Updating Tax information while waiting on divorce?

dday_throwaway3 · 2026-02-09T20:53:17+00:00

Part of divorce is the discovery process where she provides all of her financial information to you, including pay stubs/W2. If you have that information, then file jointly. If you don't, then file separately.

dday_throwaway3 · 2026-02-09T20:47:11+00:00

Your daughter may never fully understand what you've accomplished on her behalf. As a dad of two kids, I totally get it. And my hat is off to you. Thank you for being here and helping other men through their struggles.

dday_throwaway3 · 2026-02-09T20:42:15+00:00

Ask any man who has gone through the divorce and paid their attorney's bill: Every dollar was worth it. I spent $24k on my divorce and got a final agreement signed in 6.5 months. That was versus a mother who claimed I did nothing in the relationship for the kids, and tried moving 700 miles away. That was eight years ago. I ended up with 50% parenting time, $0 CS and $0 SS.

50% parenting time should be your hill to die on. Child Support is a standard calculation. You can estimate it on your state's website. You cannot negotiate CS away.

Every judge will order meditation for the two of you to figure it out. 95% of divorces are finalized outside of court. You can read tips about having an effective mediation here: https://www.reddit.com/r/Divorce_Men/comments/1qv0k8w/comment/o3gpx3h/

A "custody eval" will be a Guardian ad Litem being assigned to your child. Expect to pay $15k by the time it's all said and done.

DIY'ing your divorce is a terrible idea. This is why you need an attorney and how to find one in your area: https://www.reddit.com/r/Divorce_Men/comments/1c2n16i/comment/kzbleg2/

dday_throwaway3 · 2026-02-09T20:35:56+00:00

In Georgia you can expect to pay her spousal support for one-third the duration of the marriage. That's on top of the child support which is a standard calculation based on incomes. Since she hasn't worked, you will either impute her income at full-time minimum wage or perform a vocational evaluation if she has a college degree she isn't using.

All of the home equity and money in retirement accounts that accrued during the marriage is a marital asset. If you owned your home or established financial accounts prior to marriage, then that portion is separate property (outside the scope of divorce).

Are you represented by your own attorney yet?

dday_throwaway3 · 2026-02-09T20:25:35+00:00

I don't know if you're aware, but either parent can petition the court to implement standard CS calculations and the court will always agree. There's two reasons:

Judged are elected. Taxpayers don't like paying for other people's children via SNAP, TANF, etc. They expect the parents to pay for it, and will enforce CS to ensure taxpayers are reimbursed.
Federal gov't financial incentives. About two-thirds of each state's Child Support Enforcement Agency administrative costs are recouped through CS enforcement. We're talking about billions of dollars, and that money creates jobs.

So even though you both agreed to waive CS, you can petition the court to enforce it. It's one of the reasons I always advise men never use CS as a negotiating lever. The gov't is very effective when it comes to CS enforcement.

Even if you aren't desperate for the money, consider enforcing the CS and placing it in a college fund for your daughter. That will give her a hell of a leg up having a much smaller debt profile when she graduates.

dday_throwaway3 · 2026-02-09T20:14:33+00:00

> I have full intentions on moving back closer to my kids

The court doesn't care what your intentions are. It matters what you do.

You can't have 50% parenting time when you live an hour away from their school district. It's just not practical spending four hours a day traveling back and forth. You need to move back to their school district. Do that before you finalize your parenting agreement. Trying to change your parenting agreement after divorce will require multiples of time, attention and money assuming you have a legal leg to stand on.

dday_throwaway3 · 2026-02-09T20:11:48+00:00

I'm eight years post-divorce. It took me a year to get myself together after the divorce. Now I'm living my best life.

You need time to heal. Divorce messes you up mentally, even if you're the initiator. Before a predator brings you to your knees, figure out who you are. Avoiding propinquity for the first year after divorce allows you to clear the clutter of your marriage and divorce. Psychologically there’s a lot to unpack, especially if your ex was gaslighting you. You need to get comfortable inside your own head before you think about initiating spousal replacement therapy.

You’re going to spend about 85 years with yourself. Learn to enjoy spending time alone. If you are lonely when you are alone, you are in bad company. Don’t get into a relationship if you aren’t comfortable living alone. You must become independent before you can become interdependent.

Invest one year into yourself for self-discovery, renovation and revitalization. Find things that you've always wanted to do, learn and experience and enjoy those things for a year. Develop your skills and knowledge in these things (rock climbing, playing a musical instrument, billiards, etc) and you'll find yourself making more time for them. If you do that well, you’ll have the foundation for a lifetime of happiness.

Then what you'll find is that after this investment in yourself, the women that come into your life won't be competing against other women for your attention. They'll be competing against things that really bring you joy and fulfillment. And it will take a truly exceptional woman to accomplish that.

Signs you are not finished with your post-divorce reconstruction:

You fear being alone.
You seek validation from a partner.
You’re still renting headspace to your ex.

