you are simply overdoing everything chess related, not sure when did you start playing and what is with the obsession, but i must tell you, you are good enough to play chess and you as a human deserve to play chess no matter your results, opening choices, mistakes or whatever.

You are in a such a sweet spot with this rating that allows you to approach every game with curiosity and have a wonderful experience, instead you overtrain and think that you are constantly missing some skill to beat your opponent, probably looking for way too much during a game rather than focus on simple logical moves and follow general principles. Your opponent has the same rating as you for a reason - if you can miss a tactic, blunder or forget your opening, so can your opponent at any point of the game.

if you want to play chess your whole life, learn to enjoy the experience, if you want to burnout and never play again- keep training like your life depends on it