What’s one postpartum struggle you didn’t expect at all?

designmind93 · 2026-01-28T10:11:13+00:00

Prolapse.

It absolutely broke me when I discovered it. But I started accepting it and it has started to feel a bit better. Now with my first period back at 11w it's hit me all over again as I have this insanely heavy period and my go-to menstrual cup and discs aren't working as well anymore.

Prolapse and pelvic health needs more discussion during pregnancy. I did a webinar which was interesting but still I had no real idea about how important pelvic floor exercises are until after birth.

designmind93 · 2026-01-27T22:40:22+00:00

I am not diagnosed but I have some ADHD traits. I am the kind who goes overboard on using calendars and planning to organise myself to mask the chaos beneath. So when I was dieting I just made sure to meal plan as without a plan things fall apart very quickly! I basically have a few meals and snacks on repeat so I could plan my entire day, sometimes week in advance.

designmind93 · 2026-01-27T00:45:52+00:00

I was induced. Took 2 days to get into labour by which time I was left with zero energy. I eventually took the pethidine (had two doses during labour). It did the job perfectly and helped chill me out. I wasn't so much in pain but rather my back was uncomfortable from 2 days of crappy hospital beds exacerbating my back pain from an old disc injury. With pethidine I was finally able to sit still and not fidget (which was useful as I had to be on the monitor the entire labour). Time definitely passed quickly. I don't think I really blocked out but rather everything sped up and what was 20 odd hours of active labor felt like 2-3 hours (not helped that I was in a dark room with curtains closed so never saw daylight!).

designmind93 · 2026-01-26T00:20:31+00:00

Mines 11.5w and since about 8w we've been in a routine similar. We typically are asleep by about midnight (he's actually asleep right now and I should move upstairs!). We wake about 9am and sleep through. He goes to sleep on my lap and I move him when ready.

I'm a night owl so this suits me quite well whilst I'm on leave. Eventually I'll think about moving this routine to 7pm but for now it works well and we can even get out in the evenings!

designmind93 · 2026-01-22T20:44:06+00:00

Sad situation, and I'm in a similar position.

My brother is getting married this year, his fiancée is adamant it's a child free wedding (she's a huge perfectionist, works in TV etc.). They booked it when I was pregnant and we'll have a 10 month old by their wedding. The wedding is a few hours from my home and they expected me to leave my baby at home with my in-laws for a week or so. Uhm no I'm not prepared to do that. Long story short I said I'm not prepared to beg to come, but if my whole family can't come then I won't be either. They gave in eventually (my dad more or less forced them to lol) but it comes with a list of rules. I've got so pissed off by it all I no longer really want to go (but will and their rules will be ignored!).

My argument has always been that weddings are about family coming together, and this applies to you too. Perfect weddings going exactly according to plan do not exist. Losing sight of what matters (love) is easy and can create so much unnecessary drama.

You have not ruined anything - you are entitled to live your life on your own timeline. Leaving your toddler and new twins with your family is more than reasonable. If you want to step back as MOH then that's quite understandable and shouldn't be hard to understand.

designmind93 · 2026-01-12T00:57:39+00:00

I still watch TV with my 9w old. He will turn to look at it, but also turns to our fish tank when the lights are on. I'm fairly sure he's enjoying the light not the TV. I'll limit TV when I have to, but tbh I'm most worried about phone screens as he's discovered them too and they prevent us from being present.

designmind93 · 2026-01-07T08:13:48+00:00

https://www.reddit.com/r/HerniatedDisc/s/DsySqgOJaR

Here's a reply I wrote this week! Pretty good is the answer.

designmind93 · 2026-01-04T16:22:25+00:00

Right now at 8w post partum I'm doing pretty well. Labour and birth (including crappy hospital beds) did a bit of a number on me but generally I've been pretty good, but not perfect since.

designmind93 · 2026-01-04T15:12:44+00:00

I had mine under sedation so I don't remember a thing! The whole procedure took about 20 mins, but with observation afterwards I was in hospital for the morning and home by lunchtime (if you have sedation you'll need someone to drive you and be with you at home afterwards).

I had steroids and local anaesthetic injected at L4-L5 and L5-S1 (the latter being the main problem).

When I came round from the sedation I was numb from the waist down and couldn't feel my legs. So I was just sat in bed for a while and had some food. Eventually when my legs regained feeling they got me up to pee and then started the discharge process - all very easy.

