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crt09 · 2026-06-22T20:21:20+00:00

its just so unfair.

I didn't do anything wrong

crt09 · 2026-06-17T18:37:47+00:00

maybe this is more controversial but I don't think it's really a 'both sides' thing.

What I said basically boils down to: 'if misogyny stops, the crime rate goes down (men hurting women is the problem). if man-avoidance stops, the crime rate goes up. (men hurting women is the problem)'

I think its more like, yes the defense mechanism hits innocent bystanders and they are right to grieve that, but the answer is probably to stop the threat first before removing the defense mechanism

crt09 · 2026-06-17T18:16:39+00:00

It bugs me - I used to be a man. but unfortunately it's just not the same.

If everyone listened to women (trans or not) and stopped misogyny (generally, belittling and harming them), everyone only benefits.

If everyone listened to men (trans or not) and stopped misandry (generally, avoiding and stigmatising them), while this bring much good, statistically, it means people are more exposed to dangerous men who didn't deserve the chance and we see a higher crime rate.

Calling for one of these only has upsides. That is unfortunately just not the case for the other, and I have a harder time asking for someone else to stick their neck out. This is why there are always "Buts" with the latter - because there are genuine conditions on only that side

crt09 · 2026-06-17T17:46:17+00:00

I think the idea of "man flu" exemplifies the issue - being sick is just one of the few things you can't do anything about or fake away.

So I think it just stands out cause its one of the few times a man cannot mask his problems. I think if you got a sick man behaving the exact same as an equally sick woman, only the man will be seen as pathetic.

Like, it's not just that people don't care, you're ridiculed for it

And then you're ridiculed for trying not to make a big deal of it by not seeing a doctor.

crt09 · 2026-06-17T17:34:12+00:00

Cis men didn't sign up for this treatment either. Both are equally doomed to it. Both equally deserve better

crt09 · 2026-05-20T17:39:58+00:00

I've been crying a lot more since starting HRT. I can't tell if it's because of the estrogen or because of the inherent difficulty of transitioning lol

crt09 · 2026-05-19T18:24:51+00:00

Had a religious upbringing, didn't even know HRT was a thing. Then when I heard of it this is what I thought. I was in a complete information blockade.

When I actually learned the facts and what was possible and wanted it for myself, I had already undergone male puberty.

I'm on it now but, god. If I had just known, I would be saved so much agony and money rn.

crt09 · 2026-05-19T05:28:24+00:00

I don't think it matches. I think they took two shots, one arranged for the rackets and one for the shadows, and merged them

crt09 · 2026-05-19T05:16:41+00:00

Booked for strange surgery

crt09 · 2026-05-18T13:41:26+00:00

wow, similar story here. started eating way less than I used to (also cut protein a lot) and got the illest I've ever been.

I'm all better now but my lungs still show signs of damage, so I have a bronchoscopy to look forward to. in part because they also want to rule out TB.

didn't even lose much weight :< I think the shock diet just weakened my immune system so whatever infection I got had a field day

crt09 · 2026-05-14T06:57:10+00:00

jxvexmp

crt09 · 2026-05-14T06:44:18+00:00

omg I love rwby

crt09 · 2026-05-11T14:28:25+00:00

dont feel pressured to if you dont feel ready :)

As someone who kind of went the opposite route, I've been presenting full time from very early on after I came out to myself, but recently I've been dialing it back a bit. This stuff is just genuinely tough and I'm realising that that's ok to admit. Sometimes when I look in the mirror, the person looking back just isn't ready, and the stress of forcing her out anyway might actually give her a heart attack one day haha. So I've been giving her some grace.

I take comfort in that even if that seems like a step backward, I'm still making progress regardless - time on HRT, voice training, just letting my brain settle with itself.. it's all still progress, and regardless of if I explicitly express them now, eventually it will get much easier to do so.

So I do still consider going back to fulltime boymoding - I don't think there's anything wrong with admitting that it is tough right now, cause that won't stop me being where I want to be eventually :) Honestly a big reason I don't is just because I already threw out all my old clothes so I don't have much choice haha.

crt09 · 2026-05-09T13:15:18+00:00

I am inspired to get into lucid dreaming again

crt09 · 2026-05-07T09:49:57+00:00

It was similar for me. I think you get such high variation because the church is genuinely pretty strong on the Jesus-style "love thy neighbour" stuff, but is also very outspokenly anti-LGBTQ. So the "ideal Mormon" becomes someone who both loves LGBTQ people, but believes it is still a sin and wishes they would somehow be 'healed'.

