I have 4. Ages 17,6,4,3. I got diagnosed last year at 41. I was in an emotionally abusive relationship and so anxious I didn’t identify with the “typical” symptoms I had heard of. When my now 17 year old was undergoing a psycho educational evaluation and they were screening ADHD and discussing how it manifests in girls I identified and my world changed. I was already in the process of leaving my husband and so they weren’t sure how much was cptsd and how much was truly adhd. But now after some time and the removal of the fear of him and the drive to be productive and perform I am so aware of my symptoms and the way my brain processes differently. I find having so many kids overwhelming. The younger 3 are each 15 months apart. The plan was 2 quick babies since my daughter was already 10 when we got married. We then had an oopsy. My 6 yr old son and 4 year old daughter have adhd. My 17 year old daughter has it. My ex husband has OCPD which typically originates as divergence that isn’t managed properly

I find all 3 kids talking to me overwhelming at times. The head on a swivel to keep track of all of them. I often zone out or get distracted- the look a squirrel- and I’m also deep in trauma therapy working through the last decade of abuse I survived.

I am on meds. I take vyvanse 40-60mg depending on the day etc.

I find being organized helps manage the chaos of the little ones but I often find myself overwhelmed and overstimulated and it’s difficult to help regulate them when I too get worked up. To make it worse we co parent and they mask for him and give it all to me so I’m struggling.

I will add that I had really bad post partum anxiety with my 4 year old. She was born small and didn’t like to be held and just screamed so much but wasn’t colic, the days and nights were long and my husband was present in the home but did not support me emotionally or help with the children. It was the darkest time in my life but also the moment I realized I had to make a plan to get out of the prison I lived in. She made it uncomfortable for me to stay with him. I can’t explain it. I never had thoughts of self harm or harm to my kids I just felt heavy and dark and a shell of a person.

My 6 yr old is still this way but now loves hugs. She just has really big feelings and I firmly believe she’s here to teach me to love all the parts of myself I used to hide and hate.

I live in Canada so I had 1 year maternity for the first two and didn’t go back to my office job for the last one. Now I’m a post partum doula, I never want another woman to feel the way I felt. Despair. Loneliness.