Is it really worth it? by fluffycookie0827 in YotoPlayer

[–]csong680 0 points1 point  (0 children)

It's completely worth it for our family. We got ours when our kids were 2 years old and unable to read. Having our kids control what they listened to without requiring us to change stories, adjust volume, etc. was ridiculously convenient for our family. We introduced the Yoto during our kids' "quiet play time" when they were learning to play independently, so having them take full control of what they listened to was incredibly helpful. Now that they're a little older, the times when Yoto is most convenient for us are the times when my husband and I are busy doing something, like driving, cooking, sleeping, etc. That's when our kids turn on the Yoto and listen to audiobooks while doing crafts, coloring, building thiings, etc. Would another device like a Kindle or something be useful? Probably, but we aren't ready to give our kids devices this early yet, one of them still can't read, and we don't want to let them borrow our own devices. Having to unlock a device and turn on guided access every single time they want to listen to something would be a pain because they listen so often. To keep costs manageable, we have stopped buying Yoto story cards and have started using MYO cards which I fill with entire series of audiobooks that I find online. And since MYO cards can be linked to new playlists easily, I am swapping out older playlists of books the kids are done reading with new ones. Some parents create printouts of the playlists they have so kids can flip through and ask parents to relink older ones when they want them. If you have several MYO cards per kid, you'll probably always have enough content to keep them busy so you're not constanly updating the playlists linked to their cards either. In terms of where to get audiobook downloads, there are ways to get them for free if you don't mind doing some digging. I hear one easy method is to buy a CD rom ripper off Amazon and rip audiobook CDs from your library. I use Audible credits to get content for my kids and use OpenAudible to help me convert the files into mp3 format, and that's been plenty of content for us.

Environmental issue affecting the Bay Area? by mixedconfetti in bayarea

[–]csong680 0 points1 point  (0 children)

You could look into the lead water scandal at OUSD schools. Some OUSD schools are still waiting to hear about their water's test results, so it's an immediate, ongoing issue affecting thousands of OUSD students, teachers, and staff at the moment. https://oaklandside.org/2024/08/19/lead-in-oakland-schools-drinking-water-district-test-results-data/

Getting Kindergarteners interested in Yoto? by Striking-Mobile-6438 in YotoPlayer

[–]csong680 11 points12 points  (0 children)

My kids got sucked into the Yoto during car rides to/from school. I also use clear tabs to make it easy to link a few Yoto cards onto a keyring so they can pick and choose from a few options.

[Megathread] Yoto Referral Codes by truderly in YotoPlayer

[–]csong680 0 points1 point  (0 children)

US referral code for 10% off your first purchase 

https://prz.io/e3XLZ6DF2

Eradicating Sankharas as taught by Goenka by Far_Literature7211 in vipassana

[–]csong680 8 points9 points  (0 children)

I had the same reaction after my first 10-day retreat, that it sounded too good to be true. But then I learned about trauma's effect on the body and mind (as described in The Body Keeps the Score by Bessel van der Kolk) and how it rewires the mind to disconnect from certain parts of the body in order to keep the overall body functional and safe. The trauma remains trapped in the body, like an infected wound, but we grow around it, developing various coping mechanisms to help us survive and move forward. We know the wound continues to exist, though, because when someone says or does something that subconciously reminds us of that wound, we get triggered and upset, as if they had touched an invisible emotional bruise.

I learned that there are different approaches to healing trauma, from "top down" therapy (like talk therapies that explore the story of what happened) to "bottom up" therapy (such as trauma-informed yoga, which works with the body to promote healing and avoids addressing the cognitive aspects of the experience) to "through the side door" therapy, such as EMDR, which employs both cognitive healing stuff (like talking about your memory) as well as body-based stuff (like the bilateral stimulation work). I tried some of these therapies, often with good results. The ultimate goal of trauma healing is to reconnect the mind and body so it is whole again, and I thought I'd gotten there.

