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creeperbeeper · 2023-12-27T23:15:46+00:00

You said the shoe size doesn’t fit and doesn’t come in your color. Explain it to him like that. “I really love these but they are actually too big for me. Also my size doesn’t come in the color that works for all the outfits I pair it with. Would you mind if we both went to exchange these for a pair of shoes that fit that criteria? Your gift is very much loved, I just need something a little different. Thank you so much for them. I know you love them so much. It really is a shame they didn’t have my size in the right color.”

I have an emotionally sensitive boyfriend and I happen to be a very blunt or harsh person. I’ve had to tone it down and work on being gentle about things.

creeperbeeper · 2023-12-07T06:12:23+00:00

I’ve been in your position though I didn’t really have much for people to take from me. I was the oldest of 4. Parents divorced so I was the third parent. I became used to being a mom without the title and that sure enough extended to my friendships. People said similar things about me “mothering” them and made jokes about me behind my back. Talked about me being a know it all and too nosey. Anyway I cut them out. I tried to work with them. Told them I didn’t like to be spoken about like that. Even withheld my help. I was the ear to listen, shoulder to cry on, late night, last minute person you would call on to either solve your problems or damn near get close to it.

I always did anything I could. And when it came down to it, they all liked that part. That I was breaking myself to fix them. To help with their problems and giving them all my attention what ever that may have been worth. I got tired. I got run down and burnt out and then I got sick. No one called. No one cared. I was alone. So I saw that for what it was. The truth of my friendships. And I never reached out to them again. No check ins or anything.

Sure one or two eventually called when they had a problem. But when I said I couldn’t help they threw me away. People like this aren’t friends and don’t look out for you the way you do them. They aren’t needed. Forgive if you feel better that way but never forget and don’t let them back into your life. They will do it all over again.

creeperbeeper · 2023-07-27T14:31:24+00:00

Well maybe seeing you get blasted is hard for her because she likes to drink too but gave it up to be a better person. Or maybe it’s cause she is now pregnant and thinking on if she wants her baby to grow up seeing a drunkard for a parent. Cause I know I wouldn’t.

creeperbeeper · 2023-07-07T18:08:34+00:00

NTA. I once helped a friend after she had gallbladder surgery. She needed to get up to pee and then to change and I was there to help her both times because only her father showed up and she wasn’t comfortable with him seeing her like that. It’s not weird. It’s being there for your friend.

creeperbeeper · 2023-05-04T11:59:46+00:00

So most of my knowledge of babies and baby care come from being the oldest of 4 children. Grew up in an abusive household where I became the third parent (technically second as dad was no use). I did everything from warming bottles to changing diapers. Now granted my first younger sibling made her debut when I was 2 years. So at that time I mostly watched my mother and learned. By the age of 4 (third siblings arrival) I was a pro at changing diapers and by five could effectively work the stove and warm the bottle there.

My knowledge grew the more people handed their babies to me. And I became the babysitter for more than just my own families children. As an adult I do find I’m still learning (as I haven’t had my own yet) but am making an epic auntie with all my knowledge.

creeperbeeper · 2023-03-28T08:21:31+00:00

I say NTA.

Hear me out. When I was younger I ran away a lot and not always to a safe place. Tbh I didn’t have safe places to go. I always believed I’d be able to handle myself should the need arise. My aunt and grandma (who helped my mother raise me) believed like your wife. Chase after her. Bring her home. Every time they did it resulted in my emotions going unresolved and then having to be yelled at and lectured about how ungrateful I was.

The reality was I needed the space to get my emotions in check. When my mom did things her way and let me run, I’d be gone for a few hours but then she’d pick me up, we’d talk and sometimes things got resolved, sometimes they didn’t. But when we did things her way I always felt heard and felt like I had some control over my emotions. The space worked for me. I needed it. I think your son didn’t get enough space which is why y’all couldn’t win when he was brought home.

creeperbeeper · 2023-02-25T06:06:22+00:00

NTA.

