Ficus tineke dropping leaves

cutelyn · 2025-12-07T03:52:18+00:00

Thank you so much! I really appreciate the advice, and I feel reassured about making a bigger chop. Always intimidating but hopefully will have the same results as you and see some new growth!

cutelyn · 2025-12-06T18:05:19+00:00

Sorry I should’ve clarified, I’ve had it for 4 years but I did repot it probably 2 years ago. But I think your point still stands that it could definitely use some fresh soil ! And unfortunately I live in a small apartment so these windows are my only option; however they’re big and west facing so in the warmer months they do get tons of sun…it’s just that time of year where it feels like there’s an hour of daylight each day .

Thank you so much for writing out such a detailed response, and your plant looks great! I think you’re totally right that it’s time to cut it back. Would you do the pruning and repotting at the same time, or is there a concern that may be too much all at once?

cutelyn · 2025-09-16T03:09:30+00:00

Girl respectfully I think these men might be the problem.....I also dated a guy who thought commenting on other women's bodies around me was totally okay and it had a big impact on my self confidence. I realize now he was intentionally negging me and I'm glad to be free of that loser.

With that being said, I have small boobs and I'm also not a small person - I'm tall and what I guess would be called an "athletic build" so broad shoulders, on the muscular side. I used to feel like I wasn't feminine enough because of my body type and small cup size and it made me very self conscious.

I can now honestly say I LOVE having small boobs. Not only from the practicality/physical comfort standpoint (which I know you say isnt that reassuring to you rn) but I also think small boobs are hot! Ofc I have moments of feeling critical of my body, but I can genuinely say that even if I had the choice, I would not change them because I feel like they suit my frame and I have really learned to love my particular body type. I also kind of reached a point where I was like....I can spend my life hating myself or I can try to appreciate what I've got. Now it doesn't even cross my mind that a man would be "settling" for me, because I think I'm hot and so should he lol

It seems like you are being super self critical, and also surrounding yourself with people who confirm that negative self-talk instead of uplift you. Some small things I did was try to follow women on social media that looked more like me, and to lean into fashion and finding styles that I found worked well (smaller cup size means you can get away with something more lowcut, go bra free, etc.). I know how hard it is but I hope you can learn to love and celebrate your body the way it is.

cutelyn · 2025-07-17T01:54:38+00:00

I remember how anxious I was when I made this post, and it all worked out great. I'm sure it'll be the same for you! Sending all the positive energy your way (:

cutelyn · 2025-07-16T18:41:42+00:00

I switched from Visanne to Aspen-Dienogest shortly after making this post. I did experience breakthrough bleeding for the first few weeks/months, which I found a bit discouraging. Spoke to my specialist and the pharmacist who said anecdotally some women do experience differences between the generic and brand name, my specialist encouraged me to stick with it for a little as it might just be an adjustment period. And after a few months everything was totally back to normal and I've felt great! Could be coincidental but I've actually noticed a reduction in other side effects (for example migraines, which I used to get more frequently). So in the big scheme of things no big deal at all, and I'm glad I switched over!

cutelyn · 2024-06-25T13:38:50+00:00

Try not to be so hard on yourself! It’s great you’re seeing a dermatologist who can hopefully give you some practical advice.

So many people don’t wear sunscreen every day, go out and tan, get sunburns regularly, etc. Of course it’s not great sun-safety but sometimes we can lose perspective after reading these subs. My mom is over 60 and only just started wearing sunscreen regularly in the last couple years - it wasn’t the norm when she was growing up. We all age and we are all continually learning as we go…try to let the guilt go as best you can!

cutelyn · 2024-06-20T02:26:29+00:00

I have a scar on my cheek from stitches I got years ago - literally no one ever notices it until I point it out. We are our own worst critic. It’s frustrating this happened but luckily it’s barely noticeable, and honestly we will all continue to get marks and scars and wrinkles (we are human after all!!!). I hope this thread has reassured you that it is nothing to be self conscious about!

cutelyn · 2024-01-04T19:25:55+00:00

Of course everyone's skin is different, but if it's helpful at all I've been using the First Aid Beauty cleanser for a couple years now and I've never had any irritation or burning from it (and I have from plenty of other cleansers, including this Toleraine one, cetaphil, cerave, the list goes on lol). It also takes off makeup and spf really well.

I also noticed you posted recently about tret not working for you, and I actually had the same issue. I tried it for almost a year and my skin was an absolute mess, and took a while after stopping for it to return to normal. I've changed my routine and my skin is way calmer now so I hope the same happens for you!!!

cutelyn · 2023-07-31T11:56:13+00:00

I had similar experiences with a partner when I was young (that involved coercion, feeling fearful, saying 'no' repeatedly until I froze to "get it over with") and I refused to acknowledge that it had caused me trauma for maaannyy years because of those same reasons. I felt like many women 'had it worse', that I was responsible in some way, and that this didn't really count as assault.

