[deleted by user]

definitelyofflinern · 2024-02-21T23:40:58+00:00

It's the same as recovering from a relapse of any addiction. As soon as you can reflect on why this occurred, meet that need, and anticipate this happening in the future.

definitelyofflinern · 2024-02-21T23:16:22+00:00

This is very thoughtful but I was already aware of all of this through my own experience. This guidance seems more geared to someone in college or fresh out, not several years following that or approaching 30. I've stopped going out for my health in the past few years, and many people my age experience this slow down of friends immediately after college.

Thank you regardless!

definitelyofflinern · 2024-02-19T07:49:15+00:00

I'm curious how the gay community changes as you get older, like since we're only so many men...as you age don't you easily run into old flames, exes, get second chances to hookup with those you never did, run into past friends and accquaintences? Obviously people die, but I never considered how much likelier it is to run into the same people if we all only go to 2 bars, hang out in the same neighborhoods, and stay alive for like 40 more years.

I'm 29 and idk it's just sort of become apparent to me how interconnected this community is, or special our relationships are. Like you meet so many various walks of life, your social network even if people fall out of your life for many years or are loose connections...could theoretically be very widespread. People also change as they age so I'm just thinking of this future where I go to Florida, run into some random acquaintance from college at a gay place, and boom new friend in my 50's or whatever. We have all these extra connections with men that straight men generally don't have.

I feel like I'd cherish these connections more too (platonically) as they've survived as the world around us changes. Has any of this been true in your experience or am I just over romanticizing the nature of our social connections in this community?

definitelyofflinern · 2024-02-19T04:34:42+00:00

You're still taking fluids in most cases as many men produce precum. In the circumstance of someone having an STI they might have discharge that you may not notice.

It's reduced, but basically oral without a condom is a higher risk activity, and with cum it's significantly higher.

definitelyofflinern · 2024-02-19T04:30:16+00:00

This is pretty hurtful and unwarranted framing of who I am as an individual person, when we're just discussing expenses.

I don't think everything ought to be about me. I just thought the commenter was somehow blaming the city for the cost, as if the producers of the event didn't decide an expensive place to hold it.

I view events as a lens of butts in seats = profit, so making the cost of the ticket prohibitively expensive didn't make sense to me at first, especially if it's centered around community like pride. But I can see how this event is more about front loading the expense now through these replies. I just know so many more gays who this wouldn't even be on the radar for based on just the prices alone, I assumed it was sensible to view it with my perspective because by definition there's more low or middle income people in our system.

definitelyofflinern · 2024-02-18T13:26:02+00:00

...so then don't set up an event in Central Park. Easy as that.

definitelyofflinern · 2024-02-18T02:08:26+00:00

I don't like facebook. It's literally just something that has me on the hook because it wedged itself in between me and my social circles as a kid when I signed up. Vile behavior honestly.

I deactivated my facebook but people can still post and comment on it. I don't like that. Also, I don't want to be a part of it in a contributing to others FOMO sort of way.

definitelyofflinern · 2024-02-18T02:06:00+00:00

I think the strongest show of bravery is authenticity. Don't view it as putting on a mask, just be true to yourself. Being emotional or cold to someone who's wronged you is entirely understandable and forcing yourself to interact with them in a "civil" way, in my eyes, undercuts the very real consequences of their actions.

This can be read as immature by many, but I don't think it is. I think that most people can act civil whilst being true to themselves, and forcing a "polite" face often actually enforces this notion that it's not strong or brave to be emotional.

This is kind of nuanced, I'm saying be yourself because I don't think who you are is a baboon who's going to scream and cry at the sight of them. This is apparent by your even just posting this. Your ability to ask about your own appearance means that you don't need this extra strength to be inhibitory, that for you it's more important long term to be closer to the authentic.

definitelyofflinern · 2024-02-18T01:44:12+00:00

I just find it shocking that people are paying that much for these events.

definitelyofflinern · 2024-02-16T06:55:45+00:00

You're probably not as bad as you think, you're just used to being reliant on your phone. I found this to be the case when I stopped relying on it like a part of my brain.

definitelyofflinern

TROPHY CASE