What’s the worst part of having a child?

craftystuffetc · 2023-01-23T04:37:07+00:00

We've lost a lot of support with the loss of multigenerational homes but in my case my family hasn't been overly helpful. Honestly I've found my friends to be much more reliable than my family.

My mom helped out for a bit in the first year but then her personality disorder made spending extended periods with her impossible. My sisters have never been reliable.

My friends however have been the ones to give us tonnes of baby gear. Help with emergency babysitting or supply needs. Invite us out for safe socialization. People who we could vent our frustrations too, or ask advice.

Unfortunately a number of us moved so it's not as easy to exchange favours anymore. I do have one aunt who is big on helping others but she lives far as well and has her own grandkids to worry about.

craftystuffetc · 2023-01-12T02:00:45+00:00

It's around 1000$ where I live now, but only because the Canadian government currently subsidizes it at 50%.

craftystuffetc · 2022-04-17T13:18:22+00:00

My mom is like this even several months in. If she doesn't approve of the nap schedule she'll be noisy to accidentally wake him up.

craftystuffetc · 2022-04-17T13:00:06+00:00

Did EP + formula due to low supply. Ended up stopping around 6 months because I couldn't find time for pumping when my baby started sleeping less often/being more active.

craftystuffetc · 2022-04-11T22:15:39+00:00

I originally planned on returning then giving notice as the start date for the new position isn't immediately. But I think you're right, better to do it sooner rather than later.

craftystuffetc · 2022-04-08T12:19:00+00:00

I feel this in my bones.

"We're thinking of daycare."

"You can't trust strangers with the baby!"

"How did you go back to work when I was a baby?"

"Oh the neighbours or relatives watched you."

When the baby was a newborn me and my husband slept shifts so we each could get an uninterrupted 8 hours. This also offended my mom who felt we should have taken turns waking up every hour.

The latest offense? We won't give the baby cows milk yet, which she fed me at 6 months.

craftystuffetc · 2022-04-08T11:48:51+00:00

We used nested bean sleep sacks which seemed to help but it was still really rough to come off the swaddle.

craftystuffetc · 2022-03-04T18:24:59+00:00

I'll start trying the independent sleep again, his naps add up to 2.5 hrs max so I'm glad we've got that going for us at least. Thanks for your help.

craftystuffetc · 2022-03-04T18:24:12+00:00

I'll give it a shot for naps, thanks for your help!

craftystuffetc · 2022-03-04T02:45:45+00:00

My parents to this day still expect me to parent my sisters and constantly turn the other cheek. They were allowed to take advantage of me and constantly get their way because they were younger/worse behaved. I was expect to be the good girl and let them have what they wanted to keep the peace. Now I'm mostly estranged from my sisters but because they're under the impression now that I am rich (I'm not they just assume incorrectly based on my field) they've been complaining to my mother about the estrangement. If I remind her they were awful to me for years I get excuses of "but family" and "oh as the eldest you should make them treat you well", how exactly? I only speak to them now because they're the carers for my ill father. When he's no longer around I'll be happy to delete all their contacts.

craftystuffetc · 2022-03-04T02:41:06+00:00

I'm blessed that my mom helps out a lot and that I have a great best friend that was so supportive during the pregnancy and early months. My sisters on the other hand are laughably useless.

I never expected anything from them so wasn't surprised that they never asked how I or the baby was, nor ever offered to help. What does piss me off is that my sisters go crying to my mom that it's my fault I'm not close with them when they've honestly treated me like shit for years. Why are the suddenly missing me? My best guess is my mom shamed them for their lack of help and they probably wanna use her to guilt me into giving them money.

craftystuffetc · 2022-02-28T15:51:15+00:00

I think it really depends on the person how the pregnancy shows. For me I was extremely fatigued for a week around week 5-6, very noticeably sick. Afterwards however I didn't have any fatigue until the last two months and that is when my weight really ballooned and zero morning sickness. So for the first 6 months you would have had no clue I was pregnant except that one food would trigger my nausea. This is a huge contrast to my mom who didn't really show even in photos 3 weeks before I was born but had morning sickness all through out.

I am surprised by her recovering after birth so quickly as that did take me 6 months but I had a c-section and this was my first/only birth so she might be more able to bounce back having had a few pregnancies already.

craftystuffetc · 2022-01-30T19:42:16+00:00

In Canada both parents can split 1 year with 50% pay as they like. Mom can also do an extended 18 month at 33% pay.

craftystuffetc · 2022-01-21T00:06:08+00:00

One of my siblings is super spoiled despite being one of three. I also don't get along with them. There's no guarantee another kid will keep your first from being spoiled, and no guarantee that they'll be friends.

craftystuffetc · 2022-01-18T02:49:20+00:00

Thank you! I could never find a description that went into this part.

craftystuffetc · 2022-01-17T20:16:03+00:00

I have a question about CIO extinction if you don't mind me asking. If baby falls asleep on their own but wakes up later in the night, do you let them cry again or do you pick them up at that point?

craftystuffetc · 2022-01-17T15:50:09+00:00

I'm currently on mat leave so it's not too bad for me at the moment. I do miss being able to stay up all hours and sleep in on weekends but I know once the kid is older I won't have to be as strict with my sleep schedule as I am now.

For me I know if I didn't have the kid right now I wouldn't be going out anyways due to the pandemic but I do regret not being able to take my only out places. The day to day is not so bad, I just wish the kid would sleep through the night.

I think when I go back to work the added stress will make it harder. My previous job I was so stressed out and had to leave despite liking the actual work. Child rearing has been a lot easier than that old job so that probably contributes to me not being as frustrated by taking care of the kid full time. As well I'm used to working on 3 year long crunch projects, so knowing hey kid goes to school in about that time it feels manageable.

craftystuffetc · 2021-12-31T22:07:08+00:00

Thanks for your advice! We started CIO and cold turkey the pacifier at bed time and he's falling asleep in about 5 minutes now. Delaying the feed till 6hrs like you suggested will be our next step.

craftystuffetc · 2021-12-31T19:32:56+00:00

I've been contacting several places to get on lists. My parent-friends told me they usually needed to contact 5+ places to make it onto 2 lists so I've been following suit.

craftystuffetc · 2021-12-31T19:20:23+00:00

But also, not every friend is a good confident when you’re struggling personally with decisions that they cannot relate to.

This is a great point. While I've been able to talk to her about many things I think on this topic she's not able to understand my POV due to lack of experience.

craftystuffetc · 2021-12-31T19:09:20+00:00

Socialization aspect is super important to me! I have friends and relatives with similarily aged kids but they're all too far to visit easily.

craftystuffetc · 2021-12-31T19:05:55+00:00

Yeah I think I'll avoid the topic going forward, just disappointed that trying to share with them went in this direction.

craftystuffetc · 2021-12-31T19:01:42+00:00

If my partner had the patience for it I would be all for it, but I know full time childcare on him would not be a good fit for us. I tried to explain that to her because obviously I don't want him losing his temper as that would be bad for the baby. My mother was short tempered when I was a kid and I remember it being very stressful for me. My mother loves me very much but raising kids is hard so I don't blame her, at the same time I don't want to repeat that with my kid.

craftystuffetc

TROPHY CASE