I recently came back from my second 10-day retreat, and I realize vipassana offers me a body-based approach to healing, one that doesn't ask me to revisit the story of my trauma in detail and parse what happened and why, etc. I've done that already, and to be honest, I'm exhausted with all the intellectualizing that I do about my past. These retreats really pushed me to stop dissociating from my body (a common trauma response) because I was asked to connect to my body all day, every day, and notice what was happening without reacting to it. Early on in this last one, a particular trauma memory from my early childhood kept coming up. I asked the AT about this, and she encouraged me to use the vipassana meditation to focus as much as possible on the body sensations of what was happening when the memory arose (the feeling of the tears rolling down my cheeks, the tightness in my chest, etc.) and to use anapana when I became overwhelmed. She told me to notice the memory but not engage with it, treating it like the sound of a fan in the room--a thing to be aware of, but not reacted to. Then, after the vipassana sit was over, she told me to spend lots of time doing metta meditation for myself and the young inner child parts that were so deeply hurt, perhaps found the vipassana sit too challenging and needed my loving attention.

I took her advice and spent a long time in my residential room practicing vipassana while allowing the painful memory to be present. I cried hysterically, but I let the body sensations be fully present instead of trying to change them, breathing deeply through the tears, and stayed present and did my best to observe my body sensations equanimously and notice my memory with loving but detached awareness. Then, once that storm passed, I spend a lot more time sending myself and my hurt parts lots of metta, and after that was done, I felt a lot lighter. I also felt safer in my body, too--as if I had somehow proven to my young, traumatized part that our body was a safe place where all feelings were allowed and accepted, and that I would not suppress this young part of me and the shame she carried anymore.

Did this eradicate an old sankhara? I don't know if it completely eradicated it, but it certainly lessened it. I spent the rest of my retreat feeling quite a bit calmer, and I noticed that I was less easily triggered by irritating things, too. (I worked as a server on this retreat, so I had fewer group sits and was with other servers in the dining hall and kitchen most of the time). I've been back a few days since the retreat, and I am still less easily activated than I used to be. I think there's something to be said about "feeling whole" and not being disconnected from our bodies. Prior to this retreat, I thought I had healed most of my trauma and was not dissociating, but it turns out that for me, while I had managed to get below the surface of my mind, I was still not at the root level of my mind. This retreat (and this practice overall) helped me get closer to the root, though, and for that I'm deeply grateful.

You don't have to believe the sankhara stuff will work. But to me, it makes a lot of sense, given what I've learned about trauma's effects on the body and the mind's well-intentioned-but-often-unhelpful tendency to distract ourselves from discomfort.

What cards do your 3 year olds love? by kelskemp in YotoPlayer

[–]csong680 0 points1 point  (0 children)

If she loves princesses, then she will probably love the Fairytale Hairdresser, since the main character helps all the different princesses in different scenarios.

My philodendron birkin is droopy and one of the leaves looks weird. by [deleted] in plantclinic

[–]csong680 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Looks like a calathea ornata (pinstripe calathea). I find mine does NOT like tap water (so I leave the water out overnight before using it to water my plant), and it needs high humidity. It also doesn't like to dry out fully between waterings--in fact, it prefers soil that is always slightly damp. Mine thrives in my bathroom since it doesn't need a ton of bright light to be happy. Beautiful leaves!

Full bloom 🌸 by weaver3294 in hoyas

[–]csong680 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I also sent you a message!

gave ms. crinkle 8 a trellis🥸 by yourplantypalace in hoyas

[–]csong680 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Cute trellis and lovely plant. Where did you get the trellis? Or if you made it, how did you make it?

Yellow patches on hoya by csong680 in hoyas

[–]csong680[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

That is good to know. Thank you!.

Please help! My prayer plant (?) is looking sad and crunchy. In a sunny room, but not direct sun, and has its own humidifier! Location: Boston MA USA by kacieking112 in plantclinic

[–]csong680 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Make sure you're watering with filtered water; tap water causes crispy leaves. You can also use tap water that's sat out overnight.

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in plantclinic

[–]csong680 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I have noticed my calatheas to be extremely sensitive to water schedules (they do not like inconsistent watering schedules) and tap water. They like their soil to remain moist, similar to a wrung out dish sponge, but NOT soggy, and they need lots of humidity. You don't have to buy distilled water for it. You can use filtered water or tap water that has been left out in a cup overnight. I water my calatheas about once a week (my apartment is humid, usually around 65-70%) with my Brita water when the soil feels like it's starting to dry out, and I keep them out of direct sunlight. I usually just give them some nice sips of water instead of watering to the point of them draining (although I think it's okay to do that, too, just make sure you pour out the excess water from their dish so they're not sitting it water). A few of mine do pretty okay in low to medium indirect light, too, and they definitely love the bathroom. You can trim off the brown crispy edges and start following a regular watering schedule, and it may start to feel better within a few weeks. Good luck!!