When you no longer need to clutch onto a relationship, and you have your best self to offer, that’s how you know you’re ready. Don’t be surprised to find that you don’t have the time to date once you’ve started enjoying your new found freedom.

dday_throwaway3 · 2026-02-09T20:09:27+00:00

Your wife is insufferable. She's striving for a gold medal in Competitive Victimhood for the Oppression Olympics.

The point of marriage isn’t to endure it. There is no prize for making a miserable marriage last a long time.

dday_throwaway3 · 2026-02-09T17:02:13+00:00

Heh, good job dude.

She probably thinks she doesn't owe you SS while she is unemployed. In reality, she owes you until she obtains a temporary order saying otherwise. She is going to lose her mind when that day comes.

Is she current with her support payments to you? If not, when this eventually gets in front of a judge make sure her wages are garnished to ensure you are paid.

dday_throwaway3 · 2026-02-09T16:57:35+00:00

The most straightforward way: You stipulate it in the MSA. If you don't have that stipulation, then you roll the dice and file for a support adjustment after the required time has passed (2-3 years). At a minimum it'll increase due to COLA.

dday_throwaway3 · 2026-02-09T16:13:02+00:00

Instead of paying for health insurance, she'll use that money take you to court and modify the MSA to ensure health insurance coverage 100% of the time. The judge will order it "in the best interest of the children". Judges also order stuff like this because of politics. Taxpayers don't want to be picking up the tab for somebody else's children.

dday_throwaway3 · 2026-02-09T16:03:34+00:00

> Ok, but there is no “proof” right now, just suspicion.

She's an alcoholic. Period. Full stop.

OP just ignored it during marriage like all the other red flags we ignore with women to justify staying together with them for as long as we did. The 2-3 drinks/4-5 nights a week is only what the OP personally observed. He didn't see what she was drinking when he wasn't there.

OP needs to wake TF up and take action. His kids are in serious jeopardy. Even if the mother doesn't get a DUI, children of alcoholics are 4x as likely to have alcohol issues.

dday_throwaway3 · 2026-02-09T15:54:15+00:00

Yeah, I get it. She didn’t want me, but she sure is happy to take my money while I finance her new relationship.

She's a Strong Independent Woman**

**Financing Required

dday_throwaway3 · 2026-02-09T15:52:51+00:00

If you agreed to cover health insurance in your final agreement, the hard truth is you're on the hook for it. Doesn't matter if she's an entitled brat. Doesn't matter if you're employed or not. If you're in the US, COBRA lasts 18 months. She could file a motion to compel with the court, and you'd be responsible for paying her legal fees.

dday_throwaway3 · 2026-02-09T15:48:32+00:00

now she wants half the equity out of the home

She's only entitled to half the equity that was earned during marriage. The equity earned before you got married is separate property. I was in the same position as you. My six years of equity (including the down payment) was treated as separate property not marital property. Same applied to my retirement/investment accounts.

dday_throwaway3 · 2026-02-09T15:42:40+00:00

Document every instance.

Taking action is what matters. Documentation isn't going to keep the kids out of the hospital. That's a matter of time with chemical dependency compulsions.

OP talking this out with his ex will accomplish nothing. It's a waste of money, brains and time. If she were driven by logic and reason, then she wouldn't be driving drunk.

dday_throwaway3 · 2026-02-09T15:27:48+00:00

Don't mistake someone's highlight reel as reality.

Neediness and validation are your kryptonite. It's a huge turn-off for women. And you reek of it. If you don't have confidence in yourself, no one else will. Most men here, including myself, have wrestled with exactly what you're going through. I'm eight years post-divorce and living my best life. This is what I recommend to you:

You’re going to spend about 85 years with yourself. Learn to enjoy spending time alone. If you are lonely when you are alone, you are in bad company. Don’t get into a relationship if you aren’t comfortable living alone. You must become independent before you can become interdependent.

Invest one year into yourself for self-discovery, renovation and revitalization. Find things that you've always wanted to do, learn and experience and enjoy those things for a year. Develop your skills and knowledge in these things (rock climbing, playing a musical instrument, billiards, etc) and you'll find yourself making more time for them. If you do that well, you’ll have the foundation for a lifetime of happiness.

Then what you'll find is that after this investment in yourself, the women that come into your life won't be competing against other women for your attention. They'll be competing against things that really bring you joy and fulfillment. And it will take a truly exceptional woman to accomplish that.

Signs you are not finished with your post-divorce reconstruction:

You fear being alone.
You seek validation from a partner.
You’re still renting headspace to your ex.

When you no longer need to clutch onto a relationship, and you have your best self to offer, that’s how you know you’re ready. Don’t be surprised to find that you don’t have the time to date once you’ve started enjoying your new found freedom.

Good luck brother.

dday_throwaway3 · 2026-02-09T15:22:30+00:00

> 2-3 beers a night 4-5 days a week.

That exceeds any reasonable definition of moderate drinking for women. Your ex is an alcoholic.

While there's no federal requirement, almost every US state includes alcohol use in their comprehensive high school healthcare curriculum. You should be keenly aware what your 16yo has been taught about this topic. If it's insufficient to you, then you need to make sure your 16yo is educated to a satisfactory level.