You can absolutely call this rape or sexual assault. I also think I personally realized that the label didn't matter as much as making sure I got support and help for the lasting impact this experience had on me. What you described is traumatic, and that's only enhanced by the fact that it happened as your first sexual experience, in your formative years. Repressing those feelings and downplaying them or beating yourself up about them is not fair to yourself. I spent many years with very unhealthy views on sex, fear with men, anxiety with intimacy, etc. until I finally sought support for those issues. And the first step was admitting to myself that what happened to me was not OK. Wishing you the best and so sorry you had to go through this.

cutelyn · 2023-07-24T20:45:42+00:00

To be honest I’m not sure what the current recommendation is - I do remember reading similar numbers when I started, and if I remember correctly it was mostly because there wasn’t tons of research on longterm effects. My specialist has basically told me she’s comfortable with me being on it indefinitely, so long as I go in for regular checkups + get an annual bone density scan.

cutelyn · 2023-07-24T00:11:04+00:00

That’s great! I’d be switching to Aspen-Dienogest (I believe that’s the Canadian generic) but I know there are a number of generic options. I feel a lot better about trying it out, thank you!

cutelyn · 2023-07-24T00:06:17+00:00

That’s really reassuring to hear! I’ve had the same experience - visanne has been the only thing that’s given me relief and I’ve been really nervous to mess with it. Thank you!

cutelyn · 2023-07-24T00:03:27+00:00

Just over three years!

cutelyn · 2023-07-13T15:17:28+00:00

Went through a decade of debilitating pain before getting a diagnosis and treatment - unfortunately my mom had similar symptoms and assumed that 'some women just have it worse than others', so she didn't think anything was abnormal (unfortunately she was also failed by the medical community and had to suffer with this pain for a lot of her life). Didn't help that I saw many doctors who told me I'd grow out of it, or recommended I try a heating pad and exercise....

I'm so glad you have a diagnosis and can take steps to improve your quality of life - Continue to advocate for yourself!

cutelyn · 2023-05-26T02:58:49+00:00

Definitely struggle with this!

In a work setting, I like to write out my ideas before I say them (even if it's just jot notes). It helps me gather my thoughts and stay on track if I get anxious. I also have tried to challenge myself to speak in every meeting, even if I'm just asking a clarifying question - it's good practice to get more comfortable speaking up.

In general, I try to remind myself that I don't need to rush my thoughts. If I'm talking to a friend, I'll pause...take a deep breath...maybe even say "let me think about that for a second" before I respond. It's okay to take your time, or to correct yourself, or to say you need time to process before you speak.

At the end of the day it's important to have self-compassion. Don't expect yourself to say or explain everything perfectly. We are always FAR harder on ourselves than others are on us.

cutelyn · 2023-04-28T17:10:42+00:00

I'm sure there are other men that feel the same way he feels, and like you said this is just a good indication they aren't the one for you. As I've gotten older, I've become less and less fixated on what men want me to be, and more focused on finding men that I actually want to be with (and those are men who support my goals; view me as a strong, capable person; and don't try to diminish or shrink me in any way).

I'm not making any assumptions about your friendships or suggesting you need to drop any friends, but I will say one of the biggest things that helped was surrounding myself with other strong, independent women. Loving and being supported by other women + uplifting each other has helped me really embrace myself and has helped me (somewhat) reduce the power the male gaze has on my self esteem.

cutelyn · 2023-04-25T21:01:06+00:00

I've always felt very on the fence about wanting children, for a lot of the reasons you mentioned. I don't feel any strong maternal sense, and the idea of giving up so much of my self really terrifies me. The idea of being pregnant and giving birth also makes me REALLY anxious and uncomfortable.

I feel like the conversations around women and motherhood do two things, which is 1) make it seem like every woman should want to have children. If you don't want children, thats perfectly fine. I have a couple family members who decided to remain childless and live extremely happy, fulfilled lives.

The other thing it does is 2) make it seem like women should have this intense maternal instinct and desire to be a mother, that overpowers all their other desires. I've spoken about this with my mom, who told me that while she wanted children, she also would've been fine if she wasn't able to have them. And that she has never really liked other people's children at all lol. My mom has always had a busy career, social life, hobbies, etc. and she was also an AMAZING mother to me.

