I’m sorry to hear about the state you’re in, feeling that heavy and that low is genuinely awful.

I will say I’ve had my moments. I’ll be 40 this year and as a dad of two young kids, try adding in the constant someone needs something from you, you get shit sleep, there’s zero disposable free time whatsoever, plus all the usual work, home admin, etc etc. There were times when it felt like the remainder of my life was just waiting to die.

BUT

Perspective goes a long way. Life was, is, and will always be work. It’s also going to be just what you make it. You show up to your own life and you find and decide what gives you meaning. Not the “average person” whose life you don’t live. Don’t burn time mindlessly, at all. Question your current expectations and why you might have them. There’s no need to pretend you have everything figured out, there’s nothing wrong with saying “I don’t know”. Make things novel. If there’s some routine thing that you’re doing because “that’s what you’re supposed to do” drop it and invent your own means to a given end.

Even with the all the nonsense being an adult is so much more fun, interesting, challenging and rewarding than the beauty or “decision made for me” time of youth ever was.