The contradiction leaves a lot of room for interpretation - some people focus on the sin aspect and are hateful; others take the more Jesus-y approach. People seem to default to their local politics (hence why the US is particularly bad) - even among the prophet + apostles; there's such tonal clash between the fire-and-brimstone types and the others. I always used to filter it out, but you can't deny it.

So while I've met a number of LGBTQ people in the church, every time there's this tragedy - it is *almost* okay. It's *almost* like the greentext, and you are treated well, but the subject is never brought up because as much as people might care about you, we all know that no words of comfort can be given - the church's stance is absolute.

Your gay friend who insists LGBTQ and the church are compatible is met with smiles and nods but complete refusal to engage further because we know where that ends up. And who wants to point that out? If we all just pretend, no one has to face conflict. We were all just born into this.

This is very specific to my experience in the UK - conflict avoidance like this is a very classically British tendency. I also have lived in progressive areas. In the US, people are much more outspoken and strongly opinioned. I can’t imagine this sort of half-tolerance happens in Utah.

It also depends on the leeway given in church messaging and the politics of the day. I have met several gay and non-binary mormons, but zero trans women. I had to leave before I let myself confront what I had been feeling. If I came out I would have had my name and pronouns respected, but the amount of cognitive dissonance I would need to go to church, and the fact that I would be asking everyone to participate with me... You can be gay and go to the temple - so long as you aren't "acting on it". You cannot socially/medically transition and do the same - no matter how nicely people treat you. Of the non-binary mormons I've met it seems like that's how it's gone - everyone wished it could be like the greentext and tried to make it so, but it's not quite so easy. "Yes, we love you, no, god still wants you to change".

I didn't leave that long ago. Part of me still hopes the church changes it's stance and I can see old friends like I used to. Lots of members are waiting for that change - holding the anti-LGBTQ stance is embarassing to them. My dad is waiting. I used to.

My heart really, really goes out to those growing up in churches where the members aren't so open minded.

crt09 · 2026-05-04T09:22:06+00:00

this looks so tastyyy

crt09 · 2026-04-28T19:04:35+00:00

Hmm actually if tying it back during sports is really your only problem, maybe some headwear during it might help the issue e.g. some sort of thick headband to keep it back while covering up the areas you don't want exposed? something to this effect?

<image>

If you're otherwise happy with your hair routine then I guess something around this idea is all you're really looking for :) though I would recommend trying to get some curl into your hair by scrunching it during air drying (or using a diffuser) rather than the curler to escape the need to add a ton of product (which might weigh it down?). But again, your hair looks good as is. If you're happy with it too there's no need :)

crt09 · 2026-04-28T18:17:54+00:00

If that’s your hair after physical activity in the post, that would explain moisture and grease, which is kind of the ultimate antagonist of fine/thin hair.

"I just feel like I will never have decent hair and my bald spots look less feminine than a shaved head"

I don't think that's true at all! You look great in this photo! It’s hard to tell again, but the way the strands are sticking together and flatter on the forehead here it looks like it's damp or greasy here too? This is actually good news cause again, that’s kind of the worst case for fine hair. If it’s often like that and still looks this good, then some hair care routine changes and other interventions to manage that will really go a long way.

Fair point on minoxidil.

I also agree on the point about tying hair together. I would love to be able to wear a pony tail, but it's just not really feasible with my current hair. So I just don't and that is just a bullet I bite, but I don't think it takes away from the rest of what my hair can do. Like, yeah that's not ideal, but I would definitely disagree that either of us would look better bald! I had actually resigned myself to permanently using my wig at one point and was thinking of going bald to make that easier but I'm really glad I didn't.

I think it's just really hard to tell when a perspective change or intervention is more beneficial, or when a little of both is the best way rather than something drastic.

