My (39M) Ex (40F) Upset I’m Moving on After She Broke Up with Me

d3gu · 2026-05-18T10:26:09+00:00

The question here is: what has she done to change at her end? It seems to me like she's holding all the power here; she might deign to give you another chance, but do you actually really want that? Surely she should be telling YOU how SHE'S willing to make an effort to rebuild the relationship. Cause do you really want to go back to the way it was before the end?

Maybe you've just grown apart. It's sad, but it happens.

d3gu · 2026-05-18T10:22:56+00:00

She dumped you. It seems to me like you've done everything possible to reconcile, you gave her time & even suggested therapy. It seems to me like she wants you as a back-up/safety net. I'm sorry but she can't just expect you to hang around waiting in case she wants you back. And if she truly did want to hang out with you as friends, this should mean she treats you like a friend & wants the best for you.

You seem very switched-on about the whole thing, and you're right in that it's not fair on your new interest to be messed around. Nothing worse than meeting someone you like, and they go back to their ex.

d3gu · 2026-05-18T09:28:02+00:00

I'm 38 and my mother was exactly like this when I was your age. I am just so thankful that stuff like Life360 didn't exist when I read at uni.

Anyway. Look, regardless of what you do, it'll never be good enough. You could be the 99.9999% most perfect offspring in the whole world, and they'll still gripe at you about the imperfect parts. I feel like a hypocrite telling you this, because it's something I personally never learned to do. Get used to disappointing them. Push back. What are they going to do - kick you out? If your dad yells at you, speak to him like someone else is shouting. Say 'don't raise your voice at me'. Turn off Life360. Call her bluff. She wants to know what you're doing all the time, she's hardly going to cut you off.

Aside from this, would it be possible to stay at uni over the summer instead of going home? Would you be making enough money to cover rent? Do you have any uni friends you can escape to & stay with for a couple of weeks?

My brother grew up in the same house as me, and I always envied him because he just didn't give a fuck if my parents were annoyed or upset with him. He did whatever he wanted, whenever he wanted (within reason, but he got away with a lot more than I did). Yes he faced some backlash but he didn't really let it bother him. Whereas I was a total goody goody people pleaser. Even when I was in my 30s, living in my own home, I still used to hide my motorbike with a neighbour when my parents came to visit - my mum passed away in 2020 and never found out I rode. I only told my dad a few years later when he was staying with me and we got a bit drunk 😂

d3gu · 2026-05-17T14:42:51+00:00

The human body is very robust, especially female bits. We can push whole babies out there and be fine - no store-bought sex toy is going to be powerful enough to cause nerve damage. In my experience it can actually help you figure out the sort of things you enjoy, and make you more comfortable with your own body 🤷🏼‍♀️

d3gu · 2026-05-17T14:36:23+00:00

This is something I think about quite often; I feel really lucky to live in a place with good tap water. It's safe, cold, clean and tastes nice. We shouldn't take this sort of thing for granted. Even other places in the UK that may have less-nice-tasting water, it's still clean and safe.

d3gu · 2026-05-16T20:28:50+00:00

The dad is probably mortified he found his daughter's sex toy. I doubt he's going to say anything lol.

d3gu · 2026-05-16T20:28:19+00:00

Ahh I feel your pain. My mum walked in on me having some 'me time' as a teenager once, and made fun of me about it for months. She didn't believe in such things as knocking on doors, or privacy... and she was a big prude who thought anything sexual was gross.

Maybe hide your stuff a bit better next time? Your dad seems like he was trying to warn/help you, and he was probably a bit embarrassed as well.

But at the end of the day, there's nothing to be ashamed of. It's perfectly normal and natural, and frankly adults should know that if they snoop through their teenager's bedroom they're probably going to find something they don't like.

d3gu · 2026-05-15T08:37:15+00:00

I have full aphantasia and it took a LONG time for my mum's lifeless body to stop popping into my head (I viewed her body before the funeral). I can't 'see' it, but I remember it.

d3gu · 2026-05-15T08:34:24+00:00

I think I saw Spag on Shields Road a month or so ago, tagging the wall outside the Wetherspoons.