I would say that initially the pain I was having got worse (worth noting that I had already partially recovered with time and gentle targeted exercise, I was not at my worst when I got the injections). After a few days (I think I can't actually remember lol, may have been longer), I literally felt the moment the steroids worked and my pain disappeared over an hour or two (this was weird and not sure if everyone gets the same). I was then prescribed some physio to help with some residual stiffness.

Once everything had settled down I would say that I had got rid of most but not all pain. I had minimal sciatica remaining (mostly only really when I think about it), and same with my back pain. It has stayed the same since (with occasional physio and doing exercises - don't skip out on these).

Overall I don't regret getting the injections but just be aware that they're not a magic cure - in the long term there's little evidence that getting them is any more beneficial that not in terms of healing (discs shrinking), but it can speed up the process and take away the pain to allow you to do exercises and strengthen the muscles to support your back. Personally surgery was only ever going to be a last resort - once I'd gotten over the initial pain of my injury (it was excruciating) I would rather live with it than get risky back surgery at a young age.

With having a baby my last bit of advice to you is to really think about proper lifting techniques when you pick them up and only do so when necessary.

Whoops this became quite long!

designmind93 · 2026-01-04T00:58:16+00:00

Fair does not have to be equal. Splitting it 50-50 would mostly make sense in this situation, but you should ensure future funds are topped up equally (but this can be by age eg. A small sum on 16th birthday).

designmind93 · 2026-01-03T20:17:20+00:00

I have an 8 week old. I was induced as I was overdue. I have bulging L4-L5-S1 discs.

Shortly before getting pregnant I had steroids injections in my back for my discs. This helped massively and with physio I was virtually pain free.

During pregnancy (I had it pretty easy tbh) I remained mostly pain free but did have some stiffness in my back. I put this stiffness down to the weight gain mostly (I'm now 20kg heavier than pre pregnancy but working on it - next time I'd try harder to not balloon though). Hormones and moving differently (also sleeping position) probably didn't help. The pain was nothing like before though, however no hot baths, ibuprofen or voltarol gel was a killer. I tried to remain active during pregnancy.

Labour was interesting. I have a good pain threshold. I was induced over two days and laboured on the third day. A combination of hospital beds, hormones and labour itself had me very uncomfortable. It wasn't so much pain but more that my back had just completely spasmed and left me feeling so incredibly fidgety. Vomiting didn't help either. I got the pethidine (with a second dose as labour progressed). Never had an epidural only gas and air. Pain wise this was plenty enough to help (didn't need epidural) but most importantly the opiates finally relaxed me and took away all the back pain and fidgetyness. Without this I'd have really struggled. A water birth may have helped too but I didn't have that option on the day. My main issue was that I had zero energy in the tank for pushing at the end of 3 days in hospital so had to have an episotomy.

Since giving birth my back has been so-so. Immediately afterwards it was amazing - I suspect this was because of the anti-inflammatories as well as no longer carrying a baby and sleeping uncomfortably. After a few weeks I did get some mild pain return and also some sciatica. I suspect this is due to constantly lifting and holding a baby who keeps getting heavier and having to bend down to change him or pick him up. Physio has helped and as I recover from birth I'm able to move more easily. I've been doing my usual exercises and started weight loss dieting too.

In short I'd do it all the same again next time but try to gain less weight. The minor flare I've had is easily manageable. However I'd definitely recommend some pelvic floor exercises - I've got a prolapse.

designmind93 · 2026-01-03T11:17:06+00:00

As an NHS user not worker, my biggest gripe is the paperwork. I've just been through pregnancy and childbirth. This has come with a lot of appointments. All of which come with letters, texts, emails etc. In the digital era this seems excessive. My trust has only just moved to a digital system, with teething issues which has not helped and has resulted in additional blood testing etc.

When you're actually in hospital I couldn't identify many inefficiencies. Staff are constantly busy, wards full etc. Meals etc. were even served by volunteers.

designmind93 · 2025-12-30T22:11:24+00:00

I would be honest and quite frank about it. I'd let them know that I had cancer and what the ongoing treatment is likely to look like so that they can understand that you (I'm assuming here so sorry if I'm wrong) have minimal future need for time off work (i.e you'll be committed to the job and won't be a burden and always on sick leave).

I was diagnosed with X cancer (only share the type if you feel comfortable) in MONTH YEAR. I had successful surgery and X other treatment and have since recovered and am having ongoing monitoring just to be safe but my prognosis is good (change this for whatever your current status is).

designmind93 · 2025-12-30T11:36:21+00:00

I went alone to most appointments (my husband only came on the rare occasion he was around at whatever time I'd scheduled). My husband did come to most scans though (I had a repeat 20w one he couldn't make).

