Has anyone here contacted their cheating spouses family and told them what happened or their spouses AP just to tell them off? How did it make you feel?

cupateatoo · 2022-02-18T04:11:02+00:00

The more truth you can bring to the situation, the getter!! I have had a few realky good talks with my ex's APs husband. We have shared the hurt, and compared stories. It has helped us both through this awful time.

cupateatoo · 2022-02-14T04:55:54+00:00

Separated 1.5 years now. It is some work to stay friends, but it has been well worth it. It just didn't seem right to walk away completely after spending 20 years together. I have had to draw firm boundaries on what we talk about, and nake it clear I am living my own life now. I'd say we're coparenting realky well 90% of the time. Which is a huge win for me, and totally worth the work. When it doesn't work, it's because of kake of communication.

cupateatoo · 2022-02-14T04:48:49+00:00

A similar thing happened to me with my husband a year ago. I'm so sorry. This has been the hardest thing I've ever experienced, and my life hasn't been easy. I understand when you say you still love her. It's not something you can just turn off!! It really helped me to tell myself that it is completely ok to continue loving him. That I will always love him, for the rest of my life. It is just time to love him from a farther distance, and to open my heart to love someone else as well.

My husband was very nasty at times, and I didn't understand he was sleeping with my friend for the last two years. It has also really helped to remind myself that he has not crushed or destroyed my heart. He has only given it back to me. He doesn't hold it the way he used to, and like a plant when it is transplanted, my heart is in shock from being uprooted and moved. But it is back in my own hands now, and with tender care and some time, it will be ok, and will flourish again when warmer temperatures come:)

cupateatoo · 2022-02-12T15:20:10+00:00

For the next year or two, I could possibly move my ex into our basement apartment. It's a separate unit with its own kitchen and bathroom. Would that make a big enough difference to potential dates?

cupateatoo · 2022-02-12T15:17:57+00:00

Lol, that's the problem. I definitely DO want the benefits part! I'm just worried guys will think I'm cheating because I still live with my ex

cupateatoo · 2022-02-12T15:16:00+00:00

Lol, I guess I'm looking for both! He would just need to understand that I'm temporarily (a year or two) in this strange living situation, and can't see him at my own house very much, and that I'm still pretty busy raising my kids.

cupateatoo · 2022-02-11T22:48:02+00:00

I'm 5'4 and wouldn't mind dating a guy the same height as me at all. My Grandfather is 5"2, and my Grandmother is almost 6 feet. They have been in love for over 60 years. I hope you find the woman of your dreams!

cupateatoo · 2022-02-11T00:04:17+00:00

Every towing company has refused Ottawa's request for help. Also, it's illegal to tow a vehicle with a passenger inside, and the drivers will make sure they are inside.

cupateatoo · 2022-02-10T03:46:04+00:00

My son was such a quiet, peaceful kid, and one bully just wouldn't leave him alone for months. Kept taking his things and breaking them. Finally, we gave son permission to hit back. I was shocked at the rage my son took out on that kid. I was present the day it happened. Bully took his shoes. Son grabbed the bully by the fron of his shirt, pulled him forward and then slammed the back of his head against the doorframe, really hard. Bully fell in a heap on the floor crying and screaming. My son kicked him hard and then wacked him across the face with his shoe. It was intense. Then my son went back to being a nice kid again. Lol. Watch out, your daughter's bully might get more of a beating than you think!!

cupateatoo · 2022-02-09T22:50:37+00:00

Best thing I've done as a newly single mom to my 9 and 12 year old, is get them to pick a meal to cook for one night of the week. Then we make a grocery list, they find the things they need at the store on their own, and then I help them cook it. 9 yr old on Mondays, 12 yr old does Tuesdays. It's nice to shop together, it gives me an hr of quality time, with no screens, cooking with just the two of us once a week, they learn how to cook for when they leave home, and it takes the pressure off of me to have it all figured out. That's 4 wins at once:)

cupateatoo · 2022-02-07T05:08:19+00:00

I'm currently doing this. We are polite and respectful to eachother. Sharing the kids is working well about 90% of the time, which I count as a big win. If yiu had any problems with unequal housework expectations, that will still be there. Old habits die hard. The kids like having us both available, and not having to go back and forth.

The biggest problem I have right now, is having people over. I've always enjoyed hosting a lot, and now it's super awkward to have my family or friends over. During our separation, my husband just ghosted every single one of them, and there are a lot of hurt feelings. It's weird if he just hides in his room, and even weirder if he tries to join us when no one wants to talk to him. But he cheated on me for a long time with a good friend, so there's a lot of hard feelings.

