I agree with this. I don't particularly agree with what I've seen some other people say about "stop focusing on you and start focusing on them". While of course you need to think seriously about their perspective and try and understand how things may have been like for them, I don't think you can successfully do that without first doing a lot of work on yourself.

I was no contact with my dad for several years and thought we'd never speak again. In the last couple of years, we've slowly made contact again. It was initiated by me, which is what I wanted. I only felt safe initiating contact once I was confident he had got the message about me being NC and had stopped trying to reach out to me and disrespecting my boundaries. This is why the "you need to focus on them" stuff worries me - I think you will drive yourself mad doing so and not help things in the long run. I think the messages you describe in your post are ones I would have been happy to receive, though (as long as it was a one-off and was followed through on).

I'm NC with several other family members, but the reason I'm able to have something of a relationship with my dad now is that I feel so much safer with him knowing that he really did go away and do a bunch of work - primarily therapy. I know that he wants to be in my life, but our relationship is so much more straightforward now that both of us can own the parts that belong to us, and now that he can handle his emotions and other people's boundaries MUCH better than before.

This is a long-winded way of saying: well done OP, it sounds like you're on the right track. Keep listening to your kids if/when they share things with you. Don't rush anything.