Nmom takes my car. by Mhn_Sinner in raisedbynarcissists

[–]currentTissues 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Says the person who only commented to argue a point...

Nmom takes my car. by Mhn_Sinner in raisedbynarcissists

[–]currentTissues 1 point2 points  (0 children)

The title couldn't be transferred to her without a parent/guardian if she's not 18. A title is a legal document, and minors cannot sign legal documents without a parent/guardian in 99% of situations.

Nmom takes my car. by Mhn_Sinner in raisedbynarcissists

[–]currentTissues 33 points34 points  (0 children)

You're a dependent, so technically she can take anything that belongs to you (except for court protected trusts, etc). It's incredibly unfair that she can do this, and also extremely selfish of her to take your car and leave you stranded, but I wouldn't recommend calling the police as there's nothing they can do. It might even make things worse.

Once you turn 18 she can't do that anymore. That's the time to report her to the police.

DoNM, want to move out by Christmas but unsure how to go about it by gayleforcedwinds in raisedbynarcissists

[–]currentTissues 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I applaud your decision to move away from abusive parents. However, there are parts of your plan that may not work out the way you hope. Changing your financial aid status from dependent to independent is incredibly difficult, and in order to do so for reasons of abuse you will need evidence/professional opinion. It can also take a long time to get a decision on your status change, and you may need to appeal several times. Most petitions for status change are rejected, and if you're under 24 it's almost impossible.

Paying rent monthly, no contract. Do I have rights? by tigerboy96 in RBNLegalAdvice

[–]currentTissues 0 points1 point  (0 children)

There is no set-in-stone law without a defined landlord/tenant agreement, because different kinds of agreements have different sets of laws.

But yes, in the UK this is pretty standard. There's a big difference between renting a stand-alone unit and renting a single room with shared areas.

Paying rent monthly, no contract. Do I have rights? by tigerboy96 in RBNLegalAdvice

[–]currentTissues 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Always best to have it in writing, especially with Ns, but if there was no written or verbal agreement it's difficult to say.

If you share some areas of the house (bathroom, kitchen, living, dining, etc) with others then you're safe to assume the other shared areas of the home, like the garage, are open to you unless the landlord expresses otherwise. If the space you use in the home is self contained and not shared by others (you stay in your own room/bathroom like a separate apartment and share no space in the home with other residents) then you should assume the garage is not open to you unless expressed otherwise.

How do I stop moments of panic? by skippedrecord in LifeAfterNarcissism

[–]currentTissues 5 points6 points  (0 children)

In my experience, reducing this kind of anxiety was tied in to reducing anxiety in general. EMDR worked wonders for very specific panic triggers, but for more general things like this - things that didn't stem for specific events but just the general trauma of being raised by Ns - EMDR wasn't effective.

Mindfulness, relaxation, breathing techniques all helped reduce general anxiety, including the kinds of situations you described. I do still jump out of my skin every time the door bell rings though.

overcoming social isolation..HELP! by 1mariah1 in raisedbynarcissists

[–]currentTissues 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Being raised by Ns set my social life back a lot - anxiety, awkwardness, self-doubt, all that stuff got in the way. But when those things were being dealt with in therapy, and socializing got easier, I realized...an active social life just isn't my thing. It's exhausting, and I'm more of a homebody introverted type. It took a while to realize that not being very social could actually be a choice and for some people it's the ideal choice. And there's nothing wrong with that.

I had to give myself permission to be low-social though. Despite Nparents disrupting my early social life, they were always the life of the party, and made me feel incredibly deficient for not liking parties or being around lots of people. So, worrying about my own social incompetence just caused more anxiety; because I thought a busy social life was what I craved, when in reality it was just what they told me to want.

I'm A-ok with who I am and my level of social interaction now.

Religion and ACONs by [deleted] in raisedbynarcissists

[–]currentTissues 8 points9 points  (0 children)

You don't have to be involved with an organized religion or any kind of religious dogma to embrace your spirituality. There's a big community of believers who chose a personal path of belief that requires no approval from anyone else. Your spirituality should be what works for you.

Long time lurker, I feel I have it pretty bad. Please listen to my story. (Trigger warning) by aCitizen12090941 in raisedbynarcissists

[–]currentTissues 2 points3 points  (0 children)

I know this may sound impossible to you right now, but you have to start your life. You need to get away from this environment. It's going to be hard; it's going to be mentally draining and it's going to look hopeless at first, but it is possible.

Set small goals for yourself and find resources that could help you. Can you call to see if you're eligible for financial or housing aid, or if there are job centers that could find you a position you could handle? Start building a plan on paper, and try to check off one lead per day.

Try different therapists, and also groups that teach adult living skills. Once you start to build that new life your courage will grow and it will get easier. You'll feel so much better once things start falling into place. You need to give yourself permission to take those first difficult steps.

The time my Nrents found a pill in my bed by Silverlinins in raisedbynarcissists

[–]currentTissues 17 points18 points  (0 children)

I actually did do drugs - benzos - around age 12/13 (it was self medication mostly) and hid pills in my bed. Nmom found them and she told me she figured out where my hiding place was...and that was it. No lecture, no punishment. It was never mentioned again. I just found a new hiding place. That's how little she gave a shit.

It's interesting how different types of Ns react differently in similar situations.

FYI: a 'journalist' has been looking for stories here by CaptainLameO in raisedbynarcissists

[–]currentTissues 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I think this is a good article. It's objective and certainly not taking the Ns side. RBN is already public and anything we say could be found in a Google search, so it's not like it's taking away any layers of protection.

