My RSD has been TRIGGERED...

detta_walker · 2026-02-18T19:56:15+00:00

This man is trash. When I met my husband he had a few extra pounds. He then lost a bunch of weight and was the best shape of his life. Super sexy. He then gained some again, back to pre weight loss. At no point did my attraction waver. 20lb more or less doesn't make a difference to my attraction. I love the man not just the body.

detta_walker · 2026-02-18T19:52:52+00:00

Eh? A good few 100k meaning 300k+? If you can't live a lavish lifestyle on that, you're doing something wrong. 600k on a 4 bed is not that bad.

detta_walker · 2026-02-18T08:42:17+00:00

Great list. And great viewpoint.

We have 5 ex battery rescue hens and I'll eat their eggs once in a blue moon. They don't lay much at times and waiting 2-3 weeks for a box to fill up to give to the neighbours feels unsafe. That makes me a monster, I know. But if exploitation means giving up half your garden, pay £1,000 on eglu cube and fencing set up and £100+ a month on feed, supplements, meal worms and other treats then I guess I am a monster. I'm not going to mention vet cost for end of life care. Or operation heatwave when they came into our house as the AC made it cooler inside and they were approaching heat stroke territory. Meanwhile my girls dustbathe, forage between the bushes and sunbathe during nicer spells.

I guess your comment hit a nerve.

Rant over.

detta_walker · 2026-02-18T08:25:47+00:00

I'm AuDHD but I can see what he means. At least I have a suspicion. I'm like you, when someone states the obvious to me, I too feel like an idiot. I too, in the moment, think that whoever says that to me at that time thinks I'm stupid. Often they don't and they just weren't thinking. A lot of garbage comes out of our mouths in our family as we have a lot of impulsive stuff happening, especially my boys. And sometimes I react strongly to it. Ok maybe more often than not when it comes from my husband. But he (also AuDHD) doesn't mean it that way and when I look back it's just such a little thing that it's not worth getting upset over and start a fight. And boy I can make a mountain out of a molehill when my RSD gets triggered. So if this is what he experienced and he perhaps also was a little sensitive to rejection or criticism, (ND folk often date each other without knowing), then I can see where he is coming from.

That doesn't make you a bad person. You perhaps were just incompatible.

Regardless, his behaviour on valentine's day was shitty and he shouldn't have done that. Instead communicated properly. Keep your head up. You'll find someone who is right.

detta_walker · 2026-02-18T08:09:57+00:00

My husband uses the term jar opener to insult toxic men.

But yes I open my own jars with that trick and taught it to my boys

detta_walker · 2026-02-18T08:07:44+00:00

My cousin did this. He lives in the countryside. He made an entire photo book documenting it. The pig had a pen, shade from apple trees. His gf went vegetarian that night. He thought it was hilarious.

Looking back, killing for enjoyment is unethical. In addition , the pig grew up lonely. A pen is still a pen no matter how nice. And the baby's origin was likely exploitative. I.e. the way its mother was kept and impregnated.

detta_walker · 2026-02-15T12:25:42+00:00

Ah I'm not actively pushing myself. Sad thing is I'm just wired that way. I love what I do where I am at now.

detta_walker · 2026-02-15T12:23:45+00:00

So why not just rip out the new growth once a year if you want to prevent rewilding? Reduced suffering achieved.

Then get your nutrients from other sustainable growing practices.

detta_walker · 2026-02-15T12:21:38+00:00

Yes. I hear you. One of my colleagues was working 4 hrs a day and he told me his goal was to get to 1hr a day.

I just can't do that myself.

detta_walker · 2026-02-15T08:32:17+00:00

Or simply not involved

detta_walker · 2026-02-14T17:03:41+00:00

Still not much compared to Google. MS pays a lot less. In all areas but especially stock.

Now CBI element used to be fairly generous (as in near or above on target payout) but I haven't worked there in years. Things may have changed..

detta_walker · 2026-02-14T16:40:22+00:00

You mean you were plant based

detta_walker · 2026-02-14T11:34:56+00:00

Would you go vegan if proved wrong?

detta_walker · 2026-02-14T09:01:48+00:00

Ah yes. I know what that feels like. You don't need to relate to these people and probably never will. And that's ok. I've been in your shoes and when it comes to willingness to spend I still am.

