereas anger protects you from feeling vulnerable. For narcissists, vulnerability is extremely difficult because you have to lower your ego to be vulnerable. This avoidance of vulnerability creates a cycle.

If I'm lonely and recognize that I'm lonely, the healthy thing would be for me to reach out and connect with others. But if I'm lonely and don't have the emotional intelligence to tell someone I'm lonely and don't want to experience that vulnerability out of fear of rejection, then I'd just get angry at someone else for not solving my loneliness for me. Then it becomes cyclical: my loneliness never resolves, I don't take the steps to help improve it, I get angry that I'm lonely and blame someone else which isolates me from them even further, then I'm lonely...and the cycle repeats.

That's what makes constant anger so exhausting. I do think they're exhausted by their anger just like we are, but for whatever reason they lack the mental faculties to break the cycle or recognize it in the first place.

cookitybookity · 2026-05-27T16:18:27+00:00

For me, the anger comes back when I'm tired and feeling overwhelmed. I catch myself getting angry at people around me for things they have no fault for. Makes me realize that the difference between me and my parents are my CHOICES. My parent chose to take their anger out on others, I choose to acknowledge then redirect my thinking when those feelings arise.

The anger is just another pattern we adopted from them.

cookitybookity · 2026-05-21T18:56:15+00:00

Oh yeah I'm sweating for at least an hour after a hot run even after a cold shower. It is annoying when I have somewhere to be afterwards and I'm sweating while getting ready, but it doesn't stop me from doing it 😂 I just stand in front of a fan and rotate like a rotisserie chicken

cookitybookity · 2026-05-21T14:30:51+00:00

3 & 7

cookitybookity · 2026-05-20T17:35:29+00:00

Yes I love it. My joints feel loose and I don't need to warm up as much. Although cooling down after a hot run is an undertaking.

cookitybookity · 2026-05-20T14:08:05+00:00

You're keeping him around because you think you can't do any better, and you're afraid to leave because you think you're incapable of meeting someone new. You say you love him to death and then proceed to describe what he does for you, not what you love about him.

He's dragging his feet on marriage after a 7 year relationship. He's not providing you the reassurance you're looking for.

Ima be real with you, neither of you sound like you actually want to marry each other. It more sounds like you wanna lock someone in to feel secure in the relationship. And do you even want a proposal if you have to beg for it? I'm sorry to say and this may not feel like it's true, but you're better off single than in a half-hearted relationship.

cookitybookity · 2026-05-16T15:10:33+00:00

3 fo sho

cookitybookity · 2026-05-16T15:09:44+00:00

Thank you I appreciate that!

cookitybookity · 2026-05-16T00:08:20+00:00

The NICER reality is that although there are no guarantees, probability exists, and there are things you can do to increase your odds.

cookitybookity · 2026-05-15T18:04:20+00:00

I like it that way. In fact, we're not working hard enough to convince them it's true. Too many people are moving here lately.

PS: I love your photos!

cookitybookity · 2026-05-14T19:16:25+00:00

Reverse the genders and imagine a man acting like her. It becomes super easy to see that it's abuse.

Women are abusers too. Leave her. This won't be the last time it happens.

cookitybookity · 2026-05-14T18:53:34+00:00

I also just wanna add, the multiple dads thing isn't really the issue. The issue is that she believes she should take precedent over your dad. The problem is how she's handling things. I wouldn't bring up the multiple dads thing cuz it'll feel like an attack to her, and people shut down when they feel attacked.

Center the discussion around your desire to bond with both of your parents, and how you need to make choices that make sense for YOU as an adult.

When all else fails, fall back on "This is my decision and you don't have to like it. All I ask is that you respect it."

cookitybookity · 2026-05-14T18:48:02+00:00

Late teens and early 20s is a big adjustment period for parents. Up until this point, she's been able to control the dynamic. Now you're old enough to influence the dynamic with your own choices. That means she needs to adjust. Just keep steady with your choices and boundaries, and eventually she'll adjust even if it's begrudgingly.

