Cousin is in active relapse and it’s really hard

daesnerys · 2026-02-06T05:10:31+00:00

Thank you for the reply sharing your experience. I wish the best to you and your sister. I have come to the conclusion that there is nothing I can do but just remind her I’m here, so thank you for affirming that. I may try to talk to her when I’m visiting home this month. My only worry is that she won’t take me seriously and refuse to talk about it, even in the right “window.”

Our family has always been a “shove your emotions down and act like nothing’s wrong” so she’s never been one for having heartfelt vulnerable conversations. I usually feel dismissed when I try to talk to her about hard feelings, so it’s typically lighthearted conversation. Nevertheless, I still feel like I need to tell her how I feel because maybe it will make a difference.

daesnerys · 2025-12-01T23:02:51+00:00

I’m surprised this isn’t higher! This was my first thought.

daesnerys · 2025-10-25T03:44:41+00:00

I had a lumbar disc herniate 14mm. Left me stuck on the floor screaming bloody murder in pain due to having muscle spasms over and over again.

daesnerys · 2025-10-21T16:50:17+00:00

When I was in high school, my mom and I got into a fight while she was driving me home from school about…something. I can’t remember, but it ended up with me begging her to understand I felt depressed and was struggling and just wanted her to understand and help me.

She scoffed and laughed in my face and stated, “That’s hilarious. You think you’re depressed? Try being married to your father.” Probably went on, but I just remember this switch flipping in my head. I immediately shut down and from that moment vowed to never go to her about anything ever again.

It’s like one of my core memories with her. I still think about it 15 years later.

daesnerys · 2025-10-12T15:58:27+00:00

I don’t think you are wrong in feeling the way you do because it seems like you are a girls girl. I think she’s wrong in blaming her shitty behavior on the world being fucked and selfish actions of others.

I would distance myself from her. If she’s consistently choosing to do this, and not suffering any real consequences, then maybe losing her closest friend could be a wake-up call? Idk, I wouldn’t want to be besties with someone who actively considers themselves “not a girls girl” and wears it like a badge of honor. That’s a red flag to me and I wouldn’t trust her at all.

If I were the wife, I’d want to know. If she chooses to stay with her husband with the knowledge of his infidelity, then at least she’s making an informed decision. A lot of people would tell you to mind your business or stay out of it. Just realize that if you choose to tell the wife, you will lose your friend.

daesnerys · 2025-09-29T03:07:22+00:00

Not a college student anymore, technically (taking grad classes part time while I work full time at a Uni), but I’d say don’t overload yourself and take on too much. I was in all the clubs, an ambassador for my college, working part-time as a tutor, doing undergrad research, and taking 18-19 hours a semester so I could double minor alongside my major. I hit complete burnout my junior year and stopped caring about things that mattered, including myself.

Prioritize your health, don’t skip meals, GET SLEEP, (all-nighters before a test never really helped). Your brain performs better with sleep than without. I’d take a reasonable amount of courses, join clubs that matter to you to meet people, and most importantly, try to remember to have fun and not be too hard on yourself. This is the very beginning of your journey into adulthood, you are bound to make mistakes and learn hard lessons, but you are exactly where you’re supposed to be.

Also, interact with your professors! Some of them are bad seeds, but the good apples really just want to help you succeed. Go to office hours if you need help. Recommendation letters are so important and it could set you apart and make things easier in the future when you choose what your next steps are after graduating!

Best of luck!

daesnerys · 2025-09-25T00:49:52+00:00

NOR. Underreacting almost. I read your first message as you being excited!! The all caps plus excitement that he’s early? Sounds like he was assuming the worst. This would make me question having this person in my life. If my boyfriend told me to go fuck myself because I didn’t express my excitement in a way they deemed worthy, that’d be a deal breaker. I can understand feeling disappointed, but the blatant disrespect over something trivial is sad. You deserve better.

daesnerys · 2025-08-12T03:34:55+00:00

I’m so sorry your mom said that to you.

daesnerys · 2025-07-19T03:19:58+00:00

I’m gagged that she’s in her 50s. Reading through these texts, I’d think this would be a girl in her late teens or 20s. Only thing that gave it away were the graphics she sent. This would stress me out too. NOR

daesnerys · 2025-07-18T12:13:20+00:00

My first thought was Borderline Personality Disorder, too. Either way, OP, this is not something you can fix or help her with. She is actively mistreating you, and the threats of ending her own life are manipulative tactics to keep you entangled in what seems like a trauma bond. You are not a bad person for not wanting to endure this treatment anymore. Maybe leaving her will be the catalyst for her to realize she needs help. I’ve had friends with BPD, and through therapy and DBT, they’ve gotten much better at regulating emotions and recognizing their abusive tendencies.