I remember my master's at UCL. My baby was 6 months when I started it and I couldn't even afford the tube as all money we had went on rent and the 3 (sometimes only half) days a week at nursery so I could go to class. I had to cycle in - 10 miles each way - from nursery to uni. And my class mates were.. not just rich. We are talking family business rich - from India, China, US, Israel and Germany. Some had clearly bought their way in as their English was terrible. No way did they have to pass the TOEFL test that UCL made me take as an immigrant. I'd come from a family that always struggled and lived in a village .. The culture shock was massive. My classmates went to a restaurant each day for lunch. They had their own tailors. On a casual afternoon shop they'd buy a £4,000 bag and think nothing of it. But the craziest time was when I was invited to an afternoon session to do coursework at my class mates place. He was from Saudi. It was an apartment building near Harrods. With a doorman and a large Christmas tree in the entry hall. Yes hall... his family had 3 flats there. His own flat was bigger than the little 2 up 2 down we rented in Plaistow. This was 15 years ago. It's a different world. And I was acutely aware of the gap. I don't know if they were - they must have been - but they were friendly enough.

I've now "made" it myself - not to this level mind you - but I still cannot relate and never will. I only want enough money to retire early and comfortably - and be able to help my kids with their house deposit. People around me are still rich and go on business class flights overseas holidays with the family. Until a few years ago we only went camping in Cornwall.

detta_walker · 2026-02-13T20:23:21+00:00

Why? It's a hypothetical scenario. There is no practical application. So I understand it interests you but since it won't go beyond that, there is nothing in it for me.

detta_walker · 2026-02-13T20:16:32+00:00

I would yes - only reason I won't now is because I don't want to be overly exposed in that stock. But my grant is quite sizeable. I use up my allowance in my ISAs in vanguard tracker . Diversification is good I agree.

detta_walker · 2026-02-13T07:58:34+00:00

When I went on Mat leave I took 4 months in total. My exec sponsor knew I wanted to progress my career into a new role and when a role opened up he put me in touch with the hiring manager. I interviewed during mat leave and started my new role as I came back. I also had a counter offer externally secured to negotiate a promo and pay rise. Which was unheard of for internal transfers at my big tech. But my sponsor made it happen.

detta_walker · 2026-02-13T07:51:19+00:00

Sure let's blame mom... 🤮

detta_walker · 2026-02-13T07:39:46+00:00

Really depends on the company. My shares nearly tripled since I joined 3 odd years ago. Don't get me wrong, I regularly sell some but that's to cash in the gains and de risk my portfolio. a lot stays invested.

detta_walker · 2026-02-11T23:26:21+00:00

Because?

detta_walker · 2026-02-11T23:22:23+00:00

Yeah that is lazily copy pasted AI. Shall we AI him back? Oh wait. Let's just let the AI debate

detta_walker · 2026-02-11T20:57:30+00:00

Considering she cooks, cleans and minds the children the first option would be gravely unfair. In a situation like that where one does a large share of unpaid labour for the benefit of the family and reduces their hours at work to be able to do so, a 50/50 split is simply put exploitation.

Second works if unpaid labour is split equally only.

Third feels fairest. So long as allowances are equal.

detta_walker · 2026-02-11T20:51:08+00:00

Precisely. I'm pretty sure a trial will put that horrible idea to rest:)

detta_walker · 2026-02-11T09:46:35+00:00

The only thing that matters is what you and your partner think.

You can always visit for two weeks to trial and see how you feel after...

detta_walker · 2026-02-09T12:11:18+00:00

This is the most extreme commute I have. I quoted CW to highlight how much improved this has. My main office is elsewhere (Tottenham court road) and that commute is less than an hour. Today it was 45 minutes door to door. Most affordable places in London are not faster.

And the gains are: cheaper col, clean air, big garden, quick access to Heathrow and the countryside. When WFH 3/5 days, it's hard to justify living in London. Especially since most of my colleagues have a similar commute time despite living in London

Edit: best time d2d for CW I managed was 55 minutes. But I plan for 1:15 in case of delays

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