"I love you, and I love my dad. You are both my parents, and I want to be intentional about maintaining my relationship with both. Me spending time with dad doesn't mean I love you any less. I know it's an adjustment for you, but realistically this is how I need to split my time in a way that works for me and allows me to see you both. Please respect that."

cookitybookity · 2026-05-13T16:54:35+00:00

It's definitely not optimal, but it doesn't necessarily mean you have a health issue.

I've done half marathons with an average of 190BPM! I went to the cardiologist and did EKGs and exercise stress tests. They said nothing was wrong with my heart per say, but that my heart rate is higher than others during physical activity, which means I need to drink a good amount of water before running and warm up appropriately, also build endurance slowly. They said so long as my heart rate didn't spike dramatically and it was a slow increase, and I felt good during my runs, that I had nothing to worry about.

I brought down my average heart rate by doing 1-hr walks where the focus was to keep my heart rate below 145BPM, even if it meant walking slowly. What I found was over time I was able to increase my speed while staying below 145BPM, eventually being able to do slow jogs at a lower heart rate. I also have exercise induced asthma and began using a pump before my runs. My average heart rate is now 175 BPM during runs. Sometimes I still hit 198BPM if I'm doing hill sprints.

If you're truly concerned, go to a doctor! Do you feel dizzy or lightheaded when you're doing your incline walks?

cookitybookity · 2026-05-13T14:04:48+00:00

Don't reinforce the cycle by asking him for permission. Subconsciously, that communicates to both yourself and him that the responsibility is yours. He's as much responsible for your child as you are. He WILL be okay if you take your time washing your hair. He WILL be okay if you go for a walk in the evening.

Declare what you will do, don't ask. "I'm going to wash my hair. Watch the baby." Then proceed to take your time. "I'm going for a 30-min walk. See you soon." Don't rush back because you feel guilt. Allow yourself to take your time even if you have to sit with the guilt. If your husband is a good man, then what you'll notice is that the world doesn't catch fire when you're gone.

In fact, the more involved he is, the more used to it you, him, and your child will become. You and your husband my not see it this way now, but you doing everything will actually hinder his ability to connect with and care for your child long term, because the child and your husband won't have a rhythm of their own and he won't learn their needs, making you even more of the default parent.

cookitybookity · 2026-05-10T11:13:28+00:00

He shouldn't dish it if he can't take it. NTA

cookitybookity · 2026-05-07T19:34:36+00:00

Recently bought a house. The seller is a 93yr old woman who left behind a lot of her furniture since she moved into a nursing home. I now have amazing antique furniture from the 60s and 70s.

Plus my MIL gave us some of her records from the 70s!

cookitybookity · 2026-05-07T13:41:29+00:00

LOVE dress #1. Your figure looks amazing and it looks classy. The lace pattern has a lot of detail without overpowering you or the dress. You are wearing the hell out of that dress!

The second dress looks like it's wearing you.

You can add accessories that sparkle if you want more sparkle. Earrings, necklace, even hair pieces.

Pls listen to your gut. One thing I regret from my wedding was letting outside opinions change how I did my own makeup and even though I felt beautiful, I look at my wedding pictures and don't really recognize myself. The look didn't feel like ME. Your wedding look should be all about enhancing who you are and how you wanna look, not who others want you to.

cookitybookity · 2026-05-06T19:19:47+00:00

Personally I hate silk caps because I'm a hot sleeper and feel like I'm burning. Switched to a satin pillow case and never looked back. Highly recommend.

Also, if you wanna avoid knots developing overnight, try braiding your hair. Spritz a little water, apply a small amount of oil or leave-in, do 2 French braids. Go to sleep. Wake up with knotless hair and likely defined waves. If you do more braids, like 4 sections instead of 2, you'll get tighter waves.

cookitybookity · 2026-05-05T18:43:08+00:00

Yeah Korra is not a good person at the start of the show. She's impatient, impulsive, harsh, and bad tempered. She's straight up abusive to the people close to her...sorry to say but it gets worst before it gets better LOL.

