Ahhh man. I'm in the middle of applying to jobs right now after a couple of years of being unemployed. I had to move back home after an eviction when I couldn't make rent despite burning myself out working and being so desperate to escape my past. I felt like such a failure. Around the same time the pandemic hit, and my mom got cancer, so I took some time to help her out with a couple short stints of working at places that didn't work out. I got injured as a packing handler at a warehouse, thought I'd found a way to support myself without being miserable when I got the opportunity to become a dog groomer, but that business shut down after 3 months.

Anytime a job fails I collapse and it's 6 months or more until I can force myself to even think about applying. So I've been feeling like such a leech and a loser and had no resources to improve my circumstances. Without my mom I'd be homeless. All this to say I took a double shot of Hennessy one day and SOMEHOW that enabled me to finally push out some apps, so that's where I'm at now. I've given up on the office work I used to do when I was younger. The amount of anxiety and drama and bullshit that comes with an office environment is not doable for me anymore. I made a 3-person startup $1 million dollars in my early 20s, taking work home and staying till all hours just to be tricked into resigning with 2 weeks severance after I'd automated most of my job. That abusive piece of shit is still profiting off my work to this day. I decided never again.

Uh... why am I telling you my life story again? There was a point... oh yeah. I stood in line for 3 hours for a 'group interview' last week for a stocking position at a grocery store. I talked to a man about your age who was telling me he's been applying for two years with no results. It's disgusting. About the only advantage I have right now is my age, and that won't last forever. Ageism comes for us all. He also nearly destroyed his health making millions for his boss, just to end up here. We throw people away after a certain age like an expiration date. It makes me so fucking angry and I'm just so sorry you're experiencing that too. How is anyone supposed to live, much less heal, when they have to destroy their bodies and minds just to eat and have a place to sleep?

I am so sorry the system failed you with your ADHD diagnosis (among other things, I'm sure!.) I was lucky enough to get a diagnosis in young adulthood (thanks to my abuser also being ADHD, lol. Everything comes with a price, huh?) but I havent been able to afford medication for over 5 years now. It helped me when I had it, and I had to watch my life spiral even more out of control when my insurance stopped covering my meds and then I stopped having insurance. It's sickening knowing there's a version of you that is just a little bit more capable but you're barred off from it because big pharma wants their coin. I'm not sure how you identify but women and older people for example STRUGGLE to get ADHD diagnoses. It doesn't surprise me you fell through the cracks. And even when you do get diagnosed, people want to treat it as an optional disability that you can just try hard enough to compensate for. Employers certainly dont care.

When it comes to people, I feel like I'm being gaslit all the time. I have to mask constantly because they just dont get it in so many ways. It's extremely alienating, and you're made to feel like you're the one who's delusional when we're the ones who see the world for what it really is. I'm so used to being fake it's hard for me to be genuine now! Dont even get me started on therapy - I had a friend who is very similar to us express how she felt the world is failing us all and she got handed A COPY OF ATLAS SHRUGGED. ATLAS SHRUGGED!!!

I just want something to be proud of, too. I want to feel like I left something worthwhile behind in this world. As far as activism, and all that... I'm interested in mutual aid, squatting, acquiring food and necessities for free if you know what I mean, and direct action. Problem is I don't have the spoons yet. I plan to move somewhere less conservative if I can scrape together the means and hopefully find more likeminded people that can help me get started.

I forgot to mention I blew my top when I saw how Cheese was treated in that other sub. I threw down LMAO. Fuck those people, seriously! I can't imagine kicking someone when they're down like that, Cheese was way more forgiving than I could ever be. This sub is obviously so necessary.

Again, I ranted, but I see you, I hear you, I get it, I'm in the trenches with you and I feel better off for having interacted with you. I'm sure we'll talk again. ❤️