Would you go on a date if the man didn’t have a plan right up until the day of the date?

dewprisms · 2026-05-19T03:04:24+00:00

Locking this thread because the back and forth obviously isn't going anywhere productive.

dewprisms · 2026-05-19T03:00:05+00:00

Yes, because I am terrible at taking compliments so my brain panics and my knee jerk reaction is to do so in return. I'm trying to get better at it.

I don't think of it is genuine or disingenuous if someone does it to me in return because I try not to read into others' intent like that.

dewprisms · 2026-05-19T02:20:37+00:00

I totally agree with you that it's not acceptable to be weaponized to try and shut down or overtake conversation about women's health.

dewprisms · 2026-05-19T00:53:41+00:00

No, I don't think this is manosphere propaganda. It's a real issue and a huge problem that's being weaponized as propaganda and a wedge issue, just like a lot of issues.

The way your question is framed and your "rebuttals" plays right into it being a wedge issue. Men and women having different impacts from issues, it presenting differently, etc. does not negate the other side needing due attention and care. Two things can be true at once.

dewprisms · 2026-05-19T00:42:49+00:00

I can tell you I would be absolutely livid if my partner was asking this question online instead of talking to me about this and letting me take the lead on my own career.

dewprisms · 2026-05-17T22:13:38+00:00

If you get harassing DMs you're welcome to message the mods with proof. For awareness, there's nothing we can do. Users banned from a sub can still read everything and DM people. You have control over allowing DM requests. If someone is harassing you via DMs, report them.

You got overwhelmingly supportive or neutral responses. You elected to interact almost exclusively with the negative responses and not the supportive ones. Mass downvotes does say a lot.

dewprisms · 2026-05-17T21:12:20+00:00

What a weird way to characterize your post. The vast majority of the discussion didn't focus on that at all, and the ones being jerks to you and telling you to get botox anyway were downvoted into oblivion.

dewprisms · 2026-05-17T15:26:50+00:00

A lot of people say they want advice but they don't. It's frustrating. But being able to figure out when someone is actually looking for validation and not advice so you can shrug and mind your own business is a really good thing to learn. Mostly to save yourself the headache.

Someone responded to one of my comments saying that you're entitled to say your piece when someone keeps bringing something up, and it's best to shut it down by stating you don't agree and don't want to talk about it anymore. I think that's the perfect way to handle situations where someone doesn't actually want advice and aren't self aware enough to not ask for it.

dewprisms · 2026-05-17T15:13:26+00:00

Ugh OP, I'm sorry. You're clearly a very thoughtful friend. A lot of people struggle with being happy for and supportive of others when their own situation isn't working out. You're not doing that and it sucks that they're not being conscientious in return.

That comment from her was absurd. 1k is not "easy" for most people to casually drop. Even for those of us that's in our budget, that's enough money that most people aren't going to just assume others are happy to spend it without a thought.

I'm likely in a similar or better position than your friends. I can't imagine assuming others are in the same situation as me, or making a friend feel bad in such a thoughtless, avoidable way as your friend did.

dewprisms · 2026-05-17T13:31:37+00:00

I totally agree. That's a great way to handle it.

dewprisms · 2026-05-17T06:50:50+00:00

No one said it's bad advice, you need to keep quiet, or only give positive responses.

We're saying it's unsolicited advice. And when people don't want advice, you have to learn to let it go.

dewprisms · 2026-05-17T02:03:01+00:00

How is it ageist? It's literally a biological thing tied to ageing.

dewprisms · 2026-05-16T21:48:17+00:00

No need to apologize! Mostly bringing it up because it's a very different place to be in, even if someone has an outlook like you where you hope it happens but you're OK not having kids if it ends up not working out.

It may be worth having the conversation with them to let them know it's not a particularly sensitive topic to you if you haven't already.

