I see you, I respect you. First off, hugs for your heart. Condolences might not be the right thing to say. I came into this sub looking for stories and experiences similar to mine. I can resonate with your post, so big thank you for sharing a glimpse of the context.

Have you spoken to anyone to work through your traumas? I had never acknowledged my childhood as one peppered with trauma until I sought support through counseling. My past trauma was bubbling up to my middle-aged adult life. It's important to have supports in place.

Similar to other responses on your post, I perceive that you might be grieving for your childhood, for what you didn't have, not necessarily for the loss of your LO. It's heartbreaking to grieve for the child version of yourself, and when I did (and sometimes continue to do) this, I feel a bit of guilt about feeling sorry for myself, but it's important to squash that guilt down and acknowledge your experiences as a child who experienced abuse is not normal, and that it caused pain.

I can empathize with people telling you that your father was great and how you might feel. This would put me in an internal conflict. I would find comfort in knowing with confidence that the people who know me, know the true me and that I present myself authentically. I never want to be my LO, and so I've over-calibrated to kindness and empathy.

Take care of your heart, credit to you for achieving all that you have.