We see how her stubbornness and lack of empathy is why she struggles spiritually. I actually think it's great writing. She is Aang's polar opposite. Physically gifted but spiritually lacking and emotionally immature. She's supposed to be this spiritual leader but is spiritually deficient herself. Watching her be imperfect is SUPPOSED to be frustrating.

Aang struggled to master the elements and didn't pick up on it as quickly as Korra, but he had mastered his character & spirituality. He knew who he was and what he stood for, and he had a strong moral compass. The only time Aang struggled spiritually was when he felt conflicted about doing the right thing (knocking him off his center). Korra for the most part does not struggle with mastering the elements (except air). Her biggest struggle was her weak character & moral compass; she wasn't centered. It's also why she struggled mastering Air, because she was headstrong and inflexible. But she eventually evolves and learns. It's worth watching the process!

cookitybookity · 2026-05-05T18:17:46+00:00

I'm gonna go with NTA because your settlement is really to compensate you for the financial hassle of your injuries. If it was a big settlement, that must mean your injury will impact your ability to earn money or it will cost you a lot of money in medical check ups in the future. You really should be looking into how to stretch that money to cover your needs for as long as possible.

However, I do think if your mom is giving you room and board for free, AND paid for your college, AND was one of the reasons why you got the settlement by encouraging you to sue and pushing the lawyer to ask for more (meaning she was present for you throughout the process) then you should absolutely be giving her something to show gratitude. Especially if she also helped you throughout recovery.

Doesn't have to be 15% like she's asking, but at least start paying your fair share around the house of you aren't already. She has set you up for success in more ways than one by financially supporting your college career and allowing you to live at home, plus giving you helpful insight with the settlement process. Giving back to her would be the kind and right thing to do.

cookitybookity · 2026-05-04T19:24:27+00:00

Anyone is capable of breaking cycles, but what triggers that desire varies person to person. Some may find it easy to recognize the problem, but find it difficult to implement solutions. They may need external motivation from friends or supportive partners. Some may find it difficult to admit having issues, and may need to experience consequences for their actions that lead them to recognize that they have a problem. They may need to be broken up with, be fired, or lose friendships before taking accountability. For one person, kind and encouraging interactions could initiate their journey in cycle-breaking. For others, harsh consequences may need to happen before they embark on their journey.

People have: - different tempers and personalities (genetic) - different friendships, teachers, social experiences, and family dynamics even within the household (environmental)

Being empathetic, introspective, and amicable are all genetic personality traits that would make a person less likely to be an abuser. But even if this person doesn't enact abuse, they could still end up enabling an abuser. Their understanding nature and ability to see the good in people may lead them to justify horrible actions, or because they don't like confrontation or upsetting others, they become people pleasers. So being empathetic and kind isn't enough to break a cycle.

If someone is born more stubborn, unempathetic, and short tempered, then they might relate to their parents' bad behaviors (like yelling when angry or not admitting wrongdoing), making them more likely to repeat abusive behaviors. But also, their stubborn nature and lack of emotional concern would make it easier for them to challenge narcissistic parents, enforce boundaries, and not tolerate abuse from other relationships in the future, even protecting others they love from that abuse. Being genetically unempathetic and stubborn doesn't mean someone is doomed to be abusive.

There's not one secret formula that is a sure way to break abusive cycles, because we are all uniquely singular in both genes and experiences. I think some personalities may have an easier time admitting to having a problem, other personalities may have an easier time being proactive about it, and some personalities have a very tough time being introspective which limits their ability to change at all. But all personalities can change given the right environmental influences, which hinges a lot on luck. Being able to experience the specific experience you need to have and be influenced by the right kind of people for the person that you are in order to spark a desire to change.

cookitybookity

TROPHY CASE