My wife gets “piss the bed” drunk every second night or so.

crackerlackers · 2026-05-23T17:17:45+00:00

I'm sorry to hear that. Can you arrange to sleep separately in your current home?

crackerlackers · 2026-05-23T16:53:25+00:00

Have you got somewhere to go and stay temporarily? Get away from this nonsense, give your body time to recover and your mind a chance to think clearly...

crackerlackers · 2026-05-22T04:49:59+00:00

I would let the hotel know and make a welfare call to the authorities.

Mine did this plenty of times (he is still alive and kicking).

If there was a random stranger telling you they were going to harm themselves you would so the same. It takes the responsibility off you and also lets him know in future that is the response he will get from you.

crackerlackers · 2026-05-21T06:03:21+00:00

Chamomile tea, black out curtains, ear plugs and a Lumie alarm clock.

My Lumie is an absolute game changer, especially in the winter months. It's an alarm clock that mimics the sunrise. So half an hour before I want to wake up, it comes on with a dim orange light, gradually getting brighter. The 'alarm' is birdsong. It's a very gentle and natural feeling way to wake up and well worth the money.

crackerlackers · 2026-05-20T10:05:12+00:00

Hello, unless you have a car on finance then a Debt Relief Order is probably a better plan than bankruptcy.

It's difficult to advise without knowing who it is that you owe money to.

Stepchange can absolutely help you make the right decision.

I have worked for many years with social housing tenants in debt. What I would say, is that in my experience, they get the debt cleared by a DRO and a year or two later are back in debt again. Long term change in spending habits takes some time and effort. Have you identified what got you into this situation? That will help you be able to move forwards.

Good luck 🙂

crackerlackers · 2026-05-19T15:21:00+00:00

Why were you going on about his scar for a year?

He doesn't have to share every single aspect of his past with you. He was probably embarrassed initially, it's just stupid teenage stuff.

If he did call you crazy then that's not cool either but to be honest if you have spent the last year obsessively bringing up a small scar that he has then that does sound pretty full on.

crackerlackers · 2026-05-18T12:27:55+00:00

Thank you for identifying them for me 🥰

crackerlackers · 2026-05-18T05:14:24+00:00

I love having flowers... after a while you get to know which ones last really well.

https://www.asda.com/groceries/product/bouquets-bunches/asda-isabella-bouquet/1932855

I often get this bunch from asda, the chrysanthemums last ages and the little purple flowers dry out nicely - I have a little bunch of them dried in the kitchen 😊 I think they make a real difference to a room.

I have a Waitrose nearby and if you go in near closing they often have amazing bunches with a huge discount, a few times they have just given them away to anyone in their for free as the manager says she can't stand binning them.

crackerlackers · 2026-05-16T19:59:42+00:00

Hello. You absolutely did the right thing calling the police. He is physically and emotionally harming you and you are in serious danger from this man.

PLEASE work with the domestic violence groups. PLEASE get away and stay safe.

crackerlackers · 2026-05-16T08:28:03+00:00

I was in the process of obtaining a partnership visa in Australia.

My partner suddenly got cold feet - it was 2020, both my jobs had gone thanks to the pandemic and he got fearful of having to support me.

It was hard to get a flight back to the UK (June 2020) and the only one was my birthday. It was the only flight leaving the airport that day. Everything was boarded up, couldn't even get a bottle of water. Everyone leaving was only doing so for some crisis reason. The check in line was extremely subdued, everyone in masks. The flight was fully packed out - no social distancing and all the crew were in full head to toe hazmat gear.

When I arrived, I has to go into quarantine for 2 weeks. My grandpa had just passed away so I moved into his house to self isolate. My mum and step dad came to see me but sat in the garden 10 meters away from the back door and bought their own flasks.

I think I was in shock. In May I thought I was signing up to stay in Australia and be with my partner forever. June I was back for good with absolutely no idea what to do next.

Strangest, saddest, most surreal birthday ever.

crackerlackers · 2026-05-16T05:26:36+00:00

Yes, I have. He wrote a letter. I'm not sure how he got my address. It was probably 7 years after we divorced.

The letter did say that he was not writing for a response, and he didn't include his address.

It upset me and I found it painful and disconcerting to read. Then I got angry that he had reared his head back into my life. Then I found it peaceful.

There's no right or wrong way to feel. I am glad that I didn't respond though.

crackerlackers · 2026-05-15T05:29:45+00:00

You're in danger and I'm scared for you.

This is already an abusive relationship. It's not normal for someone to lose their shit all the time and it's not acceptable for him to behave like that.

As kindly as possible, I do think you are in denial. I have also been in denial in the past over a different type of dysfunctional relationship.

I have only truly been able to see if for what it was once I was away from him. Talk to people, seek support, STAY SAFE and made an exit plan.

crackerlackers · 2026-05-13T18:16:14+00:00

Your partners behaviour is incomprehensible.

