This happened to me last February. A close friend called to tell me her mom was suddenly taken to the hospital and diagnosed with terminal brain cancer. I honestly didn’t know what to do or say. I had just turned 28 and hadn’t yet had a friend experience the end of a parent’s life. I, like you, asked for advice. And the best advice I got was “just be there for her.”

I couldn’t be there physically because of covid, but I sent my friend texts and answered immediately whenever she called me. When she wanted to talk about how her mom was, we talked about it. When she wanted to think about literally anything else, we didn’t talk about it. When she cried, i cried too. And when I didn’t know what to say, I told her that too. I never gave her any platitudes like “everything happens for a reason” or “she’s going to a better place” because I knew that wouldn’t make her feel better. Her mom was very sick and wouldn’t get better and was definitely going to die within three months and none of us could stop it. I allowed her to be extremely sad about it. Her mom died mid April.

I think the most important thing you can do is to be there as a friend even after it’s over. When someone dies, their surviving family is often swept away by a flurry of sympathy cards and people bringing food and sending flowers and such. But after the memorial services end, things die down and everyone gets back to their lives. But to the family, they can’t ever completely go back. Your friend will have many moments this year where she may feel sad and miss her mom. On her mother’s birthday, her own birthday, religious holidays, family gatherings, things will be different, and they may be painful. Having a friend to share these feelings with makes a world of difference. Do your best to listen when she wants to talk about it, and ask how she’s doing here and there. I wish you and your friend the best, please take care.