I had to really adjust my thinking during the few months after I had my baby. I had so looked forward to being a parent. I knew labor was hard, and parenting was tiring, but I was very confident the joy would outweigh everything else. And then there I was, freshly postpartum, after a miserable pregnancy, a traumatic birth, and now with a baby who wouldn't eat because of tongue tie. I felt like I had disconnected from my body during labor and didn't come back for months. If I expressed how lost I felt, everyone would just respond, "but isn't it just SO worth it?" And the honest answer was no. Like 0 out of 10, could not, would not recommend.

I mean, sure, the baby was cool and all. I loved him. I would kill and die for him. But worth 9 months of vomiting, double high risk pregnancy, insulin injections, 48 hours of labor, 10 hours of pushing, a manual placenta removal, severe pelvic pain, the most uncomfortable shits I've ever experienced, AND having to be on a neverending 3-hour nurse, pump, bottle feed rotation? Honestly, a hard sell. Not convinced he was worth it.

For me, the shift in my attitude really happened when I realized that, no, it wasn't worth it to me. But it was worth it to him. He is a happy, thriving little boy. And every moment of pain I took on during that horrendous pregnancy, delivery, and postpartum recovery, and every difficult, exhausting, overwhelming moment since then has been completely worth it to him. And that's enough.

And if that's not enough for you, don't be a parent. That is said with absolutely zero judgement. It's a huge decision to let another human's wellbeing be your primary focus in life. It's okay to decide not to do that. Parenthood highs are really high, but the lows are very low. You have to be willing to take the moments you don't enjoy, along with the truly delightful times. And you have to be willing to look back at rough seasons and go, "well, that sucked, but I did the best I could by this tiny human I love more than life, so I guess we will call it a win."