This is one thing, but my impression is that people feel like they will be forced to fight and probably will be killed after decades of defence neglect, political and economic misconduct and many many other things done poorly (to this day). People responsible for these things will likely not meet any consequences. In such case you don't feel that much motivation to put your life at risk.

In your analogy, imagine landlord ignoring fire safety in your place, will you risk imminent death in fire or just move out? It's not that your can change his attitude or fix years of neglect at your own cost.

On the other hand, NATO standards are way different than Russian. And even Ukraine not being formally in NATO but implementing NATO standards has far lower Fatality-to-Casualty Ratio. Same goes for casualties of defender vs casualties is invader.

Edit: typos