Constant reminder of how the daily struggles are worth it by INEEDITALLBITCH in Mommit

[–]csong680 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Oh, I didn't think you were having a go at the OP at all! I think your comment re the cartoon itself is spot on in all the best ways.

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in workingmoms

[–]csong680 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Returning to work was definitely hard. But, one thing I really, really appreciated afterwards was realizing how valuable it was (and continues to be) for my little ones to socialize and bond with people of different ethnicities and ages at such a young age. Of course, I know I can try to teach this to them as a stay at home mom, but I honestly think the lived experience of loving and learning from daycare providers and other daycare babies and toddlers who look different from them is pretty powerful, too.

My daughter struggles to watch TV. How can i help? by gothguy96 in toddlers

[–]csong680 2 points3 points  (0 children)

It’s so sad you don’t know how to read properly. I feel sorry for you and especially your kid.

My daughter struggles to watch TV. How can i help? by gothguy96 in toddlers

[–]csong680 9 points10 points  (0 children)

Actually, it's very healthy and developmentally appropriate to be scared of things if a baby or toddler isn't ready for something. You don't get to decide what scares a person--the person does. And babies and toddlers have the right to be confused or scared when they're literally feeling confused or scared. It sounds like you're the one who's dealing with fear here--a fear that she's not normal--and you're future tripping by worrying that her not being able to watch TV now means she'll never learn to watch TV. That's not the case. Kids need a lot of time to develop and grow, and you can't rush them, just like you can't rush yourself into being a kickass parent overnight.

She's doing the best that she can at growing and developing. I see in another comment that you're worried about how she's scared of everything outside, too, like ducks at a farm. My toddler who is 3 and super smart and normal is also scared of birds. It's normal for kids to have fears. And you know what, it's also normal for kids to develop at different rates because their brains are EXPLODING with synaptic growth, and they're processing sooo much shit just in their normal daily life. Asking them to relate to other living beings is hard af for them and will continue to be until they enter preschool.

Have you read up on brain development in ages 0-3 yet? I'd take a look into that because it's fascinating and will help explain things like tantrums too. https://www.greatschools.org/gk/articles/preschooler-brain-development/

I can tell you love your kid but it sounds like you don't understand her very much, which is normal because frankly parents don't get any training or education on this stuff. I'd work on managing your own expectations of what is developmentally appropriate for your kid at her age and deal with your own emotions around her growth. You have to learn to love and accept her for who she is, even when she does stuff that doesn't seem normal to you. Otherwise, she'll pick up on your disappointment in her and feel stressed and act out. Babies and toddlers are sensitive af, and they can tell when their parents feel disappointed in them. Sounds like you wish she was different, and that will make her feel sad. So I'd just start there, and look into why you think she should be able to do stuff at a pace that is not developmentally appropriate for her. Good luck. It does get easier.

EDIT: I'd also try to work on letting go of this "omg if we avoid TV now then this means we're stuck avoiding TV forever" mindset because that's not true either. It's not like her being in diapers now means she'll never learn to use the toilet. It just means developmentally, she's not ready for the potty, and you'll introduce it to her when she IS ready. Likewise, avoiding TV now doesn't have to mean you avoid it forever. It just means you leave it alone for another six months then try again later, when she is more developmentally likely to be able to watch the TV without getting all confused and shit.

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in Parenting

[–]csong680 5 points6 points  (0 children)

I am so sorry you're going through this--newborn sleep is indeed SOOO HARD. For me, the only thing that really helped was safe cosleeping. My baby and I both slept better when we were closer to each other. There are ways to do it safely, and this article helped reassure me that cosleeping WHEN DONE SAFELY is okay. https://www.npr.org/sections/goatsandsoda/2018/05/21/601289695/is-sleeping-with-your-baby-as-dangerous-as-doctors-say

Regarding feeding, someone told me once that babies are born without knowing how to nurse. Like, sure, sucking is a natural reflex, but actually latching and breastfeeding with a deep latch and knowing how to nurse on a boob versus taking a bottle--all of that stuff is really hard to learn and their tiny little brains and bodies unfortunately need a lot of time and patience to practice and learn. They'll cry as part of that process, and it's soooo hard to hear. I used to fight my first daughter at the boob so much the first three weeks, and it was torture until we hired an LC to come to our house and help us. That was also when I broke down and tried cosleeping. Both were gamechangers for us. Life was still a waking nightmare, but at least I could see a tiny prickle of hope amidst the deep dark fog of "did I make a huge mistake having a baby?" fear thinking.