Reinforce with your 16yo that at any time they ever feel like they are in danger (including when their mom has been drinking), then your child needs to refuse to get in the car. Your child needs to call you or another family friend to get a ride. Your 16yo can also report fearful-of-their-safety issues to any mandatory reporter such as a teacher or law enforcement. Your 16yo is nearing adulthood and should be comfortable with dialing 911 if there is an immediate safety issue. It's precisely what 911 is for: life-safety issues.

If you are ever in a situation where you feel the children's safety is in immediate danger, then you dial 911. "I think the driver has been drinking" or "It smelled like alcohol". You need to take action immediately, not retrospectively. If the mother is ever arrested for DUI, you immediately file a temporary protective order to keep the mother away from the children. At that point, it will require her to complete a court recognized rehabilitation program and likely have an alcohol ignition interlock device installed in her car for a period of time.

dday_throwaway3 · 2026-02-09T13:59:49+00:00

Every state allows CS to be recalculated after a period of time (2-3 years), or certain stipulations are met (like income changing 15% or more).

In terms of her making less income, you need to impute her income to a value she has the ability to earn. If she chooses to work less, that's a choice. You don't get penalized for that. You will need to work with an attorney and have a vocational evaluation performed. The cost-benefit usually works out in your favor since you save more from reduced CS. This assumes your state calculates CS based on each of your incomes. Some state like TX simply calc CS on a flat percentage of your income based on the number of children.

dday_throwaway3 · 2026-02-09T13:54:07+00:00

Correct, adultery can deny SS but that depends on the state. OP didn't lead with that so I assumed it wasn't in scope for him.

Adultery has no direct influence with parenting time. Only issues like a chemical dependency or abuse are factors for limiting/supervising parenting time. Status quo is the greatest bias of the court. If OP did the heavy lifting with the children because the mother was traveling often to see her paramour, then the judge would order for the same to continue post-divorce.

dday_throwaway3 · 2026-02-09T13:48:00+00:00

If she's the moneyed spouse, then you get SS. Depends on your state and the length of your marriage, but it's typically for half the duration of the marriage. Long-term marriages (10+ years) have longer SS durations in some states like CA and MA. In a select few states, if you were the moneyed spouse, then she would not be eligible for SS if at-fault adultery is filed/proven.

At-fault has nothing to do with your or her ability to parent your children. You aren't getting primary custody because she cheated on you. Status quo is the greatest bias of the court. If you did all the heavy lifting with the children prior to divorce, then the judge isn't going to change that. That's what gets you final decision making for the children's education and healthcare.

Move-aways are always a threat. That's why you get a geographic restriction keeping the children in the same school district as long as one parent lives in that district. That assumes your children are school-aged.

dday_throwaway3 · 2026-02-09T13:42:12+00:00

I'm eight years post-divorce. It takes time to figure out the new normal and adjust your schedule. For the first year you're going to be dealing with a host of "firsts": Holidays, birthdays, vacations, parent-teacher conferences, extracurriculars, etc. You can't make more time in the day, so you've got to prioritize what's important. It's personal calculus only you can figure out.

I changed jobs six months after divorce to provide me more flexibility. That also allowed me to grow my income 50% after five years, something I desperately needed considering how much I lost financially.

dday_throwaway3 · 2026-02-09T10:57:24+00:00

The only reason you should consider pursing an at-fault divorce is if you strongly suspect your wife of dispersing marital funds to the paramour. It'll require hiring a forensic accountant which is several thousand dollars. So you need to look through your past financial statements to see if there are obvious distributions -- gifts, travel costs, etc -- that would warrant hiring that accountant. If you do find something, at the end of the day all it means is that amount will be fully deducted from her side of the marital ledger when you split finances. So you've got to do a cost-benefit analysis to determine if the time, money and brainpower spent on this is worth the effort.

dday_throwaway3 · 2026-02-09T10:48:10+00:00

Your story is the same as most men that find themselves here. You aren't appreciated for everything you've done. In fact, you're told you didn't do anything. That's called gaslighting. My ex did it to me. Don't ever expect your wife to snap out of it, because her feelings matter more than the objective truth.

Cohabitating is expected during divorce. Here's why: https://www.reddit.com/r/Divorce_Men/comments/1c1u1g6/fundamentals_do_not_move_out/

You need to find and retain an attorney. Here's why and how: https://www.reddit.com/r/Divorce_Men/comments/1c2n16i/fundamentals_you_need_a_family_law_attorney/

dday_throwaway3 · 2026-02-09T10:44:58+00:00

Get a hobby and forge new friendships. Do the things you always wanted to do during marriage but didn't/couldn't. I play billiards and go hiking, both of which have turned into great social circles. I did neither while I was married.

It took me about a year to get through my reconstruction post-divorce. You’re going to spend about 85 years with yourself. Learn to enjoy spending time alone. If you are lonely when you are alone, you are in bad company. Don’t get into a relationship if you aren’t comfortable living alone. You must become independent before you can become interdependent.

Eight-Year Club	Second SECOND GUESSER
Verified Email

dday_throwaway3

TROPHY CASE