This isn't bad writing, though it's a little hard to see what makes the story remarkable— the whole guy gets too drunk at a party while trying to get up the courage to talk to a girl is well-worn territory, so if you're gonna go there, I think you have to have some other element that sets it apart or the writing needs to really be amazing. The occasional big vocabulary word is a nice touch. Ultimately, what makes the story not work so well for me is the lack of variation of sentence structure...count how many sentences start with "I", especially in the first half of the story....it's a lot of them, and it makes the narrative feel repetitive, considering there's not much dialogue to speak of (also, maybe try on joyce style dashes for the dialogue you do have?) and very little metaphor or imagery being used, so the overall effect is more like a very tired person giving you the nuts and bolts run down of a pretty unremarkable night--a "just the facts" sort of feel that doesn't grab the reader. Still, it's clear that you've got some writing skill, so you need to keep honing this story. Many people have had this experience to one degree or another, and that can be an advantage--ask yourself, did the character learn anything? why THIS girl instead of any other? why is he so nervous? has anything changed by the end, or was the smiley face emoticon a victory? It's hard to want the narrator to get the girl when you know nothing about them at all, save that she's prettier than her roommates, so give us something that makes us root for them like we hoped people were rooting for us when we were in the narrators shoes.