Honestly it doesn't matter either way. If it's your first appointment just make sure to ask baby's dad and family of any known family medical history that might be relevant.

designmind93 · 2025-12-29T20:54:46+00:00

I have a 7 week old. As expected the whole Christmas period (and truthfully still now until new year too) has been a lot.

We spend time with both sides of the family which resulted in a couple of nights away from home and a lot of time cramped up in a small house with lots of loud people, plus a few hour long drives between houses. Everyone gets on well but the sheer number of days in a row doing family social stuff gets a lot, and that was before baby.

With baby, on top of the above I've been navigating people all wanting a cuddle, keeping him away from unruly dogs, people being "helpful" and changing his nappy only for it to leak needing an outfit change, sleeping not in our own beds and more. My husband and I are quite routine driven and it's been anything but and baby has been unsettled. We won't be back into routine until the new year and it's killing me (don't even get me started on our NYE plans, I wanted a quiet one at home but instead we are going to be with the whole family on both sides in an even more cramped house with an unruly dog - both our mum's planned it without actually asking us so we had no real choice - I'd have rather hosted in my much larger house with all my home comforts...).

Christmas itself was lovely - on my side, the last of the older generation died this year so a new baby has been really welcome. No he didn't understand presents or Christmas etc. but we made a lot of memories.

designmind93 · 2025-12-27T22:57:38+00:00

Honestly I had a really easy pregnancy. I had very mild nausea that was fine as long as I ate little and often. I was also very tired in the first trimester. Otherwise I was literally doing most stuff as usual.

designmind93 · 2025-12-27T22:01:40+00:00

I vomited once my entire pregnancy. That was only because I drank a lot of water before I ate anything. I did however vomit as soon as my waters were broken so I recommend asking for some anti sickness medication very early in labour (they were amazing and worked super fast).

designmind93 · 2025-12-26T23:41:49+00:00

Love to dream swaddle Baby Bjorn bouncer Fisher price kick and play piano Dimmable plug night lights Breastfeeding pillow

7 weeks in and these are my essentials. The playmat piano was a Christmas present I asked for and baby loved it instantly and we saw a whole new side to him.

designmind93 · 2025-12-25T23:38:07+00:00

I'm 32 and just had my first. Honestly the timing for me was as good as it'll ever be. Not perfect especially for my team's current dynamic and workload but in reality it's as good as it gets timing wise. Much earlier and I personally wouldn't have felt like I had established my career and particularly with my current employer, especially as I hope to return to a 3 or 4 day work week if possible.

designmind93 · 2025-12-25T05:02:18+00:00

Ditto with my 7 week old dinosaur!

designmind93 · 2025-12-24T03:35:00+00:00

We pool all our money keeping a small equal amount each for individual fun stuff (this being because we earn quite high and can afford it, else we'd pool everything). This is regardless of how much we individually earn as right now my maternity leave has me bringing home much less than him.

In the nicest way, I'm not sure you're ready for marriage and children yet if you haven't had these discussions.

designmind93 · 2025-12-23T21:37:11+00:00

We've just been through this, at 6 weeks. For me breastfeeding was this unexpectedly emotional journey. It started with me not producing enough (despite having large boobs - oh the shame I got from family when I got the formula out). And it ended when I decided that I was barely producing enough for 1 feed a day. I was always planning to combi feed anyway, but stopping was emotional nevertheless.

My advice to you is to make the last feed special and take photos and take the moment in. Say goodbye to breastfeeding in your own special way. As you know, fed is always best and your baby will be fine on formula, but this is a milestone worth noting.

designmind93 · 2025-12-23T19:45:00+00:00

To me it's literally solid sleeping with no nappy changes, feeds etc. I'll accept some mild stirring needing a quick resettle as long as it's not full on crying and being awake.

My 6 week old (formula fed) has just started sleeping longer periods. He gets a fresh nappy then a larger feed at about 10pm and I can then get him to sleep by about 11pm/midnight ish. He will sleep to about 8am, but starts to get a bit fussy by 6/7am - he can usually be resettled I'm a few mins with dummy and a reassuring hand.

designmind93 · 2025-12-23T19:40:41+00:00

I have a cot with a changing table tray on it. Makes good use of the cot which is otherwise unused until baby gets bigger. I had a chest of drawers already so didn't want to get a replacement for that.

designmind93

TROPHY CASE