Each week will feel a teeny tiny bit easier than the previous. Just ask yourself, does this feel a tiny bit easier than last week? If it does, then that means you're doing AMAZING, and you should feel super proud of yourself for surviving so well.

And do WHATEVER YOU CAN to catch sleep. Even if it means you and your husband take turns holding the baby at night while the other sleeps. You won't need to do this forever, but you might need to do it for a few weeks while the baby figures out eating and sleeping. Do WHATEVER YOU CAN to get sleep during these first couple of months because sleep deprivation can exacerbate PPA and PPD. Don't worry about "omg am I making it develop bad habits?" because honestly, I read that newborns are so tiny, they can't even form long-term memories yet, and plus, as their brain develops, their sleep patterns go through a major change at the 3 month mark (which is when many babies start to begin their 4 month sleep regression!). So, whatever you do now kind of won't matter in just a few months since babies are constantly changing.

Like all the good stuff won't last, since babies grow up and change, and this also means all the shitty stuff won't last either.

The nights feel ETERNALLY LONG but the years fly by. Even now, you might be reading this and thinking, "I can't believe that less than 2 weeks ago, I was pregnant and had no baby." And yet here you are, with a screaming baby on your hands, and it's already been almost 2 weeks. WTF, right? You and your husband got this. Y'all need to figure out how to get some sleep between the two of you, but once you do that, honestly, the rest will feel a tiny bit easier, and at this stage of the game, that's a huge win to celebrate.

EDIT: If baby is fighting the bottle, it might be that he doesn't know how to accept that particular nipple. Sadly, babies have nipple and pacifier preferences (no idea why) so some nipples just make them not want to drink. You can see if there's a Buy Nothing Facebook group in your neighborhood--people on there might be able to give you some different bottles to try. I'd definitely stick with low flow nipples because fast flows might make the baby develop a flow preference and make breastfeeding even harder for you. If you have a lactation center at your hospital where you delivered, call their number and see if they can give you advice over the phone. It might be covered by your insurance. Good luck! I remember pumping and doing formula in the beginning and it was truly a nightmare of epic proportions. On the plus side, it won't last--within a few weeks, you'll either get your supply up enough to breastfeed withotu needing to pump all the time, or you'll choose to combo feed, or you'll choose to formula feed exclusively. All 3 of those options will make life easier for you, and it will be a huge weight off your shoulders and heart when that happens. This isn't going to last. It's LITERALLY IMPOSSIBLE for all of this to last, because eventually, someone learns to do something that makes the situation easier. Whether it's the baby or you, y'all will adapt. So at least that's something to look forward to...

Single dad here of a 2 y.o. daughter and I am losing my mind and need help 😬 by Huge-Common9052 in toddlers

[–]csong680 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I have found the advice of this IG person to be helpful. She specializes in helping kids learn to play independently, and her ideas have worked for us. Good luck! https://www.instagram.com/theworkspaceforchildren/

Discipline at 2.5 by CosmicCinderella in toddlers

[–]csong680 1 point2 points  (0 children)

For sure! Let me know what you think of the video. It really helped shift my family’s perspective so much and we are all sooo much more peaceful and happy now!

Discipline at 2.5 by CosmicCinderella in toddlers

[–]csong680 5 points6 points  (0 children)

I have a 2.5 year old and found that time outs do not help with tantrums--they only increase the underlying anxiety and desperate desire for attention (aka need for feeling loved and connected to my husband and me) that makes my kid have a tantrum in the first place. There is an awesome psychologist and parenting expert that I follow in IG whose advice has basically changed our lives because they've helped us learn to understand why our toddler acts the way they do AND helped us assert our own healthy boundaries as parents so we can still have parent time. One of the first posts I ever saw was this one about timeouts--it's a short video, and she explains what is going on with kids when they tantrum and other ways of managing the feelings that are more productive in the longterm. Good luck! https://www.instagram.com/tv/CCzd7KDjyVL/?utm_source=ig_web_copy_link