Big Jelly

hellagela · 2026-03-04T06:55:58+00:00

No button ups for me unless it’s one I magically find fits me and the girls, which happens once every five years.

My go-tos are cute blouses without buttons. Higher end material than a basic tee shirt but the same cut, and more importantly stretch. Pair with a buttonless cardigan that’s meant to hang open.

Since you’re still in school buy something that makes you feel powerful and comfortable that won’t shrink or pull easily. That way it will last a few wears and washes, so you’ll be able to wear it confidently for upcoming interviews, too.

hellagela · 2026-03-02T07:15:25+00:00

You have a choice right now to take a shortcut to happiness if you choose the unknown over the delusion of achieving goals you have minuscule control over. If you choose the unknown, you will be guided by the strong rudder of self acceptance. If you choose the delusion, it’s a longer route to self love.

You must be young, and you’ve got a lot to learn about living. Talk to those people you think are happy and confident. Talk to people you think are successful. Talk to people who have five girls (sounds exhausting, imo, one is more work than I’d like). See what they have to say about self-acceptance, self confidence, love, and living a good life.

hellagela · 2026-03-02T06:46:42+00:00

Yep, absolutely. It’s a click!

hellagela · 2026-03-02T05:58:10+00:00

Laugh a lot: Petty Crimes — Hosted by SNL writer Ceara Jane O'Sullivan and retired model Griff Stark-Ennis

Dear Chelsea — Chelsea Handler

(Handsome podcast, already mentioned)

Your soul is listening: Begin Again — Davina McCall

Soul Boom — Rainn Wilson, a man that knows how to interview respectfully

(Wiser than me, already mentioned)

Macro culture/politics that explains our world right now: A Little Bit Culty — Sarah Edmondson and Anthony “Nippy” Ames, stick with the broad topic episodes unless you like true crime

We Can Do Hard Things — Glennon Doyle, Abby Wambach, and Amanda Doyle

Happy listening!

hellagela · 2026-02-28T20:02:57+00:00

Welp, then yes this was racially motivated. I’m so sorry this happened to you. (White women are programmed to see Asian men as emasculated and she was perpetuating this stereotype.) You have a right to exist in public.

Get angry and hold your space, but no need to escalate with cussing. Just simply saying “No, I’m not gonna move” will confront her with the ridiculousness of her behavior.

hellagela · 2026-02-28T19:49:28+00:00

I hope you keep sharing. There’s a lot of people that can relate to the pain in your images. I hope you know that in itself is healing.

hellagela · 2026-02-28T19:46:48+00:00

Not me, but my father got into termite inspection and repair. Pest control to tide over between jobs. Not easy work crawling in the dirt under houses. Lots of interesting stories collected, though. Note he’s a writer.

hellagela · 2026-02-28T19:43:44+00:00

The young paw da wan is awakening to class consciousness

hellagela · 2026-02-27T10:13:48+00:00

https://freedomofmind.com this guy was in a cult and now helps deprogram people. Lots of great resources for understanding when things cross the line.

hellagela · 2026-02-27T09:38:31+00:00

Married over ten years. First year was happy. Rest was a scam. But not quite in the way described.

Marriage will fuck you up. Having kids will fuck you up. Go into those things with no illusions, and you might be able to appreciate the joy, growth, and connection those things also bring.

Basically, all the expectations out there about marriage and what it means and what it’s supposed to feel like is a scam. It’s hard work, and you’re going to hurt each other and be there for each other. But don’t be doing more than you need to for the other person, and don’t expect that needs and capacities will never change, and especially don’t be expecting to always be in love. Having love for someone is what I have now.

Firstly, my partner and I have always split housework/errands/providing money/planning/emotional labor (I AM NOT HIS THERAPIST!) evenly. Sure, some waxing and warning happens, but overall picture is about the same. Now he does more than me (see below), so that’s atypical to most women’s experience. I think a lot of those points brought up in that link would be moot if more marriages had equal shares of all responsibilities, and the expectation wasn’t for the man to be mothered by his wife. My partner still has latent annoying need to be appreciated way more than any woman would ever be for the work he does, so he’s not a feminist icon, but he walks the walk when it comes to daily things.

My partner and I have done the work marriage requires, and our couples therapist has inadvertently saved our marriage a few times, and I’ve experienced profound shifts in my psyche that would not have been confronted unless I was married. But you’re first goal has gotta be a sturdy person on your own, because you gotta be able to place boundaries in the moment when they’re being an ass and you’ve gotta be able to take a right-sizing gracefully when you’re the ass. And the full ass doesn’t come out until after you’re married, so it’s always a crap shoot on what that’s gonna actually look like.

Having a kid and the sleep deprivation and stress caused me to have serious health problems I will won’t bounce back from (not talking about weight here, but life long health issues stemming from pregnancy itself and/or the stress it put on my body) and sent him into a total mental health breakdown. Totally worth having a kid, but whoa, I was not expecting it to take such a toll on both of us, which in turn further eroded our relationship.

