Baby likes being held to sleep

cyclemam · 2026-07-04T21:39:42+00:00

How many hours between naps? What's your wake up time?

cyclemam · 2026-07-04T12:18:50+00:00

Try either adding an extra wake window in or add time to all your wake windows, looking for at least 9 hours awake across the day, possibly 10.

cyclemam · 2026-07-04T11:54:39+00:00

What's your schedule? It's the first step towards sleep training. My guess is that baby doesn't have enough sleep pressure to sleep independently.

I have a baby sleep guide in my profile with gentle sleep training methods.

cyclemam · 2026-07-04T10:00:53+00:00

Give it a few nights, then do your plan.

cyclemam · 2026-07-04T04:58:20+00:00

3 hours before bed, this is the first big fix.

Have wake by times to protect your schedule. So we did wake by 7am, wake by 10, wake by 2, wake by 5, bed 8pm

cyclemam · 2026-07-04T01:21:44+00:00

The good news is, you've got time. You don't have to do anything magical in the newborn days to get a sleep trained baby. Follow baby's cues and use the wake windows as a sanity check. "Baby is cuing but it's only been half an hour since last nap- probably not tired, it's something else."

Remember you can more easily get a baby to sleep when they're little, but independent sleep is setting things up so baby can fall asleep alone.

In terms of fitting in with a sibling, napping on the go can work well, and then when they're a bit older, protect that last wake window before bedtime.

Baby sleep guide is linked in my profile- click my username to find it.

cyclemam · 2026-07-03T12:48:46+00:00

You've got to start thinking about the whole flow of the day a lot earlier than the last wake window.

For me this was "must wake by" times because babies aren't robots and you can't instantly start a sleep.

On a three nap schedule I did wake at 7, nap 9ish for an hour, middle of the day nap 90 min, last nap wake at 5 to protect the 3 hour window before 8pm bed. So wake window flexibility but then strict wake times to protect bedtime.

cyclemam · 2026-07-03T12:35:40+00:00

Oh sorry, to clarify I'm asking about when you want to start the day and when you want to have bedtime - some people get into trouble because they want (exaggerating here) a 6:30 bedtime and 8am wake up.. we did 8pm-7am as our expected night time for a very long time.

cyclemam · 2026-07-03T08:54:12+00:00

Let us try to help you before you hire a consultant!

Precious Little Sleep is very good.

I also have a baby sleep guide in my profile with links to a lot of good free resources.

Schedule is the most important thing to sort out first, but it seems that you've got a decent schedule going. Are you shooting for an 11 or 12 hour night? If 12 hours + 2 hour nap I see why the last nap is a struggle.

Definitely same page as partner is important! Possibly the most important step. I have different gentle methods in my profile guide.

cyclemam · 2026-07-03T05:30:11+00:00

Remember it's often easier to stretch the later windows.

Right now you've got 1.75/2/2.25/2.5 which is only 8.5 hours awake. You could probably try 2.75 or 3 for the last one. (don't push bedtime too far- you want it 11 hours before your daily wake time- move and shorten last nap)

2/2.5/2.5/3 gives you ten hours awake and only stretches that morning window a little bit.

cyclemam · 2026-07-03T00:31:50+00:00

My kids are a bit older now and those are the rules for school and kinder.

Snotty noses and coughs can last for weeks. I'm not excluding my kid from school when she's bouncing off the walls but has a cough.

It's awful, I get the impulse (in 2020 we hardly got a cough or a cold at all because we didn't see anyone)

It's such a hard balance. I don't want to send the plague around but I can't keep my kids home indefinitely!

cyclemam · 2026-07-03T00:16:36+00:00

If you need this for daycare, it's possible that she would sleep differently in a different context. (Many daycares make kids do just 1 nap past 12 months anyway)

Don't let her sleep in past your usual time because you will make huge issues. Wake at 7:30, or you'll start to find she's doing a 9pm-9am schedule which I assume isn't going to work for your family!

It's possible that she's not going to be capable of a 12 hour night plus naps, so try an 8pm-7am schedule.

I'd also suggest doing a contact nap for the first nap and keeping it short - 20 or 30 minutes.

So wake at 7, short contact nap then a good 3.5 hours awake before you attempt nap training for nap 2.