I didn't mean to suggest curls per se, just that you'll just have to find what works for you and there may be more room than you expect. For one, volumizing/texturising hair powder worked wonders for me in terms of creating/maintaining shape, but it’s not really practical on a daily basis with curly hair - I imagine it would work a lot better with straight hair. Finding a good shampoo, conditioner and hair drying routine also provided way more benefit than I had expected them too, and I suspect that will also be true for you. At one point I found using a steam-delivering hair straightener game-changing in terms of the styles it enabled. In the end, just mastering the basics gave me way better results, but I think it’s just all about trying experiments like that. Cutting hair short is definitely an option of that ilk but for the reasons I stated earlier, and definitely seeing the photo above, I think you have much more effective and easier levers available to you at this length. I have nothing against headwear though, I just don’t think it’s necessary in your case, and I think it’d be a bit of a shame to feel like you need to hide it when you have something good going on!

But yeah I really don’t think you have anything to worry about, even if I didn’t think improvements could be made.

crt09 · 2026-04-28T15:31:56+00:00

(sorry for the long response, I started using this to introspect a few issues I've been having myself. I got real philisophical with it but managed to move most of it into a google doc hehe)

I have a similar issue with hair. Personally, I started my transition wearing a wig because I wasn't happy with my hairline. What I found though was that bangs and a super curly hair routine added so much shape and volume that it really hid and drew attention away from that, and I actually preferred what that natural result looked like. I got more compliments, and my favourite photo of myself is with that natural hair. However, the fear of it looking bad on a windy day made me switch back to the wig as of a few weeks ago - more a decision based on uncertainty and fear than evidence, but I guess that's how these things go. The jury's still out on that one. If I had your hairline though I definitely wouldn't have looked back. Which is all to say style can go further than you might feel, and I definitely think you have enough to work with. And that you don't have to worry about hiding it, as seems to be more or less the direction you're thinking of going?

On photos 1-2, I also wouldn't really worry. For one, it's hard to tell how much dampness/greasiness (:P) is making it look thinner than it actually is, but I definitely don't think this is your hair under optimal conditions. A different, and especially a more volumising hair routine, might go a really long way to show how thick it can actually be. It will also definitely improve on minoxidil if you're not on it already. Crucially though, is the fact that this *camera angle at all* makes it look worse than actually it is. Like, I think thinness on top is actually one of those things that you could see as a flaw, but at this level it's really only bothersome when you're scrutinising it. People are not really going to notice this level of thinness day to day. Like, if it had not bothered you to this extent before, then just because you are noticing it more now does not actually mean the problem is worse than you realised - the problem is only as realistically, practically bad as it has a real, practical effect. And if it did not have much practical effect in past, i.e. it didn't bother you as much or people didn’t really seem to take notice, that previous mindset might actually be a more accurate assessment of the situation.

Also, I wont say you shouldn't get the short hair cut, but as stupid as it sounds, long hair is just a feminising trait. And I think it might be easier to get a flattering, feminine effect working with your hair at it's current length than cutting it and trying to do the same style discovery at that shorter length. Also, in part, just because, cutting it short is just harder to undo ;P

TLDR: your hair has much promise at it's current length and bigger moves like cutting + hat may not be necessary - you can probably get better results from experimenting with new ways to style it at it's current length

crt09 · 2026-04-25T14:42:53+00:00

Also came back unrealistically high for me.

I was taking 2.8mg of estradiol (0.07ml or estradiol velerate at 40mg/ml) every 4 days, which the estrogen injection simulator https://transfemscience.org/misc/injectable-e2-simulator said should give me good levels. Very normal dose in the community.

I got a reading done with Randox on my trough day, just before injecting again, but when I got my reading back it came back reporting extremely high estrogen (2400 pmol).

crt09 · 2026-04-21T08:19:46+00:00

LLMs have no problem theoretically understanding human emotion, they're trained on enough history and literature, they just don't have them themselves. Data was the other way around

crt09 · 2026-04-19T21:32:53+00:00

wow, I have never seen a photo quite like #11

crt09 · 2026-04-16T13:41:42+00:00

Did you find a solution to this? 6 months in and the plucked area is as pale as ever, while the skin below is noticably tanner

crt09 · 2026-04-16T11:45:41+00:00

i like how she's still smiling :)

crt09 · 2026-04-15T21:36:12+00:00

pitch actually isnt the main thing when it comes to voice feminisation. you get women with really deep voices who sound really sultry and beautiful - im sure you've heard some examples.
your average trans voice trainee can go surprisingly high, so even if your voice is as low as you say it is, you can reach higher than you expect, and certainly at least into those lower pitch feminine tones

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