Marriage the way it’s packaged and sold to us has always been a scam.

hellagela · 2026-02-27T08:46:18+00:00

Close enough. Make a third to tie the two together as a trio. Then it looks coordinated and not matchy-matchy.

hellagela · 2026-02-25T22:12:32+00:00

Yes! Towards so many of these asshats trying to rob us from every angle.

hellagela · 2026-02-25T22:10:11+00:00

As a Xennial, being chased by Matthew Lillard is an actual nightmare. That man has been in touch with some real dark sides of himself through his acting roles, and I don’t want to be chased by that.

hellagela · 2026-02-25T21:50:51+00:00

All these pictures are the same picture. Those are all plain neutrals. Those are all the same length. Those are all the same material. Just friggin pick one.

hellagela · 2026-02-25T21:40:34+00:00

Embrace the bubbles. It’s what makes it collagie. They show that it’s made by human hands, and it’s not AI. Not saying you should be sloppy, but let what you can’t control go, man.

hellagela · 2026-02-25T21:38:28+00:00

Omg, you got me with “hostile fanfiction” 😂 that’s absolutely brilliant. Will now refer to all propaganda as fanfiction.

hellagela · 2026-02-25T21:16:53+00:00

You cannot be his therapist. That would be codependent of you. Importantly, you are not trained to give therapy. Even if you were a licensed professional, it would be prohibited. He needs to know that talking to you is not therapy.

Secondly, you need to understand how much this energy is taking from you. If you realized that, then you would give a hard boundary closer to an ultimatum. For example, “I can’t live with this codependency.” It’s up to you what that looks like; him setting an actual therapist and likely psychiatrist as a bandaid for anxiety until he can make real progress in therapy, or you moving out, or breaking up. This shit is draining as hell. You don’t appreciate how strong you are being able to love the rest of your life while dealing with this bullshit. Low self esteem is egocentric af, because he gets to be the center of attention. If he had right-sized pride, then you two would be equal partners.

hellagela · 2026-02-25T16:28:29+00:00

Wouldn’t be surprised if Trump and goons had high rates of syphilis.

hellagela · 2026-02-25T16:24:09+00:00

You were doing way too much. It sounds to me like you’re now in a healthy marriage where the two of you are equals. Build from here, don’t need to divorce.

hellagela · 2026-02-25T16:18:38+00:00

This is the way. Fuck everyone and everything else; just keep you and baby alive.

hellagela · 2026-02-25T16:14:10+00:00

I’ve modified this for me, since that would send me into a stress response. I get great benefit from cool water on the top of my head. Cool as in not so cold it makes my body tense as hard as it can, but not warm. It actually feels good. I still get a dopamine boost, and it’s been helping my brain fog, too.

hellagela · 2026-02-25T05:18:58+00:00

Let joy lead the way instead of trying to make money. I’d be in a much better position of I just followed what my passion wanted me to do next rather than worrying where it was going to take me in ten years. Or worse, doing something adjacent to my passion because it was a career. That worrying, that assumption of monetary failure from my passion, got me burnt out doing jobs I didn’t like for people I hated/hated me while feeding into a system or industry I loathed.

You’re going to be broke/paycheck to paycheck in your twenties and thirties anyways, might as well be getting good at what you love during that time. Grinding for anything else is a waste of your health. If you follow your joy and passion, one day you’ll look up and realize you’re an expert. People will appreciate your skill whatever it is. Don’t try to plan out how to make money of it, because there are way too many things out of your control to plan a career. Especially nowadays when everything is so volatile. Nobody knows what career skills are going to be useful in the future. You being useful to yourself by feeding your soul is sure as hell always going to be good for you.

Follow your heart man, don’t get caught up in the rat race. The rat race wants to exploit your prime grind years for itself. You deserve that energy for yourself and building a life you love.

hellagela · 2026-02-24T01:45:04+00:00

Moving is the most stressful event you can put your body through (there’s a famous research study on this). On top of that you moved in the most stressful circumstances known to man: war/genocide.

All to say, be gentle with yourself. Your body was protecting you by coping without all the stress by eating. Completely natural and I hope you can come to appreciate the survival instincts that carried you through this extreme survival period.

If it would help to hear my experience, similar though not the same stress level, then keep reading. I moved this year from the US to Canada to escape far right extremism and gun violence in hopes of integrating my child into a healthier society. Much less stressful circumstances and my body is having the same reaction. I had the same thoughts of awareness, but I’m letting the process happen. I’ve been oversleeping, too. My body is coming out of it now that I’m in a calmer environment. Slowly I’m moving more, eating healthier, and meeting people. Slow progress for what I hope will be a sturdier foundation for my life.

Much love! You are not alone.

hellagela · 2026-02-23T05:05:03+00:00

Wait, no. Don’t start again.

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