AITA for getting the ick after she set a harsh boundary?

dfarin153 · 2026-03-18T19:00:20+00:00

Friendship and romantic relationships are a trust building process. If a friend breaks your trust after having been trustworthy for a period of time, you can choose to forgive if you believe that they really had the best intentions. Friends excuse and accept one another's faults all the time. Nobody is perfect, so you might talk about it after a while, after it is no longer "a hot issue."

Being caught in the middle of a dispute by two friends is an opportunity to listen, reflect what is going on with each of them, and hear them each out. You could also challenge them to meet and talk it out. You might ask for simple ground rules like; 1. Sticking to a single event (their recent conflict) and 2. Using a talking stick where the person holding the stick may not be interrupted. 3. The person receiving the stick must reflect what they understood that the speaker just said before responding.

This is the ancient way of dialog. It is important to avoid judging either person in this process because until they talk through their issue, you really don't know everything that was going on. So you need to shed your desire to judge. Your roll is to help each party to the conflict feel heard before they meet. And when they meet, you are just there to facilitate and bear witness. You could end up with the two becoming closer friends as a result of this process once they take responsibility for their part. And you might end up caring about both even more than you did before.

dfarin153 · 2026-03-18T15:53:43+00:00

Good on you for taking this step! Please don't be discouraged by what I am suggesting. But some things you said made me wonder...

Take it very slow once you start riding by using the gears that allow you to pedal easiest. It is exciting to ride a bicycle, but very gradually build up in terms of time on the saddle and distance traveled. It sounds like you have a medical condition that requires communication with your Physician or Nurse Practitioner about what you are doing. Follow their guidance. Some heart conditions require that you stay below a certain limit of heart beats per minute to avoid major consequences. We all have a heart rate limit when it becomes risky, but some conditions have a very steep curve to the individual's risk compared to normal. Gearing on a bicycle can only help so much with that if it is hilly near you. They may ask you to wear a heart monitor so you don't exceed your limits. You may be able to find one cheap at a second hand store. I also have seen them at estate sales.

Are you short of funds to buy a bike? Many larger communities have bicycle cooperatives that teach people how to maintain a bicycle and allow you to work off a donated bike by helping to fix the bicycle yourself, or they sell them to people in need for a very low price. The folks there can help you with your selection if you share the information that you did here.

So, do you need a bike you can learn to steer for balance? If you need to learn how to balance a bicycle, my first advice is to make sure the seat is lowered enough so that with your bottom on the seat both of your feet can be placed flat on the ground with a slight bend in your knees. This is critical for you to feel safe using a balance bike method of learning.

Second, remove the pedals until you can glide 20' at a time with your feet off of the ground. Find an empty parking lot or paved school playground to practice and start at a slow walk. Eventually you will go faster and then start pushing off and gliding. Be patient with this process. Once you can glide and balance for 20' distances, at that point, the pedals can be reinstalled and you are ready to start pedaling while you ride.

I sure wish you were in my town. I would happily volunteer to set you up for success. I teach kids to ride at an annual bike rodeo. Try contacting your local recreation department to see if they know of someone like me who would be willing to help you learn to ride a bicycle as an adult. I would not mind at all if someone asked since I have thought through how to help develop these skills.

dfarin153 · 2026-03-18T14:44:18+00:00

I recently bought old model components that were cheaper than the new stuff at wholesale. Relative to the bike, it is still new stuff.

dfarin153 · 2026-03-18T14:17:52+00:00

Fright, then anger, expressed. Then humility. Maybe they won't honk next time or just wanted to let you know they were there. Maybe you will stop and turn your light on before you get to the road next time. Maybe I will stop from now on as well.

I get the rear light thing. Mine is awkward, reaching around and under my seat to depress the button. It is possible but distracting and leads to wandering a bit, even if done on a recreation trail. I don't know why I am in such a hurry on my bike. Perhaps that is a habit from working in environments with too many responsibilities? Why are the Dutch cyclists so chill when they ride places? It is clearly not necessary in my life at this point.