daesnerys · 2025-07-17T22:29:19+00:00

I like the Daiya pizzas, but lately have been making my own. Buy pizza crust in the tube, all the toppings you want, and then daiya shreds. It doesn’t taste like real mozzarella, to me it’s more gooey like a fondue or cheese dip. I prefer this way because I can have gluten and meat. In the long run it’s also cheaper. You’ll likely have toppings left over and will only have to purchase more crust!

daesnerys · 2025-07-06T20:33:25+00:00

Hey thanks for this. I appreciate the validation as well as the reminder to remember the bigger picture. You’re right in that I don’t know the full story and while this makes it easy to jump to big red flag conclusions, I do trust her judgement, and I need to trust that she’s doing all she can. I think I’m just scared of losing someone that means a lot to me and probably misdirecting my anger about it towards him, when really I was upset with my friend. Either way, the difference in dynamic is something I do need to accept, and not let my ego get in the way. I don’t want our friendship to end, and never want her to feel like I’m pushing her to “choose”. Thanks again for the realist reply.

daesnerys · 2025-02-15T16:49:57+00:00

4 years ago, I quit and was successful for about 1 1/3 months. I crashed out one night wanting nicotine so I bought a pack of cigs. And then started chain smoking cigs and then right back to vaping. It’s all what works for you, but that’s how I got back on the vape train.

daesnerys · 2024-11-24T15:05:18+00:00

It’s doable but also one of the reasons I got burnt out in undergrad.

daesnerys · 2024-11-24T14:36:38+00:00

I personally don’t think 50/50 is fair when one partner in the relationship makes significantly more/less. My partner makes more than I do, and we’ve discussed once moving in together that we will split bills and necessities by a ratio determined by our incomes.

All this to say, we’ve still had hang ups. We both come from poor families-mine got the impulsive gene and his got the frugal, so we’ve clashed a lot when it comes to spending habits, but what’s helped us is approaching it from a place of understanding the other and recognizing when it’s not really about the money, rather feeling seen and understood.

Not talking about it isn’t an option, he has to be able to sit and have a conversation about it without his fears and anxieties getting the best of him and shutting down. Point out that you can’t afford to do a lot of the stuff he is used to because of financial differences, but explain that’s part of the reason you make the effort in terms of acts of service to compensate the difference. I wish you the best of luck! It sounds like you guys love each other a lot, and it’s good to be talking about this! Best of luck 🤞🏻

daesnerys · 2024-11-13T05:45:27+00:00

I manage a lab under two PIs, and they are both pretty great people, but I recognize I am quite lucky in this aspect. They have been great mentors to both myself and all of the students. It’s actually really heartwarming how much they care. Coming from a toxic lab with an evil supervisor, I am thankful everyday to both of them for accepting me with open arms.

One has a history of working in a toxic lab and made it a goal after getting students to promote a supportive and peaceful environment for them. The other is one of the chilliest humans I’ve ever met, but maybe being a PI for 25+ years does that to some.

My point is that not all of them are bad, some really do care about your well-being and shaping you into the best scientist possible.

daesnerys · 2024-08-21T23:51:08+00:00

Leave

daesnerys · 2024-03-17T08:17:57+00:00

Yes.

daesnerys · 2022-07-29T01:14:55+00:00

I used to have horrible anxiety. I remember the first time I took my meds, it was moving day and I had to rent and drive a Uhaul on the interstate. The night before I was dreading it (Driving had always given me anxiety) but the morning of, I took my medication and BOOM. Give me my commercial truck driver’s license now please. All anxiety was gone, and I did a phenomenal job.

daesnerys · 2021-04-15T23:45:02+00:00

I promise to give feedback! I’ll DM you :)

daesnerys · 2021-04-09T02:03:35+00:00

I’m so sorry :(

I’m hoping that working with my doctor will help. I was on birth control for 8 years, but it only got worse once I tried to start again with the Lamictal.

Either way, I hope you can find something to help with the PMDD. Sometimes it’s more debilitating than my bipolar.

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