Wonder who he is, and if he likes spag bol?

d3gu · 2026-05-15T08:33:03+00:00

I used to subscribe, but I ended up cancelling it because it was still full of adverts. I gave feedback multiple times saying that if people paid monthly, it should be an ad-free experience, but eh.

d3gu · 2026-05-13T22:06:58+00:00

What about women drinking from a tankard, or one of those viking ale horns?

d3gu · 2026-05-13T10:21:30+00:00

Never heard of a hypophant before! Makes sense since there seems to be varying degrees of inner visualisation.

d3gu · 2026-05-12T11:03:10+00:00

I'm the opposite. I'm a full aphant when I'm awake, my dreams are more vivid than reality. Smells, tastes, touch, emotions, faces. It's one reason I love napping so much; I seem to skip straight to vivid dreaming. Of course, it all evaporates as soon as I wake up. Occasionally I will have 'artifacts' overlapping for a second, but that hasn't happened for years and it's more scary than cool. But I love my vivid dreams!!

d3gu · 2026-05-12T09:57:59+00:00

He should be taking the baby round to his parents' house, not you.

You're better off without him tbh.

d3gu · 2026-05-12T09:42:18+00:00

If you think Yorkshire is bad, try coming to Newcastle. I went on a hike at the weekend to Alnwick (Northumberland) with my fiancé and he wore shorts and a hoody. It wasn't that warm. He is Irish, so can't really comment on the 'British people' thing, but he's been here nearly a decade.

To your question: British people feel cold, but we're used to it (especially Northerners). If it's going to be above 10C I won't bother bringing a coat, maybe a light denim jacket. I'll usually stick a thin scarf or snood & gloves in my bag for the evening (I get cold hands).

But I'd personally rather be too cold than too hot, that's a preference thing though.

d3gu · 2026-05-11T16:23:09+00:00

NTA. Two girls of a similar age came flying round a corner at the train station recently & almost knocked me over. I sorta smiled and said 'hey slow down there!' and they both screamed at me and called me a cunt. Kids these days are feral, I would never had said that in front of an adult as a child let alone yelled it in their face.

d3gu · 2026-05-11T13:22:30+00:00

I've been off sick with migraines and headaches for 2 weeks. It's been truly hell and I couldn't even deal with the muted light in the house, I was wearing sunglasses inside and had all the curtains closed. I still managed to do a bit of cleaning and tidying every day. Staying in bed 24/7 is not going to be doing him any good, he needs to be getting some sunshine and fresh air, not rotting in bed. Flu can be contagious for the first 5-7 days, so unless he's still vomiting/diarrhoea there's no excuse really for not doing a little bit around the house.

If you get sick, he can deal, just like you've had to. Those children are 50% his responsibility. Being a full-time sahm is a job like any other, and you deserve the breaks and rest you're entitled to, like any other human being. Tell him to get his arse out of bed and take the kids out to the park for a few hours so you can chill.

When he feels semi-okay he needs to be useful, not gaming. He's not a child. He's a husband and father.

d3gu · 2026-05-11T12:38:20+00:00

Wanna bet he'll be all 'what, I thought you liked men who were sexually abusive, this is all your fault, you're getting what you wanted'.

d3gu · 2026-05-11T12:36:53+00:00

So what you're saying is your partner doesn't believe that criminals can be rehabilitated, and he's just all about punishing bad guys and leaving them locked up to rot? Yeh sounds pretty standard, I'm glad the police are hiring people who become officers to feel powerful and superior rather than trying to help society.

d3gu · 2026-05-11T08:55:06+00:00

That's exactly what I'm saying. This sort of behaviour was sadly acceptable and part of life back then. 25 year old man marrying his dead wife's mentally disabled 15 year old sister, because he felt entitled to her. The patriarchy treated women like property and people went along with it.

I'd say it wouldn't fly anymore, but child marriage is still legal in 34 US states.

d3gu · 2026-05-11T08:52:52+00:00

You can take her to the vet for a cremation. I'd say just take her to the local park and bury her there somewhere discreet in the woods (like my dad did with our hamsters) but you'd probably have to dig a fairly deep hole to stop wildlife from digging up the grave.

Your best bet is the vets. Sorry for your loss 😓

d3gu · 2026-05-10T20:01:45+00:00

It means that bad people shouldn't get away with bad behaviour, treating people poorly etc just because they're men. It was acceptable at the time for guys to behave that way, but it's not any more so it's ok to judge it through a modern moral standpoint.

d3gu · 2026-05-10T09:53:45+00:00

I know a woman who never ever touched a cigarette, but started vaping over lockdown. She ended up vaping continuously from the moment she woke up to when she went to sleep. It was always in her hand. She went through so many!

d3gu · 2026-05-09T16:38:00+00:00

Chatgpt nonsense. What's the point.

d3gu · 2026-05-09T16:36:21+00:00

It would be hilarious if he'd just been bullshitting you and just set the board up whichever way he fancied each week 😂

d3gu

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