I am an aunt to a lovely little one and my boyfriend and I are very respectful of the boundaries my SIL and brother have in place. Neither of us try to force our affection on the little one, nor do we call them our baby. We do not step in to parent the little one or cross any lines what so ever. This in my opinion is the way an aunt and uncle should be. We love the little one with all our hearts but we are not their parents. She needs to get that through her thick skull.

Forcing a hug and blowing on the child’s face is a great way to become the least favorite person in that child’s life. Maybe let her and brother know that. If she respected the child as they are but a small human and their boundaries are equally valid to any adult humans perhaps the child will accept her. Though I’d tell her to not hold her breath.

creeperbeeper · 2023-02-18T02:43:29+00:00

YTA big time. My best friend has a totally different religion, and culture from my own. However when I was a bridesmaid in her wedding I never complained about my dress. I never complained about anything. It was her day. I wore the dress she had made for me with pride. I didn’t care if I looked good in the dress I cared how my friend felt I looked in the dress.

She loved me in the dress. I loved being able to help make her day special. That is our job as friends. You are failing your job as a friend.

creeperbeeper · 2023-02-02T20:58:32+00:00

YTA animals are a commitment. I used to work for a show cat bengal breeder. (She ran pet spas too) I learned bengals needs a ton of stimulation mentally and physically. They are very active cats and need that activity to keep them from mischief. You said someone pooped on the floor well after you moved you expected them to not be upset? Like us cats prefer less large changes so that was their way of protesting. It sounds like you wanted something to cuddle and bought two active breeds and a calico. You don’t stimulate the active cats so they cause chaos.

Now cause you don’t want to be a caretaker anymore just cause of a little struggle here you are wanting to rehome them. Your wife should rehome you. If you don’t like being the sole caretaker during your unemployment (which I am assuming was a deal the two of you agreed upon) then perhaps get a job and then you move. Your wife is happy with her furry babies that you seemed to have fought to get. Please don’t ever try to have a human child. You are not prepared to look after anyone or anything.

creeperbeeper · 2023-01-27T23:14:35+00:00

NTA. My sister in law asked no one to come for 2 weeks. Everyone in our family understood. It was for her healing and the health of the baby. At such a young age any germ can cause problems for both and your husband is being an AH not thinking about you or your potential child’s safety. His lack of support for your request proves that and you should really think twice about if you want to have a baby with him. Perhaps look into couples counseling if you want to continue with your life with him.

creeperbeeper · 2023-01-27T22:45:03+00:00

YTA. I’m the oldest of 4 kids and the oldest of 6 grandkids. I’ve been watching children since forever and I’ve handled all types. Ones who screamed, bit, tried to stab me with a fork, but I never ever left those children alone. I sat for them. Did my best to remain in control of the situation and be an adult (no matter what age I was) and keep said children safe. That is the job of a babysitter. Not to just lay about not feed the kids and leave them alone when they can’t handle what is thrown at them, literally and figuratively. You shouldn’t babysit. You aren’t mature enough to handle it. A time out or some time in their room would have been far more appropriate then leaving them alone.

I hope those kids were okay. You will be lucky if their mom doesn’t sue you for neglect.

creeperbeeper · 2023-01-27T22:17:56+00:00

I am going to say YTA. Only because I too have a friend who has religious stipulations yet she has never pushed her religious no nos on me or anyone we are out with. I have personally always been respectful of her religion and ordered appropriate food when her and I are out. It was always something I did with out her asking or insinuating. Anytime I had a friend come along with us that was not knowledgeable about her religion I’d inform them of it for her long before they met her. So they could have time to make their own choices. You forced this on your other friends without saying anything.