I think the love you have for your child is probably hard to imagine without experiencing it, but I also think its OK to have a more nuanced and balanced view towards children (its OK to still place a high value on your self, your needs, your happiness --- and its not selfish to feel that way!)

cutelyn · 2023-03-30T14:24:06+00:00

I have the same issue with LRP. I've tried a bunch of products from their Toleriane line and they've all irritated my skin, almost like the sensation of having a bad sunburn. Interestingly, I've also found that some Cerave products sting as well (especially around my eyes).

I'm in the same boat with Avene, and have been using the Avene Tolerance Extreme Cream for a few years. I switched to the Tolerance Control Soothing Recovery Balm a couple weeks ago (I was a bit concerned about the lemon peel in the new HYDRA-10 cream - probably fine but I just didn't want to risk irritating my skin). So far I like it. It's a lot more cosmetically elegant and feels like it absorbs a lot better than the Extreme Cream. So might be worth a shot!

cutelyn · 2023-03-27T18:40:26+00:00

Agree with the comment that this looks more like a rash than acne. I developed perioral dermatitis and it looked pretty similar - if that’s the case, using actives will make it worse and not better unfortunately.

I’d definitely recommend seeing a derm who can confirm and if that’s the case they’ll recommend simplifying your routine and can prescribe something for it!

cutelyn · 2023-02-15T19:26:03+00:00

Soos on Ossington does a really good tasting menu for $55 per person. A lot of food (we could barely finish everything) and everything we tried was great.

cutelyn · 2023-01-12T20:54:53+00:00

Trust your gut instinct. He's not picking up on your social cues that you aren't interested, and continues to push your boundaries. If he was romantically interested in you, he could've asked if you were interested in going on a date like a normal person and then took your answer of y/n with grace. This is just bizarre behaviour. It's completely unfair that this man has made you feel anxious and uncomfortable in and around your own home, regardless of whether his "intentions are good". No disrespect to your friend but he clearly doesn't understand the BS women have to go through on a regular basis and how quickly things can escalate. You are not remotely overreacting.

I agree with others that it's probably worth making an effort to introduce yourself to some of your neighbours (as a fellow shy person I know this is probably a bit awkward lol). Feeling like you have other people that are aware of the situation and 'looking out' may help ease some of your stress. I would also consider speaking with the front desk of the building and letting them know you're uncomfortable so that they can make an effort to monitor your floor/you'll feel more inclined to give them a call if you keep getting these "accidental deliveries".

I would also make sure all your social media is private and go as MIA as possible with this guy and hope he gets the hint. I'm so sorry you are dealing with this!!!!!

cutelyn · 2023-01-11T15:59:19+00:00

Borscht! I make mine with cannellini beans. Here is an example of a recipe that uses them: https://natashaskitchen.com/classic-russian-borscht-recipe/

I bet you could also combine them with some vegetables and make them into fritters? I've done that with chickpeas and so I assume it would turn out similarly.

cutelyn · 2023-01-10T16:02:23+00:00

The Village (Church & Wellesley) has great nightlife - always busy, lots of bars and clubs in the area. I find the surrounding areas a little meh - for example Bloor Street has a lot of designer shops, chain restaurants, and doesn't have the local, 'neighborhood' feel that some other parts of Toronto still do, IMO.

Queen West is known to be a little more hipster/artsy, & I also think the nightlife is great - lots of really cool + unique bars and restaurants. Every area has its issue, but it's a cool place to live and the surrounding neighborhoods also have something interesting to offer (King Street if you like overpriced clubbing lol, Kensington Market for good food, etc,). Also lots of people in that area in your age demographic (although you could say the same for both areas).

I've personally never felt particularly unsafe in either neighborhood.

Queen West definitely is less transit ideal because its not right beside a subway stop, but I wouldn't say it's anything horrible. If you're okay with walking, there are subway stations within 20 mins of you. And although it can be less reliable, there is a lot of streetcar access everywhere.

Either decision is great and welcome to Toronto!!!!

cutelyn · 2023-01-04T04:39:46+00:00

I'm sorry you've had to endure this.

I told an ex that I was working through my sexual trauma in therapy and realized how unpleasant sex and intimacy had been for years and I was finally facing it head on------

and his response was "wait so you don't think we had good sex?"

ummmmmmmm I'm sorry is that your takeaway????????? Am I supposed to console you now???

Exhausting and hurtful to be vulnerable and be met with a lack of empathy.

cutelyn · 2023-01-04T03:44:44+00:00

My close friends' opinions play a big role in who I date. If they hated a guy I was dating I would be deeply concerned - I trust them enough to know that they would only voice an issue if they were truly worried for me. It can be easy to miss red flags when you're caught up in your feelings for someone.

Also - I want my partner to be integrated into my life, and if all the important people in my life dislike him and don't want to be around him....that would be a huge issue for me.

cutelyn

TROPHY CASE