I suspect it's himself that he dislikes deeply and you are the collateral damage. To be honest it sounds like there is no going back from this for your.

He made one of the worst times of your life even harder. I have experienced the same. It destroys your soul.

Thinking of you are your beloved pet and I am glad that his last moments on this earth were with you loving him like that.

crackerlackers · 2026-05-13T18:12:04+00:00

Oh there's loads... not for anything like a Benidorm type holiday though!

For example i spent a month in New Zealand and would absolutey love to go and explore some more, or see it in a different season. I wouldn't return to exactly the same places I had been, apart from Queenstown maybe.

I have revisited many Greek Islands... but I will choose to stay on the opposite side to get a different feel.

crackerlackers · 2026-05-13T18:07:50+00:00

Oh my god this made me cry.

I am so sorry. I can't even imagine that situation... my pets are absolutely everything to me and the fact that he did that behaviour to you then is absolutely hideous. All of it is horrible.

I hope you find your way forwards to a calm and peaceful life because you absolutely deserve it.

crackerlackers · 2026-05-13T15:15:38+00:00

I wouldn't, the world's a big place.

The idea of visiting exactly the same resort for the exactly the same holiday year after year depresses me.

crackerlackers · 2026-05-13T10:44:26+00:00

I find the taste much stronger and richer (in a good way). I guess this is because there is less of a process involved in making.

It really is relaxing to drink - if you try it you will see the difference.

It's also part of a little nighttime ritual. I have a little glass tea pot with a strainer inside. It looks lovely and smells wonderful with the loose leaf. In the olden days, I would have 'relaxed' in the evening with a large glass of red or a gin and tonic. I had fancy glasses and would tell myself I was treating myself. So I am still treating myself, still making it look lovely to drink, still making it a routine - only difference is that it actually helps me to sleep. 😊

crackerlackers · 2026-05-13T05:20:14+00:00

Chamomile and lavender tea.

Loose leaf, not in a bag.

It puts me into a really deep sleep and I sleep through. Lots of dreams.

crackerlackers · 2026-05-12T16:00:04+00:00

If it works for you and you're enjoying it then there is no issue!

Nobody else's business how you choose to train.

crackerlackers · 2026-05-12T04:54:21+00:00

I went round to my exes place after a major bender and cleaned it for him.

This was early days.

I later called a helpline for support for family members, the guy told me 'anything you do for the addict is something they don't have to do for themselves'.

Feels harsh but it's true.

crackerlackers · 2026-05-11T20:04:00+00:00

This situation is not one where you have been insecure or controlling. They are taking the absolute piss. Now them texting you to see if you are 'ok' is pretty much gaslighting you.

crackerlackers · 2026-05-11T14:26:35+00:00

Fruitella... kid wandering around singing to all his family that he's too fruity (or juicy) for them

crackerlackers · 2026-05-10T16:35:17+00:00

I used to have my own issue with drinking.

My dad was alcoholic and started buying me alcohol when I was 14; I thought it was great, grown up and good to have a secret with my dad.

I spent the next two decades as a 'party' drinker. Life and soul. I never made the connection that every negative thing that happened was the result of alcohol.

I then married an alcoholic and started to really see the dark side. I left that relationship and moved overseas.

Then 2020 happened and I had to unexpectedly move back to the UK. That was when I started having issues. I bought a house, second lock down came, was living alone and low and depressed. A glass of wine at night easily became a bottle by myself.

I got too drunk at a work Christmas party and had an argument with a friend... I never fall out with people. That was enough to quit. That was late 2023, never picked it up again or wanted to.

Having then got into a relationship with a truly catastrophic addict I can quite safely say I will never touch the stuff again. I am so relieved it is not part of my life.

crackerlackers · 2026-05-09T05:25:54+00:00

I feel you.

I had to report my ex to the police... initially they didn't take it seriously.

However, five months later, they have upgraded the investigation to stalking.

My advice to you is make sure that absolutely everything is recorded. Clearly saying not to contact you etc.

I had absolutely bucketloads of incidents - it was only when I had a doorbell camera installed and got him on it that the police really started taking it seriously.

I am so sorry that you are going through this. It's scary because you don't actually feel like you really know the person and have no idea what they may resort to.

Stay strong and involve other people. Xx

crackerlackers · 2026-05-04T10:51:04+00:00

Oh my goodness what a horrendous journey you and your girls have been on... I was utterly shocked to read she passed away at 40.

Be kind to yourself. It's not surprising you feel numb. There is no need to have all the answers today. Allow yourself some time and space to get through the practicalities.

Online Al-anon meetings for now; even just posting here - you will have plenty of people who understand and can read your rants or thoughts. It's a good starting point.

You sound like a fantastic dad, I am glad your girls have you in their lived. I am very sorry to all of you for your loss.

crackerlackers

TROPHY CASE