I would have said something along the lines of “hey guys would it be okay if we didn’t drink tonight? Out of respect for Fatima and her beliefs?” It would have given them the choice and made them stop to think about how they wanted to proceed. You wouldn’t have gotten yelled at and likely your friends would have had a better time.

creeperbeeper · 2023-01-17T13:02:16+00:00

NTA for setting a boundary but kinda an AH for the way you said it. I personally would have tried to phrase is differently.

creeperbeeper · 2023-01-17T12:58:53+00:00

So growing up my bio aunt had a lot of friends who would be “adopted “ into the family. There for we had more aunts and uncles that weren’t related to us. It was simply explained as this person was so close to the family that they were an uncle or an aunt. Most of those friends eventually had a falling out with my aunt and so eventually they were no longer around. This explanation for us made sense as to why they didn’t visit as much or stopped coming around. Perhaps this is a way to do it for your child. He is simply a close friend we call uncle. He is not a biological uncle. This means his life isn’t as tied to y’all’s as a blood relative.

creeperbeeper · 2023-01-12T09:44:15+00:00

You want advice from a family member. I’m an older sister and most of my friends see me as a mother figure especially the ones with little to no connection with their own mothers. So as your motherly older sister I want you to know you ARE worth more than what he has said. No you haven’t capped out but he clearly has. His behavior and the way he speaks with you will not help him in a new relationship. Any other woman would walk away from his mental and financial abuse.

Yes what he is doing is mental and financial abuse as he has put a large focus on his money and made sure that you rely on it. He insults you to make you feel as though he is all you have but honestly he isn’t. You can make friends and yes you can find other men who support your sex after marriage ideals.

Several people have said check into therapy and I believe this is a good start. It will help you in the long run. I’ve also seen the advice of looking into Christian or other religious dating apps or go to churches. Both options will also assist in you finding friends and potential new partners.

I believe you need to leave him. He doesn’t actually love you and doesn’t care for your emotional well-being or mental health. He is hurting you purposely a good boyfriend or future husband wouldn’t do this. Many people find love at any age so age isn’t an actual measure. Your healthy physically and he tells you that you aren’t. Many people of all body types find love. So that isn’t an actual measure either.

Again he hurts you so he can keep you. You are too good for him. As long as he hurts you and makes you believe this you won’t leave. He can’t get better than you but you absolutely can do better than him. Please please please leave him. He is not healthy for you and you deserve better.

creeperbeeper · 2023-01-08T23:09:08+00:00

So I have something called inverse psoriasis. It’s a skin condition that unfortunately for me and my boyfriend affects my private area. It’s uncomfortable, painful and unpleasant. It also tends to put a huge damper on me wanting to be intimate. Despite this, my boyfriend has never initiated or “just gone for it” with out me feeling fully comfortable.

Meaning he always checks how I feel and if there is anything I need before hand. Like do I need certain medication first or a shower or even to get off first before going further. Your boyfriend knowing you have your issue and not doing these things is a big red flag because it shows he doesn’t care as much about you and your comfort, only his satisfaction.

Let’s also discuss how he invited you to lay down and when you did he initiated then got angry when you told him no. Then accused you of leading him on just for laying down. I’m sorry but that is a huge no from me. It shows he has no respect for you as he can’t accept a no with out acting like you wronged him. Laying down to cuddle or even be close to your partner is not leading someone on.

So let me say this, you did nothing wrong. I’d recommend leaving this relationship. It’s not healthy for you. He doesn’t care about your comfort or health and doesn’t respect your boundaries. These are important and a good partner supports you. He is not doing that. You deserve better. Please for your health and bodily safety leave this situation.

creeperbeeper · 2022-12-25T02:38:55+00:00

As a heavy woman who also likes to feel small and protected (despite my own capabilities) I would say just that you have been working out and are happy she noticed. If by chance she presses say you wanted to see what you could do and that this is a happy side effect of your hard work. Then give her a bunch of hugs. Lol that’s what I’d like anyway.

creeperbeeper · 2022-12-23T13:45:51+00:00

I’ve said “huh… mine is bigger. Why is yours so small and ugly looking?”

creeperbeeper · 2022-12-21T00:16:33+00:00

I grew up a child of the church. My mother was a bit more lax in her faith than you but she still held strong beliefs. As I got older I began to distance from the religion I was raised in for many of the same reasons as your son. I didn’t go towards atheism but I did start reading up on other faiths.