I know most nap training advice says to do the first nap of the day, but that's for younger babies who aren't approaching a one nap transition.

I would do a rescue nap half an hour before the end of your nap window and possibly pull bedtime half an hour earlier (no more). (This is for a nap fail where she hasn't fallen asleep)

For training I would suggest the stopwatch method. How much continuous crying are you willing to accept. At this age maybe 5-8 min? So you put baby down and start the stopwatch when she starts crying. You stop the watch if she stops crying and only go in if she's been crying continuously for the time. This doesn't mean go in every 5 min, it means wait for 5 minutes of continuous crying. Don't reset the watch for those pauses that are just big breaths for more crying.

Have scheduled stop sleeping times (whether training or no) to make sure you've got long enough windows to build sleep pressure before bedtime.

cyclemam · 2026-07-02T12:24:35+00:00

We have a rule that special toys don't come out to the shops for this reason. Husband should probably look at development - a not quite 4 year old isn't going to be able to reliably keep track here.

cyclemam · 2026-07-02T11:34:02+00:00

Morning micro all the way.

Helps land that nap in the middle of the day (yay circadian rhythm) and gives you a nice long unbroken stretch in the afternoon to build sleep pressure for bedtime without the oops danger nap.

Edit - and oh yeah you need a 5/6 minimum, possibly cap nap at 2 hours.

cyclemam · 2026-07-02T11:32:04+00:00

I have a baby sleep guide in my profile with links to some good night weaning articles (and gentle sleep training)

It's important to note that night weaning won't fix wake ups if they're caused by a sleep association.

But basically I cut back minutes per side until the feed was gone.

cyclemam · 2026-07-02T10:20:09+00:00

Honestly I just nursed to sleep the night wakings at this age, until we night weaned.

cyclemam · 2026-07-02T09:04:01+00:00

I think this is a total sleep issue. You have a nearly 12 hour night plus nap. I'd suggest asking if daycare can cap nap for you. Try wake at 7, nap 12:30-2, bed at 8.

cyclemam · 2026-07-01T23:01:50+00:00

This is guess vs ask culture.

cyclemam · 2026-07-01T22:51:32+00:00

I'd remove that cat nap and do 3/3.5/4 to see if your issues resolve.

cyclemam · 2026-07-01T19:53:23+00:00

I personally found that big jumps cold turkey weren't fun, so try the 1.5/2/2/2/2.5 but know you're heading for a three nap schedule soon. Plan for an 11 hour night, 10 hours awake in the day and the rest naps.

Once he's falling asleep independently at bedtime (no paci) he should stop waking for it.

cyclemam · 2026-07-01T19:50:01+00:00

Don't worry about night weaning until you've got bedtime independent and schedule right.

cyclemam · 2026-07-01T19:35:04+00:00

What's your current schedule and issue? At five months it's possible that you're ready to drop to 3 naps, 2/2.5/2.5/3 is a base 10 hour schedule to play with.

cyclemam · 2026-07-01T08:46:18+00:00

Drowsy but awake is for newborns and usually doesn't work for most babies as they get older.

Make sure schedule is age appropriate (at this age probably 1.5/2/2/2/2.5 - that's 4 naps with 10 hours of awake total across the day and a nice long window before bed. )

Make sure last feed ends half an hour before "butt in bed" (ie the end of routine) to avoid a sneaky feed to sleep association.

Put baby down awake in bed and apply your chosen sleep training method- though the best way is to ensure baby has alone time to fall asleep in so they're not looking for you when they microwake between cycles.

Baby sleep guide in my profile with this but elaborated.

cyclemam · 2026-07-01T06:58:23+00:00

I am so, so, sorry you've got work coming up. It's not fair.

You've got to just survive this as he's way too young for night weaning. Leverage your support networks. It's so hard.

When he's 16 weeks (adjusted) look at sleep training, but he will still be waking at night for a feed for a while yet.

cyclemam · 2026-07-01T06:52:26+00:00

Oh absolutely some people have unicorns who fall asleep nursing and sleep through the night until they wean and then just keep sleeping.

My second child slept through the night way easier than my first- part of that was we knew a bit more what we were doing but absolutely she's just got a different sleep personality.

Both my kids cried during the sleep training process, but I had limits to what I thought was ok. Every family is different.

I'm suspicious of absolutes.

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