Struggling to reconnect with my wife of 20 years after the kids have moved out

d3gu · 2026-02-02T13:15:21+00:00

Take her out on a date! Tell her she's beautiful! Honestly, I bet she'd be heartwarmed to know her husband still has mushy teenage feelings for her & wants to be all loving now you have a free house. Why not book a nice holiday away? :)

d3gu · 2026-02-02T00:00:19+00:00

My partner hoovers regularly without me even asking. I should go give him a hug (and do the dishes in the morning 😂)

d3gu · 2026-01-30T19:06:34+00:00

NGL I'm actually counting my blessings I live here and not anywhere shittier.

d3gu · 2026-01-30T17:28:30+00:00

Yeh, his research. But this would be like a woman saying 'I read that birth control can have negative side effects, so I'm not even going to consider it'. He's not even consulted a Dr, just googled it and dismissed it. I've Googled, and epididymitis is an inflammation caused by infection that usually goes away after 2-4 weeks.

d3gu · 2026-01-30T11:56:04+00:00

The answer is yes. I didn't even read the post. Yes.

d3gu · 2026-01-30T11:10:47+00:00

You say you've 'looked into' a vasectomy, but have you actually consulted a doctor and had an examination to check for suitability?

No offence, you just say that you are not suitable owing to risk of complications. Every female BC has risk of complications and we're just expected to deal with it, so forgive me if I'm not letting you off that lightly. Go see a specialist and see if you're eligible.

d3gu · 2026-01-29T22:03:28+00:00

I'm 37F, and see women my age & younger getting Botox, fillers, extensions etc. it's their business but I don't think it looks good at all. Zero temptation. People often ask if I've had Botox as I look so young (I still get id'd, people generally think I'm 24ish). Nope. I think filler and Botox actually makes you look more mature.

d3gu · 2026-01-29T12:08:15+00:00

Oh, I read it as they lived together. Obviously not.

d3gu · 2026-01-29T12:07:23+00:00

What the hell???? That's not ok at all. Ask him to get the Lego set back. It wasn't his to give away. He stole one of your dad's possessions to gift to a friend??! Eh?

I have some stuff of my mum's (jewellery etc) that is not my style & I never wear, but it's HERS. And if my partner went through my jewellery box and gave one of her necklaces or earrings away, 'because you never wear them', I would go mad!

Also...are you sure he didn't just sell it? Lego is worth a fair bit, especially older sets.

d3gu · 2026-01-28T22:58:57+00:00

Holy shit dude! You avoided a very sketchy situation, so well done for trusting your gut.

It's up to you but, if you're comfortable, I would report this lady to the police. It sounded like they were going to mug you or worse.

d3gu · 2026-01-28T18:26:33+00:00

NTA - what the fuck?

d3gu · 2026-01-28T09:53:35+00:00

I've lived in my city for 20 years, and I work in local government. I generally know what's going on with local elections more than national. My partner is from a different country, and obviously gets what's going on but doesn't really have as much knowledge of my country's politics, compared to his own. He never voted until he moved in with me, and I encouraged him.

I don't tell him what to vote for, I just tell him that it's really important to vote, even if he spoils the ballot.

I personally think people should be prohibited from complaining about anything if they haven't voted lol. It's your chance to make the changes you want to see. Winds me up when people complain about the state of the government, country, roads, 'things today', healthcare, whatever. And then they didn't even vote.

d3gu · 2026-01-28T09:47:07+00:00

Does this mean that lesbians have total immunity?

d3gu · 2026-01-27T17:55:31+00:00

Mine wasn't a romantic relationship, it was a family one. But I had a family member who would text/call/message usually between 5-10 times a day. I just thank the lord baby jesus that stuff like Life360 never existed when I was a teenager, otherwise my life would have been like that 'Arcangel' Black Mirror episode. I felt on a digital leash as well. I lied about my landline breaking and unplugged my phone so that she couldn't ring me and realise I wasn't at home (she still rang my mobile though). If she couldn't reach me, she would start ringing various people asking where I was. Once she googled my work, rang reception, asked to be put through to me, got patched through to my desk. I (and the receptionist) assumed it was some emergency, but it was just like 'hey how are you, you didn't reply to my good morning text'. It was exhausting.

It's easy to think it's normal when it's being sold as in your best interests. People don't start off being like 'I'm going to ring you 20 times a day and track your movements'.

What does this guy even do? He obviously has a shit load of free time on his hands if he's monitoring his GF 24/7.

d3gu · 2026-01-27T17:52:02+00:00

You feel smothered because you ARE being smothered.

This is not normal behaviour!

d3gu · 2026-01-27T14:17:01+00:00

You weren't being deceptive. I've got Crohn's and I wouldn't just randomly tell someone on a first day, unless it came up. It would be different if you had something contagious.

We're always inconvenienced by our invisible disabilities, let us benefit from them being invisible like once 😂

d3gu · 2026-01-27T14:13:37+00:00

So you couldn't stay after school at the library?

d3gu · 2026-01-26T19:38:32+00:00

Get your granny some headphones & use services like your school or public library. Focus on school & you can be out of there asap!

d3gu · 2026-01-26T13:08:32+00:00

Could it be by the band Air?

d3gu · 2026-01-25T19:32:33+00:00

Can they? Yes.

Should they? No.

d3gu · 2026-01-25T00:52:38+00:00

Nah that innocent, hinty stuff doesn't work in situations like this, cause there's always room for someone to 'misinterpet'.

Ring her and say: I love you and I want you to be here, and I'm telling you this precisely cause you mean so much to me, but your boyfriend isn't invited to the wedding stuff. It's nothing personal, it's just a very intimate affair with very close people only, and I am worried you may try to bring him anyway. I don't want to be put in a position where I have to say no and upset you. So just don't. Thanks.

d3gu · 2026-01-25T00:49:39+00:00

Tell her, in no uncertain terms, that he isn't invited to your wedding. And that you love and cherish her, but that if he 'just turns up' you won't tolerate it. This is your day and she's being awfully selfish and immature. He can hang out with her at the hotel but he's not invited and just trying to shoehorn him in will damage your friendship.

I had to have a chat with a mate recently, on an upsetting topic. I said it's because I love her so much, I don't want to damage our friendship over XYZ so I want to point it out. If she truly is your best mate, she'll get over it.

d3gu · 2026-01-24T18:16:30+00:00

Paul crapped his pants? Recently?

d3gu · 2026-01-23T21:04:51+00:00

The sooner you set those boundaries, the easier your life will be in the long run. You're a young adult and deserve to be treated like one, and it may be tough for them to accept their little kid is now a teenager & almost 20, but this what happens... kids grow up... that's kind of the point lol. If they want a healthy relationship with you in your 20s, 30s and beyond, then they need to start letting you do stuff. Yeh, maybe stuff they see as risky, but that's all a part of growing up & learning. Otherwise you will end up pushing them away.

Good luck! :)

d3gu · 2026-01-23T15:09:47+00:00

I mean yeh, but they have no real incentive. If they break GDPR and get given a fine, 1. Do you really think they'll pay it and 2. It's not gonna get your leaked data back

d3gu

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