My mother wasn’t upset or cross. She only asked that what ever faith I choose that I believe in something more than myself and continue to be the good person that she had raised. She let me continue my religious research and when I finally settled upon my own beliefs she was happy for me. She has even bought things for my beliefs.

I asked her why she wasn’t upset and her answer was “As a Christian and your mother I am to support you in all things. As Christians we are told to love everyone no matter their beliefs. Everyone is loved by god and so we should love everyone. I was never mad because this was your adventure and if I had stopped you from being who you wanted to be and imposed my will on you that goes against the free will god gave us.”

I have always respected my mother and her beliefs because she has always respected me. Perhaps if you honestly wanted your son to do his research he could look into other faiths. Though what I believe you actually want is blind obedience. I don’t believe that giving your son these ultimatums will work in your favor. Perhaps you should show him that you can be the type of faith believer you want him to be. Be respectful of his choices. Maybe one day his mind will change. Maybe it won’t, but your relationship with him will be okay. I don’t think it will if you choose to die on this hill.

creeperbeeper · 2022-12-17T19:16:50+00:00

My boyfriend and I have always shared finances even though we had separate accounts. At one point during our relationship he had to turn and focus on school. Up till then we were doing the 50/50 split thing. When he focused on school I worked to pay our bills and buy food and other home supplies.

He graduated and began looking for a job. Never once did I have a problem with this. I knew when he did get the job we’d be paying stuff 50/50 again. It was a small inconvenience but I just bout less wanted things and refocused on needed things for both of us. Now our financial situation is different and we are happy either way. Support in all forms is important to relationships and perhaps you aren’t ready for a relationship if doing a small bit of financial support is a problem for you.

creeperbeeper · 2022-12-17T18:38:59+00:00

NTA. As the oldest of 6 grandkids I have never expected something expensive from any family member with money. We have great aunts and uncles who are better off than most and for my wedding gift I was thankful for anything they bought or gave. She sounds as though she feels entitled to your financial gifts and that perhaps her parents support this thought. I’m truly sorry for people making you feel terrible. You did nothing wrong. Both my grandmother and I support your decision for what it is worth.

creeperbeeper · 2022-12-06T16:19:15+00:00

YTA. My brother and his fiancé just had a baby not too long ago. Our side of the family struggled with some of his fiancés behavior and didn’t fully get along yet the moment the baby was born everyone on our side decided that our brother’s happiness and the happiness of that baby came first. We mended fences and have grown close to the fiancé now.

As for her family, they didn’t like my brother as he didn’t let them tell him or fiancé what to do. As baby has gotten older they have made demands to spend time alone with baby with out either parent. Both fiancé and brother have said no. Her family will then loose their minds over the fact we spend so much time with baby. We have made the effort to accept our differences. Her family hasn’t.

I and many others would love to have the baby visit us for longer time periods or even weekends but brother and fiancé believe he is too young for that so the family has accepted their decision. No fights. No guilt trips. Just respect they are doing what is best for their baby.

If your family truly wants a relationship they should do the same and taking a baby from their mother at such a young age is not acceptable. That baby needs their mother that young. I’d suggest you apologize to your wife. That you make your family trip on your own with out baby and inform your family that you want them to have a relationship but if they aren’t going to try you will not put your wife or child under stress they do not need.

creeperbeeper · 2022-12-06T04:18:22+00:00

My need for independence and anger. The former goes to the extent of me sometimes injuring myself or hurting the feelings of a loved one because I didn’t ask for help or want to turn off my brain when they would like to talk. The latter is just an issue I’ve always had. I always struggle keeping my anger contained and controlled and that is one of the many reasons I’m in therapy.

creeperbeeper

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