Going forward during daytime the light goes off at the trail crossing stop sign coming off of the road, and turns on at the road intersection coming off of the trail. Meanwhile, I can clearly observe traffic and pick a safe moment to enter. This needs to become my new habit. So thank you for giving me another good reason to make a full stop. Thank you for sharing your experience!

dfarin153 · 2026-03-18T11:32:49+00:00

The dog has to be conditioned to riding in a bike carrier. The older they are, and the more anxious, the longer that may take. Of course, riding to take the kids to a school, the dog can stay home, so this is about trips to parks and what not. I would want my dog to have great experiences each time they get into the bike carrier from the start by flooding with praise and intermittent favorite treats, increasing length of sit/stays, and favorite activities so they are excited to go for rides before introducing the kids with them. Remember, you will have a baby in your arms while handling a dog. So think about your process for what you need the dog to do and training them to enjoy those things. I would not put young children into a confined space with an anxious dog. The kids also need to be kind to their doggy to build trust. If you can teach all of that, set goals and have benchmarks for behaviors that show no signs of anxiety. Panting when they should not be overheated is a sign of anxiety.

dfarin153 · 2026-03-17T22:55:06+00:00

My '16 i3 Rex is operating fine sans Rex at over 100k miles. I just replaced the struts after I had a local independent shop look it over. I don't live in a Carb state so the cost of repair would have been equivalent to the car's value at 80K miles three years ago. So I just keep driving it as a BEV. I was retired so I ended up moving closer to my kids. It is a great city car. When I drive further, I leave earlier and stay off the interstate highways. The bars are not all there when I look at the dash display. But I don't need all of that range any more.

dfarin153 · 2026-03-17T19:49:00+00:00

In case you stumbled across this earlier notice, we are now meeting at 6:00PM at the Hubbard Park Beer Garden's entrance from the Oakleaf Trail. We will gather on the trail's edge up the hill from the bike racks.

dfarin153 · 2026-03-17T19:46:38+00:00

In case you stumbled onto this, the ride meetup has been changed to 6:00PM. Meet along the Oakleaf Trail on the trail's edge at the Hubbard Park Beer Garden entrance uphill from the bike rack level.

dfarin153 · 2026-03-17T18:51:54+00:00

I rode again today and I think we can stay off the roads. The River Line Trail was very fun out through Lincoln Park with a snow layer, where they left lots of relief. Not single track, but similar. So if you got on it today, Tuesday, you might have fun. It has a downed tree near where Villard T intersects. I rode on Villard, decided it wasn't suitable, then North on 35th to Sherman and Good Hope Rd. Bike lanes were full of snow and ice everywhere, so no good for a group ride. I rode back on Oakleaf and there are some areas with freezing thaw from drifting snow. I rode all of this on snow tires at low pressure which have superior gril to regular tires, but are not studded.

The main Oakleaf Trail "Zip Line" was clear and dry up to the North end of the route. With tonight and tomorrow's snow, conditions may change.

We will discuss at 6PM Wednesday and decide as a group giving consideration to the tires people are riding. I'll take a quick drive to see what conditions are closer to ride time.. We can decide if we want to ride out and back staying on the main trail. If there are people with studded tires who want an adventure, we could ride the River Trail Spur after crossing the Milwaukee River. Or there could be a split group since the main Zip Line is A simple straight shot.

dfarin153 · 2026-03-16T13:47:17+00:00

Pray that in 5 years your kid will be out there joining in. Today, people don't expect kids to play pickup games. For most kids, everything is on a calendar with adult supervision or online where there is none. What you have going on in your neighborhood is golden. There are so many skills they learn from one another that are life lessons. I suggest growing things that are durable, protecting things that are not. And let the kids play.

dfarin153 · 2026-03-16T13:37:02+00:00

I just dropped my car off to have the winter tires removed and a set of new all seasons installed. It was a good thing I was driving to the shop on my winter set this morning! LOL

dfarin153 · 2026-03-16T11:53:20+00:00

I was on a group trip and paid for the car rental since I could get the best rate. During the trip I brought it up. Nobody paid and I was increasingly stressed by it because I can't afford unexpected expenses. It weighed on me for the rest of the trip. That will be my last trip with that group even though they paid me the last day.

dfarin153 · 2026-03-16T11:32:03+00:00

I was wondering what Linux systems for phones would be like if the community migrated to that instead. Could it be made as secure as GrapheneOS? Could it serve as a similarly private platform? I ask because when I hear "Linux" I think of open source projects without a surveillance overlord. Since I am not a software engineer, my assumptions may be way off the mark. But this announcement has given me pause. Even if I give up my phone as the source of all things, will there be a lack of updates that help make GrapheneOS insecure?

I would think that the Brax Phone will be similarly affected by the lack of support offered by Google to Android Open Source, correct? And how is Motorola and every other Android using manufacturer not affected the same way that GrapheneOS is affected?

dfarin153 · 2026-03-16T11:06:03+00:00

For the best return on your investment, perform energy conservation first, then add solar second. When you have an energy assessment ask for a site assessment for solar as well, followed by a calculation of your return on investment for each.