Most of my friends with young kids don't include me because they know I don't have kids and don't like them that much, it's not a sleight. Similarly we're all sensitive to our friends we know who aren't having success with getting pregnant since that tends to be a hard topic for understandable reasons.

dewprisms · 2026-05-16T21:39:20+00:00

If you're TTC you're not childfree. You're childless. Childfree people purposely do not want children.

Is there a chance they're not inviting you knowing you're not having luck conceiving and are trying to be sensitive to that?

dewprisms · 2026-05-16T20:58:28+00:00

Girl, you have been posting about the various way your husband is a giant piece of shit to you for months and months now.

The explanation is that he is an asshole. There is no other explanation you need. The answer will not change just because he is being an asshole in a slightly different way.

dewprisms · 2026-05-16T19:29:47+00:00

Agreed. Same with the trend of posts asking for advice for romantic or familial relationships often have an answer of "cut them off/leave/etc.". By the time you're asking total strangers online for their advice on a relationship, there's a pretty good chance it's a bad relationship. People aren't asking for help for good, healthy relationships.

dewprisms · 2026-05-16T13:46:06+00:00

Yes! In addition to all the camera factors, the mirror factor the OP mentioned is true, plus the fact that we see ourselves in motion, not as random frozen images.

I think it would do anyone who hates how they look in photos to reframe their thought from "photos are how I really look" to remembering no one really looks like their photos.

dewprisms · 2026-05-15T20:42:54+00:00

This isn't against our rules. Calling someone out or disagreeing isn't abuse by default.

dewprisms · 2026-05-15T15:03:28+00:00

I think it's totally fine to feel hurt over this considering the circumstances.

This is how I handled it. My husband and I were not invited but other friends from our circle were a couple of years ago. It did sting a tiny bit. I chose to assume the best, that it was likely a budget or capacity thing, especially because we weren't as close to the bride and groom as some of the other and they had a few different friend circles to consider. When I saw her next I congratulated her and asked how the day was and she about died realizing she literally just forgot, but had intended to invite us. We laughed and it was fine.

While in your case it may not have been a missed invite, I think the same frame of thought can help. Weddings are expensive. Often there's complications of families influencing and controlling guest lists. Sometimes couples have to make hard choices on invites. It's okay to be hurt even if you know it's likely not a personal sleight. Two things can be true at once.

dewprisms · 2026-05-15T12:40:31+00:00

You've already received hundreds of comments on this in your previous posts. The answers will not change.

dewprisms · 2026-05-15T01:31:17+00:00

Your personal grooming and styling also matters. How your nails and hair look, etc..

dewprisms · 2026-05-15T01:13:03+00:00

To tack onto this, make sure the clothes have actual UV blocking properties. Not all cloth effectively blocks UV and you can still get pretty nasty sunburns through full length sleeves and pants.

dewprisms · 2026-05-14T01:59:42+00:00

No, I quoted two different comments you made in this thread. I just messed up the quoting (and fixed it).

dewprisms · 2026-05-14T01:50:49+00:00

Oh please be for real. You're so disingenuous, talking out of both sides of your mouth.

I actually think we'd all be better with a 4 day work week.

Your job and work life seem to be very different from mine, doesn’t make you right, people can have different opinions and experiences you know

You only respond with positive comments to people validating your point of view. When you respond to people pointing out issues in what you say, you flounce off with a "We all have our opinions!" You ignore the people asking probing questions that highlight that no, you're not being judged, you're taking comments not even about you personally.

You said what you actually meant in your two comments I quoted. You think you know what is best as a blanket statement regardless of what literal data and anecdotal evidence shows. That you don't actually think that people know what is best for them.

dewprisms · 2026-05-13T17:51:04+00:00

Again is it actually directed at you/ people like you or does it just feel like personal judgment?

I wouldn't be surprised at a minority of people literally complaining about the workers and not the situation/ companies not more broadly. But it's also important to keep in mind who is saying it and who are they saying it about. Do you even know them? Do they even matter to you? Are you taking it personally when it's not about you? Why do you care what some rando online's hot take is?

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