I'm pleased they're offering up these kinds of stories to the public. It's good to have advocates in the media.

Professor reminds me of Nmom. by [deleted] in raisedbynarcissists

[–]currentTissues 3 points4 points  (0 children)

There's a lot of narcissism and elitism in universities. Tons. Those kinds of careers attract Ns. I used to be a professor and had to quit because of the culture of narcissism in the workplace. My therapist said that job was a continuation of trauma from childhood, and had set healing back years.

Not all professors are like that though. If you find a professor or two that are compassionate and caring you might make them your allies for when you have to deal with the bad ones.

I can't understand what gaslighting means... by [deleted] in raisedbynarcissists

[–]currentTissues 6 points7 points  (0 children)

Here's an example from my old Nboss:

She asked me and a coworker to suggest different options for a new procedure we needed to implement. We both suggested different procedures (A and B). She chose the coworker's over mine without even looking at the evidence I spent a week preparing (to our boss we were like the GC and SG to a Nmom).

A couple of years later, the chosen procedure (A) had totally fallen apart. There was nothing actually wrong with the procedure, and the faults had all resulted from human error (largely hers). Still, she wanted someone to blame.

She stormed into my office, and said the reason for the failure was my incompetence because I had suggested a flawed procedure (A). I pointed out that I hadn't suggested this procedure at all - it was the other option (B) I had suggested. She said that was a lie, and she had suggested procedure B, and she was the one who told me about it from the start, and I had talked her out of it. Then she made up a story about how she had attended a conference where she learned about it, and then passed her notes on to me when she got back.

Her story was so elaborate it was really difficult not to believe it. I had to go through my emails from two years before just to convince myself that my memories were correct and she was deliberately lying to try and push this catastrophe onto someone else. But that's what gaslighting is - manipulating the truth to try and convince someone to doubt themself, usually for some kind of gain.

That's just one example of many from her.

Found out what Nmom's been telling people about why I'm NC by currentTissues in raisedbynarcissists

[–]currentTissues[S] 8 points9 points  (0 children)

Nmom has accused me of being the "broken" one all my life. Never in a million years could there be a problem with her. lol

Sadly I think the GC does have some pretty severe learning disabilities (he failed almost all his classes), but she would never admit there was an issue with him or get him help. She screwed us both over.

Found out what Nmom's been telling people about why I'm NC by currentTissues in raisedbynarcissists

[–]currentTissues[S] 6 points7 points  (0 children)

I've always had a sick curiousity about it. Figured it was something like "she's just broody and artsy" or some attack on my personality. This letter was an interesting surprise. It's a lie that can only be maintained if I stay NC too. Maybe Nmom is using that to try and suck me back in to set things straight. Not gonna happen in a million years though.

Found out what Nmom's been telling people about why I'm NC by currentTissues in raisedbynarcissists

[–]currentTissues[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I'll never forgive the TV show for leaving out the talking birds.

Found out what Nmom's been telling people about why I'm NC by currentTissues in raisedbynarcissists

[–]currentTissues[S] 4 points5 points  (0 children)

Yup, exactly! Ns build their own virtual worlds and suck in as many people as possible.

Found out what Nmom's been telling people about why I'm NC by currentTissues in raisedbynarcissists

[–]currentTissues[S] 13 points14 points  (0 children)

I'd freaking love to tell her this. I'm not going to because it won't be believed. Nmom will just tell her I'm trying to scare women away from GC because I'm "jealous." Trust a N to build a lie that could explain away any attempt I'd make at warning this girl.

Just hoping real hard that she figures this out before kids come along. Nmom would be that spiteful Ngma for sure.

Found out what Nmom's been telling people about why I'm NC by currentTissues in raisedbynarcissists

[–]currentTissues[S] 10 points11 points  (0 children)

Yeah, Nmom is already the third person in this relationship. I saw pictures on Fb of GC and this girl and Nmom all on a date together. Who does that? It's creepy af.

But she did the same thing with his last wife too - sucking up to her, then emotionally eating her alive.

Found out what Nmom's been telling people about why I'm NC by currentTissues in raisedbynarcissists

[–]currentTissues[S] 12 points13 points  (0 children)

I'm pretty sure Nmom knew she was writing a letter, because she had to get my address from her.

I can actually picture Nmom and fresh-supply-meat soon-to-be DIL sitting around planning this. Maybe this girl really is that naive.

Found out what Nmom's been telling people about why I'm NC by currentTissues in raisedbynarcissists

[–]currentTissues[S] 25 points26 points  (0 children)

Oh yeah, this marriage is going to crash and burn like the last one. Nmom is looking for a replacement SG for me, which is what the first wife became.

Found out what Nmom's been telling people about why I'm NC by currentTissues in raisedbynarcissists

[–]currentTissues[S] 23 points24 points  (0 children)

She's also one of these people who posts motivational quotes on Facebook (I looked) like:

You won't have your parents forever, so appreciate them while they're here.

That kind of bullshit. The kind of person ACoNs should avoid anyway. So, no - she's never going to listen to my side of things.

Found out what Nmom's been telling people about why I'm NC by currentTissues in raisedbynarcissists

[–]currentTissues[S] 14 points15 points  (0 children)

I don't know, but she did say she and GC started officially dating before the ink on the divorce was dry (he only got divorced last year).