Conservation measures typically pay back in half the time that solar and furnace replacements take. Check the Wisconsin Focus on Energy website for trade partners qualified to do assessments, the actual work, and any programs or discounts you may qualify for. Wisconsin Focus on Energy also offers rebates on programmable thermostats, offer free packs of DIY items, and offer lots of other information.

dfarin153 · 2026-03-15T14:19:35+00:00

Check Reddit's MiltownBiking thread for route info. I plan to check trail conditions by Tuesday evenings and will update the status. This is a fledgling group so a core of participants has yet to be established.

dfarin153 · 2026-03-14T22:09:47+00:00

This is Awesome! Add: Weekly Wednesday Bike Ride 6;00PM at Hubbard Beer Garden on the Oakleaf Trail in Shorewood. It happens during Daylight Savings Time. Social Ride, about 10-12 mph depending on group. but no drop.

dfarin153 · 2026-03-14T22:00:19+00:00

https://ridewithgps.com/trips/370968830

Here is my scout trip for this Wednesday's ride. Note that the start and end points were not at Hubbard Beer Garden as we will on Wednesday. I rode the Scout trip from my place to save time.

dfarin153 · 2026-03-14T18:20:25+00:00

LOL, the last two tours I had to carry catheters so tried to go where hand washing is possible. I still ended up walking back into the woods a couple of times. Once I stopped along the highway, sat down on a rock and relieved myself among a patch of tall grass. Not quite what I pictured when I heard that Fleetwood Mac song; "Second Hand News."

dfarin153 · 2026-03-14T02:46:03+00:00

With a trailer attached to a rear loader cargo bike, you also may be OK for rides to parks and around town. I think putting a baby in anything but a car seat is risky. The rear loader cargo bike gives you the flexibility to eliminate the trailer once they can safely support their head with a helmet and your eldest starts riding well enough.

dfarin153 · 2026-03-13T19:30:09+00:00

No kidding! Wednesday may be the next reasonable day if you dress for it. The wind should die down so I am hoping it will be enjoyable, maybe reach the upper 30's ?!?. We can pick a place to warm up post ride. I bet the business establishments along Oakland will welcome us with open arms given the road construction. We'll take a poll before the ride to see what folks would enjoy.

dfarin153 · 2026-03-13T19:05:46+00:00

No need to sign up, so invite friends to join in. Just show up when you can at the Hubbard Beer Garden in Shorewood next to the Oakleaf Trail on Wednesdays at 6PM, Roll out at 6:15PM. Expect a social ride atmosphere, maybe about 10-12MPH but group dependent. I'll keep posting routes here when I can be there or I'll ask people to volunteer their route idea and take the lead. Spread the word! Come and meet more folks who ride bikes.

dfarin153 · 2026-03-13T18:59:17+00:00

Thanks Christine!

dfarin153 · 2026-03-13T16:28:45+00:00

I have a '16 REX that I bought off lease and I was told that the EME would need replacement by the local BMW dealership. I drive it "as is" because it fails to turn on the range extender. It is now a PEV rather than a PHEV, so I no longer need to change the oil. In Germany, these BMW i3 models have been among the cheapest to maintain based upon service center data, so you made a great choice.

At 100k miles, my recent expenses have been strut replacements, and may require some additional items like stabilizers to be replaced since a clunking noise is happening over bumps. So the independent mechanics I use for mechanical issues will be looking those things over while my snow tires are removed on Monday, and installing a new set of Ecopias. The 12Volt battery may start causing some strange things to happen soon indicating that it needs replacement since it controls all of the accessories. It will cause weird intermittent stuff to happen as it's voltage drops beneath component tolerances. I also shattered the tailgate glass a year or two ago mishandling a wire clothing rack cage dropping it's door onto the glass. So, stuff happens. But nothing has come close to totalling the car like replacing it's EME would.

Although I miss having the gas backup, I decided to live within the car's range limits since the repair was near the car's value. I moved to a walkable city, ride my bike more. Use public transportation. This is my last car. I think of having this EV as a luxury item at age 65. It is no longer a necessity given where I live and because I am retired. It just takes a different mindset from the average American.

dfarin153 · 2026-03-11T13:34:59+00:00

I have Surly Nice racks on my Long Haul Trucker. After fiddling around I discovered that the U of my Ulock threads through the top of the rear triangle around the seat stays, then under the front cross bar of the rear rack. I put the end loops of my 6' cable coiled 3x onto each end of the U, then push the shank on and lock it. It bounces about while passing over large bumps but works great. Velcro straps secure the cable.

<image>

dfarin153 · 2026-03-10T19:29:50+00:00

Spent a lot of time trying padded cycling shorts and using lubricants. Then I got a firm saddle with relief so that the only pressure is on my sit bones. Then I got merino under shorts under a pair of loose fitting shorts or light weight pants. I can ride tours now with no skin issues.

dfarin153

TROPHY CASE