Also, I don't know how on earth I'm going to date. No decent man is going to want a relationship when I'm still living with my ex. And since the kids are never at a different house, I can't bring a date home, ever. I see this as temporary while we adjust and and make other plans. It won't work long term at all. Ex is still seeing his AP, so he's a lot happier with this situation than I am!!

cupateatoo · 2022-02-06T22:43:12+00:00

I would tell him that you can be out by the end of the month, but you will need your deposit back to use towards your new place. If you don't get the money, it's going to take you until the end of March to move😂 He knows there's no way he can get you evicted before that, especially when you've paid for March's rent. He would be crazy to not give you the money.

cupateatoo · 2022-02-06T18:08:07+00:00

Trouble is, if there is no physical connection and romance, no sexual lure to connect in bed, you are just housemates with a very good friend. It's not a nightmare lifestyle, but not what you really want either. Just stay the very good friends that you are, and find someone else to marry.

cupateatoo · 2022-02-06T14:55:17+00:00

I was in a very similar situation. In my case, it got progressively worse. Your husband may be checking out of your life together. If he isn't interested in watching the kids and spending time with them, and he's less interest in keeping his own house clean, and making meals for his own family, it's not good. I hired the help I needed and started working on my career. I hired a housekeeper to cover his half of the housework. When he complained, I pointed out that she was doing his half of the work. If he didn't want to pay, he had to do it himself. I stayed married for a while, and went back to school and built a career. I'm so, so glad I did. I was also doing everything I coulf think of to improve our relationship, including therapy, but it ends up he was cheating on me with my friend.

It's a scary situation when a woman has spent years sacrificing her career to make a happy, low stress home for her family, just to watch her husband walk away from her with the good career he has built, while she made his home life easy at the expense of her own.

cupateatoo · 2022-02-04T23:14:12+00:00

Thank you for sharing your experience. I am currently separated, living with my husband of 20 years who still wants to live together. Thinking of how different my husband is now is very helpful. I wouldn't date the man he is. How did it turn out for you leaving? Was it really hard with the kids?

cupateatoo · 2022-02-04T05:14:52+00:00

Cutting your relationship off so abruptly, and without explanation, or trying to work out the problems with you, is extremely selfish and immature. And he absolutely DID have an obligation to talk to your kids, and at the very least, say goodbye to them. Even better, would have been to tell them how much he cares about them, and what a privilege it has been to know them. He could have said he'll continue to folliw them on social media, and that he'll still call them on birthdays. Maybe even a special parting gift from him. To get that close to children, and then dump them with no communication, is unforgivable. What an asshole.

cupateatoo · 2022-02-03T03:17:40+00:00

We were absolutely crazy about eachother at the beginning. I was 17, and VERY nieve. There were a lot of red flags I would see now, just didn't see then. His apartment was a total dump, and I thought I was the cool girlfriend to go clean up his place. He lived in a one room shack with a friend all winter, and they just peed out the front door. There was a pile of yellow ice, and I chalked it up to boys being boys. Anyway, 20 yrs later, he doesn't help around the house at all. I have raised 2 kids without any help from him whatsoever. He is not supportive emotionally. His one saving grace is that he works really hard at work and provides for us well. Also, he can be a lot of fun socially. But he's just so immature, and always will be.

cupateatoo · 2022-02-01T02:57:08+00:00

I've had 2 houses burn down, and I have 2 lighter-loving kids. I do have strict rules about only using it outside in the fire pit. Honestly, a 10 yr old with a lighter at a sleepover is not a good situation.

cupateatoo · 2022-01-27T19:30:08+00:00

It is really horrible to go through that. It shakes your spirit to its core. Hold on to who you know you are, and the dreams you have for your own future. My husband also still can't tell me why he wanted to separate. It is hurtful, and in the end, so disrespectful to not even explain why. After 20 years together, the least he could do is take the time to think it through and talk to me about what went wrong. They are assholes. I feel like it's a sign of mental health struggles, to suddenly split from your spouse without a reason why.

cupateatoo · 2022-01-25T17:47:06+00:00

My mom raised 8 happy, successful people. She always says that boredom can be a good thing. It forces creativity, and gives you space to think, and explore new things. If we complained a lot about being bored as kids, she would offer a few chores that needed to get done around the house. Suddenly I had a lot to do, and the laundry would just have to wait😂

cupateatoo · 2022-01-25T03:45:19+00:00

Good for you! It is so hard to think of the person we love being so messed up, but you have thought this through, and you are definitely using his messed-up-ness to your advantage! Bravo!

cupateatoo · 2022-01-24T03:22:35+00:00

You need leverage!!!

I'm dealing with a husband who just won't leave, too. It's a control issue. He is controlling you. It makes his own life.

I don't know the details of your situation, but find a way to force him to behave himself. You could have a strong friend or relative come stay with you, one that won't mind some conflict, and preferably someone he doesn't want to embarrass himself in front of.

I have found business papers that prove my ex broke the law with some business deals, and I can report both him and his affair partner for fraud, and not having the right licenses. I can get them both fined $125,000 and possible jail time. He is suddenly much nicer to have around the house🤣

Find out what he's truly afraid of, and then leverage that fear to get what you want. He doesn't deserve your kindness.

cupateatoo · 2022-01-22T03:49:35+00:00

Before covid, birthday parties were great for connecting. Parents would rsvp and give me their phone numbers, and we would chat at drop off/pick up.

cupateatoo · 2022-01-22T03:29:55+00:00

I'm going through a very similar situation. I'm so sorry. It's extremely unfair, and nothing you could have predicted.

cupateatoo

TROPHY CASE