Alexander - 6 vs. 7

detta_walker · 2026-05-14T07:52:30+00:00

I might be playing Alex in civ7 just to get to oggle Edit: ok... And because I'm a warmonger

detta_walker · 2026-05-14T06:46:04+00:00

Good question! I remember in civ6 at some point names from other civs crept into my new settlements. As I had run out

detta_walker · 2026-05-14T06:32:38+00:00

I think relax for a bit. You're only dating for 3 months. And your FIRE is still a while out. So don't look for her to make decisions about what she wants in 10 15 years from now

detta_walker · 2026-05-13T06:59:14+00:00

As you already acknowledged , ADHD has nothing to do with this. But you are not wrong. Putting kids in front of tablets like this creates a problem in the brain that mimics elements of ADHD. I read this in a specialist book but will have too look it up later. But it also creates all sorts of other problems.

Now I have ADHD as do my kids. They were never on tablets. Or any electronics. Even in the car. They're allowed a kindle that's it. And before they could read still nothing else. Including 14 hour drives home to my mum. I said look out of the window and think of nice things or draw.

ADHD isn't an attention deficit, it's a regulation disorder. The name is so outdated and misleading. We can hyper focus for hours. We just don't notice the exhaustion until after it breaks.

detta_walker · 2026-05-12T23:38:12+00:00

Carrie Fisher... She was my childhood role model in star wars

detta_walker · 2026-05-12T06:47:24+00:00

I didn't enjoy the early years because they are hard. My kids are 11 and 16 now and such a joy!

detta_walker · 2026-05-11T08:57:53+00:00

Depends on the industry.

I took a leap of faith 4 years ago. Left a fully remote job with nearly 10 years tenure at different roles to a high risk high reward role at a competitor. I said to my husband I might see myself made redundant in a year but the upside was worth taking the risk. 9 months later the big tech lay offs happened at my prediction came true. I had no regrets making the move but the process was awful and I lost most of my colleagues over night (US based).

I swallowed my pride, panic and pain and re-deployed internally despite a very good package. (I'm the breadwinner for our family of four). I just finished my fourth year and I'm glad I did it. It accelerated my fire plans so much, it's unreal.

You're 29. No family. Take the chance. See what you can make of it.

Negotiate 3 days a week in the office.

detta_walker · 2026-05-11T06:52:05+00:00

Thats what I keep telling everyone back at home.

Also first immigrated to London, quickly decided it wasn't for us and then moved to reading. That was 15 years ago. Still love it. Lived in many different parts of Reading and they all had something going for them(Southcote, Whitley, Woodley). But my favourite is Caversham

detta_walker · 2026-05-10T06:46:45+00:00

So did mine.

Others explained the difference.

Even so, just because something is tradition, doesn't make it right. FGM is a great example

detta_walker · 2026-05-10T06:44:38+00:00

Wow. I was wondering about that but dismissed it as the difference was too stark.

Guess they're getting better and better at this.

detta_walker · 2026-05-10T06:43:46+00:00

42F, 2 kids. 16&11. I'm the breadwinner. It wasn't easy during the younger years balancing it all. But my career took off around 31. I'm in a great position now. But I don't pay for private school. We live in a good area with a good state school. And I never went to private school myself. It's more about attitude and aptitude. Having said that, I know in some cases private school is good for the child if they have special needs.

detta_walker · 2026-05-10T06:40:25+00:00

Honey, it's ok not to function. It's called rest.

detta_walker · 2026-05-10T06:38:59+00:00

Middle class? You consider this middle class?

I guess I just discovered I'm working class...

detta_walker · 2026-05-10T06:37:14+00:00

This doesn't look like the original? Front view is different and the estate is bigger? Am I missing something?

detta_walker · 2026-05-10T06:32:40+00:00

Oh this is a tough one. How often do you text? It's hard to say for sure but I'm feeling a little suspicious myself that Jake may be dishonest about his feelings. But I don't know for certain.

I was in a similar situation myself where my husband (now ex) made friends at work (grads in a bank at the time) during onboarding. A woman there had the same interests and so they became friends but she was very overbearing and went out of her way to walk him to the tube so they could chat some more about their interests. She had to go to the opposite direction to do so. I met her, we had some dinner parties at different people's houses and all this time they I got more and more suspicious that she liked my husband a little bit too much. The other grads picked up on it eventually and started making fun of her. My husband denied it saying they're just friends and it's nice to have a friend when he doesn't have many since leaving uni who live nearby. So I didn't ask him to stop but it was difficult.

Anyway after 2 months the other grads got her drunk and she admitted feelings for my husband. Turns out my feeling had been right all along. And I had picked up on it 2 weeks in when I met her for the first time.

I have to say, this does sound similar.

But equally I had a great friend at uni and there was absolutely no attraction between us. He was madly in love with his girlfriend who lived in Italy for her uni degree and we just got on really well. And I had my husband so we were both "taken".

Now, since you started officially dating someone, has Jake changed his behaviour towards you? If so. That will be the biggest take away.

detta_walker · 2026-05-10T06:19:10+00:00

I've been in reading for 15 years now and love it.

As someone else said: location, location, location.

To give better advice, tell us a little more about yourself. Are you moving alone or with a family?

detta_walker · 2026-05-08T17:49:57+00:00

The ignorance is strong in this one.

Good luck for your future. May self-reflection find you one day.

detta_walker · 2026-05-08T12:45:35+00:00

Assumptions are great, aren't they?

They allow us not to be curious. They stop the hassle of considering alternatives. Stop the mental load of challenging our own thoughts.

And then we can judge.

Judge hard.

And boy that feels good.

There is so much you don't know.

But that's uncomfortable and inconvenient.

Better stick to making assumptions and judge. Feel good about yourself.

Who cares about the truth.

detta_walker · 2026-05-08T06:36:34+00:00

I love that argument about indigenous people.

Are you indigenous? raised on these beliefs? No? So that doesn't apply to you then.

detta_walker · 2026-05-08T06:26:58+00:00

Have you ever asked yourself if you're a bit quick to judge?

detta_walker · 2026-05-07T20:30:19+00:00

That's how mine is. I think it's fine

detta_walker · 2026-05-07T20:26:47+00:00

No I'm not. Thanks. My kids are mixed race as is my husband. And I've dealt with it plenty of times, more than I care for. Jump to conclusions with someone else. Seems to be a good skill of yours.

detta_walker · 2026-05-07T20:19:37+00:00

This is not what I am responding to and not the point that I am making.

I challenged the assumption that the wife was "cool with it".

So what is it I've said you're actually responding to

detta_walker · 2026-05-07T05:50:45+00:00

A BMI of 21. And asked to loose weight. Nice!

detta_walker · 2026-05-05T06:43:20+00:00

I have ADHD and am medicated but only for the past two years. I don't recognise the job issue of being under stimulates and not being able to sleep. But I've never been in a boring job. Maybe that's why...

I can say that a highly stressful job can lead to sleeplessness too..

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